What the hell is wrong with my baby?

[Bodkin]

DD2 (8.5 months) has always been a bloody difficult baby. Today she has reached a new low. She has been screamign at full pelt nearly all day. The only way I have been able to get her to nap is to put her in the cot and leave ehr to scream it out... any other intervention just makes things worse.

She has had a fever for the past few days and whilst unwell has been very drowsy and placid... now she's feeling better again she is just absolutely foul tempered.

I don't really know what to do with her to make her stop crying.

I have tried a sling - she naps for about 10 mins before waking up, but it's not practical anyway as I have DD1 to look after.

Re the good happy babies. Chance would be a fine thing! DD2 doesnt even give me chance to try and make her happy. She objects to things before Ive even done them. Now I frazzledbutcalms baby was like this and has always been awkward. Great! Is my life always going to be like this? Walking on eggshells, trying to get her to be happy?!
At the moment it feels like she will never be happy. I just dont see the point in even trying anymore

meandmyjoe, for once I am jumping off my 'overwhelmed' thread and thinking about someone else! You have been so lovely and supportive, I just had to put a message on here for you to say I am thinking of you. People who don't have babies at the, er, more challenging end of the scale just shouldn't be allowed! It's too bloody annoying and unfair. You have my utter sympathy. I also have to say how great I think you are to have retained your sense of humour. Something I would do well to remember... Keep on keeping on, huh? You sound like you are coping brilliantly. xxx

I had a long chat with a friend of mine yesterday whose baby was horrendously collicy for about 8 months and seemed to cry non-stop. Even though he's now 13 months old, and over the colic, she still feels incredibly guilty about her feelings towards him during those dreadful dark months.

If it's ok with you all, I think I will e-mail her about mumsnet point her in the direction of this thread. She really needs to know that other people feel/felt the same.

NL - great to see you on another thread!

NL how great to see you on another thread! Mmmm not sure about the coping brilliantly bit though but thank you so much for taking the time to post! Thanks for the lovely comments too, i'm so grateful for you thinking of me!

I know everyone keeps saying that it gets easier and all that... then you read this thread and probably think 'the f*ing liars!!!' Seriously though, it does get better, despite us all being miserable cows on here at the minute! Yes things are still hard but once the hormones and the crying subsides a little (for me around 3 months) it got easier. I couldn't even put ds down in the first 8 weeks. It was bloody awful and God we have come such a long way since then and so will you! Also now I know I love ds whereas in the beginning, none of it made sense if you see what I mean? He was making me miserable and I can honestly say I didn't like him very much at all. Now I know I love him even when he's a git so that's much easier!

Littlefish, it would be great to speak to your friend. Believe me so many people on here have felt exactly what she did so she need to know she's not alone. (So do we and one extra person for support can only be a good thing!) 8 months of colic must have been hell for her (and the baby of course).

Thisisthelast, I know things are still so hard for you. I think if possible maybe when your dp is back you should pass dd2 to him and maybe have a day with just you and dd1. It might stop you from feeling so guilty and torn between them so much. I really think anyone in your position need a break. I have no other advice other than what people tell me, it will pass. I am thinking of you though.

Oh I almost forgot, ds was really grumpy yesterday and this morning, I feel really guilty for just laughing at him now as I just checked his gums and he has cut his first tooth! (about time too, he's been teething for 4 months!) Feel really bad for the little chap now! I'm really proud of him in a way though as still he slept through so he's Mummy's brave little soldier today!

(Mind you, this is the baby that slept straight through the earthquake a few months ago and we live where the epicentre was so he's a deep sleeper! Sounded like a train going through our house and his cot was dancing accross his bedroom and he never even stirred!) Thank heavens he is a good sleeper at night.

Anyway, I am taking him swimming this afternoon so that ought to cheer him up!

Hi Everyone
Its been a while since I posted on this thread its really good to see how much we can all support each other. It helps me to realise that maybe I'm not the worse mother in the world and I just have a baby thats a bit more challenging than the others I know.

Bodkin, I was laughing at what you said about driving only in nap times and avoiding traffic lights. I do this all the time! I have special routes with big roundabouts at either end so I just keep on driving the same old bit of road over and over. Glad I'm not alone!!

Ha ha MAMJ - you are right... 9 months (and 2 days)! It is uncanny... there really has been vast improvements since I started this thread... it is like she's turned over a new leaf and decided to be a happy baby (bar hunger and dirty nappies - very sensitive bot!)

And when she does cry, where normally it would be impossible to cajole her out of it, she can now be placated by passing her something vaguely interesting (actually, anything - a sock did it for her earlier when I was changing her nappy), which generally completely distracts her.

We went swimming today as a family, and she didnt cry AT ALL in the car, nor did she cry while I was gettting her dressed and undressed ... those things are normally guaranteed to make her howl!

I feel like a fraud being on here now! I'm sure she'll have her moments, obviously... and the nights still aren't brilliant... but I can cope with the bad nights if the days are OK, I think it was the combination of the two that was tipping me over the edge!

It sounds unbelievable that she could have had such a dramatic turn around in the space of a couple of weeks... but I guess she was improving until she got ill, and then that set her right back.

I really hope the rest of the whingebag babies on this thread perform similarly miraculous personality changes!

Wow bodkin, great news about the personality changes! I wish I could say the same for ds however, I think his teeth maybe unsettling him a bit. He's just got his first pne poling through and now the one next to it is pushing it's way up too so it looks like they are coming thicka dn fast now- my poor little boy! He still slept well though so I can't complain too much!

Just managed to get him to eat a full bowl of porridge, in his highchair, only one little whinge! I have given up on the highchair in the evenings though as he is too tired and grouchy so he either has finger foods (whatever we're eating) or else he gets spoon fed on the floor. Not great but I'm not losing sleep over it!

I am still hoping for the dramatic turn around but I am not holding my breath. I think it may be a long sloooooooow process with my LO. Only 16 weeks til his birthday! Wow this has been a long 8 months.

Good lord my typing is horrendous! You get the impression though!

Is she sleeping any better Bodkin??

Hi there

Just been reading this thread and would love to join! My dd is only 10 weeks though and I'm still holding onto the hope that she'll get better at 3 months! She sounds very like all the babies on here - she does have reflux so I'm sure a lot of her whinging and fussing is down to a sore tummy and gaviscon has helped but my god she fusses.
Lots of bells rang when reading this thread- she always wants to be carried and until abvout a week ago not in one position for longer than about 5 minutes before crying again, she ALWAYS cries when we put her coat on, she won't settle anywhere but on me (except strangely at night) so I bought a sling and even that makes her scream for ten minutes before dropping off. At least the buggy usually pacifies her but god forbid that I go into a shop as the crying starts again and I'm forced out to wander the streets in the rain again.
She's my first and I was hoping this was just how newborns are but having spent time with othr babies her age I can see how much grumpier she is than them. Had a really bad day on weds as went to meet an old friend who had a baby 2 weeks after me - he lay on the sofa next to her, all coos and smiles and then dropped off, whilst my dd fussed and whinged and eventually had a total meltdown and we had to leave. I'm starting to stop going out and seeing people as she always kicks up such a fuss and it really stresses me but am worried that I'll get really isolated and this will make me even lower.
Sorry for the rant ladies but just thought that I may find some kindred spirits on here, although I was hoping that you would all be saying that it all improved magically at 12 weeks!

Ahhh Cavs well I won't lie to you and tell you it will magically get better at 12 weeks. However, I can't say that it won't either. Some babies are very miserable and have tummy troubles for the first 12 weeks or so, it could calm down so don't pannic just yet!

I would go and see people anyway to be honest. Yes- she will fuss and yes- you will feel embarrassed and guilty and blah blah blah but I'd rather feel all those things rather than loneliness! I got to the point a few weeks ago where I was just avoiding going places, stopped contacting my friends, completely isolated my self. It was hell and I ended up feeling very depressed and desperate for someone to talk to. I know it sometimes seems easier to stay at home but in the long run it can be damaging. Also it does the baby good to get out and have a change of scenery.

My ds was exactly the same in his buggy for the first 4-5 months, he was OK if it was on the move and we were outside but the second we stopped moving or went into a shop then he would cry. Finally at about 5 months he rejected the pushchair altogether so make sure you have a comfy sling/baby carrier just incase

She is still very young though and hasn't even got the ability to hold toys or play with things yet so she may ease up a bit when she can play and you can distract her with toys!

It does get easier. It will get easier at some point, wish I could tell you when!

Cavs, it may only last 12 weeks, but if not there is lots of support on mumsnet for those of us with more fussy babies.

Do still go out though it does help. Even a walk with the pram or a drive during nap times gives you a bit of a break. I meet up with a few mums who know what DD is like so I dont feel embarassed any more and if she is really bad then you can always go home but sometimes they surprise you and you're glad you went. I also find if I go somewhere and I'm uptight about it she is definately worse. Going to noisy places or outside means that they dont sound so loud if meltdown occurs. My DD enjoys going swimming but I always go with DH to help with changing afterwards. You could also try to find a baby massage group it works for some babies, mine is more interested in trying to turn over or sit up at the moment so thats not working for us but a few months ago it may have done.

Hope this helps xx

Just come upon this thread and have traumatised myself all over again by reliving the terrible time I had with ds1.

AAAAAAArgh! Been there, done that, book, film, t-shirt and all.

Ds1 is now 18years old.

He went from terrible baby to primadonna drama queen (the more mature version of grizzly baby.) No stranger to temper tantrums, probably until 7 or 8 years.

Now, you might think that he would be a hellish teenager, but no, and this is the amazing bit, when he reached teenage years he became a great human being. I have NEVER had any teenage nonsense behaviour from him. He is actually exceptionally laid back and calm - nothing phases him now. (He is also funny, terrific company and we are closer, I would say, than me and ds2, possibly because our relationship has always been more intense.)

So personality is not fixed.

Oh and ds2 was not the same at all - far more easy going as a baby, not so easy now!

Thinking of you all. It does get better. The really sad thing is that a time which should be really enjoyable is spoilt by these bloody grumpy dcs. We're the ones who remember it tho' - the children have no memory of it, thank goodness!

THANK GOD I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!

DS who is now 2 was a nightmare (sleeping for only 45 mins at a time and constantly miserable) till he was about 18mths. Everyone told me the second would be okay. DD is now 9 weeks and even more sensitive. Have had reflux confirmed, but have given up on Gavisgon given by stringe as too traumatic (BF and DD refuses bottle)
I didn't think it could get any worse but being sleep deprived and looking after a manic toddler is EXHAUSTING. Love them both though. Felt very guilty with DS had some very dark thoughts in those first few mths, constantly asking why could I not have a 'normal happy baby' like everyone else seemed to have. Determined to enjoy it more this time, just wish I could sleep
Good to read this thread and know I'm not alone out there

Even more members of this miserable baby club! DD2 seems to be getting rather good at crawling and actually has been a lot lot happier.

Things that would normally bother her, dont seem to bother her so much.

Oh and... great news.............. She has finally slept through the night, twice in a row!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am totally shocked. She slept from 7pm to 5:30am which is a very early start but so much better than before!

Thisisthelast - wow... that is absolutely terrific - so lovely to hear! Even if she does a step backwards again... you know now that there are glimmers of hope and you can hang on to them in the dark times!

Thanks for posting your experience probablyaslytherin - that has cheered me up no-end!

Sleeplessinhants - I know exactly what you mean about trying to enjoy it more 2nd time around... but it's hard when they are so unhappy. Keep posting on this thread though - good support here and some positive stories coming through...

Hi everyone else! Hope you are all keeping chins up for the day ahead!

Aww, lovely to hear thisisthelast. Fantastic news! You deserve a break.

Joe is still a misery guts but I am starting to understand him (yes I know, I'm ashamed it's taken me 8 months.) I am still a little concerned about the sort of child he will become and a bit worried we'll never be able to take him to certain places or to see certain people.

He still gets upset by tiny things, or sometimes nothing. He is however, eating more solids and still sleeping well at night so I mustn't complain too much.

He's started throwing full blown screaming tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. For example, we were in a shop and he reached out and grabbed something, we said 'no' and took it off him. He kicked and screamed until red in the face. I had to laugh at him though, he is so big that he looks like a toddler going through the 'terrible twos!' I can't believe he has such a temper already! Please tell me this is normal! God knows what sort of a toddler he will actually be!

I can't believe so many people have a grotty first baby and have the courage and strength to go through it all again! Wow, you are brave and obviously a lot stronger than me!

Lovely to chat to you all though and hear everyones different experiences. Sometimes it's just good to hear tales of survival!

Just quickly MAMJ - that is normal for babies of this age - to object when you take a toy away... I think it is even one of the milestones they test to check your baby is developing normally... Try offering something else - they are not normally too bothered if you do a swap rather than taking something straight away - so keep a selection of "safe" toys in your handbag.... you might rattle a bit when you walk though, I do!

Oh thank you, that makes me feel a lot better Bodkin! He's always protested and grumbled if you took something off him but now he actually screams and punches his arms and kicks his legs! I always have toys with me actually but I totally forgot to offer him one, I was too busy laighing at him

It is nice to know that it is actually a sign he is develloping normally though. My friends baby is 10 months and he litterally NEVER cries. I thought at first she was bullshitting but seriously, I've spent the day with her, he doesn't even grizzle if you take something off him. He is so laid back. Mind you, she is a bit worried about him as he doesn't coo or babble or roll over yet. He is deffinitely very easy going. He has no fustrations or anything. She says he hasn't cried since he was 6 months old and even that was only when he was hungry! I was Makes Joseph look like a demon baby!

Probablyaslytherin, I am taking comfort from your experience with ds1 now 18 years.

I have 2 tricky dcs, dd 4.7 and ds 1.7 and am bracing for the teenage years. Perhaps I could hope for an easier ride when they are teenagers, having paid my dues from babyhood. It would nice to have the last laugh, although I won't hold my breath.

I second your experience that these high maintenance babies can still be high maintenance growing up. My experience with dd certainly bears this out. She still knows what she wants and will not take direction from me easily and is terribly vocal if she does not get her way.

meandmyjoe, if you are thinking of a second, there is always the hope that the second will be easier. After my shocker of a time with dd, I was PROMISED an easy second baby. After 3 months of denial with ds, I knew I had lost. Lightning struck twice ...

I saw your earlier post about people lying that it would get easier. It is not easy to see how this can be when you are in the thick of it. But once your ds is older, you can look back 6 months, 1 year and think, yes, it IS easier, I feel better about being a mother, I think my ds is happier!

It is all worth it. My dd took so much as a baby and continues to, but she gives it all back. Your velcro baby will be the cuddliest most loving child you could ever wish for. At school, I am the only mother who got bear hugs for watching her ballet performance, whose dd screams with joy and runs to me with arms outstretched when I collect her from school, who at random, will just pull my face to her and plant a big kiss. I am not sure how I deserve all this, but just to let you know, there is a payback for all your hardwork.

Also, my dh was a nightmare baby - that is where our dd and ds get their personalities from. My MIL swears they are exactly like dh as a baby.

Dh turned a corner after when he reached 3. Today, from being the most difficult baby of all his siblings, he is the most successful, quietly driven and achieving, as well as a great husband and hands-on father. meandmyjoe, that baby of yours who grumbles and protests when you take something off him, will be the one grasping his opportunities and maximising his talents once he is a adult.

Hooray for headstrong babies.

God no, not thinking of having anymore, lightening strikes twice far too often for my liking!

My dh was also a nightmare baby, he wouldn't sit still and screamed all the time. He walked at 9 months though and became a lovely child and has turned out to be all the things you said about your dh so perhaps it is not all doom and gloom.

My DH was also a nightmare baby, wouldn't go to sleep, wouldn't sit in any sort of chair etc, he also walked at 9 months. This is where my DD must get it from too. Hope DD crawls and walks early she is very frustrated at the moment but is only 5mo.

Blueshoes they are lovely messages you've posted and it has made my day. I'm looking at DD today with smiley eyes thinking about how much happier she will be one day

Mmmm I'm starting to think, we should have vetted out dh's better before we decided to procreate with them! lol! Conveniently, my mother in law only told me what a horrific baby dh was after I'd had Joseph!

How coincidental our dhs were also nightmare babies who blossomed - I mean, who would want to marry a man who cries all the time, flies off the handle at the slightest thing and won't be put down.

BTW I was an easy baby, so easy that my mother could not believe it having had a hard time with my sister. But I was a nightmare teenager. Dh, was a pussycat in comparison, as a teenager. Maybe there is a lesson in all this ...