Slapped my 6yo boy this morning - am I evil?

[Rococorita]

Can't stop crying. My 6yo DS was acting up before school this morning. Wouldn't get dressed, shouting rude things at me, and finally whacking me. I snapped and slapped him - quite hard - on the cheek. I have never done this before. He was shocked and burst into tears. On the way to school I told him I loved him and was sorry but he said he hated me and would never kiss me again. I'm a complete wreck.

Have I done irreparable damage - and should I be turning myself in to social services immediately?

i agree winky.If hitting worked you would only have to do it once

Winky, you are nuts

Whether people turn out to be violent offenders or not, isn't really the point though surely?

winky you are not nuts

Winky, how do you control your children's anger?

Kids do things like that It wasn't a deliberate slight on you and being poor is irrelevant.Kids jab things with pens annoying but so what?

And Fred West was also brutalised by his parents. And I guess there are many other examples too. But these are really extreme cases of abuse and not representative of the wider population.

I can remember seeing half a dozen boys lined up at school and the teacher caning each boy's hand as he worked his way along (I also overheard him snigger to a colleague about how each stroke gets harder, making it tough on the last boy in the line). I'm guessing that this scene took place every day in every school 25yrs+ ago. I'm also guessing that the vast majority of those so caned are living law-abiding lives.

Well, it's bloody hard. I don't try to control DS's anger. I struggle a lot as you have probably read from my previous posts. I come on MN to seek for help a lot.

I don't advocate hitting as means of controlling anger. I reckon hitting is an expression of anger as I've said already in my response to the OP.

all hail saint Noddy who obviously never gets stressed. We are all different - kids are different, adults are different we are not robots, all programmed to react in the same way.

Why is this so difficult to fathom?

This 'rise above it, you are the adult'. Well yes of course you may be able to do so, but other people may have untold dtresses on that particular day, worries, other things to think about.

FFS.

Not read the whole thread yet but from what I've read I agree with Noddy and Winky, totally.

Hitting is a loss of control and if it's not then it's even more wrong imo. It is violence and not a good example of how to deal with life. Do we want our children to think that the way to deal with problems or issues is to lash out? That is what they will learn. Whether you intend that or not the lesson they learn is based on whet they think not what you think or tell them.

We all get stressed.

The OP felt it was wrong that she hit her child. She sought help. We all were sympathetic because we all know what it's like when the DCs push the buttons.

But the difference is that some seek to find ways to manage the horrible, stressful times that do not involve hitting because to some, it's important not to hit.

Doesn't make anyone a saint or claiming to be.

For the last time, I don't think that anyone on this thread is advocating slapping children as a breakthrough in societal harmony. I don't think, anyone ever did, in any era, since the dawn of time.

However, sometimes they're a pain in the arse, and sometimes, you respond to that in a human way. I am assuming that I'm addressing an audience of good, decent mums .. not psycopaths. Sometimes, I slap my kids arse. This would be following a day when I'd been slapped about a hundred times.

He's three. He's a pain in the arse. I love him more than it is possible to know, but he is precocious, and he can be difficult.

The key is to talk about it afterwards. It isn't the aggression that's the problem. It's the lack of discussion.

Most children, when adult, will always diss the parent who did this/that/the other ... and then said nothing.

We are all in want of a little honesty.

I don't think caning in schools was a loss of control. I think it was planned! The offenders were made to line up or bend over in order to accept their punishment. I think schools had more order, control and respect when this type of deterrent was in place.

What I find laughable is that if someone's partner hit them we would all be baying for blood but a defenseless child is fair play. Amazing.

Winky agree with most of what you say, but we are HUMAN and sometimes, we make MISTAKES and post FOR an understanding EAR with OTHER PARENTS.

Though fuck me, I don't think if I was in OPs position I would do so on here.

FWIW, I've smacked my DS three times.

Once when he hit my DD on the head with a metal car when she was six days old.

Once when he put his hands on the door of the hot oven and I smacked his hands away.

And I know there was one other time but I can't remember the circumstances.

I hate smacking and I wish I'd reacted differently.

Huw, you need to read my posts in direct response to the OP. I think you've totally misunderstood my position in response to her and people in the same postion.

Caning and pre-meditated smacking is far worse than a one off loss of temper, it seems very sick and wrong to me.

Desi love, you're leaning on an open door....

Winky I will re-read and apologise in advance if I have done so.

Yep, have read, and you're right, sorry.

I get stressed my teenage son is a PITA and pushes every button but I don't hit him because I don;t want him to think I condone that as a punishment for behaviour I don't like.If that makes me a saint so be it HUW but would be more worried if i was you that you feel the need to patronise and ridicule someone who cjosses not to hit and sympathises with those who do