What the hell is wrong with my baby?

[Bodkin]

DD2 (8.5 months) has always been a bloody difficult baby. Today she has reached a new low. She has been screamign at full pelt nearly all day. The only way I have been able to get her to nap is to put her in the cot and leave ehr to scream it out... any other intervention just makes things worse.

She has had a fever for the past few days and whilst unwell has been very drowsy and placid... now she's feeling better again she is just absolutely foul tempered.

I don't really know what to do with her to make her stop crying.

I have tried a sling - she naps for about 10 mins before waking up, but it's not practical anyway as I have DD1 to look after.

Haven't read all the way through this but I also had a baby that cried a lot. I felt he had silent reflux when he was young, but this was poo pooed by the Dr who told me to make him wait 4 hrs for a feed and give water inbetween (he was bf ). I ignored his advice. I took him to Cranial Osteo on a regular basis. Think it helped, but it helped me - the Osteo was a Mum to 4 boys and she helped me keep things in perspective. I think I went more for me than for DS in the end. We were also having an extension built so noise was a factor which unnerved him a bit I think. He changed overnight though when he started to crawl to the point that friends (laughingly) suggested we had swapped him for a different baby. The other thing that really helped is this. It seems expensive, but he loved it, it kept him upright which helped with wind and tummy issues and he could bounce up and down in it. I even gave him snacks in it so he could feed himself with bread sticks etc. It was worth every penny and once he was too big for it I cleaned it up and sold it for a really good price. Good luck, its so hard isn't it. I really, really struggled when DS cried so much. I feel for you.

Oh Jesus, thank god this thread is still going! DD2 has been a whinge bag all day. DP working away this week

Been pulling my hair out all day. I really can't please this baby. She is seriously seriously miserable and it doesn't seem to have eased any.

Thankfully she is now crawling although not as well as she's like which appears to be p*ssing her off even more. It's non stop.

Separation anxiety has really kicked in and she's up at least 3 times at night. She used to just feed andthen settle again but not anymore, everytime she wakes, it's an hour or more til I get her settled.

I really thought this would be easier second time round but I'm clueless.

Sorry for you all but so glad I'm not on my own with this. Just tried to get her to nap in her cot- no success, screamfest.

Feeling a bit low today. I eally don't know how I am going to cope this next week without dp. Please tell me this will get better, I could cry!

thisisthelast i cried yesterday in sheer frustration and miserableness at it all, i phoned my mum. she has come over to be with me most of day and it has helped a lot though now she has gone ds on major whinge and moan fest i really dont know what to do with him he is on my lap wrestling the clothes airer which is next to me, with his dummy in though as i just can't stand his incessant moaning. i hate the dummy but seems to be my only peace when he is awake. i go from wondering if he is ill to thinking no its temper i can't make up my mind. it really is the pits just cant get anything done. sorry for rant.

oh am taking him to gp and hv on friday not that i expect any major break throughs.

Feel free to rant Kaniluja! Thats what mumsnet is for right??

Well, after a truly a shitty morning with dd2, I am feeling really guilty for snapping at dd1

Had a much better afternoon with dd2 after she finally gave in and had a nap.

It is so confusing. I often wonder if dd is ill or whether she's just got a fowl temper.

DP tok her to doctors and she was checked for intolerances and reflux a while ago but dr said everything was fine and she will just grow out of it. Conveniently he didn't say when!

I feel a bit better after my rant earlier. Thank heavens for mumsnet and this thread, it is my lifeline at the minute.

Hello Everyone

Well Meandmyjoe, I went to our friends for Sunday lunch and DD was much better than I expected. I was only told once that she needs to learn to cry it out which is great as it means we only had one crying fit (and it was pretty minor).

Yesterday was awful she had me up five times in the night and was in a bad mood in the afternoon when I was really tired myself. However last night she slept from 12-7 I felt like a new woman! Also she has been in a good mood today, or maybe its me thats in a good mood whatever its been an OK day.

I have to say some days you wonder how you will cope with another day like the last and then you have a really good day and think its OK its just a phase. Glad to hear some tales of improvement when lo is crawling. I cant wait!! Trouble is DD is only 5 months so could be waiting a while yet....

Hi all

Well, we had a great day today! I think it helped that we were out all day and I managed to time the car journeys out and back with her naps, so peace in the car too! I agree with Mrsshackleton about it looking like I've swapped babies (well, today anyway) - even my sister couldn't believe the smiley chirpy little dot I brought round! She still wouldn't let my sis have a cuddle, but hey, that's separation anxiety for you! When you have a good day, it feels like such a weight off your shoulders! And cos she was soo knackered after our day's activity, she went down like a sack of spuds at bedtime too! Just praying she will sleep better and then I might give her 10/10 (yes, we have taken to "marking" her days )

Re the "never having another one" thing. After DD1 (who was exactly the same) I also swore, "never again". I can remember when she was about 6 months walking back from the supermarket in the pouring rain, carrying her under one arm, howling, and pushing the shopping in the buggy. Me crying my eyes out and saying "that's it, you will be an only child, you'll never have siblings, you miserable little sod" But she grew into the most fantastically funny and brilliant little girl... the memories of the first 9 months faded and eventually we came round to the idea of going through it all over again. I had terrible panics while I was pregnant of how hard it was going to be again (and I was right!) but I am so glad we DID go through it again. Even though there has been some horrendous days second time around, there has always been the knowledge that it will get better at some point, which helps. And when I see how they are starting to interact with each other, it definitely makes it all worthwhile.

You don't have to go through it again for a while yet. You'll heal. And you'll know when the time is right to go for it again. So don't chuck out the baby stuff just yet

well read this whole thread and can say i am with you all - been posting here since lo born 8 months ago

hugely demanding baby always wanting to be held

and now even though he can crawl (of sorts) still cries when i leave him even though he can follow me etc

so mobulity didnt solve anything for me one iota!!!

wishing all you girls a better eve than i am having now

exhausted

Hi all to all the mums (aka saints) with babies who cry non stop, my dd2 is one of the club too. It started with her being sick from about 4 weeks old. Didn't have that with dd1, so was bit of a shock. Sickness was followed by a previously content baby turning into a screaming bundle, shes now 5 mths and still very much a high maintenance baby, but so gorgeous too, its upsets me so much that she is so unhappy. Tried CO, no good, the CO said she was a tough one!

GP put us on Gaviscon, but trying to give this to a BF baby, 15ml of syringed yuck, no surprise, she yacked it back up. Tried Ranitidine, that was no help either. Went back to Gaviscon mixed with formula in a bottle, she took to that ok and it helped a bit with the sick and painful crying but soon after that she started to reject the BF and is now 100% formula fed, which made me sad as I bf DD1 for 10 mths.

GP then suggested early weaning, all of this has helped with the sickness, but she still seems an angry and uncomfortable baby. The worst thing is that she needs constantly holding, and I've been told I'm spoiling her or making a rod for my own back, but its anything for a quiet life. HV said to try a dummy, which I normally don't like, but has been a life line. Said it would pacify and help with the reflux to strengthen the weak muscle. Now she sleeps better but when she looses the dummy, we are constantly disturbed by the crying unless we get up and put the dummy back in, which is another nightmare.

A while ago a friend suggested letting her sleep on her tummy which seems like a taboo subject, but i have to say its improved her sleep 100%. However, the first couple of weeks i still didn't sleep, thinking she'd suffocate! We even bought one of those movement and breathing monitors as i was so paranoid.

I haven;t read all this thread as its quite long, but I feel like I'm in good company now, its so hard having an irritable baby, especially when they laugh and gurgle at the GP and HV, who look at you like you're over reacting, but I know I'm not as DD1 was an angel. I just love her so much, but she makes me feel like she hates me for being born sometimes

Woah, who knew there were so many of us out there?! I really felt like my baby was the only one like this but there have been so many posts on here, I'm feeling a little less lonely!

Bodkin, congratulations on the good day you had with dd2. I love it when I have a good day or afternoon with ds, it really does put things onto perspective and allow me to enjoy him for the spirited, clever, gorgeous little boy that I know he CAN be! It also kind of infuriates me when I get up the next day and he's back to his grouchy, grumbling, miserable self

Well, the gaviscon i working well at stopping the possetting so is perhaps settling his tummy a little. He's still a grumpster though! Although, yeaterday afternoon, I realy enjoyed my time alone with him and actually found that I lost track of time and he went to bed half an hour late as I was too busy playing with him. A massive turn up for the books as I am normally clock watching and counting sown til he goes to bed

I have just decided, instead of forcing what I think normal babies should tolerate (getting dressed, feeding in the highchair, sitting still etc etc) I am just going to deal with his demands and stop (or try to stop!) comparing him to other babies! It only makes me angry when I can't do these things without a fuss so yeaterday ds ate his tea sitting on the floor, he laughed and babbled all the way through and I actually felt much happier. I'm sure my health visitor would frown upon it but she doesn't live with him so she has no right to pass judgement.

As, I type, ds is happily chomping on some toast in his highchair, oddly, he can manage to eat finger foods perfectly well in his highchair but nothing off a spoon

Things are improving, me and dh were only last night saying all the awful times when ds was a newborn when we would pace endlessly up and down the kitchen with the extractor fan on trying to soothe him. If we got to put him down for 5 minutes, we would be celebrating. I remember the first time we got to put ds down in his bouncer chair for 15 whole minutes, he was 8 weeks and 6 days old! We have come a long way since then, it just seems hard to see it sometimes.

Bumbly, I really hope when your ds can crawl competantly, things will improve. Also, separation anxiety is a git but something that will pass, even guggling angel babies are likely to freak out if mummy goes away. Things will improve (I hope!). Did you sort out the sleep problems? I spoke to you on a thread regarding getting your ds to sleep with the lighter nights.

Anyway, it's good that we have this thread as an outlet. I had no idea that so many people were suffering! It's bloody awful isn't it? There should be more websites or books available for people with babies like ours. Nobody understands quite how hard it is and quite how long the days can be.

Anyway, i've blabbed on for ages. DS has finnished his toast so time to get him out the highchair!

I just wish I had known about Mumsnet when I was climbing the walls with DD1!

MAMJ (hope you don't mind the abbreviation!) Oh I totally think you are doing the right thing by going with the flow wiht your DS a bit more... sod the highchair, clothes, buggy etc.... make life eeeeaaaasy for yourself. DD2 is often in the same romper suit for 3 days! I gave up on all the gorgeous clothes I had been given, and went out and spent £40 on gorgeous rompers and 'grows so that I had some nice things to put her in that didn't involve too much screaming!

Oooh better dash - DD1 has just arrived back from the toyshop with DH brandishing an obscene amount of playmobil....!

Hi all just reading this and just thought nobody has mentioned teething - our little boy probably a little earlier than 8.5 months used to scream for hours because of his teeth and nothing could stop him or calm him down ??

Had a hideous day. DD2 has whined most of the day. I ended up putting her in her cot in the hope she'd go to sleep as she was clearly exhausted. She cried for half an hour til I went to get her and now I feel wretched for leaving her. Why is motherhood so bloody hard? I feel guilty no matter what I do. I'm constantly torn between the two girls and I feel awful. Ive really struggled today and I am so down. It doesnt help that dp is working away and I am feeling very low.

thisisthelast - just sending some big hugs from yes, yet another one of us out there with high maintenance babies...try to take a deep breath, do whatever you can to relax. It is just so hard especially at the end of the day, I know. I'm sure the little thing loves you if she could just tell you!

Thank you LQK, I know I must sound like a moaning old bag but I am seriously wishing her life away at the minute. I keep thinking, Oh maybe by thetime shes a year old this crappy time will be behind us. The days go so damn slowly! Just feel guilty all the time and it's tiring. Thanks for the support though- nice to know there are people out there who do understand!

all I can say is, I know.

try to get out of the house tomorrow. it really does help.

and take one day, one hour at a time. rant away as well...it def helps too.

thisisthelast

virtual hugs to you

Thisisthelast- I know exactly how you feel, you are not alone!! I have had some pretty shitty days in the past few weeks. It's so lonely when your other half is working a lot. When is your dp back home?

We all feel guilty, I think, sadly it's part of being a mummy I feel terribly guilty when ds cries before a nap. I feel guilty when he is playing and entertining himself, I won't even bother to talk to him too much as I know it only makes him aware that I'm there and will encourage him to whinge to be picked up and carried about! I really don't know how you do it with another child, but you are doing it and it will be fine. Keep posting- it does help. I hope things get easier for you very soon.

Bodkin, I don't mind the abbreviation of my nickname at all! I am still taking things easy really and allowing ds to eat where and when he wants. My health visitor is coming round next Tuesday and I am unsure whether to say very little about how things are or whether to just go along with it and say everything's fine. I don't see that she can help much anyway. When ds was a couple of months old I was in tears at the baby clinic and the health visitor just said to leave him to cry and also made me feel a bit of a nutter for getting upset. I was slightly relieved last time I went to get ds weighed as there was another young woman crying her eyes out and sobbing on the health visitor so I guess they must get it a lot. I felt really sorry for her though s the health visitors here are not that great!

Anyway, things here aren't too bad, I'm tired but I am coping. Still waiting for the magic turning point but I am sure we are all getting ever closer!

what abouta headache, my two older ones have had this bug going round at the moment and because theyre older can tell me how they feel and they say there head hurts like hell and movement makes i t worse or lying down..no other symptoms apart from temp at beginning..left my dd completely wiped out

Wow, so many other grumpy babies out there, who knew, and why don't I meet any of them in RL So I've only just managed to get back online today as my laptop blew up on Monday and its taken this long to get it repaired...this thread has grown loads since I last read it!

Bodkin, interesting what you say about settling in the night, my dd has just started crying when I put her back in her cot at night, previously she would feed and then go back down no probs. I think it has something to do with the separation anxiety thing. It will pass I'm sure

oh, and snap with the beautiful clothes, dd hates putting baby tights on so I didn't bother with dresses at all. She doesn't like being messed with for more than 5 mins tops. Also hates having her coat put on.

Mamjoe, I hardly ever bother with the highchair. I put dd on her splash mat, give her a plate of goodies and stand well back She loves her finger foods...actually she just loves bread but is not keen on things like mash potato or indeed anything that has been mashed, which I find odd as I thought babies liked smush. Anyway I just let her play with it all, rub it in her hair, stick it up her nose etc then I hose her down afterwards. Some does go in but not sure how much. She likes to use the avocado as a facial more than anything else. If Joe doesn't like things on a spoon, you could try giving him control of the spoon or be creative...I put mashed up avocado on ricecakes and give them to dd, maybe try something like that.

thisisthelast, sorry you had a bad day yesterday. We've all been there, hope today is bringing you better things.

Well my week has been up and down as usual. I normally have really good mornings followed by some really cranky, grumpy afternoons. Dd is now crawling everywhere and pulling herself up on the furniture (cue lots of tumbles and me having to rescue her)

I would say that crawling has improved her mood in that she can now amuse herself happily on the floor for quite a long time. However like Bumbly has said, she will still get upset if I walk away from her to do something even though she can crawl to me if she wants. My main problems are still afternoon naps, the carseat- she still cries at red traffic lights and the pushchair- she arches her back and wants to get out after 10mins.

Therefore I believe all my problems would be solved if I never used the car or pushchair and I could just get her to nap in the afternoon Oh and laugh at all my jokes instead of staring at me like I'm a loon

I am in a very good mood today as I'm out gallivanting lunching with friends tomorrow and dh will be taking charge of madam...

Have a good weekend ladies. xx.

Its so funny that these babies all have the same "tics".... Laksa - I always have to drive out of town, and around on the ringroad, and then back in the other side so I can avoid the traffic lights!

Bumbly and thisisthelast - I'm sorry you are both still having such a hard time with no glimmers of improvement... I can only second what others have said - to keep getting out and about. Even if your bubs are still crotchety and howling, it does at least make you feel like you've achieved something. I go to the petshop with my DD2 every now and then to show her the tropical fish

My DD2 is currently at nursery I started her last week (with the aim of just doing 1 morning a week to give me a break) and it went very badly - left her for 5 minutes and then I went back and I could hear her howling before I even went in to the building. So far it is looking a bit better - I left her for 10 mins, went back and hovered outside the building - couldn't hear screams so have come home for a coffee (luckily I am about 2 mins away) Fingers crossed I don't return to a red-faced tear-stained little munchkin...

I haven't read this, only flicked through very briefly. I have 4dc, 3 of them are 'fine and normal' (for want of a better expression!), dc2 however i knew from 2 weeks old she was 'different'. She cried constantly, didnt want to be up, didnt want to be down, hated pram,carseat, bouncy seat, everything!!! It was really tough with her, it seemed like she was a very depressed baby at only weeks old!! She's now 8 and is (and always has been) very strong willed, awkward, stubborn, headstrong and independent! I feel her early crying was due to the fact that she knew what she wanted to do but was never physically able to do so as she was just too young. It does get better but tbh not much better or easier! Every day is a battle and struggle with her!

My biggest fear. Thanks for that frazzled

Well as for not throwing the baby stuff out just yet (incase of wanting another) I have sold the bloody lot on ebay!! I am never putting myself or dh through this again.

And please, if God forbid you see any posts from me in years to come, saying we are planning another baby, please please come and talk me out of it! You have to. Just redirect me to this thread and it will put me off for life! I am trusting you all to do that for me! lol!

Anyway, Bodkin, I hope your dd2 has continued to be a smiley little dot! Just realised on the day you said you'd had such a good day, it must have been around the day she turned 9 months which is what hapened with dd1 so maybe things will get a lot lot easier for you now.

DS is still a whingey bum. He cried his eyes out this morning just because I dared to lay him down to change his nappy. He even cried when I walked into his room to pick him up out of the cot this morning! He hates me!!! Maybe it just feels like that but he is a miserable little beggar!

Thankfully, dh has 4 days off starting tomorrow so things always seem a bit easier with having him around! I have to say though, I've stopped getting quite so upset when ds cries, some of the things that make him cry are so ludicrous. I can't imagine why it would make him cry and I am actually finding myself laughing at him when he has such a tantrum over nothing. He gets so angry about silly little things, his little personality is so grouchy!

The Gaviscon seems to have done nothing for his mood but I am unsure how long it takes to work. I would have though I'd have seen an improvement by now though. It's been about a week. Still hoping for an improvement when he gets mobile.

Hope you are all well today and that you have good happy little babies for at least one day!