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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

What is the etiquette for leaving children in cars??

164 replies

Luxmum · 22/09/2008 08:05

Not at all? For 2 minutes while you pay for the petrol? Or longer?? I have been leaving my sleeping children in the car (not hot day, in the shade, doors locked for no more than 10 minutes) to go to shops I know they would be hell in, for a few minutes or so. I then come back, they are still asleep, (it being their nap time) and we then go home. Is this wrong? I feel bad doing it, but I would feel worse waking them both up during their naps, hauling their grumpy bodies out of the car and bringing them to inappropriate shops (ie a china shop where I had to get a wedding present). Am I a bad parent??

OP posts:

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susia · 22/09/2008 23:38

I knew someone once who left her daughter every day in the car during her nap for one hour when she went shopping. She said 'I don't care what anyone says...' She also claimed to be a lone parent when she wasn't and lied to get her child into a school but that's another story...

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 23/09/2008 11:50

I would have reported her for that.

gingertiger7 · 18/06/2009 23:56

I'm surprised any of you actually get in your car and drive with your children - you know thats far more dangerous than leaving your child in a locked car for 1-10 minutes - seen or unseen!

I have left my daughter since she was a baby now 3 in the car to post letters, pay for petrol, nip to get a small amount of groceries, get cash out, always in a locked. well-ventilated car. I've also left my daughter asleep in a small hotel and gone to dinner with the baby monitors.

I realise it this does depend on the child and perhaps where you live but you can't account for everything that can happen. I trust mine daughter and know she's not suddenly going to unbuckle her car seat and undo the handbrake!

Yes there are risks, but hell - there are risks doing anything!

DidEinsteinsMum · 19/06/2009 00:51

Well said Ginger. I leave my ds to pay for petrol, parking tickets etc. he can and will get out of his seat belt but i generally give him the choice or explain that it will take half the time i go on own. Give him a Spongebob mag and he is absorbed for hours far more interesting then paying for petrol. PLus if anyone tried to steal the car the would probably get concussion from all the things ds would hurl at them before the even got the engine started

DidEinsteinsMum · 19/06/2009 00:52

opps should be a few they instead of the in there

CurryMaid · 19/06/2009 09:10

I never leave my DD in the car, even for petrol, but I only have one child so it's pretty easy to take her with me.

It's just one of those things that's outside of my comfort zone - same as leaving my dog tied up outside a shop, I don't feel comfortble doing it.

pushmepullyou · 19/06/2009 10:45

I leave my 6 month DD in the car to pay for petrol - safer imo than walking her across the forecourt.

I have also left her a couple of times in full view for no more than 2 minutes to pop into the butchers (parking immediately outside plate glass window), when she's been asleep and I don't want to wake her (park so I can see her face).

I am going away in a few months to a small family run hotel which we go to every year and am contemplating whether it would be ok to put her to bed in the room and have a meal with baby monitors in the restaurant downstairs. It is quite likely that we will be the only guests and she is so miserable if she doesn't get to bed on time (plus will not sleep with us in the room)that as far as I can see the only alternative would be for us all to go to bed in the pitch dark at 7. What do other people do?

I would never leave her in the car when I couldn't see her/the car though. Too paranoid!

CurryMaid · 19/06/2009 11:28

Don't know what other people do but we do self-catering apartment to avoid exactly the situation you mention.

sleepwhenidie · 19/06/2009 11:52

I leave my DS/DD (3.10 and 1) in car when paying for petrol, popping into a shop for a coffee or newspaper/milk etc (car right outside the shop, gone for less than 2/3 mins).

I also leave DD asleep in car outside DS's nursery while I take him in/pick him up. I don't feel entirely comfortable doing this as the car is out of view and I could be up to 5 mins, but I always leave the window open an inch and the car locked and other parents coming and going know each others cars and children and keep an eye out. The alternative, waking her up when she has been asleep for maybe 5 mins and would be miserable and not go back to sleep, just seems too unfair and the risk of something bad happening so tiny.

I also let DC's sleep in car on drive with car locked and windows open. As soon as they wake up and move the alarm goes off and I check them regularly and am mostly watching the car from inside the house anyway.

I definitely wouldn't leave them for more than a couple of minutes if I was doing something on my own (as compared to nursery situation where plenty of people know that I usually have DD with me). Apart from the risks to the DC's, as others have said, if anything happened to me, no one would know about the children being there.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 19/06/2009 11:53

I will go and pay for petrol as long as they are within eyesight but thats it.

I wouldn't leave them in a car where they weren't able to see me, I really think they would be very frightened. 5 minutes seems like an eternity to small children.

Also bored. And God only knows what bored 6 and 4 year old ds's would get up to in a car. The mind boggles

PlumpRumpSoggyBaps · 19/06/2009 12:15

I used to leave ds2 (19 months) in the car while I popped in to pay for petrol, but now I take him with me as he's started getting upset if he can't see me (even though I can see him through the window).

I don't leave him at any other time either, even to sleep in the car in the driveway. I think it'd be very disorientating and probably frightening for him if he woke up and I was nowhere to be seen.

(disclaimer- although he is ds2 there's a big age gap between him and ds1 so I'm a bit PFB about him....)

Acinonyx · 19/06/2009 15:54

Only to pay for petrol and only since she turned about 2 and I can explain to her what I'm doing.

She's nearly 4 now and I totally wouldn't trust her in the car alone. She's very keen to drive my car and would be straight into the drivers seat and fiddling with everything.

pushmepullyou · 19/06/2009 21:05

currymaid I think that's the best solution, but we can only get away for 2-3 nights midweek and have to go to a remote part of Scotland so haven't been able to find a self catering option. Logically I am sure it will be OK but in reality I suspect we will end up eating room service in the bathroom!

Eveiebaby · 19/06/2009 22:27

I only leave her if I can see her which is only when I go to get a trolley and pay for a parking ticket at the supermarket.

niche · 19/06/2009 23:24

We left my cousin in the car the other day, she's 25 and from Australia. I popped into a supermarket but she didn't want to come, dh went to look at used cars leaving her with the dcs in the car. She must have nodded off in the 10 mins dh was gone, next thing she was on the phone to my dad saying she'd been abandoned and didn't know what to do.

If it could be that disorientating to an adult I hate to think how terrified my dcs would be. I don't drive so not an issue for me but not something I would feel comfortable doing.

bumsrush · 19/06/2009 23:31

Its not fecking ettiquette its what is safe or not safe.

devotion · 19/06/2009 23:47

It's illegal isnt it?

I would never leave my children in a car on the high street while i ran into a shop, what if a car hit your parked car or worse even - a bus. You would never forgive yourself. Even worse a car park people would not notice someone braking into your car.

Children get up to all sorts when left alone.

When I was younger my older sister (about 10) took the handbrake off my dads old van whilst parked on a hill. Luckily he managed to catch up and jump in. She got in BIG trouble that day and my dad learnt a lesson too.

A nutter could also come up to the car and pretend that he knows you and you told him to get them out. Its just not worth it.

I would wake them up any day rather than risking them.

I see mums do it and I dont think its right.

They say dont leave your dog in a car so definitely not your chilren!

devotion · 19/06/2009 23:48

chilren?

children

bumsrush · 19/06/2009 23:53

illegal LOL

MollieO · 19/06/2009 23:56

Not sure why this old thread has been resurrected.

bumsrush · 20/06/2009 00:12

LOL Sept 2008, must be really slow on here

shhhh · 20/06/2009 22:02

I only leave dd(4) and ds(2) in the car if nipping into the postoffice/chemist (or similar) where I can see the car and I never take my eye off it..

At petrol stations I pay at pumps usually.

If ds/ds fell asleep in the car then I would wake them up, never leave them...

Im quite routine orientated though and arrnage stuff around nap times.
I have had friends come to our and leave their ds asleep in the car..Oh and it was a hot day so they left the car engine running for the air con . Car was quite a desirable one as well...could easily have been taken...

and ... the car was on the drive which you can't see from our home iykwim.

Not worth the risk...

Supercherry · 21/06/2009 09:32

What is the etiquette for leaving children in cars? If you can't see them, don't do it.

Sod the inconvenience aspect that alot of you seem to be spouting, surely you didn't have children without expecting some inconvenience? You plan your days/shopping etc around them, not the other way around.

Those of you considering leaving children alone in hotel rooms- did you totally miss the Madeleine McCann story? I mean, seriously, why on earth would you take any risks where your children are concerned?

Sorry to sound all judgy and self righteous but I am quite appalled by some of the attitudes on this thread.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 21/06/2009 09:39

I am not sure this counts as "etiquette." IMO etiquette is about manners and social situations.

You have to make your own decisions about what to do with your own kids, there is no real handbook.

I leave the kids in the car when paying for diesel and no other time.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 21/06/2009 09:43

The sound the horn if you are scared is only going to work if they can get out of their seat belts, know where the horn is and can work it.

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