What is the etiquette for leaving children in cars??

[Luxmum]

Not at all? For 2 minutes while you pay for the petrol? Or longer?? I have been leaving my sleeping children in the car (not hot day, in the shade, doors locked for no more than 10 minutes) to go to shops I know they would be hell in, for a few minutes or so. I then come back, they are still asleep, (it being their nap time) and we then go home. Is this wrong? I feel bad doing it, but I would feel worse waking them both up during their naps, hauling their grumpy bodies out of the car and bringing them to inappropriate shops (ie a china shop where I had to get a wedding present). Am I a bad parent??

Only when paying for petrol mainly because there are cameras everywhere and I can see them.

Not at all on a public highway, petrol station etc. Your own private driveway, unseen from the public road, then maybe ok to leave them (with doors open).
Very dangerous to leave them in a car at petrol station - the car is a fully charged bomb and it can go off! Ideally you should avoid refueling with children in the car.

• DANGER: These videos show people endangering their lives and the lives of others, including children. Watch at your own risk.

Video: Car Fire at Gas Station (cause: a match) Video: Car crashes into pump Video: Mobile phone use at petrol station

Petrol stations are very dangerous places, you don't know what other people will do. Don't leave children in the car.

NN...Are you joking?

I live in central london with a 1 & 2 yr old and I have no qualms about leaving them in their car seats, with the windows open ajar and the car locked whilst I pay for petrol/get cash/post letters.

I'm an ordinary, responsible, usually organised working mum (online shopping/snacks in my bag etc), but if we're on our way home and I realise that I have no dinner/milk etc or on ourway somewhere and they're hungry I will pop into a small shop where I can see them. This takes me no more than a minute or 2 compared to the major effort that is waking up/getting grumpy babies, buggies etc in and out of the car for a pint of milk! I wouldn't go into tescos or anything though.

And the children don't get petrified and scream when i do leave them for a moment.

I appreciate that it's a choice each parent must make, but to insiuate that it's irresponsible to do shocked me. Nor do I feel that I am risking my children's emotional well being by doing so. There are plenty of calculated risks that parents have to take. For me, this as a minor one. The world really isn't full of paedos and bad people and despite living in an area with lots of London busses i dont live in fear of them careering into us!

There is also an hotel we go to where we leave the babies in the room with the baby monitor service whilst we eat in their restaurant. Shock horror!

Lots of the posts seem to be from mothers of 1 child. I wonder whether some of their perspctives might change when then have multiple littlies and the logistical challenges that poses?

i was begining to get a complex about being old fashioned and ove protective,but it seems more of you than at first seem to agree with the better safe than sorry aproache even with older children where crowds or other bussy space or danger may present.
we must alays think saftey first and even if your kids get embarassed or think you are over protective they will thank you one day.

im a mom of 7 and usually have 4 dc,s in the car i never ever have or ever will leave them for even 2 mins
when we are at a petrol station i use the pay at pump kiosk if i cant i take them in asleep or not
i would never compromise the safety of my precious children not even for 2 mins, 2 mins of unsupervised parenting can and has caused some people a lifetime of sadness and but if only????

this just my opinion course im not pre judjing here

am i over protective your damned right i am....

i think this is all about common sense really. personally i've left DS in the car where I can see him when paying for petrol, but never left him unattended any other time. he comes into the shop with me regardless of whether he's sleepy or not (he's 2).

Nope. Never.

I haven't read the whole thread but someone has already mentioned the grandmother who popped to the shop and got hit by a car (or collapsed?) taken to hospital and then the babies died... I can't forget that.

I leave mine in the car regularly when paying for diesel. If we have a real food emergency (no milk etc, dp away) then I go to one of those petrol stations with parking in front, park up there and run in and get what I need.

Its about calculated risk imo. I actually think petrol station forecourts are quite risky places. There will be, without doubt, quite a lot of cars. Some of those cars will be starting up, driver perhaps not paying as much attention as they might. You might get someone trying to drive off at speed without paying, having used fake numberplates, say (have seen this happen!). I think it is possibly different if you have, say, one sensible 4 year old, but I have 3 aged 5 and under and so IMO my kids are much safer in the car.

If I were hit by a car or something, on a petrol forecourt, I'd be astounded if no one noticed my kids in a car!

I also think that whether you leave your kids will depend hugely on your area.

I think I'd actually feel quite safe parking the car and leaving my kids in it to pop into the post office, which is in a very quiet row of shops, full of schoolchildren, mothers, etc. Odds are great that one of their or my friends would be there to chat with anyway (haven't done this-wouldn't drive to local shops in first place!).

Would not leave them in Sainsbury's car park or on high road.

NN

Do you realise how many children die in cars whilst their parents are in them?

you have to take some risks, so leaving them in a car is far less dangerous than driving around with them, so maybe I shouldn't allow my children in a car at all.

Mind most child deaths happen in the home so god knows what to do with them.

Yes Noonki we should really all be getting our boilers serviced (I was late with mine and it turned out to be leaking CO) and having our wiring checked (my dad is a safety engineer and goes crazy about dangerous wiring) and our fire escape plans memorised.
And we think about road safety but it is an excellent point that if a mother is hit by a car whilst out of the house/car then the children are in trouble - I think my mind has been changed on that one.
I think most of us are inconsistent to some degree - certainly everyone who doesn't keep a rear-facing carseat for a as long as possible is!

Anyone who leaves child in car whilst popping into shop for 10 minutes or so beware.

I USED to do it occasionally and never on a hot day. Anyway a few weeks ago I left dd2 (14mo) sleeping in car at tesco while I popped in with dd1 (2) to get bread and cheese for lunch as I had nothing in and look after 2 other dc in afternoon.

I had just dropped ds at pre-school nursery and dd2 always naps for about 2 hours at that time. If she wakes (which is rare) she is unlikely to cry. I actually tried to wake her up but she was snoring and really deeply asleep.

Anyone some guy called the police and when I got back to my car he had called 2 women over and they all hurled abuse at me while I tried to get dd1 back into the car. DD2 slept through it all.

The police came round, took a statement and told Social Work who contacted my HV. Luckily for me my HV knows me and dc's very well and was adamant that she had no concerns about the family.

My personal view is that we take risks/do very risky things all the time, I mean how many people speed with their dc's in the car (or without and risk crashing and killing other children). It used to be ok to leave children in prams outside shops etc.

Some shops are not geared up to me taking 3 pre-school children into them- I can't keep an eye on them all and am constantly losing sight of them etc. Obviously I try to avoid these situations but sometimes I have to go and it was easier to leave 1 in the car while I popped in.

Now obviously I can't ever do it so for example the other day it was pouring rain
I got them all out of the car to take ds into nursery- got soaked. Put dd's back in car and drove to Chemist. Parked on street and had to get both out and into chemist to get drops for conjuctivitis for dd2. Was told it would be 10 min wait but dd1 was due back at nursery for her 'visit' before starting so went back to school- by this time dd2 was exhausted and really wanted to fall asleep but I had to take her in to school for the hour visit with dd1. After this we had to go back to get eye drops and then back to school to get ds at 11.30am.

It had rained the whole time, dd2 was the most miserable baby- wet, conjuctivitus, tired and hungry. I was stressed and harrassed.

That'snotmymonster, your description of your rainy day stresses sounds entirely like a normal rainy day that anyone with children could experience. Isn't it just what most parents go through at one time or another? I can't help but think "Deal with it!"

I would have reported a baby alone for more than a couple of minutes in the car in a supermarket car park too. For the reasons mentioned - how would an onlooker know that the parent/guardian hadn't collapsed and been taken to hospital.

"it was easier to leave 1 in the car while I popped in". The word "easier" jumps out. Being a parent isn't about choosing the easy option.

i have to take 4 children in the shop when ive parked 9,8,5, and 1 whats the deal here they follow me walk by me yes they touch and look but do not stress me out.

i knew it was going to be tough as a parent and yes id love to shop alone

maybe it does depend on where you live tiny village compared to busy city, me id still take them in i have been accused of paranoia in the past but i actually enjoy taking my boys into shops, i dont let them use public toilets alone either and explain why to them
there clever switched on boys and realise its because i care when the time is right i will allow some freedom .....but not yet

kityan -"but to insiuate that it's irresponsible to do shocked me" Ha ha ha! Have you been on MN long Beleive me you will be shocked a great many more times if you stay, beleive me. As I said on another similar thread I think I am in a parallel universe to some of the mums on here.

What a boring thread.. judgemental, paranoid parenting.. All judgemental, paranoid parents should go out and sell their car(s) NOW, they are just too dangerous, parked OR on the move.

If or where you leave your child(ren) in the car alone is YOUR business, depending on your own individual circumstances.

Disneystar1.
Yes, but the 9, 8 and 5 year olds don't need carrying or holding onto with a death grip, do they? So really, you've just got the 1 year old to carry.

Admania.
Are there many 1 and 2 year olds that know right from wrong? Are you aware that some 2 year olds do not follow you happily wherever you go, and if they feel like it will lie on the floor kicking and screaming? Especially if they've been woken from a deep sleep. Maybe it's just mine. Before you say it, she is a very polite, well mannered, lovely clever girl. She just likes her sleep.

I'm going to stop reading. This post is pissing me right off.

Hold the door for me too please melmog, I'm leaving too. I'd thought mumsnet was for constructive opinions, but clearly some people think it's fine to insult people without knowing circumstances.

Bye guys - hope you all chill out and leave this thread far behind!

Never. I'll leave DS in his car seat while I'm unpacking the car, but that's it.
I wouldn't even leave unattended when paying for petrol, though I know that's probably safe.

am i out on a limb when it comes to putting kids of whatever age on wrist reins to keep us all togethther when we leave the car. it dosnt seem uncomon round hear but maybe thats cos i live in a bussy part of london. oh well just like to hear what others do

Admania, sanctimonius and patronising all in one. Well done there!

melmog my 9 yr old is disabled so i have to get out a wheelchair hes had brain operations so hes mentally 4 and a half, yes i carry my 1 yr old but i have crippling multiple sclerosis....so its very diificult for me to pop out of the car to the shops but i still do it rather than leave them

Not read through all the posts since I last posted so apologies if I repeat anything.

Lucygreen I definately support your better safe than sorry approach up to a point, I do however think people can take things beyond extreme particularly with older children but thats their choice and theyre entitled to make that choice which doesnt need the approval of others.

My 10 and 8 year old would have the choice to either come into the shop with me or wait in the car however I would usually take my 4 yr old with me as I wouldnt feel comfortable leaving her alone out of sight, having said that i would leave her for 30 seconds or so (with doors locked) whilst I returned a trolley in a car park but there are plenty of trolley points in supermarket car parks so she is always within my view.