What the hell is wrong with my baby?

[Bodkin]

DD2 (8.5 months) has always been a bloody difficult baby. Today she has reached a new low. She has been screamign at full pelt nearly all day. The only way I have been able to get her to nap is to put her in the cot and leave ehr to scream it out... any other intervention just makes things worse.

She has had a fever for the past few days and whilst unwell has been very drowsy and placid... now she's feeling better again she is just absolutely foul tempered.

I don't really know what to do with her to make her stop crying.

I have tried a sling - she naps for about 10 mins before waking up, but it's not practical anyway as I have DD1 to look after.

Hair dryer music? I'm intrigued! Well ds has just been for his morning nap in his cot and settled himself after about 5 or 6 minutes of wriggling and trying to sit up in his cot! He went to sleep fine and seems in a really good mood today. Or maybe I'm just feeling brighter so that makes things seem less horrific! He still only naps for 30 mins at a time (one in the morning and one at about 3pm) so I'm still convinced that a lot of his crankiness is possibly over tiredness but I'm sure as he gets older and needs less sleep then things will work out.

Whist he is in his cot instead of in my arms for naps, I actually got chance to have a shower and a quick cup of tea and a jammy dodger, I feel like a new woman!

Oooo 11am til bedtime is a longtime without sleep- no wonder she gets grumpy. DS also gets tired after about 2-3 hours. If only babies knew how much better they'd feel after sleep. Perhaps they'd spend less time fighting it and actually cheer up a bit.

What does sh wake for in the night? Is it just for a feed then back to sleep? Whatever the reason, I'm so glad ds sleeps well at night. I have so much sympathy for you having it all day and not getting the respite you need at night.

We have totally hijacked this thread! Sorry Bodkin! Still thinking of you and hoping dd2 is back on the home straight now.

Just a message of sympathy to fellow mums of 8 month old terrors. I remember you Bodkin, from way back when they were little, and you were one of the Ones Who Understand About Difficult Babies.

DS is much better now but he can still be a complete turd and his sleep is gradually getting worse, but in our case it's mostly digestive discomfort (enormous farts).

I think as time goes on it gets harder because other mums are seemingly getting on with life with their placid little babies gurgling away happily.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone. Have faith (you've got to, haven't you?!), it has to get better eventually!

I wonder if digestive discomfort is a factor for many grumpy babies. When ds is asleep you can feel his tummy contracting sometimes and he is contantly pushing and grunting like he's trying to poo but isn't constipated. He was terrible with wind as a tiny baby but I am hoping it is improving. Does anyone know when they are likely to get over the tummy problems?

I haven't read all the posts on this thread but think the title says it all. My DD is 5 months and driving me insane, no sleep, constant carrying etc etc. Today we went to a PN group under the false title of baby massage, which is really for mothers having a tough time, and DD shouted all the way through with bouts of crying in between. She was so loud the leaders could hardly be heard. All the other babies were, yet again, well behaved. I dont have PND just a difficult baby who I'm sure was making all the other mothers even more miserable. I would have had a more relaxed time at home where only I have to put up with the noise.

Everyone I meet is full of advice which doesnt help as they dont understand what I mean. I was listening to HV saying that all babies need is food, warmth, clean nappy and lots of contact and attention. She gets all of those things especially as she is BF and carried all day long! This last week talking to DD is almost a waste of time as she cannot hear my voice over her own. I'm hoping the shouting is a very short phase!

I love her to bits but am so miserable today probably due to bad night

I feel for you twinkleymum. DS is asleep in his cot again, wahey!!!!! and just thought I'd let you know that we know how you feel.

It seems that 80-90% of ds awake time he is fussing and whinging. I have just about given up going out the house when dh is at work as I know ds will just cry and cause a scene which I can't handle on my own! I may aswell be at home where I can feel and look like shit in private!

As for the shouting, it is normal and afraid ds still does it now inbetween whiging and shrieking. It's tough isn't it?

I know you feel miserable. I felt awful yesterday, as you'll find out if you read the previos posts! It's so hard when you can't even sit down and just hold your baby. I want so much just to cuddle him and talk to him but it's impossible.

You are not alone, keep holding on to the fact that it has to end at some point.

Wishing you well and sending lots of sympathy.

Just come across this thread, and my ds2 is very like this, on and off. He's 8 months old and there's just too much screaming for my liking - it's very emotionally draining isn't it . His worst times seem to be when I put him in his highchair to eat, or when we're at home alone without ds1. I thought it would have got better by 8 months... A lot of it has been teeth with him I think, but I also think he's just hyper-sensitive and can't cope with any amount of tiredness. No advice really, just wanted to share!

Miserable weather doesn't help my mood. Have just been walking up and down patio with the pram to get DD some sleep. She's in a better mood for now.

Meandmyjoe, how did you get your DS to sleep in his cot? I really need to do this as DD is outgrowing her pram....

I tried for months and months, just putting him in the cot when he was obviously tired. For about three months he would just scream the second I put him down so I would pick him up and always resort to feeding him to sleep or rocking him. Putting him in the pram never worked!

Yesterday, I realised that I'd given up trying to put him in his cot and thought as he is so damn big and arches his back and cries even when I try and rock him to sleep, I might aswell try one more time. I have one of those video monitors so I can see him in his cot.

I was amazed, after 6 minutes of grizzling, rubbing his eyes and pulling himself up on the bars of his cot, he just rolled over and went to sleep. I thought it must have been a fluke but it worked again in the afternoon, with about 3 minutes of grizzling (moaning and grunting, not screaming!).

He's had two naps in his cot today ( one for an hour and fifteen minutes ) A major breakthrough for a baby that has never slept in the day for more than 30 mins at a time! He only grizzled for about 2 minutes today.

The main thing is to make sure that the room is dark. I mean really dark like night time, otherwise he just used to cry. We have resorted to using black sugar paper to black out his windows til we get a blackout blind! Looks a bit unsightly from the outside but thankfully his room is at the back of the house!!!

Give it a go, can't hurt to try. Even if they cry for a bit. I used to rush in as soon as ds whinged, never left him for a minute to cry and he has used me mercilessly!!! lol! Just let her grizzle for a bit and see what happens. Obviously if ds cried for more than 5 minutes than I would cave in and rock him as I really don't feel ready to use controlled crying or anything. Not when he sleeps so well at night. I'm lucky to have 11 hours baby free time at night!

I really didn't do anything revolutionary! Just keep trying is my only advice. For now it seems to have worked and he has slept better than ever, probably as it was dark and he woke up once after half an hour this afternoon but rubbed his eyes and went straight back to sleep. I think if he sees the lights on and hears the radio or sees me then he can't go back to sleep and just screams as he is clearly not ready to wake up but can't go back to sleep if you see what I mean?! For now the cot in a darkened room seems to have been a success.

Finally means I get a bit of time without him in my arms, which is lovely, although I already miss watching him sleep and actually being able to cuddle him whilst sitting down! Typical!

I would do it sooner rather than later as eventually as toddlers they are going to have to nap in their cot. I can't keep rocking him, he weighs as much as a toddler already!

What a lovely afternoon with my ds. I feel so much better today but who knows what horrors tomorrow will bring! I feel so much happier just knowing that now he naps in his cot, I actually get to do stuff for ME for a couple of hours a day. I actually had some lunch today [shock!] DS has been in such a good mood (for him, still awful compared to some!) but I'm sure the long nap improved his temprement, at least for one afternoon!

Oh I forgot to brag mention; ds learned to clap his hands today. I'm soooo proud!!!!

Don't have any advice ladies. Just wanted to share my nightmare baby! Shee is dd2 and is 8 months old. Has never slept well in the day, basically have to let her scream it out whilst I try and cuddle her and restrain her. She wakes up as moody as her arse and stays that way all day. She seems to cry at the littlest thing. I can't take her anywhere as she has a meltdown. Still doesn't sleep through, gets up at least twice in the night. We are sooooooo tired. DD1 was so settled by around 10 weeks and I still can't work out that I've done anything differently. DD2 is just so touchy, just wiping her hands can make he scream. She also does the backarching and crying in her highchair/buggy and carseat. It's hell at the minute. Me and dp have taken her to cranial osteopath twice, can't really see any improvement but she is still not mobile! Please tell me crawling will be the turning point! Have no advice at all, just fancied a rant!

Meandmyjoe, we have spoken before on a previous rant about dd2! Sorry you are still finding things hard but well done on sorting the nap thing out! Bodkin, I hoped you'd be out of the woods by now!

Well another day with ds taking a morning nap in his cot. We cheated in the afternoon though as we took him swimming and he fell asleep on the way home in the car so we went on a drive to let him sleep We didn't see the point in waking him just to put him down in his cot again.

How is everyone else getting on? Any more improvement Bodkin?

What a clever boy to clap his hands I have the opposite problem with naps, I can sometimes get dd to nap in her cot ok but if I'm out and about she won't sleep in pushchairs etc, also she definitely won't fall asleep in my arms will just arch her back and get more and more worked up

Thisisyourlast, I feel your pain with the night wakings, my dd gets up at 1 and 5 at the moment, she drinks for 5 mins and goes back to sleep straightaway so I think my boob must be acting as a dummy for her will have to tackle this soon but I have a skinny one so I like to get a little extra milk into her when I can I don't mind waking up too much, its having to get back to sleep when your dh is snoring his arse off that is tough!

DD was an angel for most of the day today, apart from the odd tired moment she napped twice, blew raspberries at the cat and made lots of happy shouty sounds at everyone she met all day...amazing the difference a little sleep can bring

Sending angelbaby vibes to all
xx

My DD slept for 5 hours in a row last night, hooray! I had to give her formula at 1.30 as I was so tired from the two hour wakings during the night I think maybe when BF she just falls asleep and doesnt get enough milk as a result wakes up again for another feed.

Supposed to be going to friends for lunch, I'm dreading it as I know she will be unsettled, wont sit still, shout alot etc. Everyone will look at us like we're loonies pacing the room and have lots of comments about how she's got us wrapped round her little finger and what she needs is to be left to cry it out etc etc. Why oh why do we agree to ever go anywhere?

I'm so hoping that when she is a toddler she will be so much more effective at communicating than the other 'normal' babies that she will be easy and they will all be pulling their hair out with a whiney toddler. You never know

Sorry I've been awol for so long - Easter holidays and a very busy time with DD1 to entertain.

I see we've had some new members to the grizzly baby club!

Twinklymum - I feel your pain about going to the friends for lunch. I think in the end when DD2 was that age, we just stopped doing anything remotely sociable at all! Too stressful! It is seeing your post actually that makes me realise that although things are still hard, we have come a long way from those days - DD2 will sit and "play" for about 20-30 mins at a time now. Although, like yours, thisisthelast, any attempt at wiping hands, face, changing clothes, nappy, putting hat on etc - basically, any parenting at all, results in full on scream-fest!

Meandmyjoe - that is fantastic about the naps! Well done! Must be lovely to have some hands-free time at last. I had no idea he was such a good sleeper at night Nights chez bodkin are not good at the mo - even after a good feed she still goes down a-screamin'

Rosemaryconley - Helloooooo! I hadn't seen you around for a while, so wondered if either a) your lad was now totally angelic and you no longer needed mumsnet or b) was such hard work you had no time to get on! Sorry to hear it is the latter, and that nights are getting worse.... same here

Laksa - just seen the pics of your DD on your profile - she looks very pretty and full of character - lol at her psyching out shop assistants though! Your nights sound similar to ours - 2 feeds a night - i wouldn't mind so much but she doesn't settle well afterwards [screams as soon as she goes back in the cot] so i wonder why i bother! except my dd is also little [9th centile] so it is reassuring to know she is getting plenty of milk.

Thisisthelast - we are getting there, slowly and surely... we are now able to leave the house, she is starting to eat [finally] and she is starting to be able to spend longer periods entertaining herself. it is just every time there is a setback [illness or whatever] it feels like back to square one.

anyway, better go, the breadstick that was keeping her entertained keeps getting thrown on the floor...

group hug everyone

Hi grumpy baby mummies! Hope you are all well. Bodkin, good to here from you again. That's so funny that you mentioned the handwiping and putting a hat on resulting in a meltdown! Exactly the same thing here, sometimes it feels that it's not even worth putting his coat on as it will end in tears!

Twinkleymum, how was the meal out? I so sympathise about having to pace around with your baby and getting advice from friends to let them cry. I hear this all the time and I get so embarrassed when ds is crying and friends are trying to have a nice meal. I just find myself hiding away really and avoiding outings with my friends and family!

Thankfully ds is sleepping ok for his naps (although still for only 30 mins!) but I am very very lucky with him at night. He still sleeps for 11- 12 hours a night (usually!)

Was wondering Bodkin, how is your dd2 in the car? DS hates it unless he just goes to sleep. Anyone got any advice to stop him from crying in the car?!

Anyway, hope youare all doing well. Perhaps we should keep this thread going as a support group for mummies to grotty babies!

Hi Meandmyjoe - car has always been a bit tricky - we try to arrange long journeys around nap times, like you. Snacks are also good - soft dried fruit like prunes and apricots can keep her quiet for a bit. i'm hoping she'll be better when she can go in a forward facing seat.

I hope you don't mind - I saw on another thread that things had been really getting you down.... I'm so sorry that things have been so bad for you. I really really hope that life will get easier soon. It must be very hard on your own for long periods with such a grumpy baby... if only we all lived closer, we could have coffee with our grumpy babies together!

I saw someone had suggested that it might be silent reflux making your chap so unhappy - did you ever follow that up?

Of course I don't mind! otherwise I would have name changed

I'm not ashamed to say that things have been very tough lately. I think it's because everyone kept telling me that by 6 months it would all be so different and it's not! Thank you for your reassurance though, it's very kind of you, especially when things aren't easy for you either! It's a damn shame we don't all live near eachother, maight make me feel like I'm not such a bad mummy!

It's not that I don't love having him, I do adore him and things have got easier since he was born (very slowly!) it's just that him being so different to other people's babies can be very isolating at times, especially with dh working such long hours.

Yes we followed up the silent reflux suggestions and took him to gp's again yesterday. We described the back arching and the general irritability and she has prescribed infant gaviscon for a trial over the next two weeks. From what you say though, i'm not holding my breath as he sounds exactly like your dd and so many other people's grumpy LOs. I really don't think he is in pain but does still get a some wind/ tummy contractions. It's worth trying the gaviscon just incase but so far there is no change but it's early days!

Did you ever see if silent reflux could be causing your dds grumpiness? I doubt it is the case for us as I thought he would have trouble being laid flat and also he sleeps beautifully at night so is clearly not in too much pain.

It's so hard trying to figure out what the hell is troubling him sometimes. A lot I suspect is over tiredness and general frustration. Just hope he grows out of it cos sometimes it scares me he will be a miserable child

Thanks for replying though and continuing to give us support!

bodders! i am sorry to see you on this thread...and especially that you started it. you should have let us know that you were getting so down about things, but i can understand why you didnt cos we are all a bit too chirpy on the graduate thread arent we? i find it hard to admit if there is ever a problem cos everyone seems to have such chilled out easy going babies on there! if its any consolation, marcy went through a really grumpy patch a couple of weeks ago and cried LOADS for what seemed like no reason and i just never mentioned it cos i figured it was just her teeth ( no sign of any yet though, but that is my answer to all unexplained crying fits!)

anyway, sorry to see you here and hope isla is behaving better now for you. i know everyone keeps suggesting cranial osteopathy and you have already tried it unsuccessfully. but do you do any baby massage on her? if you do the techniques to help with wind they are really good, but you need to do it regularly to stop the wind getting trapped not just when she is already grizzly.

did that sound really bossy? sorry bodders!

Aww, thanks Greedy - nice to see you here! Well, things have improved massively for us, so I don't complain too much over on the grads thread, although there are certain areas that are still not great with Isla... it is a bit like walking on egg-shells and there are certain things that I just don't do or avoid to make sure she doesn't go in to full melt down mode! Things like getting her dressed and undressed more than absolutely necessary, never use the buggy, keep DD1 from handling/cuddling her too much, keep car journeys to a minimum etc. Will give the massage another go - do you mean the clockwise/horseshoe massage on the tummy to relieve trapped wind, or is there another technique I could try?

I started the thread because we were having a particularly awful time of it after she was ill - in hindsight I think it was just a post-viral fatigue thing and I was probably expecting too much of her to bounce back as soon as the symptoms stopped. I am now fairly alarmed to see it is on threads of the day But there does seem to be a few of us with babies of a similar disposition, and we seem to all keep "bumping" into each other on various threads, so it is nice to be able to support each other.

Mynameisjoe - we did try Gaviscon Infant in the early days (when she was about 3-4 months) but it was impossible to get it in her - and when made up it is quite a lot of solution to get a screaming baby to ingest successfully. It seemed to be so traumatic for her that I just couldn't face giving it to her. She was very "possetty" for a long time... I think it only really completely stopped about a month ago, and that seems to have made a difference to her - she would get very upset imediately before and after a possett - I guess it can be quite acidic and therefore painful.

I was going to suggest that if your DS is not crawling yet, does he like to "stand" - can he bear his weight on his legs yet? My DD has been a lot happier since she was able to stand leaning up against the sofa (she can now shuffle along it too) It's worth giving it a try if he can take his weight on his legs - they seem to like the independence and copying what they see everyone else doing!

Ladies, I've posted on and off for months now about dd2 who is now 10 months. She was a pretty unsettled newborn, who never grew out of the colic phase. Around 6 months was the worst time when she screamed all day whatever we did and made dh and I into nervous wrecks and dd1, who's very sensitive to noise, utterly miserable. It's no exaggeration to say it was a living hell and in retrospect I think I did brilliantly not to crack up (tears at the GP several times, who kept trying to put me on anti-depressants which was so not the answer).
I tried cranial with no effect and took her to a&e to be checked over where she rolled and gurgled and grinned at the paediatrician who obviously thought I was a time-wasting nutter. From then on I concluded she's just a big show off who doesn't like the four walls of her house and loves being out and about getting maximum attention from others
But this is to give the rest of you hope - now she's crawling well (and she took forever to do it) she is an (almost) totally different baby! She can amuse herself pootling round for a whole 10 minutes sometimes before she squawks and needs a cuddle and with every day it definitely gets better. She's not a good napper in the day but I'm hopeful as she gets on to walking she'll be more exhausted and she does from 7pm to 6-7am every night. So there is hope! She is utterly gorgeous and engaging, everyone who meets her comments on what a delightful baby she is and I've already almost forgotten the damage she did to the entire family with her screaming. So it will pass. My theory is these babies are super intelligent and just don't like the restrictions of being babies. Good luck everyone and I include me in that. Still won't ever have another one though, it would be too much like tempting fate x

Mrsshackleton, thanks for offering us a glimmer of hope! I must admit, in many ways ds is a fairly good baby, especially with his sleeping at night. He is also (sometimes!) able to entertain himself for about 30 mins at a time.

The main areas of poblems are the pushchair which I have abandoned and rely upon the sling but ds is a chunky chap so it limits our day really. The car seat, again unable to sit in it for any length of time unless absolutely exhausted and ready for a nap so will go to sleep, we avoid going out. The highchair, solids are proving to be a bit of a battleground which is totally the wrong way to see it but I dread meal times. I end up having to stand with him and feed him with a spoon one handed or rely on finger foods. Which again means we can't really take ds anywhere out to dinner or go to a friends house. It would be lovely if he would just sit on my knee, I wouldn't mind him being clingy if I could sit, it's the standing that I don't understand!

He is also still possetty though it does appear to be getting better this last month. He likes to stand and is very good at propping himself up on furniture (as long as I'm there incase he wobbles or droops!)

I guess sometimes it just depressess me that the simplist of things can result in a meldown but that is something I am learning to deal with. I am just trying NOT to expect things to be different and just cope for now. Things are improving but like you Bodkin, one bad day and I'm thrown right back into the deepend. It is just the walking on eggshells that means I can never relax. Like you said Mrsshackleton, ds will be an only child! I really doubt I could ever (or would ever!) want to do this again. The last 8 months have been almost traumatic for us and I think it will take us a long while to truly recover.

DS is becomming such a character (not always a good one!) but I really hope one day I will look back at this thread and realise that it was all worth it. I'll then feel horrendously guilty for wishing the time away like I have been doing. I'm sure things will improve but for now we just have to survive!

Hi to all. I am so glad I noticed your post, I haven't been around MN for ages as have to borrow a phrase 'been living on eggshells' for the last 9.5 months. DS has been difficult and unsettled since day one so grumpy and hard to please. Since just before easter he has been extra specially mardy i can't step away for 1 second. But even if I pick him up he struggles to get down and continues with 'mmamamamama.....' all day. I won't go on with the details but he is a reflux baby and has been on gaviscon since 7-8 weeks which improved his milk feeding but it has never improved his mood.

I am too holding out that it is frustration and wanting to move, he can't crawl yet I think cos he is so heavy and that its teeth and not just personality. I wouldn't have had more if he was my first but thankfully DD1 was and is an angel in comparison.

I am just relieved that its not just us really.