anyone is grieving for a parent

[2shoes]

I know there is an existing thread where lots of lovely people have supported each other through what is a horrid time, but as I come up to the 2nd Christmas without my dear old Dad and SM, I would like to somehow move on and I suppose help others through this as well as helping myself.
(hope that doesn't sound crap)
so a bit of background
My mum died when I was 18 after years of ill health.
so I got a SM.
we weren't close close but got on well.
she became ill and died a 1 1/2 years ago, then my darling Dad got ill.
he died 6 months(or there abouts later)
I miss him every day.
and thank the lovely Mumsnetters who have helped me through this.
but i can't post on the old thread,
it takes me right back there, so I am hopig a new thread, will get us all talking and allow new posters to join in.........

So glad dh is okay, poor him being able to hear what was happening! Hope he recovers quickly . I've had a hetic one and dd2 seems ready to party into the early hours which i struggle with as this seems to be the time i think of my mum the most.

Hope you have had a well deserved glass of wine and have relaxed a little this evening. How are the twins?

There was a bit of concern over one of the twins because the hosp said that she had a small fontanelle,but she has been checked over and all is fine. My sister is expected to go home today as is my dh.Dh coming home will depend if he manages to get up the stairs at the hospital today ,providing he he can do that he will be home later.They said he can do just as well at home as being in the hospital.He has already been walking with the aid of crutches and they are very pleased with how he has been.I will prob be a bit nervous in case anything goes wrong,at least in the hospital the nurses have been around.The nursing staff ,surgeon and everyone have been marvelous.Now we have to manage him having a daily injection for the next 28 days.!!!Its only a small thing apparently that has to be done into his belly [ rubs hands with glee ] , one of us has to do it.He is wearing the very elegant white elasticated stockings too. ! The thought of hearing things going on gave me the creeps and i would hate it ,but they said with not having a general ,recovery is better eg no drowsiness or sickness from anesthetic.he did not like having the spinal done at all.Now for the next 12 weeks at home !

Am glad the twins are okay and it will be lovely for your sister to get home, are the babies going home as well? How is your sister doing? Is she finding herself thinking about your mums lots since the twins have been born?

Sounds like you have fun ahead with dh! Hope he continues to recover quickly and you have fun with the injections!

Screaming baby upstairs so got to go as usual :(

dh been home for about 3 hrs.It is so nice to see him walking without limping.I will do the injection tomorrow as he already had one for today.he is fine ,hardly any pain and is glad to be home.The staff at the hospital have all been brilliant,As dh is quite young to have this done they expect him to do well.we met the surgeon on thurs morning and i have to say he looked so young !!. My sister is still waiting for all the papers she needs to go home ,she has been waiting since this morning ! And her inlaws been waiting in the hospital all that time too.She has not spoken about mum very much apart from when she was going in to have them,babies are doing well and are both fine to go home.What a week this has been,thank god its over.What life changing things have happened in our family in the last 3 and a half months.

Our families have both had so much to cope with in the last few months. My dad is here tonight and we were talking about the last time i properly saw my mum which was 4 weeks before she died. If anyone had told me on that day what would happen i wouldn't have believed them!

Having lots of issues with my sister as mum told dad and i she wanted me to have a specific ring but she wasn't aware and feels it's unfair i have this ring as she wanted it. This side of things is so horrible and i think she's letting out her anger over the loss of our mum through it. She's so young and becoming more dependent on my dad by the day which worries me for both their sakes.

Am glad your dh is safely home and hope your sister eventually made it home as well.

Any thoughts on mothers day? I'm not looking forward to it one little bit but think i'll write my mum a card and keep it with the empty note book i have to write down all the things in i keep wanting to tell her but never have time to write!

Time to try get dd2 settled in her cot, i was hoping 9 weeks in she'd have given up on wanting to party all night!

I too will dread mothers day looming,but you can put some flowers by her photo at home.i will go to the cemetery and take my mum some but since mum died i have made it a thing to always have flowers by her photo that my brother did for all of us when we lost her.It will be another first for most of us on this thread and im sure we will all be dreading it and feel so sad that day.My mum refused to go out that day and would wait at home for all of us to go round ,we used to tease her and say she was like a queen waiting for her subjects to call.We have no choice but to get through the day as best we can and if we end up in tears it really dosent matter.tears are meant to be healing.
Ps i have just given dh my first ever injection in my life,it gave me great pleasure,only 27 more to go !!! [ evil grin]

As for the ring could you not have it and say that one day it will pass down to your sister ? If your mum said she wanted you to have it ,then you should.

Thanks Mummylin for your support. I love the idea of having flowers next to her picture on mothers day. Funnily enough i said to dh the other day if anything should happen to me then the ring should go to my sister. She's just so so young and has had to start growing up quickly which she is struggling with.

Am glad u enjoyed the injection, what was dh's take on it?! Hope the next 27 are just as fun ;-)

For once i have a sleeping baby so am going to get my head down while i can, she has her injections tomorrow which I'm hoping will result in a little more sleep for all of us!

Have had one of those days that highlights how much i miss my mum and when she supported me the most. Dd2 has had her injections and dh has been on a late which left me to do bath time for dd1 on my own with a screaming baby to manage as well. Am feeling exhausted, emotional and in need of my mum. When will this get any easier?

i hope you managed to get the sleeep you were looking forward to ! Dh would not let me do his jab today because he has a small bruise from where i did it yesterday !he did it himself but said i can do it tomorrow.
How old is your sister ? How is she coping with your mum not being here now ? I dont know if you are like me ,i have found myself being like a mum to my sister,especially the past few weeks of her pregnancy.It has brought us very close but i believe i have to be strong for her.But inside i am crying out for mum too.Today it suddenly came into my mind what has happened and i felt such a great sadness.I also had some forms to sign to do with selling her house and that was so sad too,made it all seem real again.
On another subject both the babies are in hopital because thay have not been latching on and have both lost weight.they now have a feeding tube and my sis has to express milk. They should only be there for a couple of nights .What an awful time it has been for all my family since October.

I dont know when it will get easier,it is still very early days ,but for you it must be very hard having such a young baby,knowing your mum did not see her.We must take each day as it comes and one day in the future we will start to see far more happier times that now.Trust me ,this will happen evetually.

We had a shocking night with dd2 and dd1 was up twice as well so didn't get my hoped for sleep :( but tonight is another night! Practice make perfect with injections the key is not to be too slow as it hurts more, hope todays goes well!

My sister is 22 going on 16 and isn't coping without my mum at all. My mum used to support her so much with her worries and my dad is a very black and white thinker so doesn't entertain them as much. SHe is treating me like a mum at times but then pushing me away and telling me I'm the mean older sister. I'm trying to be strong for her but it's hard when you don't get anything back, I feel like everyone apart from dh is draining me of all I have at the moment.

Your poor family, what a worry now having the twins in hospital again. I really admire your sister trying to breast feed them. Hope they can go home soon and your sister has good community support.

Who's been there for you through all of this? Those over whelming moments of sadness are the hardest to manage as they seem to come from no where and bowl you over.

Happier times do have to come soon, not sure things can feel much lower or difficult than they are right now.

Hope today's injection is bruise free, am sending my thoughts to you and your family x

I too am the oldest sister of all my siblings and somehow i have to be the strong one.I have kept a lot of myself bottled up over the past few weeks as i dont want to bring them back down again.Hopefully when the house is sold ,dh is recovered then i will have time to myself and then maybe it will all come out.But for now i still have things to do,eg sort out the memorial stone with my brother,finish off the house etc.Your sister is very young to have lost a parent,and i suppose she is finding it very hard,as you are and i expect in her mind for now you will be her mother figure.Sorry you did not get your expected slep,i used to hate having those sort of nights.I am not made for being kept awake ! i always think if you can get a good nights sleep ,then you can cope in the daytime.But this time will pass eventually as they learn to settle down.
My sister ois still in hospital with her babies and is very distressed at the moment.They have gained a little weight since yesterday ,but she is finding it all so hard.she has been a trouper to get through everything despite losing mum.Im sure it wil all soon be ok .

How are the twins today mummylin? Hope your sister is as okay as she can be. We had an amazing night with dd2 last night but am not hopeful tonight will be the same!

It is hard being the eldest in this situation, I think that when everything calms down for me with dd2 things will catch up with me.

Sorry this is so short have grabbed 5 mins while cbeebies is on but have to get on with baths etc now.

Thinking of you all x

despite being in hospital and being formula fed and breast fed they have lost more weight today.My sister is extremely worried and upset.She was hoping to see a doc today bu up to now no-one has been round .Hoping for more and better news tomorrow now. Today has been an odd day all sorts of things have bought mum into my mind,some of it upsetting ,some of it not.I know if she had been here she would of been fussing round dh and making him his fav fruit cake ! he has walked to local shop today to get the newspapers.The bruising is now coming out ,it looks horrible,but injections are getting better everyday !!Nurse coming to change dressing tomorrow.glad that you had a good night last night,hope you will get the same tonight [ fat chance ] but maybe you will be lucky,i hope so.

Mummylin I'm sorry to hear the twins aren't gaining weight, ur sister must b so worried and having a really difficult time. Hope things start to improve soon.

I'm going back to my parents house to sort out my mums clothes this weekend. It'll b the first time dd2 has been back since my mum passed away and I'm trying to prepare myself for a weekend of being asked where grandma is :(

Not having a good night with either if my children and dh is on a a night shift so gonna b long day! Really hope the twins start gaining some weight soon, thinking of you all x

Oh i really feel for you having to do that terrible sorting out.I think i told you i could not face that task and my aunty did most of mums clothes.And its awful finding little personal things when you are emptying drawers etc.I have ben a bit down the last couple of days ,i think its a mixture of worrying about my sister and her babies ,and about dh and now i am starting to feel the sadness about my mum not being here again.I really cant believe it even now.She loved us all so much as we loved her and she is missed terribly.I was counting up the firsts that we have already had since she died ,the first anniversary of my sisters death , the first xmas ,the first new year,my first birthday.Its all to much i such a short space of time.But onwards we go because we have no choice.Coulkd you maybe tell your dd that her nanny has gone to look after the angels or something like that ,or maybe gone to look after little children who are there without there mummy ? all very difficult.

Mummylin I'm not surprised things are catching up with you there has been so much going on and as you highlighted so many firsts in such a short period of time. How are the twins and dh? I hope you can have some time to think about your mum and be sad if you need to with everything else going on.

Saturday is going to be hard and i know there are lots of Christmas presents she had bought in the top of her wardrobe we will have to try and figure out who they were for and what to do with. The only way i can deal with what we're having to do is by trying to remer how much it will help my dad her clothes not being there anymore.

We have told dd grandma is with the stars and i keep explaining she won't be at grandads house but i don't think she will take any of it in til we get there and then we'll all have to try and be brave when the questions start.

Haven't had a great one mussel today as saw a good friends mum and when she was cuddling dd2 all i could think was it should be my mum cuddling her and how wrong it is she didn't even get to hold her once. I just about got myself together from that when i walked into a shop and they've replaced all the valentines cards with mothers day cards, i was nearly sick.

Am thinking about you and your family Mummylin x

Mummylin I'm not surprised things are catching up with you there has been so much going on and as you highlighted so many firsts in such a short period of time. How are the twins and dh? I hope you can have some time to think about your mum and be sad if you need to with everything else going on.

Saturday is going to be hard and i know there are lots of Christmas presents she had bought in the top of her wardrobe we will have to try and figure out who they were for and what to do with. The only way i can deal with what we're having to do is by trying to remer how much it will help my dad her clothes not being there anymore.

We have told dd grandma is with the stars and i keep explaining she won't be at grandads house but i don't think she will take any of it in til we get there and then we'll all have to try and be brave when the questions start.

Haven't had a great one mussel today as saw a good friends mum and when she was cuddling dd2 all i could think was it should be my mum cuddling her and how wrong it is she didn't even get to hold her once. I just about got myself together from that when i walked into a shop and they've replaced all the valentines cards with mothers day cards, i was nearly sick.

Am thinking about you and your family Mummylin x

Sorry about my post going on twice i am having phone issues!

good luck over the weekend ,i hope you manage to cope ok with sorting your mums clothes,a heart rending task.i had a letter today from solicitor to say that house contracts have been issued,not entirely sure what this means ,i will leave that part to my brother.So we will have to go and empty the sheds etc.I also want to dig up some plants,especiallya rose called happy birthday ,which i bought for my mum,i cant bear to leave it there.Its prob not the right time to move plants but i may not have any choice soon.

Hope everyone is ok? Weekend wasn't too bad sorting clothes the hardest part for some reason was taking them ro the charity shop. My sister and i enjoyed spending some time together and my dad felt it was a significant turning point for him. We also rearranged his bedroom furniture which he really appreciated and has slept better since it was done.

Dd2 was a complete nightmare this weekend and between us dh and i were up ALL night on Saturday with her, i got so desperate i drove her round for an hour but even that didn't help :(

Mummylin how are you and how are the twins? Hope they are gaining weight and out of hospital x

Good news on the twins ,they went home yesterday.I dont know yet how my sister coped last night as she hasntyet text me ,maybe she now has no time ! glad to hear that you managed to get through clearing your mums stuff ok.I will not now go into any charity shop in case i see anything of my mums ,or the furniture place which had some of her stuff.I think i would stand in the shop and cry.Glad to hear that your dad is feeling a bit better with a re arranged room.Today my brother and i are going over to pay the deposit for mums headstone.we still have not chosen the words we want.How can you sum someone up in just a few words ? its so difficult and we have to get it right first time as when they have done it ,it cant be changed.They have sent us the blueprint of it but there is not enough room for what we wanted to have . The stone will also be used one day for me and dh as will the grave.But on the writing bit for mum ,we wanted to have a little robin on the handle of a spade [ mum was a prolific gardener] but it dosent fit.we are going to ask if she could just have the robin and maybe that would be ok,otherwise we will have to think again.I think i will feel better when mum has her headstone there and also the grave has not been turfed yet so its still just dirt and i hate it.when this has all been done i will make it nice and plant flowers etc.I always promised my mum that i would tend to my sisters grave [ next door to mum ] so now i will do both at the same time ,i dont know why but no-one apart from myself and mum ever went regularly to my sisters grave.But i will do it for both of them.

sorry you had a bad night with your baby.Its so hard to cope in the day isnt it if you cant get any sleep.I remember doing what you did ,the driving around bit,then the baby would drop off to sleep but the minute we got back indoors he would wake up ! he was a nightmare ,but my dd was the complete opposite.

Mummylin I'm so pleased the twins are home! How is your sister doing? We took the clothes to a charity shop away from where we live and my dad lives 90 miles away so I'm hoping we won't come across any of her clothes.

It must be so hard getting the wording right on the headstone, did you come to a final decision? We don't have anywhere to remember my mum but are planning to buy a tree and plant it in her memory so we have some where to go.

Dd2 has been settling earlier in the evening so dh and i are having some grown up time together but we haven't talked about anything as we're too tired and just need to eat then go to bed! My sister has found herself a boyfriend and my dad is really struggling as she's so vulnerable at the moment and he's worried she'll ne taken advantage of. I understand his concern but she also needs something outside of what's happening and this guy seems to be giving her some comfort. He was meeting my dad tonight so am switching to see how that went!

Hope you are okay Mummylin? How's dh recovering?