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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Precious memories of all our beloved children, gone too soon but they will live on forever in our hearts

952 replies

lavandes · 01/02/2011 13:43

For our beloved Richard, missed so much xx

OP posts:
frasersmummy · 13/04/2011 15:27

Ross has gone to play with a friend from nursery . I was working this morning and have been busy with housework since lunch trying not to think of things today

I have run of out energy and feel like a good cry.. probs what I should do

Your right shabs 7 years ago there wasnt a day went past when I didnt feel like this..and I coudnt think about the future, I couldnt see how I could ever smile again

Its just this week I seem to be right back there

Original poster
lavandes · 13/04/2011 17:04

That's brilliant caz xx

OP posts:
CheeseandGherkins · 13/04/2011 17:29

Afternoon all

fm sending lots of hugs to you

tw thank you. I can see what you mean about the rollercoaster ride, i'm feeling quite down today. Re-read the letter we got with the post mortem results in last night and it brought everything back again.

caz that's really good, should be proud :)

hope everyone's ok, I've been so snappy today with people, feeling sorry for poor DH :( Trying to perk myself up a bit but finding it difficult.

shabbapinkfrog · 13/04/2011 17:53

Oh FM I know exactly what you mean. In May (oh poo thats next month) it will be 19 years since Matt was killed and in July it will be 29 years since Gareth died......I know, already, it will take me hurtling backwards to those dark, never ending, heartbreaking days xx

AxisofEvil · 13/04/2011 18:03

(I thought I'd posted but it would appear not)

Caz, a great article and you look lovely. Have made a small donation.

CazandBelle · 13/04/2011 18:14

*Axis I thought that was you :) thank you so so much, very generous! I've emailed you too xx

Minione · 13/04/2011 18:14

Oh, Caz, well done. You're doing a great job, really inspiring. I'm sue Belle would be really proud x

FM - Thinking of you, sending you my love x

shabbapinkfrog · 13/04/2011 18:21

caz...they have done a very good job with the article, you are doing an amazing thing xxx

everlong · 13/04/2011 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spilttheteaagain · 13/04/2011 18:43

Well done caz! Lovely pic of you too.

Question for you folks -
We emailed a few friends to let them know the 20 week scan had gone well and invite them to visit soon. One has replied to say how pleased she is to hear the baby is doing well, and now we have to get used to the scary idea of being parents soon...

Except as far as I am concerned, we are parents. Parents of two children. I kind of want to pull her up on it, but should I? I know the spirit her remark is made in, but even so it hurts that because my baby died I don't count as a parent, and because I'm pregnant that's not a real baby either apparently Sad

What would you do? I'm tempted just to reply with "But we're parents already, this is our second child". Am I being precious?? I feel mean saying anything, but angry and guilty if I don't.

CheeseandGherkins · 13/04/2011 18:58

spilttheteaagain I've felt that way when people have said I have 3 children, I have 4 just one that died. Dh feels it too as our daughter was his first child, mine are from previous marriage. I too would feel the need to say something. You are parents already, I have a lovely poem about that actually that was read at Scarlett's funeral will post it. It's called What makes a mother but it's relevant for father's too

I thought of you and closed my eyes.
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a mother and
I know I heard him say,

A mother has a baby.
This we know is true.
But God, can you be a mother
when your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, He replied
with confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies.
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this. God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
with other children and say,

"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of life and love and fear.
My Mommy loved me, Oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who had so much love for me,
I learned my lesson very quickly.
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy, Oh so much,
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
on her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
'Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'"

So you see, my dear sweet one,
your children are okay.
Your babies are here in MY home
and this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with ME
until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother?
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with ME one day,
and know you're the best one

travellingwilbury · 13/04/2011 19:03

spilt I think I think I would e mail back explaining that you are a parent already and quite frankly any other parenting that will happen in the future will be a bloody breeze in comparison .

I so wouldn't actually e mail that by the way I am too much of a wuss but I would like to .

If she is a good friend I would mail back and just tell her that this second child is doing well and that you find it really hard when people don't acknowledge the fact that is number two and not the first .

fm big hugs to you today xxx

Caz I am going to have a nose now x

travellingwilbury · 13/04/2011 19:12

Caz Well done you , how far from the 700 are you ?

Shabs How is Lewis now ? And your mum ?

fm a candle is lit here for your gorgeous boy xx

cheese that poem is lovely .

CazandBelle · 13/04/2011 19:38

TM we're just over £200 away now. What hasn't been reported properly is that not only are they going to match it, but match it 5 times over if we get to £700 - so potentially another £3500 being donated to Sands in Belle's name.

Its all quite incredible really. I'm in awe at what is being inspired because of my daughter!

shabbapinkfrog · 13/04/2011 20:08

Mum is relieved that nothing serious is wrong and has a smile back on her face. Lew seems to be fighting fit. DS1 spoke to his GP who re-assured him that if something was wrong with Lew regarding his heart it would have been discovered by now and that he thinks nothing is wrong!!!!!! DS1 and DDIL have took him at his word.... I cant interfere but watch him closely every day!!!!

That poem made me cry xxx

travellingwilbury · 13/04/2011 20:23

Caz you will get there easily I reckon , you must be so proud x

Shabs that is great news about your mum , it sounds like Lew is fine and dandy , anyone with the amount of his energy has a grand heart I am sure but I absolutely understand you watching him like a hawk x

frasersmummy · 13/04/2011 21:16

well done caz.. thats brilliant the more we can highlight stillbirths the better .. its such a taboo... if 17 apparently healthy kids were dying of anything else there would be lurid headlines and panic onn the streets

I was working from home this morning and will be on Fraser's b/day on Friday but I have to go in tomorrow.. not looking forward to it.. its soo mad having Frasers' remember day 48 hours before his b/day and knowing that I carried a dead child for those 2 days.

god all I have done on here recently is moan

spilttheteaagain · 13/04/2011 21:17

Right. Have mailed back and said:
"But we are parents already and this is our second child. We already have a daughter. The fact that she died doesn't make her any less loved, any less ours or any less real."

I don't see why I should tiptoe around other people's sensitivities. They aren't the ones dealing with the death of their child, I am. Humph.

Cheese thanks for posting that poem. I'd come across a very similar version of it before, it's beautiful and the line "I'm your baby and I am here" always makes me well up. Loved your comment tw about the future being a breeze, I bloody hope so!

5 times matching is awesome Caz, I'll eat my hat if you don't get too the £700 now.

Great to hear Lew is so much better shabs Smile

spilttheteaagain · 13/04/2011 21:22

moan away fm, sometimes that's what you have to do and if you can't do it here, where can you? Wishing you strength for tomorrow. It's hard having to do the outside face when your mind is busy replaying those awful days x

travellingwilbury · 13/04/2011 21:30

Well done you spilt you have done the right thing , I have spent a lot of time over the years stewing on things people have done or said to me that has pissed me off and it is so wearing .

I truly hope she "gets" it and apologises x

frasersmummy · 13/04/2011 21:33

well done spilt.. there are things I wish I had said but didnt for fear of upsetting people. You are soo right

shabbapinkfrog · 13/04/2011 22:01

Just watched Master Chef on BBC - sat here with tears streaming down my face now!!! They played 'We'll meet again' by Vera Lynn....have no idea why but it has made me sob. Oh dear think I am loosing the plot!

CazandBelle · 13/04/2011 22:29

Well done split that is really brave and you are absolutely right to correct them. I'm absolutely dreading the day someone speaks to me as if this pregnancy is my first baby. please let me us know what response you get now.

Lots of love to you fm

shabbapinkfrog · 14/04/2011 06:19

Morning girls xx