What is the etiquette for leaving children in cars??

[Luxmum]

Not at all? For 2 minutes while you pay for the petrol? Or longer?? I have been leaving my sleeping children in the car (not hot day, in the shade, doors locked for no more than 10 minutes) to go to shops I know they would be hell in, for a few minutes or so. I then come back, they are still asleep, (it being their nap time) and we then go home. Is this wrong? I feel bad doing it, but I would feel worse waking them both up during their naps, hauling their grumpy bodies out of the car and bringing them to inappropriate shops (ie a china shop where I had to get a wedding present). Am I a bad parent??

hi kazzi i think there is a whole other side to this and its emotional security and hapiness. like i might be stricter/more protecive with my kids than some. but hey they are fun , polite , doing ok at school get on with other kids and adults .
some kids are wild and insecure as they dont know any boundaies.
i know you think im to protective wit my eldest, do you think its cos she is the first and i will be more laid back with the others by that age. or is it a better parenting skill if i tret all the kids consistently.
there again i dread to think who the little ones will want to be taken to wembley to see as im guessin it wont be take that. as long as there not football fans!!

Hi Lucy, first of all I'm not questionning your style of parenting, on the contrary I admire that you take an interest in your childrens safety and I totally agree with your comment about children who behave appallingly because they know no boundaries, I've actually just been behind 2 parents with young children (at a guess I would say 5 and 6)and the parents were watching and laughing at them hitting each other with school bags until one got hit in the eye, personally I think thats appalling behaviour I'm all for allowing children to be children but learning to hit each other with objects IMO isnt acceptable.

From my personal point of view I would rather my children were allowed a little more freedom, everyone has different parenting styles which are neither right or wrong so long as they're not abusive or neglectful.
Problem is, I've seen adults who I know for a fact were molly coddled as children, they seriously cannot cope out in the big wide world simply because they were never exposed to it as children, theres one I know who actually turned out as an abusive bully who hits women (my ex partner), mummy protected her darling son from absolutely everything as a child, rushed to hospital everytime he sneezed or cut his finger(and I aint joking), installed into him that he was never to blame for wrongdoings but it was always the fault of nasty people who forced him, and woe betide anyone who said anything that might hurt the little darlings feelings.......result = a highly insecure abusive bully who lives in an ideal world not the real world and you have to walk on egg shells around him constantly fearing saying the wrong thing.
My second example is my cousin, molly coddled in a similar way, now aged 31 married with 2 beautiful children she cannot cope in the real world, cannot do anything for herself and is very isolated due to having very little social skills.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not for one minute suggesting that anyone who is overprotective of their children will end up like that, its just to show what can happen years down the line, and more importantly is probably the reason why I'm more relaxed regarding my children having freedom.

yes i hear all that and hope for the best part im the same. but i cant see that having a little bit of material conectng my eldest to me in a crowd cos she is so vague, in order to stop her getting lost will cause a problem. shes safe and happy and her only complaint is her friends dont need it.
but in many ways i expose her to opertunity and danger/adventure.

oh yes and do u think i will be more relaxed with my other kids as i get to be a more experienced parent

I can't answer the question in regards to your younger children as I don't know anything about you, being a parent is a learning curve you might decide to do it the same or in a few years you may feel differently and therefore do things differently, thats not something me or anyone else on here can predict, all I will say is do whatever as a parent you feel most comfortable with, it doesnt need the approval of anyone other than yourself.

I'm stunned that some of you thought it was safe to leave children of any age in a room without you there. Aren't you aware of the risks of spontaneous combustion?

I only ever left my son in the car, locked, whilst I went to pay for petrol and avoided that if I possibly could.
I only started leaving my son in the, locked, car whilst I nipped into the local shop (car parked directly outside the door) and no longer than 2 mins when he was old enough to understand where I was and that I would be back very soon. I still avoided it if I could though and constantly checked through the window.
I never left him asleep in the car outside our home. Just couldn't do it - did try very briefly once though.
I'm the kind of person who thinks the worst thing may well happen, so I do accept that I am over cautious about many things!

abraid! I suppose some of us asked for that!

I think the only thing that can be said about people on this thread is that some are very cautious and others less so. The cautious ones will never understand how the less cautious can "take a risk", whereas the less cautious just don't see there's any risk to take in the first place.

Hey ho.....

curly summed up in a sentence.....end of thread....

Really agree with curly

with the only caveat being that I think there is disagreement about where the greatest risk lies.

I think, depending on the temprement of the kids involved, it is potentially quite dangerous to walk them across the petrol forecourt.

And I don't think there is much additional risk of a car spontaneously combusting at a petrol station, compared to, say, when driving along at 70mph. Cars ARE dangerous.

Normally, I think a child will be fine for ten minutes in a locked car. This fear of abduction-the only way to get to that child would be to break into the car, which would attract some attention, surely? Its not likely to happen on a busy high street, the commotion required would hardly make the child an easy target.

lucygreen, would you put your dh on a rein too?

Because frankly to me, a 14yo is someone who is growing up and should be able to cope even if she does get separated from her parents in an airport.

My 12yo goes into town on her own (health permitting) or in charge of little brother. If I lost her in London or at an airport (we do travel a fair bit) I would expect her to behave in the same sensible way as I would if I got separated from dh, i.e. make my way to an information point and have them make an announcement on the tannoy. Surely that should be well within the scope of a 12, let alone a 14yo?

By the time I was 16 I was staying alone in a hotel in a foreign city for a weekend.

To me, it's not about fear of embarrassing an older child: it's about letting them grow up believing that Mummy will do all the thinking so they never need to do any of their own. We live in a university town- I'd like mine to be rather more capable than some of the students I see around.

But totally agree that I would not leave toddler alone in a car.

I am a naturally vague person myself, so I am very grateful to my parents for encouraging me to become independent in my teens, sailing on my own, travelling to the next town, cooking family meals unsupervised. Otherwise I am afraid I might have been dangerously vague by now. I want dd to know that she cannot walk around in a permanent day dream: that's why I let her take little brother into town; I want her to learn responsibility before she hits whatever university she may be going to.

14?!

LOL at Cory.....gotta be honest some DH's probably need to be kept on a rein

I am so fed up with some parents at school. They are constantly leaving their toddlers in the car while they go and collect their older kids. They park in a street away from the school and leave them for 10-15 mins and just could not care less. If they do that, then goodness knows what they do at home, out of view.