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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

What is the etiquette for leaving children in cars??

164 replies

Luxmum · 22/09/2008 08:05

Not at all? For 2 minutes while you pay for the petrol? Or longer?? I have been leaving my sleeping children in the car (not hot day, in the shade, doors locked for no more than 10 minutes) to go to shops I know they would be hell in, for a few minutes or so. I then come back, they are still asleep, (it being their nap time) and we then go home. Is this wrong? I feel bad doing it, but I would feel worse waking them both up during their naps, hauling their grumpy bodies out of the car and bringing them to inappropriate shops (ie a china shop where I had to get a wedding present). Am I a bad parent??

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ADealingMummy · 03/07/2009 22:00

I totally agree with Newqueenofmumsnet and Miss Sunny

My 2 yr old is my responsibility , and is never ever left in a car, where I cannot see her. I don't even leave her in the car to get petrol.

Also agree with MissSunny, On holiday, DD comes out to dinner with us in her buggy. Otherwise we eat in our room.

Noone could ever change my mind on this.

whomovedmychocolate · 03/07/2009 22:06

I have regularly told off people leaving kids in the P&T spaces at Sainsburys - one poor little boy was screaming and so scared he'd been sick on himself. His granny had just decided she wouldn't be long - she'd run in to get a prescription (always takes forever in this Sainsburys) and she was gone for 20 minutes at least because I stood there for twenty minutes, talking to him through the window while on the phone to the police and the store - who were trying to locate her desperately.

She was really angry with me for complaining!

Poor kid

melmog · 03/07/2009 22:13

I leave mine in the car, awake or asleep, if I can park right outside the shop or post office. I do the same at the petrol station. As long as I can see the car and know I will be a few mins tops, I don't see the problem.

I shop online mostly so I don't have to take dds (1 and 3) shopping too often but for things like milk and bread when I am only going to be 2 mins I do it.

I'll also leave them on the drive asleep (waking the big one leads to the mother of all melt downs) but sit in the front room at the window. Not on a hot day obviously.

I really resent the attitude that I must be a terrible, risk taking, irresponsible mother for doing this.

Go into the petrol station, across a busy forecourt carrying a 1 year old and trying to hold on to a nearly 3 year old? You must be joking.

OrmIrian · 03/07/2009 22:18

melmog - you are not alone! I sometimes think I am in a parallel universe.

misspollysdolly · 03/07/2009 22:24

Refer to this old thread of mine for my experience of just this issue. Would never leave mine in a hot car, but still can't give in to the furore around leaving them for a few minutes when the conditions are as relatively safe as possible...? Not sure of etiquette, except that I try to trust and use my better judgement. It's the opinions of the rest of the world that will make or break what is right or wrong unfortunately.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 03/07/2009 22:41

Whomovedmychoc, not saying the grandma was in the right, but perhaps it was a prescription for her sick grandchild and said child was too ill to take with her into the supermarket, and she had no-one else to leave him with, but HAD to pick up the prescription for him?

I suppose we forget that there are all sorts of reasons for leaving a child unattended for a few minutes - it may not be through choice.

My poor DS1 (5) was off school ill recently with a temp and feeling nauseous and weak. Ds2 was in nursery and needed picking up at 12. There was no-one else to pick him up and DS1 said he wasn't feeling too sick so he came with me in the car to pick him up. By the time we got there, poor DS1 was feeling really sick - far too bad to go in and collect DS2. luckily I had parked direclty outside so left 5 yr old in the car and rushed into the building at lightning speed and picked up DS2.

Got back to the car, and in the space of 3 mins DS1 had been sick all over himself. Bad, bad mother. But what was I supposed to have done? The situation arose so quickly. Of course, in hindsight, I should have grabbed a parent going into the nursery to tell the staff of the situation and for one of them to bring DS2 out to the car. I should certainly have taken a sick bowl into the car for the journey in the first place.

Rachmumoftwo · 03/07/2009 22:54

I can honestly say I have never left my 2 DDs in the car alone, ever.

Would you leave your purse on the passenger seat?

whomovedmychocolate · 03/07/2009 22:54

I too have done the 'car seat scrub out' routine a fair few times so I feel your pain . But this woman knew the store staff were calling her over the tannoy and stopped for fags, newspapers etc on the way back from the pharmacy as well as the medicine. She didn't make herself known to staff and say 'yes I'm okay, I'm coming back now' either.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 03/07/2009 22:58

Then for the little boy then, Whomoved. Poor little mite.

kingbeat23 · 03/07/2009 23:05

Ok then, i have a 3 mo DD, im trying to give up smoking but know my local shop is open, so i could buy the ciggarettes i desperately want, is it ok to nip to the shops? after all she is asleep

campion · 03/07/2009 23:37

Just after we moved here a man left his 2 year old grandson in his car while he popped into a friend's house to deliver something. The car caught fire and the child was killed. That kind of haunted me. Cars do catch fire - not often, but they do.

If you're going to leave children in a car at say, a petrol station where you can see them, leave it unlocked. It's highly unlikely that anyone is going to drive off in it but a child could be rescued.If they are likely to get out of the car then maybe you should take them with you or use child locks.

cory · 03/07/2009 23:40

MissSunny Fri 03-Jul-09 21:38:29 Add a message | Report post | Contact poster

"Also CORY - You have left your kids at home for a few minutes at a time aged 5 or 6. Do you mean to pop in the garden or take the bins out or to actually go to the shops?"

When they were as young as 6 probably only for the shortest of trots down the street to post a letter tbh

by age 8 ds was making his way home from school and I would feel confident leaving him alone for an hour or so

Wouldn't leave a toddler alone anywhere though.

cory · 03/07/2009 23:42

agree with campion- the locked car aspect would really worry me

Kazzi79 · 04/07/2009 00:32

My eldest children are aged 10 and 8 so I wouldnt think twice about leaving them for a few mins whilst I nipped into a shop but I always take my 4 year old in with me.

I only learnt to drive just before I had my baby and at that time the petrol station at my local Asda had a drive through section where you would pay so I always used that to save having to leave her in the car alone.

Only a few days ago I saw a woman leave a baby asleep in its car seat with the window wound completely down whilst she nipped into a shop, the thing that would worry me about that is it would have taken someone 30 seconds to kidnap that baby I think that was a really irresponsible thing to do.

thenes · 04/07/2009 00:53

Personally I think children are too precious to be left alone and unattended - even if they are sleeping peacefully. There is no 2nd chance!!

You think it's only 1min and it actually turns out to be 5mins. That is enough time for anyone to sprint away with a car at a petrol station or for you to have your attention diverted.

Just don't do it!!! Take them with you. Don't take a chance!!

Mon13 · 04/07/2009 09:03

Never. What if something happens to YOU if you just pop out. If you got knocked down unconscious how long would it be before someone would find the child/children in a locked parked car or alone in a house?

gingernutlover · 04/07/2009 09:56

the only time i leave dd in the car is when i park next to the cashpoint at our local tesco (it has a waiting bay next to cashpoint)

I wind the windows down and chat to her while i use the cash point

she is 3.10 and will not stay in the car without me if she cant see me.

when she was little and used to fall asleep i would either put off the quick pop inot the shops or i would pop her in the buggy, figured if she's that tired she will go back to sleep.

I have heard far too many stories (real ones) about terrible things happening to children in cars - no way I am riskign that.

turtle23 · 04/07/2009 10:15

Do your shopping on the internet and pay at the pump.

Why anybody would leave their young child unattended out of convenience is beyond me. I would take DS in to pay for petrol even if he had just fallen asleep and would scream the place down.

I, personally, could not live with the guilt if something happened.

TsarChasm · 04/07/2009 11:03

Taking one child in with you to pay for petrol is quite different to taking in three or four plus though. Especially if they are toddlers and/or babies.

Kazzi79 · 04/07/2009 12:00

I understand why people do it, a friend of mine had 4 children under the age of 4 a few years ago (3 yr old, 1 yr old and twin babies), she wasnt a driver so never had that problem but imagine the struggle of trying to carry 2 babies in their car seats and also carry a one yr old that can't walk. Internet grocery shopping wasnt available back then, I think nowadays if that was me I'd use internet shopping in that type of situation but tbh I'm not a fan of internet shopping, its much more healthy for the mind to get out in the real world and do things yourself imo.

Also pay at the pump is no good for people like me who dont have a credit or debit card.....and dont wish to have one, but again I suppose theyre good for people who do have them and dont want to leave their children in the car whilst they nip into a shop.

PinkTulips · 04/07/2009 12:02

turtle... i was quite sancitmonious when i just had dd too

i vividly remember a conversation with dp about how lazy it was to leave the kids in the car when droppping back a trolly and how i couldn't imagine how anyone could do that

didn't take long of having 2 running in differant directions before i changed my tune and realised weaving between cars on the forecourt with multiple kids was in no way safer than leaving them in the car.

now i have 3 and it would take me 20 mins to get them in and out of the car so i can't do that at a petrol station and hold everyone else up anyway

turtle23 · 04/07/2009 12:54

Pinktulips- I used to be a nanny before I had kids and even when I had four charges I would always drag them out with me to pay/pop in shop/whatever. You just can't be too careful. Maybe this is just due to where I live.
Anyway, am pg with the next one so will happily report back that I am doing the same in a few months' time.

PinkTulips · 04/07/2009 12:59

calculated risk with someone elses child is differant though isn't it? when i've got someone elses child with me i behave very differantly too as it's no longer only your own child you put at risk.

good luck with the baby

turtle23 · 04/07/2009 14:41

It is different, but I still think it is irresponsable to leave your children unattended.

melmog · 04/07/2009 15:16

All depends on if they are old enought to walk nicely, hold hands nicely, not run off, not lie on the floor screaming etc etc.

As I said before, carrying a heavy one year old and trying to hold on to a slippery hating holdy handy wilful nearly three year old. No way.

Not enough hands to get purse out to pay as well as all that.

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