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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

There was a mum on the bus today....

117 replies

KemalsStilletto · 07/08/2005 17:49

I don't know the full story but she started hitting her dd, what looked like very hard on her head. When the little girl tried to talk to her mum the mum snapped 'shut up, I don't want to talk to you so just shut up' and then went to sit on a tiny seat with the little girl, obviously squashing her, so of course the little girl complained that her mummy was hurting her and then the mum hit her dd more across the head and actually made a point of moving up further on the seat, thus squashing her dd even more! I obviously don't know the full story so I won't judge, but it was horrible to see someone hit their child in public and tell them to shut up.

OP posts:

HappyMumof2 · 07/08/2005 17:53

Message withdrawn

gigglinggoblin · 07/08/2005 17:56

will admit to having told ds1 to shut up when he has been really awful but hitting round the head is not on, even if you consider smacking ok. and if i wanted him to be quiet i certainly wouldnt be squashing him! im judging her already! horrid woman!

KBear · 07/08/2005 17:57

But would it make it worse if you said "excuse me, please don't hit your child"? What would you say? What should we say? It's tricky isn't it. I would be appalled by this but I honestly don't know if I would wade in and speak up - if she is like this with her kids what would her response to you be?

jane313 · 07/08/2005 17:58

I felt really guilty when I saw someone slap their child across the face in the supermarket. It was such an adult attack. The woman was heavily pregnant and the girl about 4 but the mother had 2 friends with her and the child was even behaving badly, she may have said somehting nbot that that is an excuse anyway. I didn't know what to do. I did glare but then probably I though I was being racist, they looked perhaps turkish or bosnian and the mother was in more traditional islamic dress.

Lizita · 07/08/2005 18:12

I don't think anyone should say anything unless it is a very extreme case . My dd was in her pushchair on the bus a while ago moaning and occasionally saying "Mummy". I knew she was going to fall asleep any minute and also that if I tried to go & entertain her it would make things worse. But an old bag just before she got off the bus told me to "Look after your child" and "You're not fit to be a mother!" I was absolutely humiliated hurt & upset, not that I care what she thinks but everyone else left on the bus was probably thinking the same thing.

I know that's nothing like hitting your child over the head & squashing them (I would be absolutely if i witnessed that) but you're getting into dangerous territory if you start trying to tell parents what to do/not to do or that they're doing something wrong, if you don't know them. Well, even if you do know them!

Original poster

KemalsStilletto · 07/08/2005 18:15

someone looked at me with shock and the same guy was shaking his head that was about it really.

OP posts:

gigglinggoblin · 07/08/2005 18:18

tbh i probably wouldnt have said anything either, it wont help the situation and you risk getting the little girl into more trouble

Original poster

KemalsStilletto · 07/08/2005 18:18

she was a truly vile woman. if a child is being cheeky or naughty there are other ways to deal with it other than hitting around the head and telling them very loudly to shut up. this woman had no shame! It wasn't just the odd smack neither. Once she started she did about 10 in a continuous row.

OP posts:

gigglinggoblin · 07/08/2005 18:19

only thing you can do is hope someone who knows them reports it to ss. youre right, she is vile

HappyMumof2 · 07/08/2005 18:22

Message withdrawn

Original poster

KemalsStilletto · 07/08/2005 18:26

The bus wasn't actually that busy, Maybe 8 people all on a single decker and the seat she sat on was right at the front so everyone could see and just shouting nasty things to cheeky little girl, who looked about 4 yrs old. All 4 yr olds are cheeky surely and I bet most parents of 4 yr olds know how to deal with them better than this woman.

OP posts:

Lizita · 07/08/2005 18:26

hm, perhaps it is one of the "extreme" situations I was talking about... but what to do or say i don't know.

Original poster

KemalsStilletto · 07/08/2005 18:27

I really wanted to say something but I have done it once before and been accused of being judgemental and not knowing the full story of why child was being treated unjustly.

OP posts:

Lizita · 07/08/2005 18:29

But there is no excuse for repeatedly hitting the child over the head and then spitefully squashing the child further when she complained of hurting is there? So don't feel bad for being judgmental, sounds to me like she deserved it.

gigglinggoblin · 07/08/2005 18:30

dont think full story matters at all in this situation. if kids are getting shouted at thats one thing, physical abuse is another.

however you saying something is not going to please the mother and you dont want her punishing the little girl for embarrassing her in public when she gets home. i would stay quiet, partly cos im cowardly, partly because i think it would only make the situation worse

HappyMumof2 · 07/08/2005 18:42

Message withdrawn

homemama · 07/08/2005 19:10

When I was 8mths pg and shopping with DH, a man pushed me out the way to get on the escalator in front of me. DH politely asked him to be more careful as I was pg and could have fallen.

Well, he launched into a torrent of abuse, shouting that he didn't give a fcking fck about DH's c*nting wife!!! The thing was, he was with his wife and two boys aged about 8 and 10!!! The older lad said "dad" in a sort of please don't, you're embarassing me tone. To which his 'father' turned around and gave him an almighty wack around the head.

Despite my condition, I started shouting back about his shocking parenting skills and DH had to drag me off suggesting he was the type to pull a knife.

Don't know if I was more angry at him or his bloody wife who put up with his language and his physical abuse of her son!

homemama · 07/08/2005 20:23

Must add that I wouldn't normally have challenged the scary man. Somehow, I felt protected by the bump!

Lizita · 07/08/2005 20:25

I always felt safer when I was pg, and now when I'm with dd! I feel very vulnerable when I'm out on my own! I imagine the percentage of horrid people out there who would attack a woman with a bump/child has to be a lot lower than those who'd attack a lone woman.

thosepeskykids · 07/08/2005 21:15

About 2 years ago i was looking after a mates flat whilst they were on holiday, the flat was on the first floor in a lane leading into the town centre, i saw a woman and her little boy of about 5 coming back from town and he was carrying about 3 very heavy shopping bags, he was dawdling and whining, all of a sudden his mother started really laying into him, very hard slaps around his head and kicks, there were people walking past and they looked embaressed and quickly went on thier way, I shouted out of my window "Leave that boy alone". and she just looked up at me and shouted, "F##k off, you nosy cow, gave the boys all his bags back and off they went. I was so sad for that poor boy, if that is what he was treated like outside of his home, what on earth went on inside the home.

HappyMumof2 · 07/08/2005 21:54

Message withdrawn

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 08/08/2005 00:19

I regulary poke my nose in.I hate to see any kind of anti social behaviour and if i would have seen the woman smacking her child on the bus I would have spoken up.

Trouble is nobody seems to anymore,there is no community spirit.I will probably become another statistic as my dh tells me to be careful as there are a lot of nutters about....

But it makes me so angry Only the other day I told two v young mother off outside the supermarket for swearing in front of thier children (and mine)I got a torrant of abuse back.If children had not had been present they would have got more than a mouthful.Scumbags

jambot · 08/08/2005 08:15

When I see something like that it makes me see red. I think I would have felt like grabbing that poor child and running away with her! As someone said, what kind of home life does that child have? What is she going to become with a mother like that?

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 08/08/2005 11:47

Thats the thing isnt it? All these poor children.Makes me shudder about tomorrows society

cori · 08/08/2005 11:53

People like this make think that there should be a smacking ban, then everyone would know in no uncertain terms when abuse is occurring and could speak up.
I thought it was illegal to hit a child around the head anyway.

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