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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Okay, am prepared for abuse and suggestions of being a terrible mother, but is it SO bad that 5 year old has dummy?

161 replies

missmoopy · 20/04/2010 21:32

My dd (5) STILL has her dummy and shows no signs of wanting to give it up.

She is bright and happy and I am really not that bothered about her having it. She only has it at bedtime as she feels it helps her relax.

Occasionally I have visions of her at 18 packing her dummy to go to Uni, but generally I am fine with it.

What do you think? And, if you think it is awful,how do I encourage her to give it up??

OP posts:

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Clary · 20/04/2010 22:10

I think it is well time to get rid, sorry.

And I speak as a mum to 3 DC all of whom sucked their thumbs to this age and beyond

Thing is it's hard to take away their thumb. DS1 stopped at 5yo after I nagged and nagged. DD stopped at about 6 after bribing! DS2 just turned 7 and has actually stopped after persistent use of Sally Hansen nail biting stuff!

He used to do it all the time, eg in school assembly, and it was maddening! Made him look like a baby! Not OK at all.

Original poster

missmoopy · 20/04/2010 22:11

She is able to comfort herself, for example, when hurt or upset without resorting to having her dummy.

Surely thumb sucking mimics suckling too? And, as people have posted, thumbs harder to give up as always there!

OP posts:

Missus84 · 20/04/2010 22:13

I would take her to the dentist and ask about her teeth and the impact the dummy could have on them. If the dentist says fine then you have no worries.

I know children who have damaged their teeth from thumb/finger sucking too btw, so it's not just a case of dummies bad, thumbs ok.

Original poster

missmoopy · 20/04/2010 22:14

Seeker, thats my point. A lot of people have 'comforters' of some kind that help them relax or sleep. I do not understand why dummys are so socially unacceptable.

She never has it during day, she speaks brilliantly and her teeth are lovely. What is the harm?

OP posts:

Shaz10 · 20/04/2010 22:15

If you're happy missmoopy, and there are no speech/teeth issues, then it's no problem. Let her crack on

SpringyThingy · 20/04/2010 22:16

I'm not sure why I hate them but I do. DSD had one and at 5 I wrote her a book about the dummy fairy and sewed her a little dummy bag to hang on the tree...she went home to mum really excited about the fairy coming, never looked back. (I know this was out of order of me btw and I did apologise, but mum was thankfully grateful)
For me, that was partly because I hated taking her out with it in, more importantly I believed it was impeding her speech and her teeth were perfectly 'O' shaped.

I think the big issue is that it 'babyfies' them...but then there is the overwhelming evidence of dental damage e.t.c.

SpringyThingy · 20/04/2010 22:20

It's an interesting question...why is it so socially unacceptable? My friends lo(5) arrived at my house with a blankie last week and I was a bit but my DS (10) still has a favourite bear who comes out occasionally.
I get the same feeling when I see squash being drunk through a teat.
I think maybe I am a total meanie on the subect, I watch with interest...

Clary · 20/04/2010 22:22

yes mismoopy, thumb sucking is icky in a 5yo too.

(or a 7yo - I have Not Been Keen on this for Quite a While now )

thesecondcoming · 20/04/2010 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

missmoopy · 20/04/2010 22:25

I am fine with it for now, but I am fascinated by opinions/attitudes about dummys.

springy, I don't like squash out of a teat either. I suppose its just different strokes for different folks as they say.

OP posts:

ThatVikRinA22 · 20/04/2010 22:25

we spirited the dummies away by giving them all to father christmas (obviously at xmas time!) in exchange for presents. it worked. twice. bribery and corruption. oh yes....works every time.

choosyfloosy · 20/04/2010 22:27

i had a dummy til i was 7 at bedtime... in the end my mum had to 'lose' it one night. I think if you decide it's time, then get rid of it, it's up to you. I can still remember how nice it felt though [considers buying one] [shakes self]

I have to say that I saw a surgeon aged 30 sucking his thumb a few years ago. Gave me a jolt tbh. There is a time to move on from these things.

WickedWitchSouthWest · 20/04/2010 22:28

Oh I'm so pleased I'm not the only one with a dummy addict! DD has just turned 4 and for some reason that's made a difference to me! She only has it at night or when extremely tired at home or in the car and never out in public - even she knows that it's not really acceptable to have it anymore but there's not really been an opportunity to get rid. Once she's asleep it falls out and she doesn't seem to bother with it again, plus she has a special blanket for cuddling but it appears the two things go hand in hand for her.

She has had the dummy fairy mentioned to her a few times but it ends in tears with "don't let her take my dummy!" and she looks so forlorn that being soft I give up.

I am due dc2 in July - hoping to get dd to give the dummy to the baby. Either that or it'll make things worse!

I spoke to the dentist last time we were there and he said that until the adult teeth appear it won't do any harm, but I'd really want her to stop having it when she starts school in September.

Watching this thread with interest!

pigletmania · 20/04/2010 22:31

Ditch it if i were you. I forcedencouraged my dd to give it up at Christmas when the dummy fairy was coming to take her dummies away and give her presents instead. It seemed to work and was not as bad as i thought it would be. Even now her dummy has mishaped her milk teeth, they meet in an O shape.

Original poster

missmoopy · 20/04/2010 22:32

Wicked, I felt worse about it when she younger, but think i just accepted that it is HER way of comforting herself at night, she likes it and it causes no problems.

I friend asked me why I wanted to get rid of her dummy, and I was unable to give an answer so after that i just chilled out about it and go with the flow.

OP posts:

dollius · 20/04/2010 22:35

I suspect that giving up comfort things like dummies/bottles of milk etc is a quite important step in the learning-to-be-independent thing that children go through.

I would probably try to get rid of the dummy. I recently had to throw out all the sippy cups in my house because my boys (5 and 3_) were still demanding them. They accepted the new status quo pretty quickly.

Evenstar · 20/04/2010 22:36

I got rid of my DS2's dummies at around 3, we got him to leave them out on the table for the dummy fairy and he never really looked back. The dummy fairy left him a present, a copy of a very funny book called The Last Noo Noo, by Jill Murphy, it is about a monster who doesn't want to give up his dummy even though he is too big for one. My DS only asked for the dummy a couple of times, and was really not upset, we just reminded him that he had given them to the dummy fairy and he had his book, which became a firm favourite.

WickedWitchSouthWest · 20/04/2010 22:37

That's been my attitude so far missmoopy too. She was bf til 18 months and she's always been what my mum calls a "sucky" child. My sister had a dummy til she was 6 - in the end my mum put mustard on it but dd's habit has had no effect on her speech or teeth so there's been no real reason to get rid of it. On the other hand my ex-boyf is 37 now and STILL sucks his thumb and has in fact shrunk it!

EveWasFramed · 20/04/2010 22:39

Missmoopy: My DD is 2.7, and still has her dummy at night, too, and we don't really stress too much about it. My DS, who is 4 in June, sucks his fingers...can't take fingers away! DDs teeth have come in just lovely, she sleeps well, and if it falls out in the night, she doesn't seem to be all that concerned about it. I read somewhere that most kids will give up by aged 6, so you may be nearly there. I do like the idea of the Dummy Fairy; some other friends of mine left their DSs dummies for Santa to bring to babies in another country, and said that worked a treat!
Good luck!

Original poster

missmoopy · 20/04/2010 22:41

lol at shrunken thumb!

DD has always been a very 'sucky' baby too, for weeks when she was newborn she refused a dummy (oh, the irony!!) but I spent 23 hours a day with my little finger in her mouth.

OP posts:

mrsbean78 · 20/04/2010 22:41

My sister had a dummy until 6. Childhood teeth okay but now at 25 she has braces (including a scary head thing she wears at night) due to difficulties created by the formation of her palate the dentist says were created by this childhood habit.
Ask your dentist rather than take it on what people say here.. but if it will cause any later problems you should know now, might strengthen your resolve..

Original poster

missmoopy · 20/04/2010 22:43

Dentist says it may cause overbite, but it hasn't as yet. No palate issues.

Your poor sister, that sounds awful, mrsbean.

OP posts:

Veggiemummy · 20/04/2010 22:44

I'm an extended thumb sucker too and have had loads of painful dental work. If she is just having it at night I would def leave it for now, as others have said their LOs dummy removal ended with them beginning thumb sucking. I think around 7 might be the time, as she might become more aware of her friends not having a dummy and be having sleep overs. The social aspect isnt really an ishoooo now as it's just at night.

SpringyThingy · 20/04/2010 22:44

Supernanny helped that little girl who was hair pulling for comfort. The basic premise being that the 'baby behaviour' was brought on by mum not letting/wanting her to grow up and becoe more independant. Dummies do babyfie children and unlike thumbs it is something that parents have control over.
I'm certainly NOT saying this is the case, but a suggestion as to why it is seen as bad parenting.

soopermum1 · 20/04/2010 22:44

Santa came and took the dummies when DS was about 3 or 4. Worked a treat.

I sucked my thumb until my mum put that stuff on my nails that stops you biting your nails. It tastes nasty, so that stopped me.

Thumb sucked for a long time, have perfect teeth.

DS had slightly crooked bottom baby teeth but his adult teeth are absolutely fine

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