Precious memories of all our beloved children, gone too soon but they will live on forever in our hearts

[lavandes]

For our beloved Richard, missed so much xx

for Daniel, who might have been,26 yrs ago. Sorry you didn't make it babe, I still think of you. Mumxx

Morning girls xx

tomorrow is the first 'Remember day' for my Mattys best friend, Vicky. Her Mum is falling apart on Facebook and I just dont know what to say to her. The poor, poor lady is reliving every single horrific moment. She asked me to send her some of my strength!!! I have tried to explain thats not how I felt I handled my sons deaths. Oh my word this is a very cruel world we live in.

morning soda- 26 years ?? bet today it just feels like yesterday. I will light a candle for your little boy later.

we are here if you want to talk some more

Shabs are you near vicky's mum .. perhaps you could pop round for a hug??

The whole world thinks we are so strong dont they ... I sometimes in my paranoid moments think that they just choose not to see the hurt, confusion and anger that bubbles just below the surface every day

The world is really really cruel

FM yes I live about a mile away from her. All Vickys family are going to her favourite curry house tomorrow so she has a lot of support. She has a large extended family and I think it will be a noisy but tearful night. I have told her we should meet up early next week and have a gab. I'm sure I have already told you Vicky had spina bifida and, believe me she made the most of every single last minute that she was here She was a fiesty, very rebellious teenager!!!

The way to tell how bad I'm feeling is whether or not I cry. I take A/D's which stop an awful lot of emotion so when I am supposedly "normal" I don't cry at sad things like films, etc. But I am obviously very vulnerable at the moment because I am welling up at every single post being made - the sad ones, the bitter-sweet ones, the funny ones, the supportive ones - the whole darn lot! Every post I read I end up putting myself in the OP's shoes and feeling some of the grief. I even feel like it for Vickys mum.

So, we need an organised person to make a map of where everyone lives and find the central point. Whilst I would love to be able to do it, I am sadly not organised or capable. In fact, as an example of my lack of capability I should tell you that I was driving K to nursery this morning and suddenly realised I was going the wrong way. No idea why!!

Hiya Everlong, and thank you x We are approaching what would have been gregor's 4th birthday and the second anniversary of his death. It is just so dreadfully sad. I am coping better this year than i was last year - thanks in part to counselling and some very good friends in RL and on here. Love to you n yours xx

Would also be up for meeting up if someone can 'sort' the logistics haha!

Hi ladies, I am happy to sort the logistics. If you're interested let me know and remind me if whereabouts you are.

Yes, people think we're strong but I think it's called surviving and coping.

Sending hugs to everyone

evening girls ,sorry not been around much,be wonderful to meet up but my sense of direction is crap, had my four little granddaughters today and the house has been lovely and alive,i hate it when its empty again .

After having Lew all week I am now sat in my sons house babysitting while they go out!!! I could have said No I suppose but they rarely go out and I cant resist those big puppy dog eyes of my sons!!

Shabs is he asleep yet ?
I bet he wraps you round his little finger

He was already asleep when me and Tommy got here - dont know if that will last till Dan and Em get home though!!!

He does wrap me round his little finger LOL....he is very, very similar to his Daddy's twin brother. He has the same face, same hair, and same temper

Tommy ?
Have you got yourself a fancy man missus ?

That must be so hard and so lovely all at the same time x

LOL @ fancy man!!

Thats what I always call Tom. He is sat here shooting zombies on the Wii

Having Lew and us being so close feels like another chance for me...another chance to get 'it' right, another chance for me to protect him from things that will hurt him....another chance to love a little boy who is a part of me.

I am a very lucky mum and gran xxx

You are indeed , but not half as lucky as they are to have such a lovely mum and gran xxx

A fancy man sounded like it might be fun

LOL - it has been years since I heard that phrase!!

My northern roots do come out at the best of times

shabs do you think that a toyboy would be too exhausting and out of the question and we would probably end up looking after a fancyman cos he would be too old!! I don't know what the answer is.

We have had a few drinks tonight. I have to go to work tomorrow so stopped, husband drank my share and has gone to bed pissed. I am wide awake. Such is life!!! xx

Toyboy for me every time Lavendes LOL. As young as possible

That has come round incredibly quickly shabs. Thinking of you and her family today. I hope everyone is ok.
I apparently have a Toyboy i never thought of it like that hes 6 years younger than I am...

I'm in rather a strange place atm. My little dove would have been due on Thursday. Instead I find myself wondering what if and struggling to accept other news i have had recently..
Oh well plenty of time to get used to it and a very busy day ahead of me with 2 events to go to tonight but unable to drink lol x

Morning girls. xx

Thinking about Vicky today and hoping that my boys are looking after her

Hello all x
Just popped in to say I am thinking of you and Vicky today Shabs x

Thank you so much. Im finding her mums (one of my best friends) pain and grief overwhelming today. We have been talking all day on Facebook - she said that she doesn't want to see me today because I look too much like Matty....said she cant cope with 'his' twinkly mischevious eyes and big grin looking at her in 'my face.'

A massive part of me is glad that we dont have to meet up - and that sounds pathetic. Her grief feels like it has made mine raw and new again. I know that sounds selfish and horrible but I also know that you ladies will know what I mean.

God, if you exist, and Im not sure what to think about you right now. Please look after my boys and Vicky...in fact I think you have enough time to look after all our children and hug them at least once a day.

thinking of you today shabs