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Original poster

3 year old HATES nursery - DAY 2

136 replies

Disenchanted · 15/04/2008 13:52

Well from this morning he was saying he 'didn't want to go'

Surprisingly he put his uniform on without fuss and also left the house, but after about 3 mins of walking he realised where we were going and started to cry

The whole way there we had :

'I don't want to go there'

'Please take me home mummy'
'Its scary, Im scared'

He was holding onto lampposts, tring to sit on the floor, walking slowly.

We got to the playground and he was just saying 'No,no,nono.

We went in and he burst into tears , wouldn't take his coat off, still wouldn't speak to any of them.

Just tried hiding behind me crying, clinging onto me.

The teacher told me to do as yesterday so I told him I was just going to get Daddy and baby brother and would be back soon to pick him up.

The teacher took him off me and held him whilst I walked away listening to him sobbing.

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Janni · 15/04/2008 23:31

Hi Disenchanted
It might be worth sending a follow-up letter to the school saying that you are still very committed to your DS taking up his place there when he is five and attending nursery from September, but for the moment feel that it would be more beneficial to him to spend time with you at parent and toddler groups etc.

A while back on this thread I told you about settling my DD into part-time nursery (not attached to a school). Theoretically, she could be full-time at the school nursery in September but I wrote to the Headteacher outlining our plan for her and had a lovely letter back saying that was fine and her place would be held for next September.

FYIAD · 16/04/2008 10:15

great news

I really think you have made the right decision.

if it helps, dd1 (who didnt attend nursery) had no problems settling into her rather rigid church primary (in fact she liked the rules and routine - but she IS a girl )

FYIAD · 16/04/2008 10:16

"If you pull him out now he will expect the same when he starts school- time invested in settling him in now will be a real investment for his future schooling."

sorry shinypinkshoes but I 100% do not agree

luckylady74 · 16/04/2008 10:16

So pleased that you are being supported and UI'm sure you'll have a great morning.
My dd had a stage where she wouldn't go anywhere without me at about 2.10 yrs- this upset her grandparents who were used to taking her out and her twin brother who wanted to go out. I'd just read 'How to talk so kids will listen' and decided to respect her and not force her.I did make the alternatives to being with me seem very appealing though and worked up to it in stages. So I said would you like to stay here with grandma whilst get I ds1 from school -I will be back before this dvd finishes and grandma has a treat for you!! She refused at first, but then the next time she stayed so that was a 30 minute break without me which I then added to and finally worked up to her going out of the house without me. I think she needed to know I respected her wishes and would always come back when I said I would.I think this idea that parenting is a battle of wills which you must win over your chilkd is outdated - It's about trust and respect both ways.
I'm really pleased that you had the courage to stick to your guns because you were under pressure from all sides. I'm sure a lot of the nursery staff will privately agree with your decision.

FeverishFish · 16/04/2008 10:17

i never had htis so haev no opinion.
enid
i am ill.

FYIAD · 16/04/2008 10:26

oh you poor thing

do you know what it is yet? [said in manner of rolf harris]

ShinyPinkShoes · 16/04/2008 11:16

FYIAD I am speaking purely from experience.

When I taught in reception children who had already attended our nursery classes settled into our main school a whole lot better and faster. They were used to the learning environment and had experienced a degree of separation from their parents already.

Some children started off doing 2 morning sessions with us (2.5 hours in length) they then prgressed to 3, then 5 before entering school and attending 9-3 every day. It was a gradual process rather than all of a sudden being away from home 5 days a week 9-3.

However, at the end of the day you know your child better than anyone else so it's got to be a decision you feel happy about

FeverishFish · 16/04/2008 11:16

i agree wiht both of you
does he need to go to nursery?
if nto dont send him

berolina · 16/04/2008 11:20

shinypinkshoes, I do not agree either.

Putting a child in situations for which they are clearly not ready, when there is an alternative, is likely to make all future transitions to new situations more difficult IMO.

Original poster
Disenchanted · 16/04/2008 12:38

Well I phoned the school and hes not going anymore. Well till Septemeber at soonest.

INSTEAD we went this morning to the surestart nursery where they ran a 3hr 'Stay and Play' session for just 50p per child!!

He never once said 'I don't want to go in'

I reaasured him that I WOULD STAY WITH HIM.

His lil brother and dad came too.

What a contrast!

Rtaher than clinging to me and not joining in like the tescher said he was doing at nursery he did EVERYTHING.

He did pictures, played outside , talked to children, ate the fruit and juice at break time,

we went in the amazing sensory room!

It was a complete hit!!

So we will do this once a week, there is also a 'song and movement session' there once a week we will attend,

and once hes got used to the place I will try 'yummy mummys' In which I go with the mums and cook up some food whilst the kids are in the creche, get him used to being apart for an hour.

Plus all the other things we are planning such as swimming, museums, park ect ..

Im so, so, so happy

PS if anyone has a surestart near you get down there now, they are FABULOUS!!

OP posts:
madness · 16/04/2008 12:42

good for you!!!

FeverishFish · 16/04/2008 12:43

great
isn htat odd
firggin kids

luckylady74 · 16/04/2008 13:25

fab

Saturn74 · 16/04/2008 13:27

That's fab!

maisiemog · 16/04/2008 14:05

That sounds fantastic, I'm so happy he enjoyed it. Great news!

HonoriaGlossop · 16/04/2008 15:43

well that's a boy who is clearly saying he wants a parent with him isn't it!

He obviously needs that reassurance at this stage and good on you for giving it, and not just swallowing the whole 'well they need to separate sometime so lets make it now' thing

Original poster
Disenchanted · 16/04/2008 17:40

Thanks Honoria

Just got to tell MIL in a minute that he didn't go today, and that im pregnant too! lol

OP posts:
onwardandupward · 16/04/2008 17:56

Ha! Ambush her with the pregnancy.

"No, we're not bothering with nursery for now" (offhand, as if it's boring) "but hey! guess what? I'm pregnant again!!!!"

She'll never be able to have a go at you for ignoring her advice because she'll be covered in thrills about the new grandchild.

Wahoo, what great timing!

FrannyandZooey · 16/04/2008 18:07

oh congratulations!
I am pleased about the nursery thing and the day you had today

jollydo · 16/04/2008 18:29

I'm really pleased you had a lovely day and you and your little boy are happy again. [smils] Have lots of fun in your activities together, I'm sure that will benefit him far more than doing something that terrifies him. And he'll gain confidence in his own time. Good luck with the relatives - take a deep breath & have faith that YOU know what is best for YOUR child (& lots of people here agree with you )

jollydo · 16/04/2008 18:29

whoops - not smils!!

lucyellensmum · 16/04/2008 18:58

congratulations on both counts. The surestart centre sounds fantastic!! I really think you should tell MIL the news face to face, i mean, you want to see the look on her face don;t you ?

Original poster
Disenchanted · 17/04/2008 08:21

Im actully considering putting his name down for the sure start nursery rather than the school one as he is much more relaxed there. And I assume they are rather more flexible there than the school.

OP posts:
HonoriaGlossop · 17/04/2008 09:08

congratulations by the way!

I think I would do the same, the surestart one is almost bound to be more flexible with days etc. good luck.

frazzledbutcalm · 17/04/2008 17:46

sorry to jump in like this but - terramum, are you still here?
Disenchanted - congrats on all counts!