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Original poster

Slapped my 6yo boy this morning - am I evil?

212 replies

Rococorita · 08/07/2008 09:15

Can't stop crying. My 6yo DS was acting up before school this morning. Wouldn't get dressed, shouting rude things at me, and finally whacking me. I snapped and slapped him - quite hard - on the cheek. I have never done this before. He was shocked and burst into tears. On the way to school I told him I loved him and was sorry but he said he hated me and would never kiss me again. I'm a complete wreck.

Have I done irreparable damage - and should I be turning myself in to social services immediately?

OP posts:
Jux · 08/07/2008 13:15

He still loves you; he will kiss you again. He now knows where the line is drawn and is unlikely to go there again.

itati · 08/07/2008 13:16

You are not evil.

I have smacked mine and feel terrible afterwards.

Only perfect mothers never loose their tempers.

make up tonight but make it clear you will not tolerate whatever behaviour it was that was wrong.

TheMagnificent7 · 08/07/2008 13:22

OK, sorry it took so long, couldn't find the Pledeg for my halo.

Er...are you mental ? If you don't find what I said supportive then...der! She HIT HER SON IN THE FACE! So to reply to the original post, yes she should go straight to Social Services and say "I'm out of control. My temper is so bad that I violently assaulted my son this morning in a manner that bore no resemblance to the kiddy crime he committed". It's not a halo FFS, I just don't assault my children. The punishment far exceeded the childs crime, outshone it. Who didn't want to apologise ? For god's sake, you make me sick. The sooner you treat your children as people and not a pet then the sooner they'll learn some respect for you.

What shall I do when I get a sandwich at lunchtime and I get bad service ? Remembering that I can double or triple the punishment, and not have to apologise, then perhaps gob at the server ? A little slap on the legs. A punch ?

Victims of abuse often make excuses for the person beating them. What's next ? First a slap IN THE FACE, next, a punch, using a belt, push down the stairs.

Don't tell me to get a grip when someone has just slapped a child in the face. If I saw it in the street I'd have had the OP arrested. I'm unsure of what age children get rights, I thought it was immediately, but if you want to smack them about then it's illegal from day one, and I'll wholeheartedly do anything to stop it. Violent puncihment is not acceptable. Murderers don't even get a quick beating from the judge, why should a child.

If the OP has issues, then the Social Service department can point her in the right direction.

luckylady74 · 08/07/2008 13:23

1 time in 6 years and great remorse/seeking advice after - think you might be laughed out of anger management! Just change your routine and yes lots of children say that sort of thing - slapped or not.

chrysantheMum · 08/07/2008 13:26

climb down off your high horse magnificent 7.

and climb back onto your cloud and polish your halo.

just because you are fortunate enough never to have been driven to the point where you have done something you are totally ashamed of does not give you the right to point and gloat.

Rococorita - you are not a bad person. you are a human being. as are the rest of us. it will be ok.

luckylady74 · 08/07/2008 13:31

I really really hope your children are perfect as adults - if they make a mistake/are remorseful and seek advice then you'll have them arrested. Supporting and helping to change is what mumsnet is about - not punishing people for making an out of character mistake in the heat of the moment. The police would not arrest someone for slapping a child around the face unless they were a persistent offender or had left a mark - neither applies to the op - nor would they arrest a man for doing that - he went to school - he wasn't physically injured.
Your attitude is a symptom of today's climate of judging fellow women rather than remembering what sisterhood is about.

luckylady74 · 08/07/2008 13:34

that was directed at M Seven by the way - and you think the op has issues??? Tell us about yours and maybe we'll be able to put the madly judgemental comments of yours in context.

RedMist · 08/07/2008 13:35

Rococorita Please, please, please read this

RedMist · 08/07/2008 13:37

luckyladty74 SPOT ON!

meemar · 08/07/2008 13:40

Magnificent7, it is clear from the OP that she feels wretched about what she did. She is horrified. She knows what she did is wrong and is trying to put it right with her son. I really don't think reporting herself to SS will achieve anything.

I wanted to also to pick up on another post earlier which claimed 'a parents place is not to apologise IMO'. I totally disagree.

If a parent has made a mistake they owe it to their child to apologise. Children learn by example. Knowing that a parent is wrong and refusing to back down, simply because they are the adult, will breed resentment in a child.

herbietea · 08/07/2008 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WilyWombat · 08/07/2008 13:43

Oh im sure there will be plenty of people along to tell you are the anti-christ but I am not one of them, They will be posting from their ivory towers even as I type

My son hit me yesterday told me he was going to stab me and kill me....eventually when he wouldnt go to his room I smacked him. No its not big, its not clever but at the end of the day you are human and, as long as its not a regular occurance, he will not be scarred for life. I am sure when he comes out of school all will be sweetness and light and he will have forgotten all about it - if hes in a good mood I would have a talk to him about it and say "we were both wrong to hit each other"

6/7 is a very challenging age - im sure they must get a testosterone boost or something as they are so full of attitude and just push you to the limit, also its the end of a long term and I think they are all very tired.

Prepare yourself to be thorougly chastised by the perfect mothers

luckylady74 · 08/07/2008 13:47

Redmist - I think your thread was the most helpful thread ever posted on mumsnet - outstanding!

RedMist · 08/07/2008 13:49

It turned my (our) life around LL74. I only hope Rococorita reads it and gains as much from Mumsnet as I did. NEVER underestimate the power of these ladies on this site

WilyWombat · 08/07/2008 13:50

It always amazes me that the "perfect"parents who never raise their voice or hand to their children are such imperfect human beings in that they always kick an OP like this when they are down and asking for support.

Notyummy · 08/07/2008 13:54

My Dad (a gentle man who I love to bits) slapped me round the face when I was 11 because I was being a pre-pubescent little shit and lying/stealing/talking back and pressing every button I could think off.

Should I have reported him?

Did I feel unloved or in danger following the incident?

The answer to those questions is NO.

Do I recognise what drove him to it?

YES

Yes, its not the right way to deal with it. Yes, she should apologise and learn her triggers.....but she is obviously a loving mother who is trying to do the right thing.

WilyWombat · 08/07/2008 14:07

My Dad slapped me round the face in anger once - like I say it didnt scar me for life in fact to the contrary the fact that he was so horrified he did it highlighted how wrong it would be for me to do it.

RedMist · 08/07/2008 14:16

The OP hasn't come back - I hope she's OK and has at least seen the great, supportive posts on this thread and managed to ignore the utter vitriol spouted by the few

springerspaniel · 08/07/2008 14:25

RedMist - just read your entire thread from January. Think you should rebump it. Is really constructive.

itati · 08/07/2008 14:26

I was hit and kicked a lot as a child but it isn't at the top of the list for things that have scarred me.

It must be wonderful to be so perfect TheMagnificent7

To the OP, we will help you all we can. You know you did wrong but you will work hard to make sure it doesn't happen again, I'm sure.

Original poster
Rococorita · 08/07/2008 15:02

Thank you so much all of you. Your comments got me through a long, awful, guilt-wracked day. Off to collect DS from school now armed with your advice.

I want you to know it will never happen again.

I do appreciate all of you.

What a remarkable place this is.

Much love xx

OP posts:
violetsmile · 08/07/2008 15:34

Oh honestly, don't worry! One slap, after the 6 years of love and security you have provided will not do any harm to him permenantly! I had a few smacks when I was little and I'm fine (I think!!!) , I certainly don't hate my parents or feel insecure.

He was just angry with you but he will be fine.

WilyWombat · 08/07/2008 17:31

Rococorita - if your son is anything like mine he will come out of school as though nothing has happened, in fact mine is positively angellic because he knows when he has been unreasonable.

Judging by the amount of children having meltdowns in the playground today I think they are all tired and emotional at the moment - roll on holidays (2 days after the holidays have started I will be saying roll on school!)

Glad you are feeling better

itati · 08/07/2008 18:49

How was he?

ReallyTired · 08/07/2008 18:57

TheMagnificent7, Are you perfect? You seem incredibely judgemental. We all make mistakes and its part of being human.

In an ideal world parents wouldn't hit their children or slap them. However I think Rococorita has done the right thing in saying that she is sorry to her son.

Rococorita, I would not worry too much, unless you are losing your temper on a regular basis. I do not think social services are required and frankly they have better things to do with their time.