anyone is grieving for a parent

[2shoes]

I know there is an existing thread where lots of lovely people have supported each other through what is a horrid time, but as I come up to the 2nd Christmas without my dear old Dad and SM, I would like to somehow move on and I suppose help others through this as well as helping myself.
(hope that doesn't sound crap)
so a bit of background
My mum died when I was 18 after years of ill health.
so I got a SM.
we weren't close close but got on well.
she became ill and died a 1 1/2 years ago, then my darling Dad got ill.
he died 6 months(or there abouts later)
I miss him every day.
and thank the lovely Mumsnetters who have helped me through this.
but i can't post on the old thread,
it takes me right back there, so I am hopig a new thread, will get us all talking and allow new posters to join in.........

[mummylin2495]

lonelyplanetmum hello.Im sorry you have had to join this thread,but its a good place to come when you need to talk about your mum and your grief.we are all going through it ,albeit we are all at different stages.I find as you said that out of nowhere the sorrow hits you once again and then the tears come.I feel happy for you that you also have had a white feather.Maybe i will be lucky too.I think all these different emotions are all a natural part of the process and that eventually we will be able to be happy again,even though we will always still miss our mums/ dads.I get very upset thinking that i will never see my mum again,i refuse to believe it and dont want to.I hope you have a happier day tomorrow.

[t875]

oh lonelyplanetmum, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss, i lost my mum to a massive stroke and there is still days where i still find it unbeliavable and cant believe it.

Thats really great you got a sign though... Im so pleased for you!! And i got goosebumps reading it. I have had a feather just appear in mid air at times too when ive been upset, It is a comfort..well i find it a comfort! I know it doesnt bring them to us physically but to ask and you recieve just lets us know they are around and listening.

Let me know if you have anything else!
There is a wild flower which has just started flowering for the first time in my garden, and the petals are love hearts!! Its such a gogeous flower, check it out and have a look at the petals, makes me feel she is around when i see them love heart petals accross the decking! :-)

Ive had a few 'moments' here today! Its so tough as my mum would have loved all whats going on, eldest seniors etc.. sniff!!x

[MissBetseyTrotwood]

I lost my dear dad twenty two years ago next October. I was 13 and he'd been ill for a three years.

It ambushes me still, this grief. I can't remember anything good about him without the sad, traumatic stuff clouding it all. Speaking to an old friend today who was telling me about his uncle who is dying of the same thing just panicked me. I knew he was about to ask me about what happened and I just blurted out 'I can't talk about it.' And just about controlled the tears.

Where did it come from so suddenly? It's like I was fine one minute, then the next it all just bubbled up. Then I was fine moments later.

[mummylin2495]

MissBetseyTrotwoodIm sorry to hear how upset you were.i suppose that reliving it to tell someone else bought all the old felings of grief to the forefront of your mind.Grief is a peculiar thing.It seems to rear its head when you least expect it.I struggle to stop myself crying a lot of the time ,but its only a few months since my mum died.I still have to accept this fact because at the moment i dont / cant.But i have been told that tears are healing so lets both hope that that is correct.

[MissBetseyTrotwood]

I just want to get back to my 13 year old self and give her a big hug.

Do you have a feeling of sadness all the time mummylin or are there moments that trigger your tears? Acknowledging the sadness and the tears that come from it, and giving them time and space are so important.

[mummylin2495]

I constantly think back to the last time i saw her and how none of us had an inkling that within a few hours she would die.she was not expected to die ,even the nurses and doctor were shocked by it.Then i along with my brother jhad to sort everything out as mum had named us as executors.that kept us very busy and so although we were grief stricken we had lots to get on with.Now all that we are waiting for is mums headstone to arrive,it should of been last month but has been delayed.Now all the legal stuff has been done ,mums house sold etc i find i am dwelling on it more than ever.I do not end in tears everyday but when i do think of mum i have such a horrible feeling inside of me and the tears flow. I cant bear the Thought i can never see her again.Mum I miss and love you so much xxx

[mummylin2495]

Today is the final thing.Mums headstone has been put in place.I am looking forward to seeing it there rather than just a mound of dirt,but on the other hand am fearful because we have had mums picture put on it and i know i am going to cry.When will this hollow feeling go ??

[t875]

Oh bless you mummylin. Hope it went as good as it could do Hun. My mum was cremated and I don't know if it would b better for me to be able to go somewhere as I don't have any where I can go. Although I do have a chair in the garden I kind of call my chair to reflect and cry about my mum

I've had huge things going on, eldest leaving juniors I left my job ( the people were horrible) I was a temp.. I loved the job though so I'm gutted but it was very stressful and too much for me.

I have found CRUSE fantastic using their help line and it's been very good to talk. I have found it very hard lately, but not every day so has got a little easier.

Thinking of everyone. Hope everyone is ok x

[mummylin2495]

My mum was cremated too,but originally we bought a plot for me ,my dh and my mum as it is right next to where my sister is buried.Mum changed her mind about burial but still wanted to go in " our plot " I was happy to see her headstone ,it really is lovely apart from one thing that my brother and i noticed they had not done the gold on the tassle in her open book.I have phoned the stonemasons and they are happy to go and correct this ,and they do not have to remove stone to do it.Its the last thing we can do for mum so i has to be right.Believe it or not we did have a little smile because my other sister is here for a week and she wanted to purchase her plot too !!.She is in the row in front and only 9 graves away.We were saying how we would be able to visit each other .One of my brothers took a photo of her standing on her space and strangely it did lighten the mood a little.We have put a little photo and a robin on mums stone,the pages on the book have been left blank for dh and I and mum has her inscription on the bottom part.It is very odd to be able to see my own headstone ! I still miss my mum terribly but can cope day by day,but just sometimes i recall it all again with a jolt and then i get very sad all over again.I guess that is something we should expect.One day we will be able to remember with happiness instead of the awful grief which we are still going through.Take care x

[t875]

We are getting a plaque very soon To go to the crematorium that's going to be a hard day sorting that.

You saying about the head stone, what you done sounded nice and like you said it was nice to be able to fulfil what you wanted in relation to the stone. It is a strange we have a robin visit us in the front garden and back garden often!!

Yeah still get hard days, I do remember her memories a bit more now and can laugh at her quirks though But then somedays it kills me.

You take care too! If ever you need an ear pm me mummy lin. Your in my thoughts x

[aristocat]

mummylin your headstone sounds lovely. I am almost at that point of happiness and not heartbreaking grief when I remember my parents, it has been 12yrs though for me
I do believe that my life will never be the same and I have to accept the change.

t875 I lost my Dad to a massive stroke too such a quick sudden loss, also unexpected. Such an awful illness, hugs to you too.

Sorry I have been AWOL but still thinking of everyone and big hugs to all x

[brightermornings]

My mum passed away 25 years ago when I was 13. Last night was my neice's 18th at one point her nanna was up dancing with with her and her brothers and sisters. I couldn't watch i just wanted to cry. My dad said my mum would have loved it. She's got 8 grandchildren she's never met. I'm sorry if my post does'nt make sense.

[mummylin2495]

brightermorning my mum did not live to se her new twin grandaughters that were born in feb this year.She had a bag of finished and unfinished baby clothes ready for my sister.Mum was so excited because it was the first twins in our family.But the night before she died my sister travelled here to see mum in hosp and mum felt the babies kicking.My mum was not expected to die and we had already been told she would prob be home on thurs.When i got the call next morning i was in total shock as i had phoned the hosp at 9am to check mum was ok.She died within an hour of my call.The blood had filled the sac around her heart because they had given her blood thinning stuff,her heart could not pump it out quick enough and the sac ruptured.Mum died instantly.I cannot accept it at all really.One of my brothers was actually at the hosp,he had popped in to take her a sunday newspaper and they asked him to wait outside for a while.He had a terrible shock.For days i insisted the hospital had killed her, but the truth is if they hadnt given her the blood thinner she may have had the clot go to her brain and god knows whatever could of happened to her.This is the first time i have said what happened to mum as i didnt like to recall it at all.I just thank god that i kissed her goodbye the night before. I miss you mum xxx

[mummylin2495]

aristocat i too know my life will never be the same,my mum had such a great sense of humour and all of us siblings would tease her mercilessly about certain things.We miss her for everything about her,her love ,her company,not forgetting her cakes !!!! she was one of the best mums ever.

[brightermornings]

Mummylin I don't talk about my
Mum much. My friend commented on it the other day. I know my dad still misses her and there will only ever be one woman for him.

[mummylin2495]

I think i must mention my mum every hour !! But i dont usually say what had happened to her and the reason she died.I had a bit of a shock yesterday ,my brother handed me his vid camera and there was my mum at a family wedding we had only a few weeks earlier.It gave me a shock.But i am luckier than a lot of people ,we had only come back from Barcelona 9 days before and i know mum had a great time with us all.I have lots of great holidays to look back on where me and mum had shared a room so that my brother nor mum had to pay a single supplemet.My dh would go in with my brother.But one of the funniest things happened about 3 yrs ago ,we had arrived in gran canaria about 5am and went straight to bed as we were so tired.Mum woke me about 30 mins later to say she thought someone was trying to get into our room via the cupboard where the hotel room safe was.!!! I listened and heard the unmistakeable sound of a couple in the room above clearly enjoying themselves.Mum laughed so much when she realised her mistake .Things like this will always keep her alive for me.

[aristocat]

mummylin It is such a shock when we dont expect our loved ones to go Your story is very sad. I had also been with my mom the day that she died and left her to catch the bus back home. Little did I know I would not see her alive again.
I did not drive in those days and as I walked through my front door the telephone was ringing. It was my moms neighbour to say she had called an ambulance as mom was very ill. I got a taxi immediately and by the time I got back to moms the paramedics were there and would not let me in.
I charged past and we went to the hospital sirens blazing but it was too late
Dad had already died 6 monthe previously and mom was coping quite well on her own. She had a massive asthma attack. She was also suffering from shingles and I still believe that the medicines didnt mix well. She was 73.
There were flowers in her house from her birthday a few days before

Cannot write any more at the moment (too many tears) but just wanted you to know that the 'what if' affects all of us.

[lonelyplanetmum]

It would have been my Mum's birthday today. I love and miss you so, so much Mum. Everyone says the first birthday without your Mum is the worst. Even my Dad (with his Alzheimer's ) remembered it was Mum's birthday today. I really didn't think he'd remember and it was so nice that he did. Happy Birthday, Mum wherever you are. x

[t875]

Oh lonelyplanet, thinking of you it must be so hard ((hugs)) i hope the day went as could be. I have my mums in September and i know thatl be horrendous :( But we will make sure we do what will make her smile down on us. Cant believe we were only celebrating her 65th last september!:( x

[lonelyplanetmum]

t875 - I wish I'd planned something a bit more in advance for Mum's birthday day really. I spent most of the day with the older children's weekend social engagements really..Although I did take some pretty plants to Mum's grave, I just went with me and my 4 year old for a little while.
if you have until September maybe you can think it through a bit more than me.I'm so sorry -your Mum was young to be taken away from you. x

[mummylin2495]

I hope everyone is beginning to feel a bit better as the weeks have gone by.The time is going by so quickly.i have found that most days i can cope without crying but just now and again i think of something and then the tears come.But on the whole i can now cope much better than before.But in saying that i still cant believe its happened and there is also a lot that my brain seems to of blocked out.In the early days which seemed to be full of going to solicitors ,banks signing this that and the other i cant seem to recall it all.I think its natures way of letting me move on a bit.Anyway take care everyone.

[mummylin2495]

hello.I guess some of us are now coming up to the first anniversary of our mums / dads deaths.I cannot believe that in just a few weeks it will actually be a whole year when it still feels like yesterday.I hope that you are managing to cope a bit better now but i know its so hard.I miss my mum every single day.I had a bit of a shock in the post.I had a letter from the stonemasonand when i opened it there was the photographof my mum which we had had put onto the headstone.It gave me quite a jolt.But now everything has been done which had to be ,mums stone looks lovely and now they have levelled out the plot and seeded it, it looks so much nicer.Look after yourselves everyone.

[BiscuitsandBaileys]

Hi mummylin. I've not posted on this thread before but have looked at it many times.
I'm glad your mum's headstone is in place and looking nice. I think it's important to have somewhere to go and visit. My mum passed away 8 months ago and we have a lovely plaque at the crematorium for her. It does make me sad when I go there but it's nice at the same time iyswim?
Take care of yourself.

[Empusa]

Hope no one minds me joining in. Lost my mum 6 months ago (2 weeks before DS, her first grandchild) was born.

It should have been mum and dad's 32nd wedding anniversary today. :(

It'll also be dad's first birthday without her on Saturday.

I miss her more and more each day, feel like I've been ripped apart, and my heart aches for my dad. He was devoted to her, and was looking forward to retiring early to spend more time with her before she got ill.

[KrispyCakehead]

Missing my dad too. I lost him in March 2011. Miss him so much..