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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How does everyone else with kids manage to work and NOT feel permanently knackered, or am I just feeble?

130 replies

DaisyM · 19/06/2008 10:07

Just started new job, 3 days a week. Previously worked 4 days a week and found it to much, was permanently knackered and had no time for daughter when got in from work. Thought working 3 days a week would be better, would have more energy, feel less tired and generally be a new woman! But no... still feel knackered, infact almost fell asleep at work yesterday. Dont understand how others cope with more than one children and expecially those that work fulltime. Feel really feeble, I have no reason to complain because I'm lucky that I only have to work 3 days (had to cut back on lots of luxuries but made the decision it would be worth it)but interested to know if its just me struggling with this permanent exhaustion or if everyone else is superwoman! I spend a total of 2.5hrs each day commuting to work and have a long walk from the station to office but surely this isnt making me so tired, its not like I spend all day on my feet at work either, I get to sit in a nice comfy office.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

margoandjerry · 19/06/2008 10:09

your commute is a killer. I couldn't do it.

I work FT but barely any commute.

BeauLocks · 19/06/2008 10:10

Agree with MandJ. Since I dropped my commute my working life has been a breeze.

I have also been known to power nap for 15 mins in the ladies if I am completely shattered.

nailpolish · 19/06/2008 10:10

ITS the commute. my dh used to do taht sort of commute. we bit the bullet and moved closer to his work - he now has a 30 minute commute - he is like a new man.

Original poster

DaisyM · 19/06/2008 10:11

Yes I did wonder if I'd feel so much better if I got in my car/got on a bus for a short trip to work rather than dealing with the stress of trains and commuting round London etc. No chance of ever getting a job closer to home though, no such luck.

OP posts:

nailpolish · 19/06/2008 10:13

move house then. you simply cannot continue to do that commute with some sort of consequences in the long run

nailpolish · 19/06/2008 10:14

it nearly killed my dh. he even had to start taking pills for his high blood pressure ffs!

we had a lovely house - we moved and now have a house that is not nearly as nice as the last one and its a bit smaller but everyone is happier

a house is just bricks and mortar after all.

BeauLocks · 19/06/2008 10:15

What is your commute like?

Is it one long train journey where you can snooze? Is it a train journey and a tube journey? Tube only?

Are there other ways you can get to work?

When we lived out of London I used to get a slower train to work because I always got a seat and could manage to doze for 20 minutes or so. I also got the bus to work from the station rather than the tube because a bad tube journey used to wear me out whereas a nice jaunt through town on a bus was fine.

Now we live very very close to work and I feel like I have much more energy and so many more hours in the day.

Romy7 · 19/06/2008 10:17

Daisy, I drive a 2 1/2 hour round trip to work - I'd swop my eye teeth to sit on a train! I know exactly what you mean - I changed from ft to pt and i'm down to about 2 days a week now (fairly flexible). I did try a brief spell of a local pt job but it bored me to tears, so i have no idea what i'm going to do now... stay exhausted and crotchety probably...
can't move either - we moved here for dh work...

Oliveoil · 19/06/2008 10:21

I work 3 days and am knackered all the time too

my commute is only about 45 mins though, door to door, one bus

I feel that I am pulled in two directions, everyone wants a piece of me and I wish everyone would fcuk off

scurrying around doing housework etc on my days 'off' when I should be playing with my children or playing with my children and then seeing the ironing pile/dust/crap that is still festering

tis a pain in the arse but I do not have any solutions, sorry

Original poster

DaisyM · 19/06/2008 10:22

I'm lucky with my commute, when everything works train wise I get to sit on one train for the journey but then have 30 min walk fom station to office. Used to take tube but found it stressful plus expensive. May have to consider bus though not sure I can afford now I'm only doing 3 days. Have told my DH we cannot go on like this (he commutes to) we need to move or else look for jobs outside southeast, I'm prepared to move for the sake of a better quality of life. I have friends who live in the midlands and think I'm mad for living the way we do- expensive houses, long commutes, poorer quality of life.

OP posts:

nailpolish · 19/06/2008 10:23

its easier to mvoe house than get a new job

good luck

iwouldgoouttonight · 19/06/2008 10:25

I feel permanently knackered and I only have a 20 min cycle ride to work so not surprised you're tired! I occasionally have to work in London which is about 1.5 hours journey each way, and on the days I've done that I am fit fo nothing in the evening so you're bound to be feeling exhausted doing it three days a week.

Agree with others - can you alter your journey so you can sleep on one long train journey, or move any closer? When I lived in London I moved house twice to be closer to work - I hate commuting!

MrsRecycle · 19/06/2008 10:26

Now I know why dh is complaining that I am always tired - have a 4 hour commute every day and work 5 days a week in a stressful job. Plus I have 3 LOs and no cleaner. Thank goodness I am leaving in 6 weeks time. I gave my boss the option of pt/WFH but this wasn't viable due to the workload. Definitely going to look for a job with shorter commute.

One thing I have found to ease it is to travel a bit later (miss the rush hour) but I still get to work the same time as if I had left an hour before. This gives me an extra hour in the morning to clean/tidy up.

Blu · 19/06/2008 10:28

I am permanently knackered.

getbackinyouryurtjimjams · 19/06/2008 10:30

I work full time (ish) have 3 children one severely autistic so he doesn't always sleep but no commute.

I think your commute will be contributing a lot. Pre-kids I had a similar commute to yours now and it killed me- I stopped working as soon as I could in my pregnancy as the commute was wiping me out.

I'd look for a job closer to home or if you can try and negotiate some home working.

TBH I think you also adjust though. How old is your dd? DS1 is 9 now - his sleep has always been erratic but after 9 years I have adjusted to it. As long as I get 5 hours a night I'm OK, I don't really notice- it's only when it drops below that that it kills me. It took me a few years to get to that stage though (I used to be an 8 hour a night girl).

GooseyLoosey · 19/06/2008 10:33

Hi Daisy. You are not alone.

I work in an office 3 days a week and 1 from home. I sepnd a total of 5 hours every day commuting and have to get up obscenely early to get into work. It is not easy, but you do get used to it. If I did not work where I do, I would earn significantly less and could not work part time, but I do not want to move as we have a lovely quality of life where we are and dh would find it difficult to reloacte.

I have found that I go through periods of being very tired and periods where I feel fine. When I feel very tired, dh just has to recognise that it is all too much and take the kids out on a sat or sun am and give me a lie in (I dream of lies ins!). Could your dh do this?

It does get better over time! Could you keep a bike at the station and cycle from there into work - I do and it does make it easier. Could you sleep at all on the train? The best tip I have though is to treat the time on the train as "me time" where you can read a trashy book and drink coffee - its the only time I ever get to do it and as a result I have come to enjoy the commute.

fullmoonfiend · 19/06/2008 10:36

I work part time, 5 days a week and I am permantently knackered. I go straight from office to school pick-up and shop on way home, cook, clean, collapse.

blueshoes · 19/06/2008 10:37

I work Mon to Fri but finish at 3 everyday. Not knackered. Work pt but use ft childcare. Aupair for schoolrun and cleaning. 50 min commute - just train and walking. dh helps out a lot when he is home.

I know I am fortunate.

DM I think as a working mother, you have to look very carefully at the logistics. I don't know how much flexibility you have but a 2.5 hour commute is quite horrendous and I would look to cut that down (move house, change job?). Can you negotiate to work from home one day a week or every other week? Also, the school/nursery/cm run, you don't have the luxury of choosing one that is far away. It has to be easy to get to - this might mean moving or getting an aupair. Ideally your partner to do one end of of the schoolrun.

Can you work effectively on the train eg guaranteed a seat? And negotiate that train work time into your working hours eg say you will use that time on your blackberry or laptop during the commute.

Original poster

DaisyM · 19/06/2008 10:49

Thats a good point getback, pre kids I felt absolutely knackered doing the commute so dont know why I'm surprised I still feel knackered now I have the extra pressure of looking after dd. Dh is quite good lets me have a bit of a lie-in (gooseyloosey, I to dream of long lie-ins!)he seems to have more energy than me! Feel sad because would love to have another baby but theres no way I could cope, no way at all doing this job/commute with a toddler and baby. I really admire everyone that works fulltime. Have thought about moving house but theres nothing we can afford, we'd be lucky if we'd get a 2 bed flat anywhere with no garden etc and in dodgy area. Guess will just have to hope my energy levels pick up!

OP posts:

Original poster

DaisyM · 19/06/2008 10:49

OP posts:

woodstock3 · 19/06/2008 21:19

you're not alone. i work ft with one ds (who regularly wakes at 5.30am) and a round trip commute of about 2.5 hours there and back, and im constantly knackered. didnt even realise how tired i was until i went away for a work trip and got a couple of unprecedented lieins til 8am and felt like a different person!
the 30mins walk from station to office sounds like part of your problem. could you really not get the Tube/bus? for the price of six Tube journeys a week (on Oystercard, it's cheaper) it might help you be less knackered and also speed up the journey so you could leave later.
other than that the only answers i've so far discovered are 1)intravenous caffeine (never used to drink coffee now it's three a day) and 2) go to bed at 9pm a couple of nights a week and accept the fact that for now i have no social life. i dont know how old your dd is but the only consolation may be that as they get older the awful tiredness of the baby years wear off (if this is not true, parents of older kids, please dont shatter my illusions.....)

WideWebWitch · 19/06/2008 21:21

i work ft 5 days a week and commute 4.5 hrs a day and am knackered, despite cleaner, dh who does at least half

suspect answer is don't work or have kids but neither viable for me!

WideWebWitch · 19/06/2008 21:24

actually i say i'm knackered but i'm not as bad as i was due to

going to bed at 10 or 10.30 latest
making sure weekends are not hectic
planning well, i.e shopping online, doing some chores like bank ac review at work
drinking lots of water
eating healthily
saying no to extra demands

WideWebWitch · 19/06/2008 21:24

excuse typing, on eee pc

spudmasher · 19/06/2008 21:25

DaisyM have you ruled out a medical reason for the tiredness?
Did you really fall asleep at work? !!!! Maybe you are just bored and the job is not stimulating enough?

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