How does everyone else with kids manage to work and NOT feel permanently knackered, or am I just feeble?

[DaisyM]

Just started new job, 3 days a week. Previously worked 4 days a week and found it to much, was permanently knackered and had no time for daughter when got in from work. Thought working 3 days a week would be better, would have more energy, feel less tired and generally be a new woman! But no... still feel knackered, infact almost fell asleep at work yesterday. Dont understand how others cope with more than one children and expecially those that work fulltime. Feel really feeble, I have no reason to complain because I'm lucky that I only have to work 3 days (had to cut back on lots of luxuries but made the decision it would be worth it)but interested to know if its just me struggling with this permanent exhaustion or if everyone else is superwoman! I spend a total of 2.5hrs each day commuting to work and have a long walk from the station to office but surely this isnt making me so tired, its not like I spend all day on my feet at work either, I get to sit in a nice comfy office.

agree about renegotiate your hours if pos to allow for some work n train

I set my tshirt on fire today trying to make dinner before rushing off to work. I did have a moment of wondering if that would be one way to get some rest.

I think if you enjoy your job and feel generally happy with the way your life is, you feel less tired. I think stress at work and negative emotions is what stress people out the most I think.

My advice is excerise! Makes a world of difference to your mental attitude and stamina!

Agree it's v likely to be the commute. I have a nice 30 min cycle ride and don't feel permanently knackered. Or is your job particularly stressful? Or has anything else stressful been happening recently? Stress is v tiring imo. My sister recently had a serious operation and even though I was stolidly brave and supportive at the time, as soon as I knew for sure she was going to be ok I became an exhausted jellylike creature for quite a few weeks.

I have to admit I am permanently tired too. I have approx a 2 hour round commute and work Monday to Thursday (officially, but usually spend time answering emails etc in the evenings) and most Fridays I end up going in and probably 1 to 2 Saturday mornings a month as well. My job is great but incredibly stressful but I think the thing that I find the most tiring (as somebody else on here mentioned) is that I feel constantly pulled in different directions ... work, home, ds, helping my mum with my very ill step-dad etc. I hate not giving my all to anything and I find that I am giving less than 75% to everything at the moment. I used to have a cleaner until about 6 weeks ago and sent my ironing out which helped a great deal. I am struggling without them at the moment - are you able to get help with some of your day to day chores? No real advice but sympathy! It is difficult but if nothing else this thread shows other people feel the same.

I have 2 dc, 3 & 1, work 4 days (1 day from home) with a 2.5 hr commute around London. It is knackering, but you do get used to it. I found changing my expectations of the evening have helped. It sounds a bit depressing but now I don't expect to sit down until after 9pm (on a good day). I gave up the cleaner because I decided there was no point having a clean house if I looked a state (and a cleaner was luxury) but I have had to re-adjust what I expect the house to look like. Even just 15 mins whizz round can make big difference.

The other thing that helps (but I am bad at this) is not filling your days off too much. I tend to overschedule and spend days off rushing about, realise feel better when I don't.

The thing I struggle with is cooking for me and DH. Either he cooks or we don't eat anything much beyond a boiled egg or veggie soup. I just don't have the energy for it but i do make up for this on my days off and am trying to get organised by batch cooking and freezing...

I think if you have to work, you'll learn to grow into it.. it's what we do.

I think it is easier if you work full time. Then you don't put unreasonable expectations on yourself about cleaning or other household chores, and it is easier to work out a fair deal between parents that doesn't put all the childcare stress on one of them. But I do think your commute is over long. I've always kept mine to under an hour door to door. The other thing is whether you are getting enough "for you" in your life at the moment. Do you feel fulfilled at work (or home) or is it all a bit of a slog? Finally you should check if you are eating and drinking enough, and if at all possible up your exercise. I found working out twice a week gave m much much more energy.

With me it's not the commute. I work three days with no commute (although two different drops off before I go to work locally) What gets me is the constant noise/pestering/whinging. I physically cannot get anything done at home until my daughters are gone to bed, because my eldest will not leave me alone, so I don't seem to be able to tidy or anything until after we have eaten (quite late) and so end up staying up really late and not getting enough sleep. She was an only child until she was almost four and is still struggling with sharing her parents I think (DD2 now 10 months) I have a cleaner, shop online and I am still constantly exhausted from being 'pecked to death by ducks'. It actually doesn't seem to make any difference whether we go out and see people, or stay at home. The place is always a mess. When I am home with both of them I feel like a burglar caught in a burglar alarm - the pestering is set at a frequency that makes it impossible to focus on anything. Also I think DD1 is bored - I am hoping that when she goes to school things will improve. Daisy, I don't know if you mentioned how old your children are, but maybe it is something like this too? Do you need someone to take them off your hands just to get some head space and time to think and plan your life. I found when I had just one and took the time to properly plan the week, meals etc I was a lot less tired. You are not alone!

I used to commute for that long, and I agree that it has a huge impact. It now takes me only 40 minutes to get to work and, although I'm home later, I have so much more energy when I get home. It's the only thing that's changed so it has to be the commute.

But the other thing is that it totally depends on your job. You may be sitting in a nice comfy office, but if you are doing a difficult job that requires a lot of mental input then that has a big effect too.

I've just re read all this and feel quite relieved that the consensus is that commuting is exhausting, I am wiped out today and that must be it.

being pecked to death by ducks, good description. Last night I wanted to scream at the children for making such a RACKET.

I work 4 hrs/day 5 days/week and am knackerd but i blame DD as she still rarely sleeps through (she is 3 now!) I feel much better when i have had a full nights sleep (obviously). My tip is to seriously lower your standards in all areas.

You can't do a FT job in PT hours.
You can't have a tidy house if you have kids
You can't be a perfect parent (and no child wants a perfect parent they just want a more chilled one).
You can't 'look after' your husband if you are working and parenting.

That's a long commute. on the days when I travel any distance I am also knackered and really grumpy.

Move if possible.

Also, P/T - are you still doing the job of a F/T person but just in less hours?

I'm always knackered LOL

I have a tiny commute 3 days and none at all 2 days as I work from home. And I am still knackered. So I don't know the answer. Sorry.

But I agree with WWW post. Those things help.

I'm permanently knackered too. I agree with much that has been said. The commute is likely to be more to blame than the job. When I used to have to travel around with my previous job - I used to have to make sure I arrived for meetings at least 45 mins early so I could have lots of coffee and a sit down in the ladies. Or I used to try and get a hotel room booked for me. I also agree with the not being left alone by kids whilst you're at home exhausting (and also leaving you no alternative but to do house jobs rather than relax). The annoying thing for me is I'm at home all day, but still can't get anything done. Then I have to go to work at night so clearly can't do anything then.

I have a ds (2.7) and a 3hr full time daily commute too, have also just discovered that I am 8 weeks pregnant so definitely sympathise with the tiredness thing If moving either house or job is not on the agenda (and I know it isn't for me) then you need to think of ways to reduce your tiredness - things that work for me (before being pregnant at least!)

• in bed by 10/10.30pm each night
• take a multivitamin with iron (esp if too knackered to cook properly)
• don't fill up free days with loads of activities/chores/trips out etc
• simplify/organise wherever poss - online shopping/meal planning - train journeys are v.good for this or for reading/snoozing I find!

The commute is tiring but it shouldn't be so knackering that you can't do anything else - maybe try the docs - low iron levels can be a big contributor to tiredness generally

I work from home and have been known to go back to bed for a while after dropping the DCs off at the childminder! I had a 5 hr round trip drive for work yesterday and it nearly killed me. Don't know how anyone could cope with commuting every day.

No you are not feeble! Heroic more like!

Lots of things might help though:
Reducing your stress levels - work out what is stressful in your life - work, untidy house, no time to read novels/see friends/play with child - whatever is relevant to you
Eat healthily and only drink very moderately
Do aerobic exercise 3 times a week
Plan things to do for yourself regularly
Try to always go to bed and get up at the same time and make sure you get at least 8 hours sleep.

Commuting for that long would kill me. I do 3 or 4 days a week depending how busy we are and cycle to work (30 mins each way) and that's exhausting enough. Though I do find being at work marginally more relaxing than being at home .

Tips - online shopping (can't face the supermarket), make sure dh knows he's got to pull his weight, early nights during the week. I ALWAYS have a hot bath and a glass of wine once the dcs are in bed on work nights - does me a lot of good. I also cook twice as much as we need at the weekend (pasta sauce, casserole etc) and freeze so that I don't have to cook on the days I'm not working.

It is hard - both of mine still usually wake at night, and ds likes to start his day at 6am. I'm lucky as we've got lots of family help and a cleaner and a nanny for ds who is super helpful and I'm still exhausted, so I have huge respect for people managing with less help.

One thing that has made a difference is cycling into work - it's hard work (hills) but I arrive feeling full of energy. Is it possible to consider buying a bike for the station to office run? Would cut that down quite significantly in terms of time as well.

agree with those who have mentioned exercise - definitely gives me more energy and improves my outlook on life

i can also vouch for relocating - i lived & worked in london for ages (pre kids) and the place itself is just exhausting. really. so many people, so much noise. when we go to visit now i feel like i need valium just to face getting on the tube. can't help thinking that's another reason the commute is so tiring.

also agree re doctor - underactive thyroid can cause tiredness too

Yes agree with the majority of the posters here. The commute sounds like a killer. I work full time and have a 50 minute commute (walk and train) BUT I have a cleaner which makes things MUCH easier - she does the odd bit of ironing too. I also get supermarket food delivered.

HTH x

Yep, I work 4 days a week with 1.5 hour commute. Was discussing with a friend this morning how blardy knackering the whole thing is, and how amazing it is the amount that you can achieve before 7.30am.

another thought - is there any opportunity to vary your hours a bit? I don't know how your arrangements work but I leave the house at 6.45am while dh and ds are still asleep - dh takes ds to nursery before he goes to work - this means that I can be at work just after 8am but I also have an informal arrangment to leave at 4pm which means I am back to collect ds from nursery at 5.30pm. It does mean that I sometimes have to work on the train on the way home or occasionally in the evening but it means that I'm not that late arriving home - would this help do you think?

Also, don't underestimate how knackering a new job can be on its own without a commute. It can be v.stressful getting to know the ropes and making new friends etc and stress = tiredness

Drink lots of water.

Sleep on train.

Try to negotiate 1 day of working from home per week.

And don't believe anyone who says they work FT with small children and don't get completely knackered .