How does everyone else with kids manage to work and NOT feel permanently knackered, or am I just feeble?

[DaisyM]

Just started new job, 3 days a week. Previously worked 4 days a week and found it to much, was permanently knackered and had no time for daughter when got in from work. Thought working 3 days a week would be better, would have more energy, feel less tired and generally be a new woman! But no... still feel knackered, infact almost fell asleep at work yesterday. Dont understand how others cope with more than one children and expecially those that work fulltime. Feel really feeble, I have no reason to complain because I'm lucky that I only have to work 3 days (had to cut back on lots of luxuries but made the decision it would be worth it)but interested to know if its just me struggling with this permanent exhaustion or if everyone else is superwoman! I spend a total of 2.5hrs each day commuting to work and have a long walk from the station to office but surely this isnt making me so tired, its not like I spend all day on my feet at work either, I get to sit in a nice comfy office.

ah well I don't fall asleep at work so think am doing better than the OP...

agree early nights are essential
11 o'clock seems wildly late and decadent these days

Haven't read the whole thread but have looked a fair few posts. I also work 3 days a week and can sympathise with the tiredness. I would say to the OP that a 2.5 hour commute is bloody ridiculous - mine is about 1 hr 15 and thats enough. If the trains were nicer it would be easier but as we all know, they basically suck.

I don't suffer from tiredness too much but I do have a habit of nodding off in front of the telly at 9.30pm which pisses me off.

I realise that this may not be an option for all but would you look at getting a cleaner? I've never done this but after 3 months of spending my 2 days a week cleaning or sacrificing family time at the weekend to "get things done" I've finally cracked and am organising a cleaner.

Sorry if I am saying whats already been said......

During my pregnancy I was working 2 days a week but with a commute of 3 hours each way, which included 3 motorways, a walk from the carpark to the bus-stop and a bus journey. I was knackered needless to say!

Seashell71 - how do you actually get yourself into a situation where you commute 3 hours each way?

I just cannot imagine any employer agreeing to employ someone who had that kind of logistics to get to work...

Hey I am not working now and I am still permanently knackered!

Before I was pregnant with DS2, I did work full-time for a time, and it was exhausting, physically and emotionally. I felt I wasn't doing the best by anyone, my work, my DH, DS1, the house, and last but not least me. We did have a cleaner, for three hours a week, and DH did very much at least his share as regards housework and childcare. I didn't have a long commute, I was able to walk DS1 to his nursery, then walk to work from there. It was only 4 stops on the train in the afternoon if DH was picking up DS1.

I'd say though, if you are lucky enough to have a partner on board, that goes a long way!

Anna, while not pregnant my job would only require me to do the commute once a week. It's only 45 miles each way but that's how long it takes during rush hour.

You should all move up north, life is so much better! Come on, what are you waiting for?

I have three children DS1 12,DS2 11,DD 6 all at different schools (older two both travel over 15 miles to their schools) and work Mon-Thurs, but extended hours on those days so I'm actually contraced to work more than four days per week.

I am always shattered. I never get a lie in - get up before six on work days and kids even have early morning commitments on a Saturday and Sunday. I deal with nightmare logistics and these have got worse as they have got older because rather than be contained in one place from eight while six the children now have much more complicated lives. Into my commute of approx one hour drive each way I have to factor in other things like for example return home via DS1 school to pick him up from away rugby match (doubles journey home to two hours). I'm forever juggling to get to assemblies, sports days, prize givings etc and I miss far more than I want to .

I'm lucky that DH is self employed and often works from home - without his support it would be impossible. He was away on business for 10 days recently and I basically had to book meetings out of my office for first and last thing so noone would realise how few hours I worked that week (although was only about one hour short of my contract). Any day I'm not needed to fulfil a specific commitment for one of the kids I stay in the office until eightish to get some extra hours in.

I feel like crying as I type this and contemplate how tough it can be. My best advice is get as much help as you can afford (cleaner, ironer, gardener etc) and try not to needlessly complicate. This is easier said than done - I believe I've chosen the right schools etc for my children but do feel horror as I contemplate the school runs miles and miles in different directions. It's very hard to say no when for example DS2 asks to go sailing after school and I realise my Friday night is going to involve another thirty mile round trip to collect him.

Also there is a big plus to having your children close together as at least they roughly need to be in the same place at the same time. I know OP said you couldn't comtemplate another with the way things are, but my five year gap between DS2 and DD does not make things easier as their interests etc as so different and the age gap is such they will never be at the same school.

I am in the North so not sure I could echo the advice that mving to the North makes things any easier!

Why are your children all at different schools and all so far away, do you live in the countryside? This would make everything harder (re transport problems) as I know when we lived in the countryside when I was younger some people had to travel miles to school, but the schools had bus services for the villages nearby. When we lived in a town (my family moved around alot) then me and my brother would take ourselves to school from age of about 8yrs .... can't your children get a bus or go to a local school?

Actually imo there's nothing more tiring than sitting on a steadily rocking train & having the silent irritation of other ppl's habits. Hardly good for the environment but, unless in London, I'd find it less tiring to drive! In your position I would definitely keep an eye out for a job closer to home. I have a 45 min commute each way and that's just about doable.

If I went back to work full time I'd also definitely get a cleaner. I already send my ironing out which makes a big difference.

Sorry that post might have sounded a bit judgy or something, what I am really trying to say is can things not be simplified a bit? your life sounds very stressful and complicated. Do your children have to have activities every weekend that start early. You are a member of your family aswell and your needs need to be met as much as the dc's.

Message withdrawn

Working full or part time is knackering - I work for a very small company and am basically doing what should be a full time job, 2 days a week. So I'm always thinking about work and checking my email when I should be on a day off.

I couldn't handle 2 or 3 hour commutes. Mine is between 30 and 45 mins each way depending on traffic.

I was self employed until a year ago and when one of my clients offered me a permanent job I told them I couldn't start till 9.30 and needed to be away by 4.30. Travelling out of rush hour is much less stressful although unfortunately it's not by public transport but by car.

What also helps me is the DH is also part time - he works Tues - Fri and I work Mon-Weds. We only have to fund childcare/afterschool club two days a week so although we earn less our outgoings are less. We are always overdrawn and I can't see us being solvent until both kids are at school (Sept) and we've paid off the mortgage (2014). BUT we definitely have a better quality of life - even though I do find it very stressful. However we've been through so much up and down financially over the past few years that I know either DH or I losing our job would not be the end of the worls - something else always turns up.

One person I couldn't do it without is my cleaner who comes once a week and is a real life 'treasure'. The thought on not having to face hoovering or cleaning the loo after work or at weekends is incredibly liberating. We had to give her up for about 6 months when things were really tight. Now I would go on the game to fund her if I had to.

In short I don't think you can win - you just have to try and balance as much as you can. If I were you I'd really try and cut down on the commute and get a cleaner.

Sorry I mean I work 3 days a week not 2.

Yeh, a commute like that must be really hard, I am permanently exhausted too,I work 3 days a week and have 3 children, I drive to work and it takes about 25 mins which is still tiring at the end of the day. However, the way i look at it is we as a family need the income plus I would not like to be at home all the time, therefore I accept I need to go bed around 9.30/10 each night, annoying though it is.Do you have any help at all like a cleaner etc?

It is so hard juggling it sometimes, but would we want it any other way?

Daisy, I write this from work (missing out yet another day with my DS!) so I totally sympathise. it is SO hard. Iam not going to give you any tips as they have all been mentioned but I do think it is worth saying this:

Working mothers of the world, listen up! Do not make it look to other women as if you are superwoman, be honest and tell them how hard it is! Then we can all support each other and not feel guilty about being the only ones who don't seem to be coping.

The truth is, NO ONE has it all. If you're managing OK then you're doing brilliantly.

I worked full time (one hour commute each way) and the only way I "coped" was to go to bed at 8pm. Yes 8pm. I don't take calls, I don't watch TV, I just crash. My husband rolls in and knows I am in bed, so no cosy nights in front of the tv for us. I now work 3 days a week in an office and 2 at home and am just as tired (slightly longer commute).

Well said Holly

Well said Holly.

My boss is currently bearing full domestic brunt as wife recently had an accident (thankfully not serious) and is laid up. He comes into the office every day moaning about how tiring it all is.

One day lasy week he turned to me and said, "Georgiemama, you have a young child and work FT and commute to work, don't you feel tired all the time?"

Er, yes, actually I do.

can i just check that you are doing the following:

have a cleaner - even if just once a fortnight

have all groceries delivered

have help getting child to childcare

get to bed at a decent time

take a good multi vitamin

they may help perk you up and save your energy for more fun things

is freelance an option?

I work 3 days a week. Typically it looks like one day from home, one seeing clients (usually London) and one day in office, best part of an hour's drive away.

I am very lucky in that on my day from home I can catch up on washing, do some ironing at lunchtime, finish at 4.30pm not 5.30pm to get a shop in before collecting children.

But I am always tired, and combat it by ALWAYS being in bed by 10.30pm usually 10pm. I could make it even better by following alot of the tips here like drinking less alcohol, drinking more water, exercising more, taking vitamins etc. If my DH wants sex he knows to "catch" me just after the kids are in bed, as if he waits till bedtime he has not got a cat's chance in hell.

I just think it goes with the territory, kids are bloody knackering and the woman does the lion's share, fact.

Haven't read whole thread, so this is just to the OP.

My commute is about as long as yours but I love it because I always get a seat, and I see it as reading/listening to music/snoozing time. Much as I dislike the phrase, it's me-time.

I'm always knackered too, but I think I'd be even more knackered if I was at home full-time - I feel physically exhausted after a day at home with dd, and it's not like I'd ever get a lie-in. DCs are just knackering full-stop, I reckon. It's all part of the fun

DaisyM, I haven't read your whole thread... too tired but do notice you say it's a 'new job'. Starting a new job can be absolutely exhausting in itself. Perhaps things will settle down a bit once you've got through the demanding 'getting to know the job' phase?

That said, your commute sounds hideous. Might you be able to arrange working at home once or twice a week, once you've got to know them and they you?