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Original poster

Help, son being sent home from holiday by BIL's family

170 replies

Easy · 09/08/2005 17:00

My BIL and his partner have taken ds to Cornwall for the week. They have a grandson 2 years younger (DS is nearly 6, their GS 3) and have taken the boys away before.

Anyway, they went on Saturday, rang on Sunday to say they'd been on the beach. When they rang it was 8:15 p.m. and ds hadn't had tea then!

Yesterday they rang at 6. DS was a bit tearful, said he missed me, but was OK after a chat. SIL said they'd lost him on the beach (had to get the lifeguard to find him [gulp]) and he was tired cos of the late night on Sunday. I said was she sure he was OK, she said everything was fine, don't worry, he's OK.

This afternoon, I was at work (In a meeting actuallY) BIL calls my mobile, says DS's behaviour is awful, "In our opinion he's totally out of control", and they're all coming home, packing NOW.

I asked to speak to SIL, but he just said she's too busy packing.

I got dh to ring. The upshot is they will stay on holiday but dh has to drive to Bristol now to meet BIL, and bring DS home.

I'm so upset. I'm cross with BIL and SIL who were obviously in the middle of a row when he rang, and can't imagine what ds has done that is so awful.

I'm also cross becos we had planned a couple of evenings out this week, which we'll have to cancel now.

But mostly, my son isn't a monster. He may be over-tired, and excited, and a bit strong-willed. But not totally out of control.

And what do we say when we next see SIL?

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 10/08/2005 13:26

you know what, Easy? I don't think I LIKE your SIL very much - sounds like she behaved like a big old sulky drama queen which for someone old enough to be a grandmother... she needs to grow up. No wonder you're so upset and annoyed. Your poor son, really.
I would probably let everything simmer down for a bit before you confront it though. Try not to get defensive, just say sorry that they couldn't cope.
(Easy enough to lose a child on a beach though, tbh...)

soapbox · 10/08/2005 13:32

Easy - this sounds so awful, your poor DS, I'd be gutted for him!

It sounds like they are having problems with each other and DS just got the brunt of it.

I think I'd be so cross with BIl and SIl that I would be unable to speak for fear of what I would say! Fancy just chucking his stuff in a bin liner - cheeky so and so's!

nappybaglady · 10/08/2005 13:43

This is so sad. Bet you can't wait to get ds back in your arms for an enormous cuddle and some fun. Feel so sorry for all of you (not bil and sil)

nappybaglady · 10/08/2005 13:43

This is so sad. Bet you can't wait to get ds back in your arms for an enormous cuddle and some fun. Feel so sorry for all of you (not bil and sil)

nappybaglady · 10/08/2005 13:43

oops

jampots · 10/08/2005 13:50

I expect that whilst they can deal with their own 3yo they are finding it difficult to deal with a child twice that age. Maybe they felt that he would be a good playmate and occupy the 3yo but of course they would be playing at completely different levels anyway. SOunds like its all gone tits up for them and the best way to deal with it is send your little boy home. I for one would be glad he's coming home esp as they've already lost him on teh beach - that would be unforgiveable in my book.

I think it would be prudent to ask BIL and SIL exactly what your ds has done to warrant this disappointment in his little life and then in future keep an eye on the way they react with their g/s.

sobernow · 10/08/2005 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Easy · 10/08/2005 14:16

I still feel so sad for ds, and VERY with ILs. I have a suspicion I might just have to send dh to get the suitcase when they get back.

I'm not know for tact when I'm riled anyway .......

OP posts:
sobernow · 10/08/2005 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hercules · 10/08/2005 14:27

I was thinking about your little boy last night. I hope he doesnt realise they are sending him back because of something he has done. Let's hope they had the sense to blame external circumstances.

lunavix · 10/08/2005 14:32

I think you should give them a bollocking. He's SIX ffs.

Marina · 10/08/2005 14:36

And I definitely think you should send your dh. It's him who is related to one of these charmers by blood.

Lonelymum · 10/08/2005 14:45

I have been following this thread and I can't get over what a terrible experience this must be for your ds. He will probably grow up thinking he did something terrible and had to be sent home. And how bad a thing must it be to be sent home FGS? I wouldn't be surprised if he always remembers this incident. It will probably put him off the people involved for years, and maybe even the place he was staying in, which, as it was in Cornwall (beautiful place!) will be a shame. I don't know how you cna get over to him that he is the innocent party in all this, but you must try to somehow.

koalabear · 10/08/2005 14:56

they LOST him???????????
unforgivable
if they were a company, they'd get sued for absence of duty of care

lunavix · 10/08/2005 14:58

I think he should be spoilt when he's home and you should explain to him it was NOT his fault.

hercules · 10/08/2005 14:59

I actually dont think it's so awful they lost him. Has no one else ever done this?

That's one of the reasons as a teacher we're told not to do school trips for fear of being sued!

bundle · 10/08/2005 14:59

him getting lost and the thing with the hat are red herrings imo - the big issue here is how they dealt with someone who is six years old and in their care (can you tell we're cross?? )

Original poster
Easy · 10/08/2005 15:07

As I said, I'm not so angry that they lost him, It happens (to repeat, I lost him myself at Twycross Zoo last year) and no one was hurt. During the phonecall that evening SIL said "but everything is alright, he's fine, we're having a lovely time".

But I feel he has been hurt (emotionally) and so have I by what happened yesterday. I haven't found out what he did to be branded "out of control", and to have his stuff shoved in a bin bag and be driven for 3 hours back to granny, when he'd been promised a week at the seaside.

I just keep seething.

Should I ask SIL to return the £30 I gave them as his spending money, do you think ?

OP posts:
oops · 10/08/2005 15:17

Message withdrawn

bundle · 10/08/2005 15:21

totally agree, easy, keep venting on here...

shalaa · 10/08/2005 15:28

Poor little boy, bet he's really confused now. Hope your SIL didn't shout at him or tell him it's all his fault. How did they explain to him that he was going back home?? Hope his lovely gran spoils him a little.

Blackduck · 10/08/2005 19:47

Easy I was so and when I read this thread - what a way to treat a little boy - we are the adults here, we should deal with things, not give up at the slighest hint of difficulty (not implying your ds is difficult but YKWIM...). I keep thinking of him in the back of the car probably wondering why he HAD been sent home - but his granny sounds like a good stick!

Blackduck · 10/08/2005 19:49

Sorry - have to add I think the bin bag thing is APPALLING! I wouldn't do that to anyone (well maybe dp if he carries on the way he is ). It just shows such lack of respect.....

Original poster
Easy · 10/08/2005 19:57

Thanks everyone

I have spoken to him and Granny this evening. He has been a really good boy all day, Granny bought him his favourite foods in the supermarket, and 4 bags of animal feed in the childrens farm (to feed to the animals of course). He says he is really looking forward to seeing me tomorrow.

Granny said he slept really really soundly last night too. and has eaten loads today, so as I thought, he was overtired and underfed.

So all seems well on his part. I've just got to stop being tearful about it now.

OP posts:
cerys · 10/08/2005 20:56

Easy, I have been following this thread and have been as shocked as everyone else. I really hope you can sort things with the in-laws, but most of all I hope you and DS have a lovely reunion and that you start to feel better once you've seen him and had lots of hugs. My DD1 is 5 and she would be so sad and frightened in that situation, and she's not the best when she's overtired and hungry either.
all the best to you, DH and DS xxx