Precious memories of all our beloved children, gone too soon but they will live on forever in our hearts

[lavandes]

For our beloved Richard, missed so much xx

JANUARY

4th January 2010 Grace's birthday (Tangle)
18th January 1998 Sydney's birthday (NinaJane)
20th Jan,1992 Billie's birthday (Chegirl)
25th January 21010 Grace's funeral (Tangle)
28th January 1998 Sydney's remember day (NinaJane)
30th January 1998 Sydney's funeral (NinaJane)

FEBRUARY
07th Feb 1986 Sian's birthday (Kazmus)
28th Feb,2008 Lucia's birthday (Crumpette)

MARCH

4th March 2007 Gregor's birthday (PPM)
11th March 2008, Eris's Birthday & Remember Day (FeedMeNow)
15th March 2009 Gregor's remember day (PPM)
26th March 2008, Noah's Birthday (TheLighthouseKeeper)

APRIL

3rd April,2007 Benjamin's remember day (Charleymouse)
10th April 2002 Georgie's remember day (AtACompleteLoss)
12th April,2009 Lucia's remember day (Crumpette)
13th April, 2005 Fraser's remember day (FMummy)
15th April, 2005 Fraser's birthday (FMummy)
18th April 2010 Richard's remember day (Lavandes)
23rd Apirl, 2002 Georgie's funeral (AtACompleteLoss)
27th April, 2006 Billie's remember day (chegirl)
28th April 2010 Richard's funeral day (Lavandes)

MAY

10th May,1992 Matt's remember day (Shabbs)
24th May,1993 Christina's birthday (B.Butterfly)

JUNE

04th June 2008, Noah's Remember Day (TheLighthouseKeeper)
12th June Malachys Birthday/remember day (Minione)
16th June, 2010 Anabelle's remember day. (Caz)
21st June, 2010 Anabelle's birthday (Caz)
24th June Malachys Funeral (Minione)
25th June,1993 Christina's remember day (B.Butterly)
28th June 1987 Matt's birthday (shelleylou)
30th June, 2009 Niamh's birthday and remember day (Woolly Jo)
30th June, 1984 Matt's birthday (Shabbs)

JULY

13th July - Callum's remember day (LittleMissPMeno)
21st July, 1982 Gareth's remember day (Shabbs)
23rd July,2009 Nimah's funeral (Woolly Jo)
29th July, 2008 Caitlin's birthday (Olissa)
30th July. Cole's birthday (Liketomoveit)

AUGUST

3rd August, 2008 Caitlin's remember day (Olissa)
5th August,2009 Felix's birthday and remember day (Tinkerbelle)
8th August - Callum's funeral (LittleMissPMeno)
8th August 1975 Richard's birthday (Lavandes)
25th August Sians remember day (Kazmus)
28th August 2009 - Daisy's brithday and remember day (LunaticFringe)

SEPTEMBER
4th September 2010 Sians Funeral day (Kazmus)
9th September Ciaran's birthday and remember day (Deemented)
11th September 2009 Daisy's funeral (LunaticFringe)
18th September,2006 Jayden's birthday (Hazygirl)
28th September, 2005 George, Harry and Charlie's remember day. (Mouseface)

OCTOBER

1st October - Ciaran's funeral (Deemented)
7th October,2000 Harry's birthday (TWilbury)
19th October 2009 Matt's Remember day (shelleylou)
28th October 2009, Archie's birthday (AbiAbi)

NOVEMBER

6th November 2008 - Oliver's Remember Day (Everlong)
7th November - Cole's remember day (ILiketomoveit)
20th November 1987 - Oliver's Birthday (Everlong)

DECEMBER

1st December,2006 Jayden's remember day (Hazygirl)
2nd December,2001 Harry's remember day (TWilbury)
18th December,2006 Jayden's funeral (Hazygirl)
22nd December,1994 Jack's birthday and remember day (Lottie), Archie's remember day (AbiAbi)
24th Dec 2010 Allan Martin James remember day (KarenHL)
28th December,1981 Gareth's (and Danny's) birthday
31st December 2001 Georgie's birthday (AtACompleteLoss)
31st December 2009 Grace's remember day (Tangle)

Sorry Lavandes ( I copied the wrong list )

Shabs I have got a huge hug with your name on it . xx

Many thanks tw xx

TW thanks for updating list.
Shabs my thoughts are with you at this worrying time lets hope they get it sorted really quickly.
Can't get motivated for anything at the moment, April till August is just one long list of what ifs and if onlys and we all know how pointless it is to get stuck in that rut. Spent 3 hours just sitting by the grave chatting to her in the sunshine, but didn't feel any better, just so so sad. I really want my life back, but more than that I want her back.:(

Just had a lightbulb moment!! Doesn't happen very often!!

After Gareth died his fantastic Doctor asked us to go to a meeting with him to discuss everything and to do genetic research in both our families.

The discussion went like this....

Doc: We have come to the conclusion that Gareths heart condition was not hereditry - it was an 'accident at conception.' You run no more of a risk than any other person of having another baby with a heart problem.

and also after he was born and at our first hospital visit.

Doc: OK he has two holes in his heart - one very large and the other a little smaller, they are close together. His Pulmonary valve is not working properly at all and the arteries in his lungs are not growing.

Me: Can the holes be repaired?

Doc: I wish with every part of me that he just had two holes in his heart. We can repair them and there is every chance that the smaller hole will close by itself. A hole in the heart is the very, very least of this little mans problems.

I have had to have several harsh words to myself. We have no idea if there is a defect, he shows no signs of heart problems and, especially nowadays the procedure for correcting holes in the heart is quite commonplace.

Right.......head up, shoulders back, smile pinned on. The rug under my feet nailed down so nobody can pull it from under me.

Thank you everybody for your kind thoughts and words xx

Shabs , Harry had a hole in his heart and it was repaired , it was honestly the easiest op , in fact they kept calling it a procedure as it didn't even warrant being called an op . He was kept in over night and that was it .

Obviously it is still a shite thing to see you son having to do the whole hospital thing and GA thing but it was all fine and dandy and absolutely nothing to do with what happened to him later .

I do feel I have to warn you that he had loads more energy once he had it done which could be interestin gin Lews case

TW - just spit my brew over the keyboard.

The very last thing that Lew needs is any more energy. Some days I sit here watching him tearing around, dancing, playing and I just sit and yawn and scratch my bum!!!! I have never, ever met another child that is as energetic!!!

Thought that might make you smile

The fact that he has got so much energy speaks volumes about how strong his heart is .

LOL Everlong - I have lots of weeks like that!!

Hi Shabba. I'm here as a heart mummy now, so here goes: once your child has had something as profoundly challenging as Gareth obviously had with his little heart & my DS2 has, 'normal' responses go flying out of the window. I don't know how much you know about a newborn's circulation, but it works differently for a while until a couple of things happen to enable the blue and red blood to circulate (= normal circulation). If this doesn't happen completely, you can hear a 'whooshing' sound with a stethoscope and this is defined as a heart murmur. Occasionally these murmurs persist into early childhood and so need intervention, but they are not usually indicative of any other cardiac problems when there are no other symptoms. Lew sounds like he's got plenty of energy, so that's a pretty sure sign of good circulation :)

I'm sorry if you know all this!

When DS3 & DS4 were born, I was terrified that something would be found wrong with their hearts, even though I'd been scanned a ridiculous number of times! I understand just how you're feeling right now & can only hold virtual hands until you know for sure {{hugs from Cheshire on their way}}

Thanks TW x

Shabs - hope everything is ok with Lew. I have a heart murmur and as far as I know its never been a problem. When they thought Malachy had a problem with his heart they said they wouldn't be connected. The post mortem showed no problems but I am going to be scanned by the cardiologist this time just for precaution. How's you mum doing?

Don't know about anyone else, but I am shattered!

Helia - you are right love. My first reaction was wanting to scream the house down. Talked to DS1 today and he said they are going to wait until Lew hasn't been sick for 24 hours and then take him to his own GP for a check up. The emergency GP said it could be something to do with the bug that he quite clearly has. DS1 seemed much calmer today and he has spread that feeling to me.

Gareths heart specialist said that all babies are born with an extra valve, when they take their first breath the valve closes. Luckily for Gareth his did not close - thats what kept him alive. After a PM they think that the valve had finally closed the morning he died.

That would make sense, Shabba, even though it's awful to contemplate. It's not really a valve, more like a tube or duct, and there is an actual hole between the two top chambers of the heart that also gradually closes as the baby realises he's not inside any more! Some babies take one breath & the duct & the hole slam shut, but it usually takes a few days or weeks. Gareth obviously wanted to be around for just that little bit longer :)

I know you need to be calm for DS1, but you don't need to be here :o Is it too early for ?

Not too early for me , I am in the sunshine with a

Just looking at my profile pics on here. There is a pic of the twins with Dad - only 2lbs in weight separated them on the picture but OMG Gareth looks poorly. He had little curls of red hair and when he lost his temper his face went the same colour He was so determined - right from new born. Lovely little fella xxx

Lovely little fella indeed Shabs xxx

Cheers TW :o

Gareth did brilliantly to stay with you for 5 months, Shabba - he looks a lovely little boy. DS2 has that bloodymindedness determination too, but he has been helped by the amazing advances that have been made in children's heart surgery in the last 15-20 years. Even in 1996, he was only the 80-somethingth ever to have the surgery he had & was one of only two babies to survive with his problem that year at his hospital (1 of only 2 that could do it then).

You, Gareth & little Lew will be in my prayers tonight xxx

This wine is going down rather well , not even 7 o clock and I am on number two . My only day off of the week though so that is my excuse and I am sticking to it

Shabs , Lew will be back to usual mad self very soon I am sure . I do know how hard it is for you , and dare I say a wee bit worse for grandma as you are not even there with him to mop his brow xx

Thank you Heli. Gareth was just a week off being 8 months when he died...we had been told that they couldn't even guess as to the outcome for him, so he did very well. Also they used to say (1981/2) that he had to get to either 2 years old or 20lbs in weight before they would operate - no idea why. He was 4lbs 1oz born (38 weeks) and just 10lbs 10oz the day before he died. I can still smell his skin when he was having a bad day...hard to explain - but not a baby smell, just a poorly very clammy kind of smell. I used to keep kissing his head until the smell went away and the 'baby' smell came back. Poor little man didn't stand a bloody chance. xx

Lew rang me this afternoon. This little voice said 'Andma, pwease tell Daddy that he has to play Dance Junior on the Wii with me. He wont wet me pway on it cause he said me will be sick!!' I gave Dan this 'mock' telling off and he put it on loud speaker so Lew could hear.

Lew came back on the phone after and thought it was great that I had shouted at his Daddy..ROFL!!

It certainly sounds like he is on the mend

I know that smell! :( Sorry, I know he was nearly 8 months - must be the wine :)

Great to hear Lew is getting better - I'd love to see him & daddy dancing!