Potty Training - What is Realistic?

[dcolagirl]

As the warmer weather is now upon us (at least until Saturday, I'm told!) I have decided that next week is potty training week. I am off work too so we can stay in the garden.

DS is 2.5 yrs and we have attempted PT several times before. He just doesn't get it. He likes sitting on the potty but I don't think he realises he is supposed to pee in it.

I've read all the other threads about what age to start and what to look for before starting, but I can't find any practical advice about what I should expect. Should I expect a success rate of 1 in 3 wees in the pot? At what stage do I decide he still isn't ready and put a nappy back on?

DD is 15 months and I might even put her on the pot when DS is on it, just to give her the idea.

What do you think? Some realistic goals please!!!

I always use the loo ( IyKWIM)

Would question the point about being able to pull pants and trousers up and down easily. DD has been dry for over 6 months but her ability to pull pants and trousers up and down varies. PJ bottoms are easy, pants alone ok....But maybe it's more to do with the way i dress her?

Have you seen the Dorling Kindersley books? There's "My potty book for girls" and "My potty book for boys". they have photos of real children sitting on potties etc, DD loved hers and it has been praised by friends too. Also my little sister wouldn't use a "normal" potty or the toilet but liked the mothercare ones that look like an armchair with a bowl that you take out to empty. They're about £10 but it cracked training with her.

Agreee Marialuisa. DS is 27 months, trained for one month but can only manage his pjs himself. Also generally needs help to ensure he actually sits on the potty although this is improving.

I don't agree with Gina (what a surprise!)

My dss were both trained within a week, with very few accidents, on or around their 2nd birthday. Neither of them met Gina's criteria: 1, 4, 5, or 6!

My boys never learned to 'sit and wait' on the potty, as Gina suggests, but rather they learned to recognise the signs, and going immediately to the potty, and performing straight away. I don't think sitting on the potty for ages is necessary, and certainly not realistic for some children.

Kids are different - maybe girls are, I'm not sure. All the girls I've known have had to 'sit and wait' for a while, rather than wee immediately on demand ... maybe something about different physiology?

kmg - DS is certainly like that. Within about a fortnight we knew that if he hadn't performed in the first 10 secs of sitting we might as well give up. Also not dry for naps for before but dry within a fortnight after.

DD doesn't normally sit and wait, but we've now moved away from potties and trainer seats so maybe she's not so comfortable. I think boys must grow out of that unwillingness to sit and wait, judging by the amount of time DH spends on the loo, complete with selection of reading material!

Can see your point, and have seen the 'My Little Potty Books'. DS is very into books at the moment but have had some news re: home situation. DH is giving up work in a month due to a drop in pay and will return to being house husband so I'm gonna leave it up to him

Decided to start my dd this week, nice weather and all that, using the GF book. After day 1 I thought it was going to be a piece of cake. She did mostly successful wees and only had a couple of accidents. Day 2 was a little worse, but I didn't worry too much. Day 3 was a nightmare. She quite happily said 'no' when I asked her if she needed to go then, about a minute later, simply weed on the grass and wasn't bothered about it at all. The same today (day 4). Seems like we are going backwards and she is deliberately standing in front of us doing the wee after we ask her if she needs one, as if to say "ha, fooled you, now you'll have to give me new knickers again". I'm sure the GF book works in some cases, but it is certainly not a foolproof system of training your child in one week.

I am despairing about the week ahead, because I know it is something we need to conquer and she certainly knows when she needs to wee, but feel like we'll be stuck in the house/garden all week because I daren't go out anywhere, just in case.

AARRGGHHH!!!!!

Due to insistence of evil MIL first attempted training ds at about 2 years, completely unsuccessful so forgot the whole idea. He just had no idea when he needed to go, wasn't being difficult, just wasn't ready. Evil MIL continued to insist and contined trying to "train" him whenever she got her hands on him in my absence, but that was OK as it was her floor and she had to mop it up! Evil MIL eventually gave up, too!! (hee hee)

At about 2 years and 8 months, ds suddenly asked me if he could wear underpants like his friend, Peter, at daycare. I happily agreed and we went out together and picked him some groovy undies (some with Bob, some with rocketships, some with footballs etc). He was very keen and we immediately stopped nappies during the day. He had very few accidents from then on but we contined with night nappies as he didn't like to poo in the toilet (he has always refused a potty but was happy with the big toilet with a little seat on it) but waited until he had his nappy on. Just before he was three I asked him if he wanted to sleep with undies on like he wore during the day, "as he was such a big boy now..". He was thrilled with this idea and the instant we stopped putting nappies on him for bed he starting pooing in the toilet!

He is now 4 and we have no daytime accidents at all and he wets the bed during the night maybe once every few months. Toilet training was not at all stressful for us but I guess I didn't really mind whether he was wearing nappies or not and let him go at his own pace. He may have been trained later than some other kids, but the end result is the same, if not better, and he (and I) went through a lot less grief over it.

My suggestion to you all is just to wait until the child is ready and lets you know they want to use the toilet/wear underpants (this theory is, of course, based only on the experience of one child and I may well eat my words when dd gets to this stage )

Hi gingerbabe,
It takes some time to potty train, if you have started dd this week, give her time and I know it can be frustrating if you have just asked her if she needs to go to toilet and she said no and the she does a wee a few seconds later.
My son used to do this but it is a learning phase of getting used to their bladder.. Sometimes kids do get fed up with us saying every minute, "Do you need a wee or a pooh!"
I began ds at about 20months and failed miserably I started again at 24months and was successful very quickly indeed. He is now 3.5 and has been dry through the night for about 6 months. It will just happen when she is ready, she may revert back every now and again, but try not to show frustration or impatience towards her if she wees in the garden e.t.c. I promise persevere and she will master it soon. Good luck!

Gingerbabe, I have had exactly the same experience as you over the weekend. DD's been using her potty for a few weeks if she's running around with no nappy on so on Saturday we decided to go for it. We had quite a lot of success - only one little accident. She seemed to think it was fun and kept running over to the potty, pulling her knickers down and squeezing out a little wee. Perfect, I thought wow this is easy. But yesterday was a different story - lets put it this way, my whole house smells of Dettol now !
Today, day three, I had to make a decision on whether or not to continue because she goes to nursery so I've sent her in a nappy. But like you, I don't really understand how it can seem to be going really well - with my DD understanding exactly what she had to do - to the complete opposite and peeing everywhere and it not seeming to bother her.
Is it usual to backwards before success?

Hi Meid. I can totally sympathise with you, obviously. Maybe we should let each other know any little tips or hints which seem effective.

Things seem on the up again today. Have resorted to chocolate buttons bribery, which so far is working.

Have only had one accident today and she actually seemed upset by it, rather than not bothered. I think this one just came as a surprise to her, rather than her defiant weeing of yesterday.

So fingers crossed. Am trying to remain calm over the whole thing and remind myself that we still have a couple of months before she starts nursery.

Hi Gingerbabe. I'm very happy to share tips - I feel it will be you passing them on to me rather than the other way round though! It sounds like progress if she was upset at a wee today.
As I said before I've sent my DD to nursery with a nappy on today. As I work full time I think I'm going to just have to try evenings and weekends until I feel more confident to go for it completely.
I keep analysing my efforts of the weekend, though, and wonder if she didn't do as well on Sunday as she did Saturday because she wasn't dressed normally - she was mainly just wearing pants and a t-shirt and running around the garden, also had her swimming cossie on as we had the paddling pool out. I'm beginning to think that maybe it would be best to dress her in normal clothes - so accidents really do feel uncomfortable. Does that make sense or am I looking for a reason that just isn't there? How are you dressing your DD?

Gingerbabe and Meid - definitely go with bribery/rewards. Sometimes it is hard to keep up the momentum - staying dry is quite an effort for kids, and they need to think that effort is appreciated. At first definitely give a reward - a sticker or chocolate button, or whatever for every success. ... Later move on to a special reward if they end the day with the same pair of pants they started with! From your posts Gingerbabe your dd is certainly ready and capable, just needs a bit more motivation.

Help! I don't know what to do! My little boy (aged 2 years 3 months) was showing all the signs of wanting to be potty trained (Gina Ford's criteria!) So we began. He made good progress at first, but we seem to have either come to a complete standstill or regressed. We've been at it for three weeks. He hates his nappy and takes it off at night and in the morning when he wakes up, and although he will do a pee on the potty when placed on it, he very very rarely tells me he wants to pee and is always having accidents. Whilst I'd be happy if he was toilet timed trained (if you see what I mean!!) - he still does accidents in between pees on the potty, and doesn't seem the slightest bit bothered. Then yesterday at his Day Nursery, he refused to wear big boy pants and wore a nappy all afternoon (I would have insisted on the pants but there we are!) So, I'm confused. Does he want to be trained? Is he rebelling? Should I return to nappies or should I plod on, hoping for the magical 'breakthrough' when he actually mentions and instigates a pee. Or will he sense a weakness there and think if he refuses to comply I will give in to anything ...... Gina Ford mentions that not letting a child take responsibility is a problem and I fear I might have fallen into that trap. Also, he is at Day Nursery three full days a week and might feel worried by the lack of parental support. I just don't know. Please help!!! Argh!

My gut feeling is that he's not ready. As you've had no improvement in 3 weeks, I'd give it a break for a month or so and then try again. DS2 is 2y 3m and he's not ready.

Hi Bunny,
It sounds like ds isn't ready. I don't follow any books for anything but I know one of the books states that it is not whether your child is ready to be potty trained, it is whether the parent is ready. I feel for you because it is really hard, we think they are ready and then they revert back. It may be better to leave it for a month or two, there is no rush as long as he can stay in nappies at nursery then it should be fine. Trust me he will pick it up quickly once he is ready.

Meid,

In response to your earlier message (sorry haven't replied sooner) I found that when I dressed dd in just t-shirt and knickers, or swimming costume, was when she had the most accidents. Dressing her in shorts seems to have been most effective. Yesterday she was completely dry all day (HURRAH!!!) and today she just had a couple of accidents, but did instigate going on the potty herself a couple of times, without my prompting.

I am still rewarding with chocolate buttons, and for every day she does 5 or more wees in the potty I buy her a new Mr Men book (which is good for me too, because I was getting bored of just alternating between Mr Sneeze and Mr Nosey!)

Read this thread and had to contribute... I was lucky, i had no trouble potty training at first attempt. Points for suggestion...

1. Wait till the child expresses an interest and you feel he is ready ... then go for it!
2. I used to bribe my boys ( I know, I know ) with a Smartie every time they did a wee or a poo in the toilet.
3. Also sit them on the toilet or the potty every couple of hours.
4. And they (boys ) must see dad peeing in the toilet to get the general idea. My boys were baffled with the toilet until they saw a friends 3 yr old boy peeing in the bowl. The next day my oldest wanted to do the same.... peer example.
5. Dont be disheartened if you need to go back to nappies and wait a few months. It must be very difficult for the little ones to control their bodies, esp in the cold weather, or when they are feeling poorly.

keep us posted on your progress and Good LUCK

Hi Gingerbabe
Just wondered how it was going?
Meid

Just thought I'd contribute to this as very proud of my ds -
potty trained the week before last - after an interesting start (he would only pee in the garden) he got the hang of it and have had no accidents since about day 4.
then last week he had fever and diarrohea (sp??!) for 3 days and he STILL had no accidents! we had him in a nappy just in case, but during the day he rushed off to the loo when he needed to and only used the nappy at night. What a little star, ahhhhh.

he loves his bob the builder pants, shows them to EVERYONE

Hi all, had a funny weekend. DS took his own nappy off on Saturday, and is always pulling at it now, so we let him go naked because it was very warm. He will happily sit on the potty if I sing to him but still hasn't wee'd in it. He had 2 poos on my Mum's carpet and loads of wee's in the garden.

He knows when it is happening as he stands still and watches it.

He is 3 at the end of September and he has to be dry before he can start playschool.

The childminder tried with him yesterday without a single success. I think he may not yet be ready - still......

Hi there! My DS is 2years and 9 months and regressed from his potty training that was going alright(not perfect!!!) after his brother was born. He won't have a bar of the potty now, and demands a nappy on! He won't do a wee in his nappy all day, which worries me and stays dry at night. So I think he is well ready. Don't you??? Please help!!!!