Slapped my 6yo boy this morning - am I evil?

[Rococorita]

Can't stop crying. My 6yo DS was acting up before school this morning. Wouldn't get dressed, shouting rude things at me, and finally whacking me. I snapped and slapped him - quite hard - on the cheek. I have never done this before. He was shocked and burst into tears. On the way to school I told him I loved him and was sorry but he said he hated me and would never kiss me again. I'm a complete wreck.

Have I done irreparable damage - and should I be turning myself in to social services immediately?

roco, i can't say that what you did was ok because it wasn't and you know that. But i think that every parent has a point where they can snap,

I really don't believe that smacking a child achieves anything but i also know that there has been one occasion when i smacked my son. it was the worst day of my life and years later it still bothers me when i think about it.

Just make sure you don't do it again, and i really don't think you will given how upset you are. Put it down to a bad day and move on, you child's love for you is uncondiontional and he will have forgotten about the whole thing long before you stop giving yourself a hard time about it.

I have been giving this a lot of thought. I wonder what the general reaction would be if there was a thread from someone who witnessed a 6yo child being slapped in the face in a supermarket, for example? Slapping a child is unacceptable and cannot be justified.

Isn't the difference that if you see someone slapping a child in a supermarket, you assume, rightly or wrongly, that it is a regular thing. I am sure I have seen posts to the effect of 'if she does that in public can you imagine what she does to the child at home?'

Mutt, my point about justifying it was more about the general reaction on this thread,oh you snappped, it's a one off, it's a challenging age.

If your DC was being looked after by a friend of yours, and they told you they had slapped him on the cheek in a moment of anger, what would your honest reaction be?

I do have sympathy for the OP but I do also do think it's fair to say slapping a child is unacceptable.

"I do have sympathy for the OP but I do also do think it's fair to say slapping a child is unacceptable"

I think the OP got that message mamalino. Seems likely she knew that BEFORE she posted a copped for the numerous posts which told her again, just in case.

She's cried out for help. Hopefully, she found what she needed from MN and all is calm with her and her son again and she knows what she needs to know to prevent it happening again.

"If your DC was being looked after by a friend of yours, and they told you they had slapped him on the cheek in a moment of anger, what would your honest reaction be?"

Avoided answering that, I note.

Stand by my comments that replies do seem to be finding justification for slapping.

Disagree ML - I don't think a single post on this thread has tried to "justify" slapping. I see empathy and a number of women stepping up to the plate and acknowledging the OP's low point.

As for avoiding answering your hypothetical question - there is no point. It is not relevant to this thread. A friend's child is not YOUR OWN child. The circumstances and every thing about that situation are too different to compare to the OP.

mamalino, if someone had slapped my son I'd be horrified. I would be furious with whoever it was - all of those protective instincts would come out.

But if someone came on here and posted that she had slapped someone else's son, was shocked/mortified/needed to avoid it happening again, I hope I would be supportive and try to offer constructive assistance in learning to manage anger or whatever.

And I get the impression the OP is both shocked/mortified/needing to avoid it happening again and horrified and furious with herself.

I don't think understanding the reason for something is the same as saying it is acceptable. And I'm not sure how the more judgemental posts here (in which category I am including yours) actually help anyone, including the OP's children. What are you trying to achieve?

TMAG7, here you are again. Your posts are completely out of order.

If you continue to heckle the OP on this thread, I'll report your posts.

How was he when you picked him up, Rococorita?

I knew I should have donned a hard hat here!

Yes I totally agree we should have empathy for each other as parents but I felt the general tone of the replies on this thread were tending towards justification, as I said in previous post.

There has been constructive and helpful advice offered, but I just don't feel comfortable with the "oh it's a one off, you've learnt your lesson, I will be supportive" thing. I think as parents we should stand up and be counted as saying any form of violence is WRONG.

A nice measured response there Mutt, what a good argument you present...I have totally come round to seeing things from your point of view, thanks.

Oh, for goodness sake.

For the gazillionth time, no-one is justifying. No-one is condoning. We all know it wasn't right. The OP knows it wasn't right. Let's just move on now, shall we?

If you would like a discussion about the rights and wrongs of smacking children (in general terms, not one specific case) then start a thread and have one. This is not the place for that.

Otherwise, Mutt is right. Fuck off now, there's a dear.

what mutt said

seriously OP, you know what you did was wrong, the fact that you slapped him across the face shows it was a total loss of control which is something i can acept more than planning to slap your child on the leg (showing some form of control) and i dont think beating yourself up or me beating you up will do you or your son any good.

Its in the past already, and it can be a one off if you want it to be. You did the right thing you said you loved your son and said sorry. Forgive yourself now, he will forget it in no time.

poor bloody woman - this will tip her over the edge

she clearly cares enough to come on here-she needs some support not chastising [swifty stares mamalino out]

Is anyone saying that it wasn't wrong Mutt, the OP included? What exactly do you want people to do? Heap condemnation on the OP for something she's already tearing herself up over? Hand out the sackcloth and ashes so she can parade down the high street self-flagellating? Or perhaps we should just form a circle round her while you hand out the stones.

She can't undo it however much she -obviously- wants to.

Sorry Mutt, I mean Mamalino.

"the fact that you slapped him across the face shows it was a total loss of control which is something i can acept more than planning to slap your child on the leg (showing some form of control)" WTF? I shall remember that next time someone on mumsnet is slapped across the face by their DP.

Anyway, off I fuck.

We should be sympathetic and we should have empathy BUT nobody should be on here slagging off those posters who dare suggest that hitting one's child is always unacceptable.

Rococorita, I think you're shocked and saddened by what you have done. You were right to apologise, not for being cross but for your reaction. He is old enough to know the difference. Treat tomorrow as a fresh start and vow to react differently next time. You are clearly a loving and concerned mother otherwise you wouldn't have posted-
BUT

• Who the hell are we to be telling others mothers to fuck off because they cannot imagine ever reacting that way?

Empathy cuts both ways.

(pops head round door)

Are these people telling Mamalino to fuck off aware that doing so is a form of violence in itself. How anyone can tell someone to fuck off because they believe violence is wrong is compltely out of order.

{ducks back out again}