Potty Training - What is Realistic?

[dcolagirl]

As the warmer weather is now upon us (at least until Saturday, I'm told!) I have decided that next week is potty training week. I am off work too so we can stay in the garden.

DS is 2.5 yrs and we have attempted PT several times before. He just doesn't get it. He likes sitting on the potty but I don't think he realises he is supposed to pee in it.

I've read all the other threads about what age to start and what to look for before starting, but I can't find any practical advice about what I should expect. Should I expect a success rate of 1 in 3 wees in the pot? At what stage do I decide he still isn't ready and put a nappy back on?

DD is 15 months and I might even put her on the pot when DS is on it, just to give her the idea.

What do you think? Some realistic goals please!!!

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Good luck dcolagirl.I'm taking the plunge with DS too - he's 26 months. This weekend we got between 0 and 50 % success. But I haven't gone the whole hog yet and Tues to Thurs (this week) sent him to nursery in nappies. Thats partly because I'm away Friday and Saturday night and my in-laws are babysitting on Saturday daytime. But once I'm back its going to be full steam ahead. I told nursery this morning that he will be going in pants next week so the decision is made!

I told the childminder this morning that next week is pants week and she has about 15 pairs at her house, ready to go!

I also have 3 potties, one for upstairs, one for downstairs and one for the garden!!!

Wish me luck...

I do wich you luck but also say that if it doesn't work out, don't be ashamed to put him back in nappies and don't beat yourself up about it. Some children, especially boys, just aren't ready until they are three or even four. You could go cold turkey and keep going without the nappies even if it's not very successful but know you're own limits. It's hard work running round after them all the time and difficult to keep calm when they get it wrong (again).

So, good luck, and make you own decision about how much running around you are prepared to tolerate if it doesn't happen quickly.

Thanks for the advice - I'll take it!!

Will let you know how it goes when I come back into work (no PC at home yet )

dcolagirl - if he does manage to wee in the potty (even unintentionally) then reward him with a treat - choc buttons did wonders for my dd's training. She would constantly go to the potty and try to go! Good luck - potty training is a bit stressful but once it is achieved you wonder what all the fuss was about!

I got great advice here a couple of months ago for my dd and potty training so I'll add my experience. We also just went for it. The first 2 days (Sat and Sun) we had 100% success with poos and about 50/50 with wees. Then over next few days she got better and better with wees until by end of week being pretty much dry and clean.
About a month later she lost the knack on poos, and we have to do a fair bit of reminding and sit her down at the likely moments. (and a few days of chocolate bribery.... I seem to remember saying that I would never bribe my children, but what did I know!) We still have the occasional accident. If you can live with the accidents, would go with avoiding going back to nappies or pull ups at all since they just don't realise they are wet. Good luck!!

Just read my message again, and it's a bit graphic but I know you Mums can take it

So thats where I'm going wrong dcolagirl! I've only got two potties. DS owns 28 pairs of pants in total so I'm hoping this will be sufficient. I bought 10, decided it wasn't enough, bought 10 more (10 for £5 - Asda), then bought 3 Bob pants for incentive, then MIL bought 5 pack.

Jude I tried DS a couple of months ago and decided he wasn't ready. At that point if we were lucky enough to catch a wee it just dripped into the potty over the course of half an hour. This last weekend he did actually did proper wees - either accidents or in the potty.

Dcolagirl - we didn't put dd in pants until she was about 2 & 3/4. At which point we had one day of zero success rate, followed by about 1 accident a week for a couple of months. That seemed quite late at the time, but now (3 & 1/4), she is completely trained. Meanwhile, I know people who have gone through months and months of training, and then still have to follow their child around asking if they want a wee every five minutes. It also helps that dd is completely able to get her clothes on and off, and even gets up in the middle of the night to go to the loo without disturbing us. (Also, remember that people have very faulty memories about such things!)

DS1 was utterlt clueless at 2yr 6m after a 2 week stint at training ("cold turkey" except for going out) but got it in a couple of days 4 months later.

DS2 is lined up for training in August when his nursery is shut for 2 weeks. this is exactly the time DS1 failed to get it so I'm not holding out a lot of hope.

Dcolagirl, my ds finally trained at 3 and a bit when the weather was like this because he was running round the garden naked (what MUST our neighbours think?!) and didn't like weeing into thin air. I suppose weeing into pants and trousers felt much the same as weeing into a nappy. Dd trained just before Christmas just because she felt like it. Got up one Sunday and thought she'd sit on the potty. Might be a willy thing iyswim, but good luck.

Thing is, even if they can hold it back, they may not be bothered. DS was dry overnight but often wet in the day from 2y+4months. I've heard similar story about his dad. WE bribed DS with chocolates to use the toilet for a few months, and he's been pretty reliable day and night since 2y+9months. I don't like bribery.... but DS was young enough to forget about the chockies after a while (thanks goodness).

I think 2.5yo is typical, but 3-3.5yo is not that unsual. And it tends to be faster and less stressful the later you do it.

I discussed this with my very wise health visitor at dd's 2 year assessment. She advised not to attempt serious potty training until dd begs for it! In the meantime we have a potty and dd (2 and 4mths) occasionally sits on it and wees to loud applause. It's important not to get humg up about it and just 'go with the flow'!!!

I'm going through this one too dcolagirl. My ds is 2.8yrs and I put him straight on the toilet 3 weeks ago. Had 3 days of constant wet & mess. Then he seemed to get the idea and we had only a couple of accidents in a week. This last week when he has been outside we have had as many accidents as successes. If I do not keep asking him or putting him on the toilet then he just wets himself. I am not going to go back to nappies - just keep washing (and throwing away!!). I have got cross because he was telling me he needed 'toilee' but will persevere. PS. his nappy has been totally dry 19/21 nights? Who knows - best of luck.

I'm probably not the best person to give advice on this as my son had no problems with toilet traing, we had to have him trained very quickly when he turned two as there were no nappies that fitted him. But I can't help wondering why a proper chat to your kids won't help them. If you place an alien potty in front of them and just hope for the best they aren't going to know what to do. Also (crucially) by smiling and wiping away their "accidents" you are telling them that that it is o.k to do whatever they please. A disapproving look and an explanation of how adults and "big boys" and "big girls" normally go to the toilet will make them feel more sure of what they are being asked to do. I think health visitors are so concerned with stress levels on children that they will lengthen the age of potty training to 5 in the next year. If your child can talk then they can be toilet trained. Did anyone see that episode of Dr Phil where that 6 year old girl still wore nappies during the day! I think this is an area where children can have the upper hand and gain attention through their insecurities. Be calm, firm and reasurring when it all gets too much for them and I think it should be quite simple from that point on. Has anyone else found that they know more girls with problems in this area than boys?

Sorry that sounded a bit preachy and nasty I was just trying to give advice, I think I should stop watching Dr Phil. Good luck everyone!

Hope this is the best place to ask for advice?! My 3 yrs + boy is not getting the hang of this at all. I successfully P. Trained a girl but have tried twice with him. Should I wait until he says he wants to wear pants or do it more gradually? He is as bright as a button otherwise so he knows what he is doing but he seems to be happy to stay in a dirty nappy and never tells me when he has done one. Help!!

mummy101, I am in the same position as you. Dd asked to use the toilet, but Ds (3) has shown no interest. But we have given it a go over the last 2 days. 6 sets of clothes later he has just asked for, and did, two wees on the toilet! Much praise and chocolate buttons, and we seem to have made some progress! Who knows what will happen tomorrow. I thought it was a good idea to try during the holiday so that I could concentrate on him more, rather than going to and from school/nursery etc. Give it a go, you never know what might happen.

mummy101- if he isn't noticing that he has pooed then he may not be fully aware of his bms yet. You could either try again (with hmb's method) or wait until he is. I found that putting ds1 in cloth trainer pants very quickly made him aware of wees.

Now if anyone has any ideas to help me I would be grateful. DS1 will be 4 in May. He is autistic - can't talk properly but does say "mmdan" which is toilet. Physically he is totally ready. He often wakes up dry. If he wees or poos he takes of his nappy immediately (even though it's often a disposable so not wet). This causes a problem if he wees first- I won't even go there. He'll even do this at night or in bed.

So how do I get him to understand he needs to go on the toilet first? I have tried telling him but I don't really know if he understands.

At the weekend I printed out a load of pecs cards (pictures) which say "I want toilet" He uses pecs - especially for food- for example he'll hand me a biscuit card to get biscuits. When you introduce the children to pecs you physically make them pic up the card and pas it to you- and he knows this method. So I thought I would physically move him to the card , get him to pass it to me, then move him up to the toilet- over and over again. I'll get nursery to do it as well. Don't know if it will work though. Any other ideas? I really want him trained- especially as he may be starting (mainstream) school in September!

Oh and if ds1 appears with no clothes on- and i say take me to your dirty pants- he will. So he understands that!

becuase of his dyspraxia he can't get on a toilet himself (ends up facing the wrong way) and he's too big for potties.

DD is 2 yr 1mth and as I have a week off I've decided to go for it this week too. She has shown an interest even and even successful use of the potty for months now - maybe once or twice a day with wet/dirty nappies in between. So she definitely knows what the potty is for and what's expected of her. She also doesn't like being wet or dirty. With all these signs I figured she was ready.

Today is day 3 and we have had a fair amount of success using the potty with a couple of accidents each day. The thing is she's still not asking for it - she only uses it when I ask or remind her (and her language skills are pretty good so that's not the problem). So what I don't know is, does she just need a little more time to get used to the idea and start asking or is she not quite ready yet? How do I know and at what point to I give up and go back to nappies for a few months before trying again?

Any thoughts?

Jimjams, Have you tried to put a copy of the pecs card on the toilet door, and on the toilet itself? To try to re-inforce the link between the action and the place? Could you do the same thing with eating, reading,getting dressed cards, ie one on the table,bookcase, wardrobe etc so that it helps him to associate actions with specific places? Difficult to know what to do. And could you get a comode, since a potty is too small.

So far no more wees on the loo, but lots on the floor! Never mind, we are carrying on regardless, at least till the end of the school holiday.

Thanks jimjams and hmb. I have decided to try again May half term. This time will get training pants( cloth sounds good!). Get older dd out with friends and not leave the house for a few days. I think he knows when he is having a bm but is far too comfortable in a nappy ( ie. why should I bother if mummy will do it for me-this is just like a man). Differing opinions in baby books, Miriam S says to wait until they are ready and not to train at all. Aah well as long as he can do it before he starts school!!!

He's had a pecs card on the toilet for ages. He knows what it means as if I show him the card he say "Uh an mmdan" (I want toilet). He's happy to sit on there himself now without a kiddies toilet seat. He's happy to go on the toilet as well if I catch him- he just doesn't seem to see the need to ask. He probably thinks I know that he needs to go.

I think the problem is that he has now set up a routine where he wets himself and then gets chaged and he thinks that is acceptable. I thought about removing all pants and clothes- thinking he wouldn't be happy having nowhere to go- and would then look for somewhere - ie the toilet. Only problem is he is quite keen on removing clothes anyway and I don't want him to get too keen. He does have a tendency to sit in the front window and play with his willy!! Not too sure about making that too easy!

Thnaks for the ideas though. Our portage worker was meant to be bringing a pictoral simple social story but that hasn't materialised. Think I may make one up myslef. I've just bought clicker 4 + pecs symbols so it should be fairly easy to do.