Precious memories of all our beloved children, gone too soon but they will live on forever in our hearts

[lavandes]

For our beloved Richard, missed so much xx

Ok I need a kick up the bum and figured this was a good place to come .

I am going out tonight with a group of mums from school and I am freaking out about it .
Some know about Harry but never mention it and most have no idea . Now I am not planning on telling them , it is the first time I have even gone out with them and I know they all seem lovely but I want it to be a nice evening .

I just feel like I am going to have to watch what I say all night , I do talk about Harry in a casual way now and very rarely get upset when out and about but I know I am going to have to think before I speak (very unlike me)

This is why I stick to my friends who knew me pre Harry , I can honestly say I haven't made any new close friends since he died .

Bugger !

KIIIICKKKKKKKK!!!

I think a lot of wine could possibly become my downfall if anything .

I just want to have a nice evening and not get "the face" from anyone because I have mentioned Harry and then have had to explain things . It is not exactly the subject for a relaxing evening with people you don't really know is it ?
I know it would be for us but you know those other muggle types

It is nine bloody yrs and I have managed to avoid doing shite like this and now I feel like I have to face it . Step forward I suppose but scary .

Ok so step one is take the car and don't drink wine ....

And yes we do often feel like a bit of the freaky wizards amongst a load of muggle types but you know what I've spoken to more strange muggles this week about Gregor than i have in a long time and very few of my experiences have been negative - I've been pleasantly surprised at how compassionate some have been. It is especially hard with other parents as conversations often turn to children. Hang on in there you will get there xxx

And yes definitely progress the fact that you're even thinking of going there whether or not you actually make it out tonight or not be proud you have achieved something

Thanks ppm

Fingers in ears about taking the car though , that way madness surely lies

I am sure it will be ok , I just don't want to have "that conversation" tonight and then I feel stupidly guilty that I don't and also feel like I am lying by not saying anything . I am making my head hurt , could do with a glass of wine now but I really don't think turning up half cut already is the way forward .

In truth I am over thinking it , I am sure it will be fine but I am just freaking out a wee bit about it .

Sorry for babbling on , today is Gregors day , not a day for my witterings .
How you doing ?

Hi Everyone
Lots of posts today!

PPM - Thinking of you and your darling Gregor, will light a candle here in Warwickshire.

Karen - so sorry to hear about your son, please come and chat to us when you are up to it.

Shabs - sounds like Tom got a god report last night. I think you were very brave to tell the science teacher and she sounds lovely. I had some parents see me last night who I met last year when I was pregnant. Last year I told them that their kids wouldn't be taught by me in year 11 as I would be on maternity leave

Just had abig fight with Dh. He's been a complete arse/twunt. It was over nothing snd now I'm pissed off! I can't even have a glass of wine!

But I like your witterings TW You are overthinking it but sometimes before you do stuff like that you kinda have to overthink it before it becomes ok. Enjoy and have a wee wine for me as I'm still off it for now

DS1 has blown me away for the second time today - collected him from school and went to have a quick word with his teacher to see how he had coped today. Some of you may remember last year on G's bday how he asked the whole class to sing happy birthday to his brother? well this morning he asked the teacher if the class could have 'a few minutes thinking time to think about and remember Gregor' I must admit i was a bit speechless but very proud!

Morning girls xx

Hello all x

Well I went and all was good , I did however have one glass of wine too many and getting up at 7 for work this morning was not fun .

TW - glad you went. xxx

Hi ladies..........Mum needing our help here..........

Morning girls xx

Everybody OK? xx

Morning, hope everyone is ok! So sad to see new Mums here but hope you find our thread a good support.

I'm ok, have been feeling very weird all week, a massive mix of emotions. I almost feel numb about this tiny new baby now, like it isn't real. I'm terrified something terrible is going to happen and I'll hear those words again. at the early scan in a fortnight. My boobs are killing though and really sensitive to smells atm which are making me feel a bit sick so I guess that should be reassuring. Poor DH I keep telling him he stinks!

It's DH's 30th birthday today and I'm 26 tomorrow so we're off to London for a few days to take advantage of the perks of me now only work PT!

PPM I'm sorry I missed G's birthday. I hope you had a peaceful day as possible. What an amazing boy DS1 is - did the teacher grant his request?

mini hope you and DH have made up.

Love to all. x x

Hello I'm the person off the other thread that Lottie linked to.

Just wanted to say hello really.

Strangely calm today after tons of tears and anger yesterday - have stinking cold and sore throat though.

Have also got really annoyed about a random thread on here, so I think I might be channelling the anger and hurt onto that? Does that even make sense?

Glad you came xx

I always find that 'the' day is not as difficult as the build up to it.

Channeling your anger somewhere else sounds totally normal to me

xx

Shabba - thanks

Hi Its, welcome to our thread. Thinking of youand sending my love.

Caz - Happy Birthday for tomorrow! I have a scan tomorrow, haven't had any more bleeding so hoping everything will be ok. DH and I are ok, we bonded on friday night by singing on the wii together!

Hope everyone is ok

DD has asked for her photo of DS' feet to be taken out of her room & put on the landing. I keep wanting to cry - they just look so perfect & sweet. All the more special as we were told to expect them to look 'squished' because of the problems he had. He was so beautiful.

Hi ladies xx

Well it is the end of a difficult weekend. It is our wedding anniversary weekend. The last 3 were spent with Richard who cooked a special meal for us each year. This weekend last year was the last we spent with Richard. He died on April 18th. We saw him for the last time on Easter Monday last year when we took the children back to him, but it was only a quick visit as he was busy. So this weekend was the last we spent quality time with him. These 'firsts' are so painfull. I hope in the coming years we can look back with smiles instead of tears xx

A candle is lit here for all our beloved children xx

Morning girls xx

Morning.

Thinking of you all today xoxo

Morning ladies xx

Happy birthday caz hope you are enjoying your break and getting some rest xx

Good look for today mini xx

morning all. I know what yo mean Lavandes, and its such a lonely place as no one else is aware of your private hell as you meet these anniversaries. Sians best friend turned 25 this weekend and put up a very moving tribute on facebook saying how the past year had altered her life and how sad it made her to know that Sianwould never reach that milestone. The what ifs and destroyed hopes for the future are so hard to cope with. My dh has organised a lovely weekend away to see a show in London, but I am secretly dreading it..the train has to pass through Reading, which is where Sian should be and it will be the first time I've been back to london since she died. We were supposed to bring her home from there but had to leave her in a hospital morgue and I hate the place for all sort of stupid reasons. Sorry, bad place at the moment so come to where I feel safe!

It is certainly a lonely place kazmus. I seem to go from dreading one date to the next at the moment. I wonder if it will be different once all the 'firsts' have passed. I doubt it somehow. I hope that when you get to London and are in your hotel you can enjoy the show and have some quality time away from home with your husband. xx