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Original poster

Problem with DS2 and I don't agree with DH's solution

190 replies

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 09/07/2009 08:28

DS2 is just 4 and since he was 3 he has come down in the morning and helped himself to food. Always chocolate. He isn't doing it because he is hungry, he just wants the chocolate and knows it is wrong as we have told him not to do it.

Last week he had some of my chocolate and said he was just checking it was okay.

This morning I came down to get a box of Roses I had left out to take into school today for a Mum who had helped me yesterday. They had been put in the cupboard and I assumed by DH. I got them out and DS2 had opened them and helped himself to three, and then put them back in the cupboard (hiding the evidence,)

DH wants to put a lock on the door so he can't come out. I am 100% against this and will look for something to keep the cupboard door from being opened by DS2.

Any ideas to get him to stop? I am giving him a sticker for staying in his room after he has been put to bed at night and wondering about extending that to staying upstairs until DH or I are up.

He once ate some cooking chocolate and I worry one day he will eat something he really shouldn't have and make himself ill.

I have to go to school now but thank you in advance for any advice.

Just one last thing, what do you do if you disagree with something your DH wants to do/use as discipline? Who gets the final say?

BTW I will win this one. There is no way he is locking him in.

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rasputin · 09/07/2009 11:21

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FAQinglovely · 09/07/2009 11:22

rasputin - I have nearly 9yr old that has had rules all his life, the same rules his younger brothers are given (and follow - when DS3 obviously is still learning them at 2.1yrs). Sometimes you have a child that no amount of rewards/punishing stops them doing some things. You can't just say "strict rules explained to them over and over until they get it" as it doesn't work with every child.

I thought I was doing something horribly wrong with DS1 until DS2 and 3 came along......and realised it's just him - it's the way he is. He's generally well behaved (thankfully) but there are one or two things that I've virtually moved heaven and earth to try and stop him doing and he still does them.

Only another 10yrs and I can give him a swift boot up the backside and tell him to go and eat his own food

Jux · 09/07/2009 11:25

Put it where he can't get it. Then put some things he would like to eat (but healthier) somewhere where he can get them.

Trikken · 09/07/2009 11:25

Stair-gate on the stairs? or a dog-gate as they're taller, so not even little climbers can get over but in the case of an emergency will take a mere few seconds to open. Id think that letting them wander round is more likely to cause fire than not, which is why ds's bedroom is stair-gated too.

rasputin · 09/07/2009 11:26

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Original poster
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 09/07/2009 11:26

Jux - there are plenty of things about, he wants the chocolate.

OP posts:
FAQinglovely · 09/07/2009 11:27

in fact 10yrs time I think I'll give him the deposit for a flat, a shopping trolley (to put the mountains of food he'll go through) in and a computer so he can use it as much as he likes - and tell him to work out his own rules on it as he's seemed unable to figure out our rules in the first 9yrs of his life LOL.

Washersaurus · 09/07/2009 11:28

Why stop at locking him in? Why not tie him to the bed?

I think you are being a little over sensitive - we (nearly) all have issues with our children that we struggle with, no-one thinks you are being a crap mum.

Do as the others suggest and keep ALL chocolate out of reach. Ask him not to go downstairs before you get up and give him his own snack box that he can access containing other (pref more healthy) stuff in that he can nibble when he feels like it.

That way he is not filling up on junk but still has a bit of freedom and will hopefully learn to regulate his food intake himself.

It might work......

I have a 2yo food thief, I have to keep it all out of his reach.

Dragonrider · 09/07/2009 11:29

Not very useful advice here...
You can get 100% cocoa from Hotel Chocolat which looks exactly like a bar of dark chocolate (I think they might even call it Purist's Chocolate or something like that) but which tastes awful. Would tasting some of that be enough to put him off do you think?

Original poster
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 09/07/2009 11:31

Washer and for everyone else

WE WILL NOT BE LOCKING HIM ANYWHERE

And asking why you can't get a 4 year old to stop doing something IS impying I am crap imo.

Thank you Dragonrider for your post.

OP posts:
rasputin · 09/07/2009 11:34

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Washersaurus · 09/07/2009 11:35

No, I think unless you have that certain breed of child, you wouldn't understand why asking doesn't work. DS2 has certainly opened my eyes after having such an easy time with DS1!

I didn't really think you would imprison your child - it is illegal anyway, surely?

Are you sure having his own snack box wouldn't work? I didn't think it was THAT much of a crap an idea.

Washersaurus · 09/07/2009 11:36

Ok so that last sentence didn't really make sense but you know what I mean

Trikken · 09/07/2009 11:37

i dont think putting a stair-gate is "LOCKING" him in. It is protecting him, and you can get him out within seconds if have to by lifting over the top if you dont even have time to unlock it. He could do so much worse out on his own. I think you sound very ungrateful about all the people who have tried to give you advice on this matter.

KidsAreNotAllTheSame · 09/07/2009 11:37

I do lock my child in at night. If you want to know why, read my posts. I don't like it but it feels the safest option.

posiedullardparker · 09/07/2009 11:38

To be honest I think it's a little 'throw in the towel when it's tough approach' to claim you cannot stop a four year old who wants to go downstairs???? What about the next thing you 'can't' stop him doing? Perhaps it will be not running in the road? Getting him to stay at school?

What an indictment to say that you cannot make a four year old do as they're told???

Original poster
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 09/07/2009 11:39

Sigh

I come on here to ask for advice as I am well aware of my inadequacies as a mother (my words) so have no problem with suggestions.

My problem is comments like FFS he is 4, why can't you get him to stop, etc etc.

If I could get him to stop, I would.

walrus, it was a good idea, just wouldn't work for him as he would take anything he could find as long as it was chocolate.

OP posts:
FAQinglovely · 09/07/2009 11:41

but can't all 4yr olds open stair gates??

This is a genuinely a new idea to me that a 4 year old couldn't open a gate of some description !

harmlessonaverage · 09/07/2009 11:42

Application to join crap mother club - quslifications? My 3 year old DS will not stay in his room. Have tried every form and combination of reward and punishment consequence we can dream up and every one I have seen here or any where else. We cannot lock doors cos they have no locks. We now have to tie the door handles together at night to stop him exploring the kitchen. This is because he wakes up quietly and goes downstairs at 5:30 am most mornings and we do not hear him. The result of this is that he plays on the floor outside our room until we wake up. His favourite game at the moment is any one that involves rescue vehicles. With full volume sound effects.

We have so far tried:
sticker/reward chart (no interest)
bribery (if you stay in your room in the morning you'll get a ...) Result : 6 am visit asking "can i have my ... now?"
shouting
pleading
rapid return to room
removing toys
stair gate
black out blind

probably other things as well. Nothing so far beats the fun of getting up at ungodly o'clock to make noise.

We refuse to lock him in. We can't articulate why, but it just is wrong to us so we won't do it. But to be honest, it helps his door has no lock cos combined with a 4 month old who thinks 10:30 pm is a good time to go to bed for the night, we could do with more sleep.

Washersaurus · 09/07/2009 11:43

Posie, I don't wish to sound rude, we are all really pleased for you that you have no issues with your children, but you aren't really offering any advice here are you?

If a 4yo can go downstairs and raid all your kitchen cupboards etc I'm damn sure he could open/climb over a stairgate - it would probably be more of a hazard.

Trikken · 09/07/2009 11:43

a taller one like a dog-gate for big doggies they wouldnt be able to reach the lock. they look the same apart from that.

Washersaurus · 09/07/2009 11:45

And FabBaker you don't sound like you are going to accept any of the advice offered here so why bother?

Just keep the blardy chocolate out of the house/on top of the cupboard where he can't reach it. You are expecting a 4yo to exert tremendous self control by leaving it within his reach (even I struggle with that sort of temptation)

harmlessonaverage · 09/07/2009 11:46

Wow, fast moving topic - took me far longer than I realised to post that and it's all moved on

Am trying to say that some kids come up wioth problems that there are no easy solutions to. I will be looking with interest at this thread to see if there are any ideas I've not yet tried, but it's definitely not for want of trying to find a solution that my child still does this.

FAQinglovely · 09/07/2009 11:47

really - they're not that much taller than normal stairgates. Certainly not much taller than the barrier we have at DS3's door

Honestly - I gave up with stair gates when DS1 and 2 were 3yrs old respectively, and I suspect it may be earlier for DS3 - he's nearly scaling the barrier we have at his gate (not a gate) and has nearly worked out the (not cheap) gate to the kitchen !

blueshoes · 09/07/2009 11:51

Fab, if your ds is so fixated on choc, there is only one solution.

Give him all the choc he can eat and more. Let him eat until he gets sick. Bet that will get it out of his system.

Now if I want to limit any treats for my ds 2.9, I just remind him of the time he got a tummy ache in the past from gorging on too many sweets. It gives him an experience he can relate to and a reason he can just about accept.