TooImmature good to see you my lovely.
Completely agree that babies belong with their mums. There's part of a poem I like that says it too:
"Please don't tell me my child is in a better place,
Though it may be true, I want her here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear her voice, see her face,
Beyond today I cannot see."
But as you say, you try to also hold on to that thread of hope that one day you'll see her again, and picture her alive, but at the same time can't make any sense of a world view that allows these things to happen. And if my faith is all rubbish then there's no hope of getting to hold my baby again 
. I tie myself in knots over this.
The wait for that appointment is horrible, so many questions and what ifs to grapple with. Ours was 6 weeks as well which it turns out is actually pretty quick (one MNer I talk to was made to wait nearly 5 months... sodding hospital told her 12 weeks and then kept putting it back and fobbing her off, it was awful).
How are you feeling physically now? I read your post about Thea's birth and it sounded like you had a tough time of it with your heartrate and bp both going mad.