Okay, am prepared for abuse and suggestions of being a terrible mother, but is it SO bad that 5 year old has dummy?

[missmoopy]

My dd (5) STILL has her dummy and shows no signs of wanting to give it up.

She is bright and happy and I am really not that bothered about her having it. She only has it at bedtime as she feels it helps her relax.

Occasionally I have visions of her at 18 packing her dummy to go to Uni, but generally I am fine with it.

What do you think? And, if you think it is awful,how do I encourage her to give it up??

i sucked my thumb from the day i was born till i was about 18(secretly!) and my speech and teeth are absolutely fine. so i'm sure she'll be ok...
even now, if im tired or a bit sad i go to put my thumb up to my mouth...and then remember i'm 26 years old!!! how embarrassing!

For those of you saying a child needs to 'self soothe' by 5 - how are mine and the op's child not self soothing? Our children are alone in their rooms when they go to sleep and happen to suck on a dummy for a little while, just as another child might cuddle a teddy/ suck thumb and so on. Better than sucking a thumb because usually the dummy gets lost in the bed and the thumb doesn't.

Having a dummy in the day is totally different because of speech problems, as is waking in the night crying for it-neither of which the op's child (or mine for that matter) does.

I agree with you defineme. My dd sucks her dummy a lot less through the night than she would if it were her thumb.
I think it's the whole concept of 'dummy tit' as in the old days and people still think of that, as well as thinking how awful children in the street look with dummies.
I personally see nothing wrong with it and my DD used to have her's in her pushchair sometimes until she was 3.
I think it's just personal preference as are earings in small children (I really don't like them).

Mrsruffalo, I am by no means a "lazy parent". I take parenting my child very seriously. She is as I have said, very independent and emotionally intelligent. I am not sure how you leap from a child having a dummy to being emotionally stunted.

To clarify, she has it at night, in bed. She does not have it when talking, playing, schooling etc etc. My dentist does not "support" use of dummy, but gave me honest assessment of childs teeth, as per his job.

She has lovely teeth, she speaks beautifully, she is over achieving at school...

I am really surprised that it evokes such horror in some that a 5 year old child uses something to soothe her. I perhaps am more liberal and feel that children need comfort from a variety of sources. Defineme, I agree, our children ARE self soothing, just like the ones with blankets, favourite teddies, humbs.

Some things in parenting are hugely important, some things should not be made such a big deal. I concentrate on the important stuff and do not sweat the small things.

I am also glad she is not alone in being an "older" child who has a dummy.

mummycake I have no "issues" thanks, I posted cos I was bored and was interested in responses.

mummycake that sounded like I was being snotty - sorry, wasn't meant like that at all!

In the USA they call them soothers or pacifiers. Here in the UK we call them dummies because we somehow imply that they are for dummies.
Sucking is very soothing and helps a child to relax. My daughter had her soother until she was almost 7yrs old. Just for a few minutes before she went to sleep. One night we lost it and she managed to sleep without it. We could have probably taken it away earlier, but it was no big deal to us.
My husband is a paediatrician and I am a children's Occupational therapist.

care4 I do think the name dummy stigmatises them somewhat, I agree.

Thought the word dummy came from 'dummy tit', as in 'fake nipple'?
The Americans have it right though - they are soothers.

my dd had dummy til 5, i tried everything, she eventually came home from school one day and threw it in the bin. her teeth are good, her speech great. you never see a 16 year old with a dummy!(advice from my very down to earth hv when i was stressing about it}

Ds1 had his at night until his adult teeth started coming through. I explained that it might make his 'Big Teeth That YOu ARe So Proud Of' go a funny shape, and he ditched it.

both of my children have had so much pleasure from their dummies, and no drawbacks. Why would I take them away just because the child has had the temerity to have a few birthdays? Why would I cut them off from their night time comforter just because other people don't understand the pleasure and comfort they get from them?

you wouldn't throw a child's teddy away.

frazzled and pronoia - both good posts. Thanks x

And as for 'it looks horrible'

Lots of harmless things look horrible. Grubby feet on babies looks horrible. Hair chewing looks horrible. Women with muffin-top jeans look horrible. Children whose trousers are a bit too short in the leg look horrible. Fleece jumpers look horrible. greyish school t shirts look horrible. Scuffed shoes look horrible. Untidy hair looks horrible. Skinheads on anyone under 30 look horrible. Tattooes on breasts look horrible. Ridiculous overblown froufrou prams look horrible. grubby little cheap plastic buggies look horrible. Doc martins with skirts look horrible. Unpainted toenails look horrible.

Most of these are utterly harmless and the very worst of them are mere trivial. I will not run my life based on what some people might think will 'look horrible'.

pronoia come join our slummy dummy mummys gang, you make me smile!

I can't, I don't have any dummies in the house now (apart from about 10 under my bed that fell down there and that I con't reach)

wheresmy, I read this 'I didn't cope very well with the sleep depravation that comes with a baby" and assumed you had a new baby! !

Sorry.

It is a strange kneejerk reaction I agree but it is very odd to be sitting in an IKEA cafe (as I was yesterday) and see a child take a dummy out of his mouth and put food in and then put the dummy back in again.

I see how soothing they must be but surely children dont need to be soothed all day/at breakfast/whenever - thats not winding down - thats just habitual.

Maybe I just have that middle class reaction to them but am nonjudgemental about most other things but this I cant shift. Maybe because while they are soothing they are also keeping children quiet and is this always a good thing - am just not sure.

Oh and I dont agree that unpainted toenails look horrible - I think painted toenails are much grimmer.

I find it strange that many posters are prepared to dismiss the very good professional advice that differentnameforthis has given in favour of anecdotal evidence. Why dismiss her advice because you know someone who had a dummy and has great teeth?!

Maybe it is a middle class thing, to not want your children to be quiet. The middle classes aren't called the chattering classes for no reason, after all... but most people in the world have caught onto the fact that not every word a small child utters is as manna dropping from heaven to the starving people, sometimes I would quite like a small child to keep his/her thought to his/herself. This is a valuable skill and should be learned by the time school starts.

I am told by a teacher friend that it is some of the more middle class, affluent children who won't be quiet and listen at carpet time, as they've never had to be quiet and listen to an adult and not be allowed to interrupt before

Pinkteddy...I do wonder too. But it happens all the time.

All I can do it leave my advice & let people take it or not.

I remember when I first started in dentistry. A dentist I worked with had a 12month old baby in with grey marks in her front teeth, this was definitely the start of decay. The baby was having ribena in her bottle, a few times a day. We advised re diet, telling mum that is completely possible to stop this but good diet & oral hygiene. She missed the 2 month check (we didn't want to leave it the normal 6, as this baby already had signs of decay - albeit early) and didn't respond to recall letters.

Then dad called one day to say baby had fallen on her face & cracked her tooth so we said come right down. This is almost 6 months after the original consult. Baby comes in with brown stubbs where 4 teeth should be. There was no sign of a fall that would have been apparent, if a such a fall had been enough to break teeth.

Dad expl that mum has called him at work in a panic to say fall etc, he came home & called us.

The brown was active decay. The tooth broke because the decay has undermined the tooth structure. Mum made up the fall because she was ashamed/panicked. Baby was still having ribena. Dad says he didn't know.

I comforted that mother who sobbed while her daughter screamed under a heavy sedative while the dentist removed 4 teeth. The baby was not yet 18mths old. I wanted, in my anger to tell her 'I told you so' but you can't.

People don't listen because as with anything, they don't believe it will happen to them.

As professionals, we accept that & deal with the consequences.

Oh god, lets not go down the class argument.

differentname I fully respect your professional advice. If I wasn't concerned about my dd's teeth I wouldn't have already sought advice from our own dentist and his advice as I said earlier was to get rid of the dummy before the adult teeth come through. He thought age 6 or before would be about right. My dd's mouth is perfectly formed, her speech is excellent and she is not emotionally stunted (can't remember who posted that, sorry), she's just very attached to her dummy when she's tired, in the same way she's attached to her blankie and teddy.

Sorry for being a bit of a hippy, but I'd really rather she gave it up on her own, with a little guidance from me and dh as is our jobs as parents. I do NOT believe in training children like dogs.

I once saw a girl of about 10 with a dummy pinned to her shirt in a shop. She pulled the dummy out, sucked on it for a bit, then dropped the dummy back under her jumper.
It was so bizarre to see it...it really was. DH was reeling and said "did I just see that?"

Also, I think it is meant to be bad for the teeth positions when they come through? I could be wrong.

Don't apologise Wicked, although reading your very laissez faire views makes your name hilarious! Just had a vision of DCs getting a cup of water to throw on you next time you mention the dummy fairy ;) x

Dummies do produce a very strange judgmental response in the UK. Am baffled as to why, actually.
I was perfectly happy for dd to have a dummy - but only when she was a baby, and she gave up of her own accord at about 18 months. Tbh I didn't let her have it in the daytime because of speech/teeth issues etc, and only allowed it for sleep, but at that age I think a dummy is fine.
But the teeth thing would be a big deal for me in an older child.
Having said all that, I far prefer controlled dummy use to thumb-sucking, which to me looks repellant at any age, and seems to be beyond parents' control (and I have seen first-hand how it ruined my friend's teeth and shrivelled her thumb! She has an overbite as a consequence of sucking her thumb well into her teens).

It doesnt sound like you are snotty at all sorry if I offended you. Like I said my son has his dummy and the main issues is his lack of speech! I certainly dont think of a dummy as being anything like a breast. Something I have forgotton is my brother had one till he was 5- and has perfect teeth although my son has an overbite. Its a difficult one though isnt it! x