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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3 year old HATES nursery - DAY 2

136 replies

Disenchanted · 15/04/2008 13:52

Well from this morning he was saying he 'didn't want to go'

Surprisingly he put his uniform on without fuss and also left the house, but after about 3 mins of walking he realised where we were going and started to cry

The whole way there we had :

'I don't want to go there'

'Please take me home mummy'
'Its scary, Im scared'

He was holding onto lampposts, tring to sit on the floor, walking slowly.

We got to the playground and he was just saying 'No,no,nono.

We went in and he burst into tears , wouldn't take his coat off, still wouldn't speak to any of them.

Just tried hiding behind me crying, clinging onto me.

The teacher told me to do as yesterday so I told him I was just going to get Daddy and baby brother and would be back soon to pick him up.

The teacher took him off me and held him whilst I walked away listening to him sobbing.

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Original poster

Disenchanted · 15/04/2008 17:21

Meanign to and from school,

sorry for typos I have DS2 on my knee!

OP posts:

mankymummy · 15/04/2008 17:23

Can't you insist on staying with him for the rest of the week? If he sees you with him and you pretend to enjoy yourself maybe he will too?

Original poster

Disenchanted · 15/04/2008 17:28

They didn't seem keen, plus I have a younger child who wont stay in the buggy that long,

i think its just all too much.

OP posts:

terramum · 15/04/2008 17:34

If no-one else was putting pressure on you to send him (friends, relatives, general expectations these days iykwim) then what does your gut tell you to do? From what you have said in your messages it really sounds like it is having a very negative effect on him...nursery/school shouldn't change a child's personality...yes it can change some of the behaviour as they grow & learn...but their whole personality

terramum · 15/04/2008 17:37

...& at what your DH said...that really isn't on.

LIZS · 15/04/2008 17:41

is it feasible for your dh to do the drop off/pick up or even your mum perhaps? It might be easier on your ds if it isn't you he says good bye to.

ScoobyDoo · 15/04/2008 17:43

Hmm this happened to my friends little boy, she in the end did have to stay with him but it never got any better & she had to take him out & leave it 6 months, after the 6 months though she tried him in another nursery & he was fine, probably more ready.

Maybe try again tomorrow or even till friday if you can do it, if it does not work take him out & leave it 6 months?

It is hard very bloody hard.

Heathcliffscathy · 15/04/2008 17:47

absolutely, get dh to do the drop tomorrow.

I would give it a week or two. and I would pay lots of attention to how he is when you pick up as opposed to drop off (today didn't sound good tbh).

my heart goes out to you, it is really tough. it's a hard line to tread between really giving it a chance, and being able to see that it really isn't working at all.

Original poster

Disenchanted · 15/04/2008 17:47

My mum works and its actully me taking him because he is more clingy to DH, I can't imagine the state he would be in if DH dropped him off.

Besides DH works so its down to me.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 15/04/2008 17:48

LIZS I think that's a brilliant idea re the DH doing drop off.

Often children seperate better from dad....for some, it's just not the same as mum going! Also, if he's so keen for you to keep trying then he should offer if he can - all too easy to 'instruct' that this should continue if he's not the one doing the hard graft!

HonoriaGlossop · 15/04/2008 17:49

oh sorry x-posts

Original poster

Disenchanted · 15/04/2008 17:50

Plus DH wants him to goso I think he would say DS is coping better than he actully was because he wants him to be there, if that makes sense!

OP posts:

glucose · 15/04/2008 18:08

If DH wants him to go and you don't then he should try and take him.

onwardandupward · 15/04/2008 18:11

You know what you think is right - it's been clear in every one of your posts - you don't think your Ds should be there when he is so unhappy.

So take control of that feeling, own it, act on it.

Sod your mum. Sod Dh. Sod the nursery staff. And when DS says tomorrow "please please please I don't want to go", then say "ok, what shall we do instead?" and when Mum and Dh say "what happened at nursery today?" you jsut say "Ds was upset. He didn't want to go. I listened to him. We had a great afternoon at the swings and slides. We'll try nursery or school again when he's ready and willing to go. It's supposed to be fun, so we'll wait till it's fun".

I am shaking for you and your son - what you've gone through is just awful. Don't let people tell you it's normal and you should just stick with it. He's hurting and you're hurting and it's completely unnecessary because he doesn't have to be there.

luckylady74 · 15/04/2008 18:16

My ds1 did this at drop off, but he was fine after 5 minutes - I used to ring - and fine at pick up. Your ds1 sounds like he was catatonic from the stress and crying - this is your call because I think nursery just tends to say keep on trying.
If it was I'd take him out and try again, even somewhere else, later.
If you are stuck on going ahead for this week I really do think you need to arrive early and explkain to the staff that you're either staying or both of you are going - said with lots of apologies and smiles - no need for confrontation. I think it's your resposibility to this for yourds's sake.
As for your dh - I would show him this thread and ask for a little support and respect. Mothers just need the 'hmm' approach on the phone!

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 15/04/2008 18:17

Aw, bless poor thing.

Is money an issue? If the only reason he is attending nursery is to learn interaction in groups, how about sending to a childminder who already has a few mindees for a day or two a week?

My DD goes to a CM (I work full time) and she's around different children there (no other young kids in our family) which is why I dont need to worry much about nursery.

lucyellensmum · 15/04/2008 18:34

To be honest, if this were me, id blow it out, its not worth it. Give it a go in a few more months he will probably love it then. So different to DD1 who kicked and screamed and hung on to the door when i tried to take her home DD2 will be much different i think

pania · 15/04/2008 18:42

Agree 100% with onwardandupward.

FrannyandZooey · 15/04/2008 18:48

me too

so sorry you have felt pressured into leaving him there unhappy again Disenchanted

missyhissey · 15/04/2008 18:54

Yeah, good post onwardandupward. That's a great response to all the family members who are very vociferous about why your child needs to go to nursery (like mine are) but don't actually have to be the ones who do the extremely stressful drop-off.

Original poster

Disenchanted · 15/04/2008 19:33

FFS Im getting it from my fking MIL now

Shes a nursery techer and just come round to give me a lecture

Saying how if I take him out now he will remember and next time will be worse, ect ...

I don't want to do it,

I don't even want to send him back tomorrow

OP posts:

Original poster

Disenchanted · 15/04/2008 19:34

Oh and she said

'if you stick at it now it will give him the courage to face things head on later in life and not give up'

WTF?!!? Hes 3!!!

And as she left she said

'I'll be back tomorrow night for another chat, theres no giving up on this'

OP posts:

Fillyjonk · 15/04/2008 19:37

DE...does he REALLY have to do the week?

Why not take him out til NEXT week and then try another day?

he sounds really really sad.

Am so sorry, this must be so hard for you. As I say ds was similar but...we didn't make him go back (luckily dp and dm on board and feck anyone else )

lucyellensmum · 15/04/2008 19:38

or if you stick at it now, you might really traumatise him and he could end up with separation anxiety issues. Im not saying that is the case, but you could use that as your argument. All children are different - and he is YOUR son. Its not up for discussion tell her.

ScoobyDoo · 15/04/2008 19:38

You know what i would have said, "you may be back but my friggin door will be firmly closed"

Let her bloody take him then, let her deal with the upset.

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