Precious memories of all our beloved children, gone too soon but they will live on forever in our hearts

[lavandes]

For our beloved Richard, missed so much xx

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies xx

Morning all x

Morning everyone. Sorry to barge in, but wanted to point you in the direction of this thread here.

Thanks Mme , we have already snaffled her over here , but thank you for caring .

Hi ladies, hope every one is having a gentle day. Im having a better day today, yesterday was not so good. we can finally bring our Zoe home, we are collecting her ashes today. Cant believe that it was her funeral a week ago tomorrow, the days have flew by.

thinking of you so much at this time janedoe. It is such a draining time emotionally, be kind to yourself whenever you can, and take each moment as it comes, there is no right or wrong way to get through these early days but we're all with you every step of the way. x

Morning girls xx

Morning xx

Morning all, had the worst night I can remember last night, massive flash back to 20 months ago all as if it had just happened all over again. Why didn't we take more photos, hold her for longer the shock of it all is so cruel.

Sorry very self-indulgent post hope everyone else is having a better day.

Woolly - regrets and 'if onlys' haunt me as well. I hope your day improves my friend xxx

Morning all.

That's not self indulgent at all woolly. I'm no even going to bother to list my regrets, it would take too long. I'm sure most of us all feel like that though.

The flashbacks are particularly cruel, it's like living it all over again. Three and a half years on and mine are a lot less, however when I do have them they are still just as vivid.

am sittin outside the last park that gregor played in on the day he died about to meet a friend for coffee.... Must b a day for flashbacks heh hang in there ladies we CAN do this ! Xxx

What a terrible shock Pixie - I remember reading the first few posts on the thread - feel so very sad for the whole family. I have posted. Its so hard to find the right words to say - I don't suppose there are any right words.....just to support the family and send love xxx

hi ladies,

Sorry to hear some of you lovely ladies are having a bad day.

I too am feeling dreadful this week. Cant believe Zoes funeral was a week ago, and tomorrow will 3wks since we found out her little heart stopped. I am really struggling to get by, my DF seems to be ok. I am so angry that he is not feeling the same as me, i have done nothing but cry but he carries on as normal. Dont get me wrong he has been my rock throughout this and i love him dearly. Im so jealous that he is able to be "normal"!

Thanks for the link Pixie, I had posted on Edgar's thread previously and hadn't realised things had taken such a devestating turn

jane - I'm sure your df feels anything but normal, but doesn't know how to express what he is feeling. I think most of us on here have agreed that the men in their lives have coped in very different ways to them, and most of them won't/can't talk about it.

Hello ladies xx

Jane I echo what ilikeit has said. It is now 11 months since our son died. My husband never talks about his death unless I bring it up. I still need to talk. He hasn't cried since the very early days. He went back to work after two weeks. When I have managed to get him to talk he says that the only way he can cope is by doing the 'normal' things. But this does not mean that he does not miss Richard just as much as I do or that he is not grieving. He is just doing it his way. I think a lot of men are like this. They want to appear strong and do not want to upset us.I think they are also scared to show their true feelings. We all have to deal with it in our own way. I used to feel jealous until I worked it out. Take care of eachother. xx

It is so sad that yet another family has lost a precious child. There seems to be no end to it. Life is so cruel. We will continue to give our love and support. xx

Jane I used to want to smother my dh when he was sleeping , purely because he seemed to find sleeping so easy where as I just couldn't sleep properly at all . My mind just went into replay mode as soon as I lay down and he would be snoring by the time his head hit the pillow .
I do think a lot of men go into a really old fashioned thing of being all strong and looking after the mum .
I am sure he feels anything but "normal" he just thinks he has to be strong for you .

pixie thank you for the link , I too had posted before , it is so awful .

Jane I was given a book which really went into how men & women grieve differently - without going to much into it men often need to 'do' something with their grief, use it as a force to push them on (so it can appear they aren't grieving) where as women are often absorbed by it and it takes over every aspect of their lives.

I think of it that DH has filed his grief and somehow controls it (he lost both his mum and dad not long before we lost Niamh so he has been through the mill) where as it seems to live alongside me and bite me in the bum every now and then. He seems to only grieve openly when I am also going through it again(like last night) maybe I somehow give him the outlet? don't know.

Fucking cancer

Fucking cancer indeed !

Thank you for the reality check ladies, i know DF is just grieving differently> I feel so selfish for resenting him for it, I love him so much and wouldn't have come this far without him.

Wooly im so sorry you had a bad night, hope you are having a gentle day today.

Are you ok thefirstmrsdevere?

Jane , you are not selfish at all , and even if you are being then that is fine and dandy for now .

I took out a lot of my grief on my dh and even when I was doing it I knew I shouldn't be but it was just so hard getting through each day and someone had to take the brunt of my anger , unfortunately I did it to him . We did come out of it together and he has never held it against me thankfully .

jane I apologise for dropping in the middle of your posts like that. I just feel so angry. I wasnt thinking and I am sorry that I was insensitive.

I take it personally you see, when another child is lost like that. It makes me so angry and I feel so bloody helpless.

I am so sorry about your dear little Zoe. My OH is a wonderful husband and father but we have dealt with Billie's death in very different ways. This can sometimes cause a bit of tension between us but mostly we let each other be. As long as neither forces the other to do things they dont want I think even the most different couples can make it through.

x