Okay, am prepared for abuse and suggestions of being a terrible mother, but is it SO bad that 5 year old has dummy?

[missmoopy]

My dd (5) STILL has her dummy and shows no signs of wanting to give it up.

She is bright and happy and I am really not that bothered about her having it. She only has it at bedtime as she feels it helps her relax.

Occasionally I have visions of her at 18 packing her dummy to go to Uni, but generally I am fine with it.

What do you think? And, if you think it is awful,how do I encourage her to give it up??

PS...My older boys both gave their dummies to FC before they were three and only one of them asked once, and neither were upset. WE talked about it decorated letters and made a deal with FC....worked like a dream. (I also threw all dummies away so that I was never tempted to give it back)

Well, they can impact on teeth before then, as I said dd1 had slightly protruding teeth which self corrected & I have seen this a few times, not that I am saying that it will always happen that way!

From a professional POV I wouldn't want my child having a dummy any later than dd1 did (3 & a few months) so to let the mouth grow a little on its own before adult teeth come in.

My 4.4 DD1 still has her dummy and I REALLY want to get rid out it - my reasons for finding the dummy icky is to me it's really unhygienic - some many little crevaces for germs and dirt to lurk. And I also worry about plastic chemicals leaking into her mouth at night and accumulating in her body. She only has it for night time now but she is absolutely infatuated with it. Talking about it lots during the day. We talk about giving it up but she becomes so distressed and upset when we do. The dummy fairy is no good because she just says 'I don't want any money/toys - I want my dummy'! I offered her £50 to stop the dummy once and I meant it, but she said I'd rather have my dummy!

IMO the reason people find dummies icky is probably an instinctive repulsion to putting something so dirty/germy in your mouth all the time. Whereas you can clean your hands/nipple. I know you can sterilise a dummy but there'll always be grossness in the cracks. Euuuwww i feel sick. Plus my DD1 wakes up with what we call 'dumdum crust' all round her mouth. Eeuuuw double puke.

I'm not against dummy usage (DS got bored with his at 4 months so I've not had to do battle to wean him off one) but I would certainly be concerned at tooth damage at age 5 and beyond.

My sister sucked her thumb until she was 14. She had to wear a brace till 18 to correct the misalignment caused, and also has one shrunken thumb! She's now 25.

DS has a blanket that he refuses to sleep without so I'm sure I'll have my battles in the coming years.

I think it reeks of
lazy parenting.
Just bite the bullet and get rid of the dummy. You need to nurture emotional independence and this is holding him back.

FWIW, I hate dummies, but both my dc's were given them as tiny premmie babies. I whipped them out as soon as they had learned to suck. Both have beeeautiful teeth, both have issues (one very severe) speaking.

Like OP said somewhere in the thread, different strokes for dfferent folks and we all have a responsibilty to do our best, weighing up medical advice and parental instinct.

If I saee an older child with a dummy I do think eew nd certainly did for my DSD. This is another example for me where I judge too quickly and it's always good to look at yourself and ask if you do that.

"DS has a blanket that he refuses to sleep without so I'm sure I'll have my battles in the coming years." It is a good question though Nork, why will you have battles? If he loves it, can't it just wait until a girl wants to sleepover...I'm sure he'll soon get rid then!!

He's only 2.6 so I'm not worried about the "blankie" at the moment - hopefully he'll give it up voluntarily in the next few years but I'm not overly worried if he doesn't.

Saying that, a friend of mine is 32 and she's still got her raggedy blanket from when she was a baby. It's now fallen into rags and is too delicate to wash, so it's got 20 odd years worth of snot and germs on it (she sucks it and sticks it up her nose). Yuck!

Eeeeeew! That is a problem, call me judgemental but that's just mental!

I am finding this thread really interesting. DS still has a dummy for sleep times (never in public )- he has just turned 3.

I am in two minds about it but overall I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by the thought of my 'sleep anywhere like a log' preschooler who has a two hour nap and a 12 uninterrupted hour sleep, being unable to sleep without his 'prop'.

I didn't cope very well with the sleep depravation that comes with a baby (especially one that needs to feed every 2 hours for three-quarters of an hour at a time), and I am so grateful that he sleeps that I am too afraid to rock the boat.

Any discussions about giving the dummy to the fairies in return for a gift (bribe), have resulted in my usually bubbly, confident little boy becoming distraught. child.

wheresmy.....give it a little longer. If there is a new baby on scene, this is not a good time to take anything off your ds, that affords him comfort.

I say this for 2 reasons, 1] he has enough change going on & 2] my dd dropped her nap the day we lost the dummies! So be prepared!

My 3 year old DS has been without his dummy for about 2 months now.
He couldnt be persuaded. I couldnt talk him round. I literally had to gather up all the dummys I could find and hide them. Had one night of absolute awfulness, him repeating over and over again that he wanted his dummy. All I did was reply with "I know sweetheart" until he sobbed himself to sleep. but that was it. Woke up in the morning and it hasnt bothered him since. He was rewarded with a playmobil vets set. (which has since also been hidden bloody tiny little pieces...)

What im trying to say is, it's horrible for a short while but they get over it and you never have to worry about not being able to find one again!

I had a dummy at night until I was 8. My teeth are perfect. My brother sucked his thumb and his teeth are pretty bad.

My dd is 5 and has one at night-she has it at 745 when she goes to bed and it's usually on the floor by the time I close the door at 830 when her brother goes to bed. I imagine the op's child is the same.

Judge me all you like -she's my lovely girl who has a twin brother and a 2yrolder brother with sn- comfort was sometimes hard to find in my house over the past 5 years and dummies were wonderful. I look on it as the same as her teddy.

We send them to school all day, expect them to get dressed/feed themselves and so on. I think that is plenty independent for 5 without taking away comfort at bedtime.

I will ask the dentist though-that is a significant worry imo-whereas the dummy snobs are not!

This will raise some eyebrows but my DD is 8 and she still uses her dummies to get to sleep and when she's really tired at bedtime. I was a bit lost as to how to get her to give it up but to be honest, nobody would batter an eyelid if they saw her walking down the street aged 8 sucking her thumb. I breast fed her until she was 18 months and she always needed to suckle to settle. I know she'll need a brace when she's older but when I took her aged 6 to the dentist, unless I had told him, he said he never would have known she had sucked a dummy.

incidently, my friend who is french allows her son (8) a dummy. She is of the same opinion as me but again, he only sucks it in secret or at bedtime - he has beautiful teeth.

My 3.5 year old still has one but we're thinking of calling in the dummy-fairy soon.
The only problem I have with it is, if she wakes in the night & can't find it, she wakes us up to find it for her!

I envy all of you who can take away the dummy! My 4 year old sucks her finger and she already has sticking out teeth. We have tried recently to use a sticker chart and a reward at the end but although we have managed to stop her doing it during the day, she cannot seem to at night.

We tried plasters but she just sucked a different finger. Last night we put plasters on all her fingers but she just sucked the finger with the plaster on it!

Next step - putting that hideous-tasting stuff on her finger!

I don't see the difference between finger/thumb and dummy sucking - particularly if it's just to get to sleep.

agree with mrsruffalo it needs to be got rid of.

And i am a dummy snob I'll admit it. they're for babies under 18mo certainly not school age children. Any child needs to have learnt to self settle before the age of 5 by removal of the dummy (sn excepting).

You're not doing them any favours by not allowing them to develop the skills to self soothe.

I I do judge when i see oledr kids with them plugged in in public, in fact it's prob the ONLY thing I'm really judgey about. It looks horrible.

By the way - I did teach a 5 year old who still had a dummy and she had a terrible speech problem and needed therapy - just make sure the dummy is out when they want to say something!

I'm not sure whether its even possible to stop a child sucking their fingers / thumb. I say this because as an 'ex' thumb sucker I do often wake up sucking my thumb despite all my best efforts not to do so.

I even remember when I stayed over with DP thinking to myself "for goodness sake DO NOT suck your thumb"- I did though .

So, if a grown adult does it subconsciously in their sleep what hope does a child have??!!

Having said that, of course it does make sense to try and discourage it.

differentnameforthis many thanks for the advise but just to clarify- no new baby here- I think that was a different poster as DS is an only child.

Just marking my place because I want to read this later.

IMO a dummy at 5 is not a good idea at all.

I'd be really worried about teeth and bite development at that age which would be permament.

Why don't you 'post' it to the dummy fairy or tie it to a tree etc and give her a present in return from the fairy?

My DS1 had a dummy at night until he was 6. Then I decided it was time for it to go- so he was given £1 a night to sleep without it... ended up costing me a bit- but it worked! DD who is 7 sucks her thumb- dentist says to stop when all big teeth come in (so far she has just lost 1 top tooth and the bottom ones... I think it will be a lot harder to get to stop sucking her thumb- obviously as it is always there- you can't take it away like a dummy. She is a sensible girl though and I'm sure when she is ready then she will stop herself.
DS2 is 2.5yrs and has a dummy- mostly at bedtime. I have no thoughts of getting rid of it at the moment.

Really- children grow up so fast- what is the fuss about? The teeth issue just doesn't stack up for me. I know several children who have scary shark teeth who never sucked a dummy or their thumb. My DS1 has lovely straight teeth too despite his dummy passion.

So, to the OP- don't worry about it! Simple.

My son who is 2 and a half loves his dummy and I must admit it has made certain aspects of parenting alot easier, he sleeps better with it and sees it at a great source of comfort.
However although I have no problems with him having his dummy at the moment I will encourage him to stop at around the age of 3 as although I am of the opinion that children are sometimes made to grow up too quick I also think that some mothers ( myself included) can sometimes do it for a easy life or to keep their children that little bit younger than they really are.
I have noticed my child's teeth and speech arent the best (he talks through his dummy and cant say certain letter sounds due to his dummy being in his mouth) and these are the most important factors in my decision to help him give up soon. I fully support the OP but feels she must have had certain issues regarding her child doing this as otherwise why post. My feelings are a little mixed on this one as obviously I havent been able to help my child give it up so far.