How does everyone else with kids manage to work and NOT feel permanently knackered, or am I just feeble?

[DaisyM]

Just started new job, 3 days a week. Previously worked 4 days a week and found it to much, was permanently knackered and had no time for daughter when got in from work. Thought working 3 days a week would be better, would have more energy, feel less tired and generally be a new woman! But no... still feel knackered, infact almost fell asleep at work yesterday. Dont understand how others cope with more than one children and expecially those that work fulltime. Feel really feeble, I have no reason to complain because I'm lucky that I only have to work 3 days (had to cut back on lots of luxuries but made the decision it would be worth it)but interested to know if its just me struggling with this permanent exhaustion or if everyone else is superwoman! I spend a total of 2.5hrs each day commuting to work and have a long walk from the station to office but surely this isnt making me so tired, its not like I spend all day on my feet at work either, I get to sit in a nice comfy office.

I work 4 days a week, on my feet all day! have a 50 min commute including dropping dd to cms, I'm knakered permanatley! but need to work. I'm leaving in september to do a midiwfery degree, which is full time but will be able to walk to uni!

I've just gone back to work fulltime with 3 kids and the only way it works for us is:

no commute: we work in the same place walking distance from house

school and nursery also walking distance

cleaner every week and gardener to do all the stuff it would take us all weekend to do

we don't do lots of out of school activities during term time - if there's a club at school or extras at nursery, fine, but I'm not spending all evening and weekend ferrying kids round

we do a bit of sharing pick-ups etc with other parents for the eldest

we take turns to have a lie in or afternoon nap at the weekend to catch up on sleep

we have to focus on kids and work; unfortunately social life, house stuff etc gets less priority, though we do try to invite people over sometimes for pizza and wine (no effort) on the day when the cleaner has been!

I think the consensus must be from this thread that there are no working parents (certainly working mums) who are combining it all without being completely knackered. I'm in that camp too - work ft, dh chronically ill, about ready to fall over on my feet every weekend from work stress and so it goes on. Plus he does nothing at all in the house so other than the cleaner on Wednesday, everything at home falls to me. And he and ds appear to do their level best to wreck the place every day.

Personally I am reaching the end of my tether and don't really know what lies at the end of it.

My SIL copes well with 3 kids and a f-t job. She only works in Shanghai and thus has: a nanny, a cook, two childminders and a driver. Simple really.

When my dd was 6mth i went back 3 days and i was fine.

Now I have just gone back 3 weeks ago when ds was 6mth and now doing 4 days as I have moved to a bigger house and I am knackered.

I get up at 6am to get into work at 7.45 (thankgod dh does the school/nursery run) then I pick ds up at 5.00 and dad who picks dd up from school and gives tea (yes im v v lucky) calls round at 5.30 with dd.They are both bathed and in bed for 7 and 8 but dh is in work till 10pm so evenings I am on own.

My days off are with kids on my own as dh does shift work and are spent cleaning.washing.ironing.I try to do it when they are in bed so i can spend quality time with them but i am knackered.

Just about to do butties for work then bed!!

hoping for lotto win anytime soon....

how much does a cleaner cost?

I recently had to say goodbye to my SIL who cleaned for me as we all realised it was too far for her to drive and now I realise what a god send it washaving her do it. She was wonderful, stayed until it was done rather than regulated hours, I gave her £23 a week and she would do above and beyond, even hanging out my washing for example....

Now I have an agency cleaner once a fortnight for three hours. It costs £14 an hour. I have had a different on each time, and the last one got fired after I, and several other people apparently, complained. Latest one seems ok, but it has become clear I am going to have to write down a big long list of what I consider to be a default clean as somethings that I would have expected to be done were not.

Another job for me I guess. Am considering binning it and doing it myself, god knows when.

sorry gave SIL £25 a week.

I pay 7 quid an hour for cleaner and A LOT MORE for gardener.

Cleaner is OK, not brilliant but keeps on top of things and I'm about to double her hours from 2 to 4 to take on the kids bedrooms too (she's very brave) and a bit of ironing...

should also add the only other way I can cope is that DH and I share the other household chores; in fact he probably does marginally more than me - he does most of the cooking for example (but I do most of the finances, sorting stuff out and other things)

i work fulltime and have 11 month old. am 5 months pg with no2. it is exhausting and i am on the go from 7am to 9pm when i sit down for 1 hour then go to bed at 10pm.

only way i can make it work is:

keep ds in routine so that i get full nights sleep - crucial to survival

have ds in bed at 730 so we can eat and be cleared up by 830 leaving 30 min for jobs then i sit at 9 no matter what

make myself be in bed at 10 even though it feels like i have no evening at all sometimes

be incredibly organised the night before so mornings are calm and not stressful

keep food in office fridge so i dont have to run around at lunchtime like mad woman

order food online so no tiring trips to supermarket and can do at lunchtime from desk

keep one day at weekend totally free from social activities and housework usually sunday

try to have rule that no housework on sat after 12 or 2

I am still tired but guess being pg doesnt help but if i didnt have these rules i would be unable to survive!

How old is your DD? It does get better as they get older. My twin girls are now 7 and I work 3 days a week in London (1.5 hr commute each way). I used to feel exhausted but find it much easier now the girls are bigger. I do go to bed early though - 10.00/10.30 most nights, if not earlier.

The fact that your job is new is also prob part of the problem, it's tiring and stressful learning new things.

My God TheLadyP! you sound just like me and my two dds - (almost) 5yr old and 20 mth old - the younger esp has the most ear splitting whine!

I only work one day a week with 1/2 hour drive each way,but have four DCs and am always tired!
In fact went back to bed this morning at 10 when DD aged 2 had her nap. Also fall asleep in the daytime if she is watching cbeebies!
Don't have a cleaner and the other children are older(eldest 18)but still feel pulled in all directions.
Can honestly say I don't know how people work more hours with children. Think I am just lazy

This is a very interesting (and scary) thread. I have been a full time SAHM for the past 5 years but am starting to think about going back to work part time (if such a job exists - another thread I know), as DS will be in full time school in 2 years time. But I have to admit I am scared! How will I fit it all in? ie time with kids, housework etc etc without being pulled in all directions and feeling tired all the time.

It seems that it's not possible.......hmmm, was feminism such a good idea after all!!!

I dont think i even consitutue as a working mum but I have 3 children, one who is severely disabled and work 2 days a week and feel constantly tired. I dont know what the answer is

I have been back at work for nearly 3 months & am continuously knackered too, feel like we have no time to do anything.

I was ment to be working part-time but have been doing full-time hours so far am hoping it will quieten down soon so i can do my part-time hours & maybe feel a bit better.

It is very hard juggling kids with a job & run a house.

A 2.5 hour commute to me sounds expensive regardless of the mode of travel. If you can't move, then I would seriously consider finding a new job.

Yes I'm tired all the time. I work 3 days a week, commute 2hrs per day, rush from work to pick up dd, home, tea, get ready for next day. days 'off' spent cleaning, washing, shopping, ironing, cooking. Is your job stressing you out? I think a lot of my tiredness comes from that. It's office job but because nobody covers my work when i'm not there, I spend 1 out of my 3 days a week just catching up on the previous week. So I feel like I'm running just to stand still. Everyone else is younger than me, childless, works full time so I think there's pressure there too.Like Oliveoil said, I feel pulled in all directions and there's nothing left for me!!

I work full time and commute 1 1/2 - 1 3/4 hours each way. I am permanently knackered and spend my evenings cooking and cleaning and the weekends washing and ironing. I feel like that fucking duracell bunny that just goes on and on. I was going to get a cleaner, but tax and NI went up by 70 quid a month from April, train went up by 25 quid a month from January and after school club is now costing an extra 50 quid a month, so that's the cleaner's money gone! No pay rise for me yet, and not likely to be more than 2% either.

Someone bought me a book for Christmas on the "Hurried Woman Syndrome..."

mrs schad - with the new costs and your salary not rising, is it worth it? fair enough if you rely on your income but it does all sound very expensive and tiring for a job that requires that long a commute?

i worked out that i would be better giving up work and charging ten quid an hour cash in hand for babysitting - not quite so good on the cv but would leave me with days free!

I think there's a bit of 'grass is greener' going on here...

I get exhausted, sure, but I am also convinced that I am less exhausted than single parents....

....and when I do take a holiday with the kids, I usually find it more exhausting than going to work

I think we all get stressed by our lives, because we all dimly remember those child-free days when we could actually sleep when we wanted to. And none of us can go back there, no matter how we structure our day.

Timewaster - a late reply to your questions!

My boys go to school a distance away because the local school doesn't really offer what I want for them. Then DS2 goes to a different senior school to DS1 because it was very hard following on from his brother who is a very high achiever. The decision was made went I went to DS2 parents' evening last year and his maths teacher's opening gambit was "Well he's not DS1..." - I know he's not but I was actually interested in how he was doing and the reality was he was in the top third of the top stream of a selective junior school, which was good enough for me. It was a tough decision because it made life harder, but I did not want him to go through life suffering unfavourable comparisions to his big brother.

Both boys have seats on school coaches but obviously miss these as soon as they stay for any after school activity so I only do the school run by default, but many weeks one or both has an activity every night.

It's hard to say no when they want to do something. My mum tells me all the time I've got to but I struggle to do it.

Blimey, when you read back over this thread, what on Earth are we all doing? Are we really enjoying life? Am in process of being made redundant and having to face life without work....will be struggle but I think we can do it. Life will be different but actually without the hours, childcare, travel etc we will just scrape through. Having to think of life without working and I'm beginning to feel relieved...a legitimate get-out from a ridiculous way of life. Why did noone tell us it would be like this when we were all told at school that the world was our oyster and we could be whatever we wanted to be? god it makes me mad!

I used to commute before DS, 2hrs each way, but never enjoyed the journey, even then. I now walk to work, and work three days. I have 1DS.

I work for an hour each evening from home and have cut the length of my working day at work.

i go to bed early - 10 ish, and take it easy on the days i am off. (fulltime mum freinds seem to do a lot more group activities).

I have one day socialising and one day doing our own thing.

TTC 2 but no success so far, so probably still overdoing it at work! Conceived DS1 when I was on and extended holiday!

Life is short, I needed to change it, so did and life got harder for a short period of time, but has improved greatly since i changed my priorities.

I have less money, but more fun.

Cut the commute and get checked out with a doctor as low energy can be a sign of iron deficiency.