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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

37 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday that our baby has died

886 replies

CheeseandGherkins · 03/12/2010 12:17

I'm still totally in shock, as is DH, our little girl has died. I hadn't felt movements since late on Wednesday and when I went in on Thursday they couldn't find a heartbeat with doppler. Sent straight for a scan and there was no heartbeat.

I already have 3 dcs who are so upset but it was DH's first baby.

I have to go in today, in a few hours, for a tablet to start things off but I can come home after an hour apparently and then go back 24 hours or so later (if nothing happens) to start inducement properly.

Does anyone have any experience of this? I'm scared of being induced, which sounds stupid under the circumstances but there it is. How long will it take? First 3 labours were fast, 3 and a half, 3 hours and just over an hour.

I still keep expecting to feel her move but of course she won't. Feels so surreal and that it can't be happening but it is. I was due on Dec 23rd.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
ItalianLady · 06/12/2010 17:08

I have no experience of epidurals but I think you should do whatever you want to get through the labour and then to be able to meet your beautiful baby girl.

We are all thinking of you x.

ItalianLady · 06/12/2010 17:08

I have no experience of epidurals but I think you should do whatever you want to get through the labour and then to be able to meet your beautiful baby girl.

We are all thinking of you x.

ItalianLady · 06/12/2010 17:08

I have no experience of epidurals but I think you should do whatever you want to get through the labour and then to be able to meet your beautiful baby girl.

We are all thinking of you x.

ItalianLady · 06/12/2010 17:08

I have no experience of epidurals but I think you should do whatever you want to get through the labour and then to be able to meet your beautiful baby girl.

We are all thinking of you x.

ItalianLady · 06/12/2010 17:10

I have no experience of epidurals but I think you should do whatever you want to get through the labour and then to be able to meet your beautiful baby girl.

We are all thinking of you x.

Berk · 06/12/2010 17:14

Checking back...congratulations on the birth of Scarlett Niamh, I admire you so much for having done that for her. Enjoy your time with her, I'm only sorry it couldn't be longer. Loving thoughts xxx

Louisesh so sorry for the loss of your lovely Georgie also

x

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/12/2010 17:19

Cheese I'm so so sorry. You have been so very brave. Make the most of your time with your beautiful Scarlett. I am thinking of you xx

ReshapeWhileDamp · 06/12/2010 17:19

Well done, C&G. Thinking of you and your family. xx

Minione · 06/12/2010 17:20

Scarlett Niamh is a beautiful name, I am thinking of you and will light a candle for you all here in Leicestershire.

Be kind on yourself x

ilovesprouts · 06/12/2010 17:26

thinking of all the mummys and the angel babes x

northernmonkey · 06/12/2010 17:27

Well done c&g. Hope you and your Dh spend some precious time with your wonderful daughter.
She will live on in you both forever.
I'm so sorry you have had to go through this, and any others that have too :(
Life can be so cruel sometimes.
Both me and my Dh have been thinking of you since last night.
Take care of yourselves. I have had a candle lit all day for Scarlett Niamh.
xxxx

SantasMooningArse · 06/12/2010 17:29

Cheese tehre are no words except to say you did so well and God bless you all.

Louise so sorry for your loss too but some hope for you- Mum had 4 stillbirts at 28 weeks (then know as technically a miscarriage) and then lost a baby to rubella; she went on to have three dd's of which I am the eldest.

poobumfartbollocks · 06/12/2010 17:34

Cheese you are so strong.

My heart goes out to you.

Thinking of you.

xx

Lougle · 06/12/2010 17:36

Cheese, congratulations on the birth of Scarlett Niamh. I am so sorry that it is also the day you say goodbye.

A friend of mine had a similar experience due to anencephaly, although she had from 12 weeks gestation to come to terms with it, and gave birth at 41 weeks.

This poem was a comfort:

"Heaven's Baby Castle

In a baby's castle just beyond my eye
My baby plays with angel toys that money cannot buy

Who am I to wish his back into this world of strife?
No, play on my baby, you have eternal life

When all around is silent and sleep forsakes my eyes
I'll hear his tiny footsteps come running at my side

His little hand caresses me so tenderly and sweet
I'll breathe a little prayer and close my eyes and embrace his in my sleep

Now I have a treasure I rate above all other
I have known true glory - I am still his mother "

May you have a swift physical recovery, and may time soften the blow of losing precious time with baby Scarlett.

solo · 06/12/2010 17:45

Thinking of you all.x

rubyslippers · 06/12/2010 17:48

Thinking of you x

LIZS · 06/12/2010 17:49

:( so sorry for your loss . Lovely name and I'm sure a much cherished baby.

mumbar · 06/12/2010 17:51

Congratulation on the birth of your beautiful daughter born sleeping.

Enjoy your time with her.

I'll light a candle tonight for her. xx

BalloonSlayer · 06/12/2010 17:56

So so sorry. Thinking of you all x Sad

peterpansmum · 06/12/2010 18:48

Congratulations to you on the birth of your darling daughter Scarlett - I am so sorry for your loss and the pain your are experiencing - as shabs has said there is nothing in life so sad as the death of a child. Cherish the time you have with her and take plenty photos. Stick with your instincts and do what feels right with you and your DH. My son died aged 2 very suddenly and unexpectedly. Totally different situation but there is a lot of synergies in the pain. It's a painful road but with the support of good friends you will keep on going.

Sands and the Scottish Cot Death trust are planning a joing memorial service this friday evening in Stirling for anyone in this area. I have lit a candle for Scarlett and my Gregor tonight - let's hope they catch our balloons. Much love and strength xxx

Where do Balloons go Mummy, when you set hem free?
Do they float into the clouds or get stuck up in a tree?
Do they fly High in the sky or get popped by a Bee?
Do they soar with the Birds and the bugs in the Air?
Or stay close to the ground and get chased by a bear?
Does the wind blow them out over the Big Ocean blue?
Or do they climb up and over Small hills and Big Mountains too?
Do they go into space and circle the Stars?
And fall back to earth after travelling so far?
Or does God collect them all in a Big Bouquet...
And give them to the children in Heaven each day?
Where do Balloons go Mummy, when you set them free?
I Hope they Go to Heaven.... As a Gift from Me

clumsymumsnowdriftbaby · 06/12/2010 18:49

lougle,that is a lovely,heartbreakingly sad poem.

scarlett's candle is still burning bright here in hampshire.
im so sorry this has happened,i havent stopped thinking of you all,all day.
keep talking to each other,and us if you need to,there are some truely wonderful women on this thread awaiting your pm.

goodnight sweet Scarlett x.

TheOldestCat · 06/12/2010 18:52

Congratulations on the birth of your dear daughter, Scarlett. There are no words adequate are there? So so sorry.

lavandes · 06/12/2010 19:05

cheese I am so sorry. You are such a brave lady. No words are adequate at a time like this. All I can send you is my love and I have lit a candle for you, your husband and your precious baby Scarlett. xxx

cariboo · 06/12/2010 19:09

I'm relieved you are through the delivery, Cheese. I can't congratulate you because I associate congratulations with happy events. But I admire you so very much for your bravery. I hope that you never, ever have to go through anything this hard again. I'm sending, as always, loving thoughts and prayers to you and your family but especially for little Scarlett, surely heaven's tiniest and most precious angel. x

dearprudence · 06/12/2010 19:31

Lighting a candle now for your daughter. x