Precious memories of all our beloved children, gone too soon but they will live on forever in our hearts

[lavandes]

For our beloved Richard, missed so much xx

afternoon all, thinking of you all especially ppm on this special day. Sometimes there is very little anyone can say or do to make things better and its those days that are the worst. I hope you dont mind me sharing a poem I wrote over 20 years ago when Sian was facing the first of her major surgeries. I found it again in a diary as I was sorting things out and realised that it is even more appropriate now she has gone.Too many days you'll have to do this and it hurts so much, but at least on this thread you are among friends who understand.
You hide behind the outside face,
That says your world is fine,
It's looking good, the smile's in place
But inside all the time
The desperation eats away,
A constant, gnawing pain
That chokes you as you go to sleep
And when you wake again.
Some say to talk it over, well
There's nothing much to tell,
For who out there would understand
Your silent, private hell?
So show them all your outside face
That masks the grief and fears
For outside faces seldom scream
Or show their inside tears.

hello from snowy Glasgow.. Mid march and its a a blizzard .. it had better be a good summer!!!!

Jane and Cheese I have been where you are now. My little boy was stillborn nearly 7 years ago and every time I type that I cant believe its been 7 years

I have over the years learned very slowly but surely that this was not my fault but the guilt dooes resurface from time to time.

I know right now you are struggling to get through each hour never mind a whol day

Take each hour as it comes, dont look beyond that hour , eventually very slowly week by week you will be able to look a little further ahead and look forward to things in life and even be able to smile again

Your grief wont go away completely even years down the line you will have days when you are right back in that labour ward and you will just want to hide from the world

But eventually your good days will outnumber the the bad ..but thats not going to be for a long while yet..you have so many firsts ahead of yo.. but we are here to help step by step

All of us on here stumble from time to time .. and we all help each other up#

I know you will feel like you are constantly falling at the moment.. thats normal.. come give us your hand we will help

Kaz - Im sat here with a massive lump in my throat after reading your poem - its beautiful and so very, very true. xx

Frasersmummy, thank you so much the kindness on here is so overwhelming! I am from Glasgow too, wiwh the snow would stay away.......

Kaz your poem is lovely and very true x

where abouts are you in Glasgow jane???

thank u to all of u who have been thinking of my precious boy today ... Hard to beieve its been two years

lovely poem kaz xx
ive also been in glasgow all day! Watching rather large snowflakes... Gregor loved the snow and i do as well! Has made me today... Sometime the simple things are worth cherishing xx

OH ppm 2 years.. bet it feels as raw today as it did then

have a huuuuuggg

the snow was nice to watch today wasnt it

ppm sending hugs to you.

frasersmummy im out towards cumbernauld.

PPM - thinking of you and your darling Gregor today, sending you a hug x

Cheese - Thinking of you too, please chat to us when you are ready

Jane - I blamed myself when Malachy died, I thought it must have been something I did. I know this isn't true but sometimes you can't stop yourself. I've even done it recently,a few days ago I suddenly thought about how we went on holiday to Turkey when I was 19 weeks pregnant, I thought perhaps the pressure from the plane did something. I know this is completely ridiculous but I guess as a mother we feel that we should have done more to protect our babies when really we couldn't do anymore. You're not to blame, its just an awful thing that has happened to us. Thinking of you and chat to us when you need to, its early days but it does get 'easier'.

I had my nuchal testing scan today, everything is looking good! Hope you are all ok x

Night girls - see you all in a few hours!! xx

Morning girls xx

morning... freezing fog here .. this is the first winter in 6 years that I have had to go to work 5 days a week... its been really long.. roll on spring

Jane I am out the other end of the city towards Paisley. so now I know I am not typing to someone 2 streets away that I know and would be better to go and see [grin}

Morning xx

Morning ladies.

Will be on and off the thread all day - I have a stinking chest infection and have been signed off until at least Monday.

Doc said if I'd left it any longer it would've been pneumonia

Explains why I've been so weepy over the last lot of days though.

I cried in the doctors

Morning ladies xx

I'm sorry you are feeling rough notgoingwell...

I have missed a few updates so do I know you as someone else?

or are you new to our special thread

I'm new-ish - I had a bad anniversary a couple of weeks ago and I posted on here at the time. You are all amazing - I was feeling so crap and it was so nice to know that I wasn't alone iyswim?

I lost my son 16 years ago and I find it hard that he never gets mentioned - I was 18 plus 5 and it was so different then - not like now when it's OK to talk about it and stuff

Oh I am so not making sense

Total sense xxx

Shabba - thank you! I can't explain it, other than to say it was all just so different.

They took him away, I never saw him - it was only one lovely wee auxiliary type nurse who was like a granny who told me he was even a boy.

I still have nightmares about what they might have done with his body

Had a dream the other night that he cut my hair - mind, I did have a horrendous temperature at the time!

Years ago they really had no idea what they were doing did they? My twins were born at the end of 1981. Scans were not routine then. I found out I was having twins 10 days before they were born at 38 weeks They also, obviously, had no idea whatsoever that Gareth had such severe heart problems. If that was nowadays I know the scan would pick up both the twins and the heart problems.

I dont know the words that will 'put your mind at rest.' I suspect there aren't any. I do know that, for me, each time I tell my story it gets a little easier. Were you very young when you had your little man? I had a friend who was only about 14 who had a little girl - who will now be at least 40 years old!!! She was treated so very badly by the nursing staff. They were disgraceful with her and she turned out to be a totally amazing mum.

xxxx

I wasn't that young - 25 but you are so right shabba - it was so so different then - they wouldn't get away with it now.

My friend also had twins in about 1979 I think and she didn't know until just before she had them - there weren't routine scans then I think only the very specialist hospitals had them?

It feels weird to find a place where I can talk about him - I buried it for so long, always was "bad" around his birthdate and around his due date, but my XH and his family banned all talk of him and I was so feeble I went along with it.

So sorry about your Gareth xx

Talk all you want here my love. My husbands family never talk about Gareth or Matthew, they used to think I was weird when I wanted to talk about my lads.

My family almost talk too much - if that is possible. My Mum never goes a whole week without saying to me 'Oh darling, you have had a horrible life.' This will sound barking mad BUT sometimes it gets me down. I wish my parents could 'move on' a little bit, but they cant. They are stuck in 1982 and 1992. I love them with every last bit of me but sometimes I feel like shouting 'I KNOW, STOP TELLING ME!!'

Now that sounds very weird and very, very selfish!

not at all barking mad, totall
y normal .... Sad sympathy does my head in! Xx

Hello all x

ppm You and Gregor where in my thoughts yesterday x

Shabs I am the same , I don't need it pointing out that my life is shite thanks , I am doing my best to have a good one and don't need to be reminded .