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Original poster

Slapped my 6yo boy this morning - am I evil?

212 replies

Rococorita · 08/07/2008 09:15

Can't stop crying. My 6yo DS was acting up before school this morning. Wouldn't get dressed, shouting rude things at me, and finally whacking me. I snapped and slapped him - quite hard - on the cheek. I have never done this before. He was shocked and burst into tears. On the way to school I told him I loved him and was sorry but he said he hated me and would never kiss me again. I'm a complete wreck.

Have I done irreparable damage - and should I be turning myself in to social services immediately?

OP posts:
youcannotbeserious · 08/07/2008 09:19

I'm sure you haven't done irreperable damage.

Where did he hit you?

WinkyWinkola · 08/07/2008 09:19

Oh dear. What a morning you've had. You lost your cool and it happens to everyone.

You hit him. You apologised. Hopefully you'll both be able to move on from this.

But I guess you won't be hitting him again!

I guess I would try to think of a sliding scale of forfeits for my DS if he started behaving in the same way again. I'd tell him about them too tonight after another apology.

But I'm no expert!

claricebeansmum · 08/07/2008 09:20

No.
I am a firm believer that it is important that children do see that their parents are human too - occasionally they snap, sometimes they cry. Obviously I am not condoning hitting children regularly but this will not have done lasting harm.

The important thing is to now move forward - explain that he cannot play up before school etc and work out a way that your mornings can be smoother - getting out clothes night before etc

WigWamBam · 08/07/2008 09:23

What he has said is emotional manipulation - 6 year olds are brilliant at it.

He doesn't hate you; he doesn't like what you did and how it made him feel, but he doesn't hate you.

You were right to apologise and tell him you loved him. His response is, I would say, typical of what many six year old boys would have said in the same circumstances - he is trying to make himself feel better and he doesn't have the empathy to understand how that makes you feel. Right now he doesn't like what you did, and to him there is nothing between love and hate.

Don't sweat it. He was pushing boundaries and you snapped - most of us have been there in one way or another. Have a chat with him later about his behaviour and about how wrong it is to call you rude names and hit you - then let it go. And make sure you tell him that it's the behaviour you don't like, not him - you still love him, but you don't like the way he was acting. Even if he still tells you he hates you, simply respond "Well, I love you" and walk away. He'll get over it, and so will you

springerspaniel · 08/07/2008 09:34

Completely agree with other posters.

Being a mum is hard. Sometimes we get it wrong. Most of the time, however, we are f*ing unbelievably wonderful.

TheMagnificent7 · 08/07/2008 09:36

I don't think the damage is irreprable, however I think what you did was a terrible thing, and i'm shocked at the other people here saying that violence is ok when it's justified by the child winding you up. That's disgraceful. I've never laid a finger on either of my children, and believe it's important that they know that violence is no answer.

Could you imagine if a man was on here and said he gave his wife a 'hard' slap because she had been winding him up. Even if she hit him first (a six year old...ouch!) there would be uproar.

I'm not surprised he said he hates you, it was a shocking thing to do. And on the face too. He'll get over it, but I'd suggest a great deal more apologising, and an explanation of hor terribly terribly wrong you were. Stop bleating on to MN about it and talk to an anger management expert

Tommy · 08/07/2008 09:38

not sure how I didn't slap my 6 year old this morning so, no - you're not evil - just normal. It is bloody hard work sometimes this parenting thing. hances are, he will run out of schol and give you a big hug having forgotten about this morning

springerspaniel · 08/07/2008 09:45

None of the people on this thread said that violence was ok. Everyone acknowledged that it was a mistake.

As for the man hitting his wife example then I must admit, you have made me think. I would not find that acceptable, you are right. The reason is that I would think that he would do it again. I know that this logically leads to this mum doing it again. Hmm.

On the other hand, I have smacked my child out of temper before. Not very hard though and on the bum or thigh, whereas the stereotypical image of a man hitting his wife is with all his strength.

Does this make it different?

Personally, I think the mum has already apologised and should just get on with things.

MannyMoeAndJack · 08/07/2008 09:45

I don't think how you responded was unreasonable but I feel a little uncomfortable about the fact that you slapped his face. Perhaps he will have learnt a lesson this morning but I would direct slaps onto his legs/bottom next time.

Try not to feel too bad about it.

springerspaniel · 08/07/2008 09:48

Actually, sorry for slight turnaround but I agree with MannyMoeAndJack.

I can't put myself in your position because I don't know the circumstances but I can't imagine slapping anyone's face, especially a child.

I still think that if you firmly believe that it won't happen again, then forget about it.

Have you done this before?

springerspaniel · 08/07/2008 09:49

Shit - sorry. You said you've never done it before. Just re-read.

LilRedWG · 08/07/2008 09:52

We all have our snapping point and anyone who says they don't is either a saint or liar. Please don't beat yourself up. Give DS a snuggle this evening and then forget about it.

WinkyWinkola · 08/07/2008 09:54

I think everyone realises it's a pretty bad thing to do, TheMagnificent7. Nobody has condoned it. But most are trying to present a way of moving forward from this and to try and ensure it doesn't happen again.

And that includes slapping on the legs and bum!

juniperdewdrop · 08/07/2008 09:55

A friend of mine slapped her son's face and was so worried about herself she rang SS. She can't even help out in school now They took it very seriously. Friend was going through some major bad times too, her baby had been killed (long story) so I'd have thought SS would've taken a more sympathetic view?

Mutt · 08/07/2008 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmallShips · 08/07/2008 10:15

MagnificentZ, get a grip, she said it was a one off and is clearly feeling bad. We all have a breaking point. What did your post achieve? Not helpful!

Mutt · 08/07/2008 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmallShips · 08/07/2008 10:17

Oh and OP your not evil, but agree with the others, when you feel like your loosing control, calm down (easier said than done, i know) and leave the room.

HonoriaGlossop · 08/07/2008 10:18

I'd use this as an impetus to find ways of keeping calm with your ds, and not getting 'whipped up' by his annoying behaviour in the morning.

Have confidence that you can think your way round things. Just keep in your mind that there is always a way round things, and by keeping calm you give your brain a chance to think and find ways.

Calm is the key IMO. Yes, I do realise it is hard (I have a nearly 6 yo!!!) but you can take back the control by keeping calm IMO and IME.

springerspaniel · 08/07/2008 10:55

Mutt - I'm not saying I'm a saint and you know that. I'm saying that I can't imagine hitting anyone across the face. I have smacked my child. Everyone has their boundaries and the face feels different to the thighs.

So you 'run along' if you can't face listening to other people's opinions.

WigWamBam · 08/07/2008 11:02

Nobody condones it, Magnificent7, and the OP isn't here defending her actions. That's why she has received advice on how to move on rather than a slating for slapping her son. She knows that wasn't right; she wants to know how to put things right and that's what the advice on this thread has been for. A pound to a penny this has shocked her as much as it has shocked her son, and it's a fair bet that she won't be doing it again in a hurry.

If you want to start a debate about the rights and wrongs of slapping then that's a different thread - and I would be right there with you in what you are saying. But that is not what is needed on this thread, where Rocorita is aware that she has made a mistake, and wants to try and put it right.

She doesn't need anger management because of one mistake where she returned a slap with a slap. And her son doesn't hate her; he might hate what she did, but he doesn't hate her. Hate is an easy word to use when you're six and means "don't like".

WinkyWinkola · 08/07/2008 11:12

God, so six year olds are as trying as three year olds then?

Somebody told me it gets better.

Is that when they leave home then?

colacubes · 08/07/2008 11:20

Dont worry, he is not permanatley harmed, he was naughty and he got smacked, although probaly not the face would have been better, but its done, it was an instant reaction, I have done it with my ds, so I undersatnd.

Although I dont think you should have to apologise, a parents place is not to apologise IMO, he missed behaved you dealt with it end of story. I know you feel terrible but make it up in other ways that do not weaken your position.

As for mag7, well, well, your halo must be sooooo sparkly, I wish I could be as perfect as you, never make a mistake, never need support for it, ohh and dare ask for it on mn, what would I be thinking! mag7 you sound like the kind of friend a mother could do without.

HonoriaGlossop · 08/07/2008 11:39

cola I agree with you that he won't be permanently harmed but I don't agree that a parent's place is not to apologise. How can we expect our children to learn how to do it properly if we never do? OK, you can 'train' them as in TELL them to say sorry but IMO they learn the social skill side of it, as in when to do it appropriately and why it helps everyone feel better, MUCH faster if you apologise to them when necessary.

I think if someone hit me I'd like them to apologise and a child is no different - yes, he misbehaved....being told 'sorry, I shouldn't have hit you' is not going to stop him learning that he misbehaved, IMO. He knows that.

colacubes · 08/07/2008 11:47

I know what you are saying, but I just feel that a parent shouldnt have to apologise to a naughty child, if you stood on their toe, or a mistake was made, then yes, but because of bad behaviour, no.

I think the child should know, when I say no, thats what I mean, or stop, or bed, whatever. Not causing trouble, they kick off you shout, all hell breaks loose and you end up apologising, child ends up thinking Im naughty and you say sorry!!!! I understand your position, but that wouldnt work in my house.