Precious memories of all our beloved children, gone too soon but they will live on forever in our hearts

[lavandes]

For our beloved Richard, missed so much xx

Thinking of Emma, Eris, FMN and PA today. Sending you love and strength. I will be lighting a candle for your precious girls tonight xxx

TW - I have also got pissed off with the census. I should be writing C's name on there, but of course, I'm not

A candle is lit here for Eris and Emma , be kind to yourselves today xx

It is rubbish isn't it Ilike? The things I can get annoyed with seems to be endless sometimes .

How is that bump coming along ? How much longer have you got to go ?

Thoughts of Eris and Emma today. x x x

Feeling increasingly rough here. 3 different people in work today told me how unwell I was looking! Only one of them knows. Lovely! So glad its the weekend, going to be resting lots this weekend because the sickness is well and truley starting to kick in. I'm actually pleased, its reassuring at this stage to feel so rubbish. Days are going so slowly though, the 22nd and that first scary scan seems ages away.

When I first knew it was the census I was like ooo my first census. And then it hit me. Person number 3 isn't here and can't be on it. Feeling so emotional at the moment and hurting for Belle. This baby is so wanted, but so is Belle and I'm stuggling to get past that this little one wouldn't exist if Belle was alive.

Caz - I think that the thoughts about this baby not being here if your DD was are very, very common amongst bereaved Mums. I often think if all my boys were here I would have had 3 under 3 and then a 13 year gap to Tom. Try not to be so hard on yourself my love. Thinking about you and sending love xx

Caz I agree with Shabs , I have thought a lot about the fact that J and D wouldn't be here if Harry was still here , we would have had more children but probably not then . My mum will sometimes look at them and say "Well if you hadn't lost Harry then you wouldn't have these two" I think it's supposed to make me feel better but it really doesn't .

It is so hard being pregnant after losing a child . I seemed to sail through my pregnancy with Harry but with the other two I was so much more aware of everything .

I too remember being delighted at the sicky feeling

I'm 33 weeks today TW, so on the home stretch. I'm now getting to the 'I can't possibly get any bigger stage', however we all know that's wrong!

Having subsequent babies is very difficult Caz, there's no denying it or getting away from it. It took me some months of my pregnancy with M to stop feeling guilty about being pregnant again. And having this baby took a lot of soul searching as the truth is we probably wouldn't be having him if C survived. Sad but true. But also in our heart of hearts we know we are not (and could never) replace C.

Morning girls xx

Hi Ladies xx

We have had good news. Our eldest son and his lovely partner are expecting a baby in September, (conceived in Cornwall). We are of course delighted and pray that all will be well. We are planning to go to see them at Christmas. All plans between now and then are cancelled as we need to save (we do need to save!!!!!!!!!!!!) xx

Morning girls xx

Oh Lavendes how wonderful. xx

Granny Lavandes has a great ring to it, many congratulations to you all

So this Christmas you will be seeing your lovely snuggly gc AND spending it in Oz with your son? How wonderful.

A new baby always brings with it a sense of hope.

Oh Caz - i didn't realise you had news!!! Congratulations, my lovely. Theremust be something in the water

will catch up properly later ....

but Just wanted to say it was 15 years ago today that a madman shot and killed 16 innocent 5 and 6 year olds and their teacher in Dunblane school

All those kids should be turning 21 this year ...I'm thinking of all those families today

Oh my word I didn't realise it was so long ago. Such a terrible, sad day.

Please someone help me, my beautiful baby girl Zoe was still born on the 28th feb. I feel so lost and alone without her, i cant eat or sleep. My Df is worrying so much about me that i feel he is not able to grieve for our daughter. I just dont know what to do!

I went into hospital on the 26th feb for monitoring as i hadnt felt my baby move on that day, only to be told her little heart had stopped beating. My labour was then induced and 54 hours later i gave birth to our little Zoe, there was no obvious reasons at birth for her death so we constented to a post mortem. we were able to spend a day with Zoe it was and will be the most treasured day of my life, she was just so perfect and i feel so guilty that i was not able to keep her alive.

we had her funeral on friday and it was the hardest day of my life but i got through it, i had to for Zoe.

Glad you found us Jane.....just so sorry it had to be here. So sad to hear about your precious little girl. I know that your grief will be so raw. You will get love and support here - you will never be judged by any of us. Keep posting - I find that it helps me to put my feelings into words. xxxx

Hi everyone
Congrats Lavandes, that is wonderful news, you must be very happy x

Welcome Jane, I am sorry you have had to find yourself here. You must be feeling dreadful at the moment, please come and chat to us when you are ready. My son Malachy was stillborn in June last year, I think about him everyday but it hurts a little less as each day passes. Thinking of you, your df and baby Zoe.

Also thinking of the families of the children killed in dunblane. I was still at school when it happened, I remember either being told in a general studies lesson or going to the lesson just after.

Will light a candle later for all our lost children

Thank you, it means a lot. I read through the thread and you are all such inspiring strong women.

Welcome Jane, I'm sorry to hear about your darling Zoe. The early days of grief are the hardest and most tiring, so good for you for getting this far. It doesn't seem like it at the moment, but little by little it will get easier.

WRT your dp, you both just need to be there for one anther. Let eachother say what you need to say and listen. There is no magic cure (if only) but staying solid together really will help you both get through this.

I didn't realise today was the anniv of Dunblane, all I've seen on the tv is the awful situation in Japan. What a sad day around the world. I'll be lighting my candle tonight xxx

jane I'm so sorry you've had to find yourself here and about little Zoe. My little girl, Anabelle, was born sleeping in June last year. The first 3 months are such a blur now, I don't know how I've got to almost 9 months. I don't know how, but I promise you it somehow gets 'easier' take gentle steps and all the time you need, cry and sleep. Whatever it takes to survive these early days.

lavandes lovely news

thanks dee I think I'm 7 weeks. Scan a week tuesday.

I've also been thinking about the children and teacher of Dunblane today. I was so young when that happened (11) and it had a huge affect on me, I remember crying about it. Thinking of all the parents and families remembering today.

Im so sorry for your losses, did any of you discover a reason for the loss of your babies? I had a very healthy pregnancy and baby was so active throughout. She made it to 40+6 wks and i had felt her move and kick on the Saturday morning. She was just so beautiful and perfect.

How did your families cope?

We never found a reason for Belle. She died at 32 weeks but we didn't consent to a PM because we were told there was a high chance it wouldn't reveal anything. the bloods and swabs they did showed nothing but slight signs of infection but as it took 5 days to deliver her the infection was so slight that it had developed after her death and could not be the cause.

Initially I didn't cope very well with no answers, but I think I've accepted it now. It doesn't bring her back or change anything.

The hospital have told me its better for my next pregnancy that nothing was found. apparently it makes the risks lower if there is nothing to prevent.

I hope you get the answers you need lovely.

Jane - I lost one of my twin boys when he was almost 8 months old, in 1982 - he was born with severe heart problems. We tried so hard to keep him alive, but it didn't work. His slightly older (15 mins) brother will be 30 this year and is a daddy xx

My DS3 was almost 8 years old when a reversing lorry collided with him and killed him.

This happened in 1982 and 1992. So many years have gone by. When it first happened my DH (been married 33 years the day after St Patricks Day) was very violent towards me - physically and mentally. Mainly because I allowed him to the first time. I have no idea how we coped and how we survived....but we did and we continue to. Have got photo's of my family on my MN profile.

Some times I am as 'high as a kite' and other times I am 'lower than a snakes belly.' It depends on the day and what has happened.

I dont think there is a magic spell - I think you have to put one foot in front of the other and dont forget to breathe xxx

Hi ladies xxx Many thanks for your messages of congratulation for our news , you will never know how much you have supported me and continue to do so, I don't know how I would have coped without your support over the last months. xx

For 'newbies' please continue to post you will get so much love and supporet from all these ladies, we will not judge you but we will ALWAYS listen to you.

we 'ARE IN THE SAME BOAT' XX

shabs special hugs. I feel I reallly know you xx

Morning girls xx