Love, like starlight, never dies... Our precious children sparkling in the sky xx

[CazandBelle]

"Small was feeling grim and dark. He was playing toss and fling and bang and crash. Break and snap and bash and batter. Small said ?I?m a grim and grumpy little small and nobody loves me at all?. ?Oh Small,? said Large. ?Grumpy or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said, ?If I was a grizzly bear would you still love me would you still care?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bear or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said ?But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bug or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

?No matter what?? said Small, and smiled, ?What if I was a crocodile?? Large said ?I?d hug you close and hold you tight and tuck you up in bed at night?.
?Does love wear out? said Small, ?does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?? ?Oh help,? said Large ?I?m not that clever I just know I?ll love you forever?.

Small said ?but what about when you?re dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?? Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

?Small look at the stars ? how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies?.

NO MATTER WHAT by Debi Gliori

Missing my beautiful Belle, a year to the day we placed her to bed in her garden. Mummy and Daddy love you, always. To the moon and back xxx

Oh Shabba I only popped on to post bagladys thread.

Take care of her ladies.

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies xx

My gorgeous 3 yr old died last week in an accident. We are utterly heartbroken and trying to start out on the painful process of rebuilding our lives. We have started counselling but our counsellor is not helping at all. Today she told us what had happened when her friend died which is not the same thing at all. Can anyone recommend anyone who might help us,.. either a really special person who can help us understand our grief or someone experienced in the death of a child and/or the accidental death?

hello baglady ..sorry you find yourself here but glad you came to join us

My little boy was stillborn 7 years ago and having tried various places for help I have found the most comfort and help on this thread

We are all travelling the same crappy road on here. We all stumble along helping each other and picking each oher up as we go. So here gives your hand and let us help you take the first few steps

What was your darling daughter called and would you like to share what happened. If you dont want to thats ok

I saw this today on facebook and thought of us all

Wish heaven had a phone. So I could hear your voice again. I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake from which I'll never part. God has you in his arms, I have you in my heart.

Her name was Celia. She was 3. She fell from the fire escape of our temporary apartment in Singapore where we moved in June. She lived and died in her tutu and ballet shoes. She was my only daughter and I just miss her so much. I feel it was all my fault, she let herself out because she wanted to play with her friends. How can I ever live with myself?

Thank you for coming to find us. My heart was in my mouth reading about your precious little lady. I know I am speaking for all my friends on this thread when I say we all think it is our faults that our children died. I shouldn't have bought my Matt a bike for Christmas. I shouldn't have let him play outside of the garden on it. I should have done more for Gareth my baby. I should have woken up earlier that morning and made more of our last minutes together. You are in the very early stages of grief and I wouldn't swop a million pounds to be there again. Please believe me when i say it is not your fault. I wish I could find the words that would bring you comfort. Hold on tight to all of us we will all do everything to help. xxxx

aww baglady unfortunately guilt is a norml feeling for us bereaved parents.

Its easy for me but try not to beat yourself up, sounds like Celia was a normal inquisitive child happy to be out playing.. you cant protect them from everything - oh that we could

Its very early days ... at the moment the best advice I have is to concentrate on getting through each hour as it comes.. dont think too far ahead.

As shabster would say .. one foot in front of the other and dont forget to breathe..

Dear Baglady so sorry to hear about your little girl Celia, my little boy died 10 years ago ,he was nearly 3, he died when I was crossing a road with him, I stopped on the island and he arried on into the oncoming traffic, I didnt have hold of him :( .I live with my guilt, I believe things happen for a reason and sometimes we never know the reason
At bereavement service I attended they read a book called Laura,s star, it is about a little girl who finds a broken star and looks after it, one day it gets better and leaves her, you will get the idea of it and that is how I feel about my little boy
There is also a poem about God only lending us our children and then letting them go when it is the time.
I wish you the strength to get through your grief, and send you hugs .

oh Baglady. Poor Celia (understatement) and poor you. Early grief is so awful and tiring. I know I found the loss of my son so pointless and senseless, it just didn't make sense.

The early days, weeks, months, years are the worst. But I promise you it does get better. I know you can't imagine that now, but I really do promise you that it does.

I would suggest that the person you saw was not right for you, is it possible you can get someone different? I didn't see a counsellor, my husband and I talked a lot and didn't hide our feelings from each other. I also found this thread incredibly useful and supportive as I needed to talk to people who had been through the same thing as me.

Please come and chat here if you think it would help xx

The same goes for you Maggie, I am so sorry about your son. Please come and chat if you want to, or just lurk x

Iliketomoveit....,thank you, I confess I am a long time lurker, it really does help to know you are not alone xxxx

Morning girls. xxx

So very, very sorry to hear about your DS Maggie. Glad you posted. xxxx

These Shoes
I am wearing a pair of shoes, they are ugly shoes, uncomfortable shoes,I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them and eah day I wish I had another pair
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I think I ant take another step in them, yet I continue to walk in them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes , they are looks of sympathy .I can tell in others eyes they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs, they never talk about my shoes, to learn how awful my shoes are might make them feel uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them, but once you have put them on you can never take them off.
I now realise I am not the only one who wears these shoes, there are many pairs in the world.

Some women ache daily as they try to walk in them
some have learned to walk in them so they don,t hurt as much
some have worn them so long that days go by before they think about how muh they hurt.

No one deserves to wear these shoes
yet because I wear these shoes I am stronger, these shoes have given me the strength to face anything, they have made me who I am
I will walk forever in the shoes of someone who has loved and lost someone.

-sorry , cant remember where I came across this.

so true.....my shoes are hurting today xxx

Hello Maggie and Baglady - so sorry to meet you here.

The only thing that got me through the early days - and the bad days now - was the absolute certainty that my son walked with me. He is here, but difficult to reach sometimes, especially if I try too hard: sorry if that doesn't make sense :(

I have learnt to try to 'ride the wave' of grief when it hits, but it's very hard. I read a lot of books (Elizabeth Kubler Ross has written some interesting and helpful ones, I think) and I tried to hold myself together for everyone else, especially my other boys. Some friends help, others don't; family members reveal their true colours; work colleagues support or sabotage... Then, one day, the day is a little brighter for a little time and you can start putting one foot in front of the other. It doesn't mean you're leaving your little one behind, just that you're learning to live with their physical absence and, perhaps, finding a way through the pain.

Hold onto the love around you. Wishing you gentle days xx

I know now that I will never get over losing my son, he lives in my head. At the moment I am trying to live beside my grief IYKWIM. I must carry on for our eldest son, his new baby expected soon and for our grandchildren. It is all very difficult.

You are in the very early days baglady you should not expect to understand anything at the moment, you have had the worst shock anyone will ever have. Just take one day at a time and take all the support you are offered. Everyone grieves in their own way. No-one is wrong. You may find that you and your husband grieve differently, in my experience this is normal. Just try to look after eachother. Keep talking. xx

Such true words Lavendes. xxx

maggie61 and baglady - so sorry for your losses xx

I know the poem you referred to maggie61 - Lend you for a little time - It's on my fridge and has got me through many a tough day.

I've had a shit week, one of the worst in a long time - DS1 was really poorly last Friday so I took him to the out of hours GPs last Sat - only to discover once I got there that they had moved it to the old A&E that we attended with Gregor. I had no choice but to go in and have DS1 seen but it has left me with hideous flashbacks. I will NOT be going back there again! he is much better now, was his bday on wed. Am just so relieved he is ok - I think I had convinced myself that he was going to die too (Does this sound like I'm a complete nutter??) Awful days... roll on next week xx How are you all doing?

Morning girls xx

That sounds awful, ppm - the unexpected is rubbish, isn't it? I go into 'coping' mode whenever any potential problem happens, even something that would seem innocuous to the rest of the world (boys sleeping in in the morning anyone?) My eldest has just started driving - a whole new area of worry :( We're not risk-takers as a family, though, and yet the worst happened to us, so how can we manage risk?
Hope everyone else is well, esp Mini and Caz xx

Oh PPM - I know what you mean. My DS1 tore ligaments in his leg about 12 years ago. Off we went to the hospital and we were put in the room where we had viewed Matts body after his accident.......I had a panic attack to end all panic attacks and Danny explained to the nurses why....BUT they didn't move us Its irrational, but very real isin't it?

Heliantha - do you mean if the children sleep later in the morning? Tom has been sleeping very late during these school holidays. Part of me wants to go and check on him but a massive part cant. What if 'IT' happened again? What if he was suddenly gone.

Shabs - that's just what I mean! My poor teenage boys have had to learn to be up in the mornings otherwise I'm in poking and prodding them awake! Once the thought creeps in that something might be wrong, it won't go away :( It's entirely irrational in many ways, but I have spent many nights with DS2 (the one with the heart condition) not knowing if he would make it & I lost DS3 partly because I didn't watch him :(

Oh Heli.....it wasn't your fault sweetheart. I have come to believe that 'when it is our day...it IS our day.' I think if I had wrapped my boys in cotton wool and kept them under 24 hour guard they would still have died. I personally think everything is planned out for us long before we even get here. Please dont think that you little your little man down. xxx

No ppm you are not a nutter ..

I would have been freaking out as well..

When I was expecting Ross I had so many scans and each one would be filled with dreadful flashbacks, shakes and tears. God knows what the consultant thought

sleeping in .. whats that.. is that when little one sleeps beyond 7.30?
I do remember a real panic the first time he slept through the night -I wonder if non bereaved mums have these worries.. I expect not