Overwhelmed with new baby - please tell me it's normal to feel like this

[neuroticlady]

Our baby is just over a week old. My DH and I are in a state of shock, I think. Everyone warns you what hard work it is but the reality has hit in a way we never expected and, if I am honest, we are both looking at each other and questioning why we had him. We both have had difficulty admitting this to each other but at least we're talking to each other about it. What makes it worse is that this is very much a 'wanted' baby - we went through years of trying before he came along. It makes how we feel so much worse to deal with.

Baby is currently screaming and we can't work out why, we're both exhausted and feeling pretty miserable, the house is a tip, our old lives look pretty good right now. Please can someone tell me they had similar feelings and that it will get better....? Thank you from a stressed new mum and dad!

Hi NL - hope things are going OK! I suggest you put DH in charge of sterilising bottles / filling them with water and putting them in the fridge (one less thing for you to do while baby is sleeping)!

have had a quick scout around the net to see whether there were any northern beaches mums forums - this was the best I could come up with (might be worth posting a message to see whether there's anyone nearby who might want to meet up for coffee when you get to the point where you want to brave excursions out of the house?)
www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/forumdisplay.php?s=&f=4&page=1&pp=10&sort=lastpost&order=desc&day sprune=75

neurolticlady I know you've had some very helpful responese but I just wanted to add that after my friend and I had our dc1s, at around the same time, we concluded that there is a giant world conspiracy to not tell new parents-to-be about what awaits them. Then on second thoughts we realised that no matter how much you try to prepare someone for it, they won't really get it until it actually happens.

I know it may not seem like it right now but the joy you will get from this child will surpass everything else.

hey neurotic lady - glad things are ticking over and your parents visit is ever closer.

I would give you one word of warning - jealousy.....this may or may not happen, BUT when I had my first family visit after twins came home, i was shattered and a wreck - I pasted my smile on and nodded in all the right places when people spoke to me, then one of the twins would cry and i would wince - my mum would swoop in and scoup him up and bam, soothed back to sleep in seconds.....i HATED that! They were MY babies, WHY couldn't I do what everyone else could do, plus all I was hearing was "awww, aren't they the cutest, most precious things....and so relaxed and quiet, you are so lucky....." I'm not sure how to put it in words, but i didn't want to say to anyone, "I'm really struggling here, please help me" but I wanted them to notice and make it all go away? not sure if that makes sense. So I would HINT at my predictament...."they never sleep at night" "takes me forever to get out the door, so I don't bother anymore" but they would never take the bait was always "oh i know, but it'll pass....." and my head would scream "IT'S NOT BLOODY PASSING, IT'S NOW, THIS IS IT, I'M STUCK, I CAN'T GIVE EM BACK NOW, THIS IS MY LOT FOREVER"

My advice would be - just LET you family take over, don't struggle on trying to show them how fab you are - ADMIT how you are feeling and let them take the burden....Grandparents can give the baby back after a visit and go back to their baby free lives, you can't, so make the most of them while they are there.

Take it easy and take care

Wow what an amazing thread, it's brought me to tears more than once! I SO wish I could have read this when DD was born to see how many of us go through the same feelings. It's not until we look back that we see it clearly - the first 3 months are hellish, the next 3 easier but still hard, and from then on it gets better and better. I didn't fall in love with my DD until about 6 months and now I would move heaven and earth for her. She is an absolute joy but I never thought I would feel this way in those first few months. Such great advice too on this thread.
I have a very dear friend who is 4 months pregnant with her first. I don't want to scare her but I will definitely keep this thread for her for when it's needed. Good luck neurotic lady, try to hang onto the good moments however few they may be. I used to get so hung up on 'am I feeding enough/too much, is she sleeping enough/too much, why the hell is she STILL crying, etc etc' I didn't spend enough time just holding her, letting her sleep on me (what bliss in hindsight) and just looking at her. It will pass so soon and before you know it you'll be happy with the life change and wanting more!

NL - I've been in tears reading so much of this thread, it took me right back to those very dark post-natal days. I do so hope you're finding a few moments to relax. Personally I could never sleep when the babies slept, I was far too wired. And they have a knack of knowing when you're drifting off and yelling their little hearts out.

I think that if you ever went through an equivalent experience to pregnancy and childbirth (can't think what that would be!) and didn't have a baby at the end of it, you'd get at least 6 weeks bedrest and so much sympathy. Instead, it seems a cruel joke that at the time in your life when you most need a rest you get a squawking newborn and a major helping of stress.

The best (and only memorable) piece of advice we were given before dd was born was "the first 3 months are hell". Kept us going, because they were. It's quite extraordinary that we went on to have a second, and this time it was even worse, because we had a toddler to look after as well...however, 8 months in it is soooo much better. They do improve so much - personally I find new borns quite tedious and a bit alarming. Much more entertaining once they are bit more engaged and resilient. Wouldn't be without them now, and would happily have traded them both for a pair of shoes when they were tiny!

Everyone (I think, whatever they say) can empathise with you - I do hope you get some respite when your parents arrive. Take care.

Neuroticlady, how is it going today? You are having the same experience I had in December and January. My LO is now 9 weeks old and we have finally got it together. Hang on in there!

There is masses of good advice and tips on this thread. Do you mind if I offer another one? If you feel like screaming at your child, you say SHHHH to them loudly and repeatedly instead. I read this in a book written by a paediatrician. To a baby, it sounds like being in the womb, to me it is a great way of letting off steam.

The same paediatrician rightly acknowledges the benefits of BF but talks about how women struggle and adds:

"So if BF hasn't worked for you, or you've simply decided to bottle-feed from the start, don't waste time and energy feeling guilty. You are in the majority as most British women bottle-feed at some stage, and babies thrive on bottled milk."

(Your baby week by week, by Simone Cave and Dr Caroline Fertleman, 2007)

I used to read that bit about "wasting time and energy feeling guilty" over and over as I tried to stop beating myself up about not being able to BF.

Try to be good to yourself and congratulate yourself on even the small things you've succeeded in, like changing a nappy or getting one burp. Sending lots of positive vibes to you from the other side of the planet- let us know how you are getting on!

Great advice wobbegong - i remember doing the shhhh thing and sometimes still find myself doing it now without realising!!!! I sang the same song over and over again to DS - even now at 2 years old, it helps him calm down if he's upset - wierd how they remember stuff from then. ooops hope he doesn't also remember the rubbish stuff i did....

Oh my goodness, so many amazing responses since I last checked - how could I not feel buoyed up by hearing so many 'me too' stories? It's incredible and I just thank god I found mumsnet and posted. I don't know how I would be dealing with my feelings if I still thought I was the only one.

Today I almost had to pull the car over as I thought I was about to have a massive panic attack (off to GPs ironically to talk about my neuroses since the birth). My arms and legs went all numb and my head all tingly and my chest went all tight. Luckily (luckily???) I have experienced panic attacks before, years ago in a really stressful job back in London, so I know what's going on and I know to breathe through it etc. Doesn't make it any more pleasant but at least I was able to not lose the plot on the road.

Again, hearing so many others saying they had the same reactions makes me heave such a sigh of relief that I am not the first and only person in the world to be feeling this way.'Acute stress reaction to your life being turned upside down' (Livo1 thanks for that x) well that about sums it up. And as so many of you have said I am now assuming what I have is PND but perhaps not, or not yet. In fact I rather wonder if I am some weird manic depressive (or is is bipolar now?) as this evening here I am, no sleep, 2am, another feed due in an hour so no point going to bed, and yet I feel utterly calm. LisaJasper you summed up my new view on this this evening - I am not sleeping so instead I am simply finding other ways to relax. This evening instead of hurrying off to bed only to lie staring at the ceiling I watched a dvd with DH and bottle of wine (one positive about being rubbish at breastfeeding I suppose). Then as I was about to put my lamp off, already wound up that the baby would kick off, he did just that, but instead of panicking about no sleep and the long night ahead, I simply got up, put the sling on, put him in it, wedged a dummy in and sat down here to type. And I feel very calm. I know I'll feel like shit in the morning but I would do anyway, plus I'd be beating myself up for 'wasting' sleep time whereas tonight I took the conscious decision to do other things instead (inspired by the poster the other day who said they'd make lasagnes etc in the middle of the night!)

I am being honest with a few people about how I'm feeling, including my family and one or two well chosen friends. After reading your accounts of how it went here I am determined not to fall into the trap of feeling the need to put a brave face on it. I really would fall apart, I think.

Lergalalian, thank you so much for the bubhub site. Tryingtoleave, I will look for Happy Baby dummies as the ones I have are just spat out constantly. pinkypig, thank you for saying you know just how it feels to be so far away from family. It stinks doesn't it?

I have read each and every one of these posts and I have got something out of every one. This amazing thread is truly keeping me sane (if I am ). Now I might try lying on the sofa and resting, with the sling on, until feed time in an hour. And you never know, after that I might actually get to bed...

Feeling better than I have in days. No doubt I'll 'crash' again but right now I feel more like me than I have for a while - ironic at 2.15am... Maybe I'm just accepting this is how it is a bit more...?

Thanks you everyone once again for all your positive thoughts and good wishes. You are making the world of difference. x

NL I'd love to email you something which you might find useful if you feel up to it, sent me an email and I'll bounce it on to you

myeye at fsmail dot net

x

What a great post, so good to see that even for a moment you felt a bit better. I thin at one point something just clicks and ratehr than fight it all you manage to go with it, that's when it starts to look like things are on the up.
Keep posting, It's what Mn is here for!

This is totally normal and lasted for a while My trouble was that we didnt talk so keep talking and understanding each other. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Haven't had chance to read all of this, but you could have been me. We waited 17 years to have our ds, and I so remember that feeling of 'what the hell have I done, this is such a huge mistake, can't I just change my mind', all made so much worse by everyone saying, 'ah it must be so wonderful because you've finally got what you've waited all this time for!!!' I just felt utterly shellshocked, exhausted and hated every minute of it, and I could never imagine ever liking my life again. I couldn't even admit it to my dh and just used to cry and feel like the worlds worst woman.

Don't feel bad about the bf either, I had loads of milk, he latched on brilliantly but I absolutely hated it! I agonised and thoroughly tormented myself for several weeks about it, waiting for someone to give me permission to stop, before I looked at him one day when I was changing him and thought 'I'm the Mum, I can decide,' and gradually moved to bottle feeds. I remember thinking I would never look at him when he was 2 and a half, running about the yard, snot nosed and scabby kneed and think 'I really wish I'd breast fed you'! I think that was one of the sanest moments I had during that period - being able to see past my awful reality to a time when he would be independant enough to play outside whilst I was inside actually doing something else.

Take heart, it gradually got better, until when he was about 7 months old, I found myself having to go into him several times a night, every night, to get him out of his cot and hug and kiss him (he slept like a log by then and was too busy when awake to tolerate much cuddling) coz I just realised how much I loved him. And NOW, well, at 2.3 he is a complete and total delight, great company and my heart just swells with love, joy and wonder practically every time i look at him. I look back at the dark days of his early babyhood and think what an unbelievably short time that black time was, and yet when I was entrenched in it, I could never see a time when it would end.

Things will change and your life will be so much richer for his presence, but right now, just keep telling yourself that you are totally normal, and repeat and repeat and repeat...'this too will pass'! {{{hugs}}}

I remember dreading the point of going to bed at night because I knew I'd be up several times in the night. Somehow though it does get easier. With ds1 I was usually barely dressed mid-afternoon. With ds2 I'm dressed, so are the kids, and I've been on the school run and back by 9am.

Oh yes Cissycharlton, I had that too! I used to feel more and more anxious and sick as the night loomed closer; so desperate for sleep and yet being so keyed up knowing that the second I dropped off the babymonitor would wail in my ear! I hated that thing with a vengeance and had a ceremonial burning when we no longer needed it!

My DD was also quite a while in the planning and preparation - much longed for. I spent much of the first 3 months wondering what on earth we had done and wishing that maybe we hadn't. It really is the most shocking and bewildering experience and you shouldn't expend even more energy and emotion feeling guilty about questioning your decisions. Keep talking to your DH and supporting each other. There will be improvements at various stages but many of the people I have spoken to found 3 months to be a real breakthrough. I will seem a long way off at the moment but things will sort themselves out, you will get used to your new life and you will be thrilled that you chose it.
I also found it helped when I stopped constantly needing to know why DD was crying, just find whatever stops it and enjoy the peace. Don't worry about all the books ranting on about the pitfalls of introducing bad habits. These habits can be easily broken later when you feel stronger. Just do whatever keeps you sane and don't be ashamed to admit how you feel.
Sleep when you can, screw the housework and look forward to some brilliant times ahead.

Oh I feel for you so much - I was exactly the same. In fact have just found the post I put on Mumsnet when DS was 8 days old:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=67&threadid=365921#7462677

The first six weeks are unbearable. The day we got home from the hospital my husband couldn't stop vomiting through sheer anxiety and fear. We both thought that we'd made the biggest mistake of our lives, that we were the only ones who couldn't cope. BIG LIE. Mumsnet is here for you, and if you can meet other new mums you'll find they are in the same boat as you. Everyone feels like this, but they don't want to admit and then they forget. It's horrible but it passes. It really does, and so fast, I promise.

The best you can do - the very best thing I did - was to try to go out. Walk around, try and get some sunshine and fresh air and just watch normal life going about its business, and remembering that you will be back there so soon. I used to get the fear every day at around 4 or 5pm, just so worried about what was to come with the night ahead. It's ghastly but slowly slowly you get there.

I can't believe that my son is now 6 months and an absolute joy. Still doesn't sleep through the night, wakes for 2 feeds between 8pm and 7am but we cope. And the good stuff really outweighs the bad. It really does. Big hug from the other side of the world.

PS Please don't beat yourself up about the bf thing. I agonised, physically and mentally, never considered not bfing before he was born. On reflection, deciding to stop was one of the best decisions I made xx

PPS Morningpaper wrote this piece of advice for me in my post. Was sweet and useful and made me laugh. Here it is for you:

RULES FOR FABULOUS NEW MUMMY NEUROTICLADY:

1. EAT PROPERLY and A LOT - and drink a lot of water. Make sure you eat one or two GOOD meals a day. Go out for lunch if you can - esp. at weekends, even if you have to take turns eating and walking outside with screamy baby. Or go for lunch with friends and make them cook you a proper roast. Eat a decent breakfast. Eat lots of snacks. Keep a lot of fresh and dried fruit around. Keep your iron levels UP because low iron makes you feel shit - eat a handful of apricots and dates with orange juice once or twice a day.

1. GO TO BED EARLY. Don't try and get stuff done in the evenings because you are only robbing time from your own sleep.

1. GET OUT EVERY DAY FOR A WALK with the pram. Car doesn't count. You need a walk in the fresh air. Walk to the park. (Watch the smiling laughing mummies pushing their children on the swings and believe me that every one of them is wanting to scream I USED TO BE A PLAYER, YOU FUCKERS, AND NOW LOOK AT ME, A FUCKING SWING FUCKING PUSHER!) This knowledge will cheer you up. Alternatively, put Baby in a sling (do you have a sling? I had to carry both of mine in a sling for pretty much ALL of the first few months - actually I STILL have to carry Josie for most of the late-afternoon) or backpack and go for a walk in the woods. At the weekends, do this with Hubby and make him carry Baby. Do you have a local beauty spot etc.?

1. ACCEPT ALL OFFERS OF HELP. From Hubby / friends / relatives. This is not the time to be proud. Become a YES person. Whether it's making a cup of tea, or taking Baby for a walk. Just say YES. If you can get a cleaner for a couple of hours a week, DO IT.

1. FIND SOME MUMMY FRIENDS: Pick a group and keep going to it every week. You aren't going for baby, or for advice, you are just going for YOU and to be sociable. Over time you will make some friends/people you can mix with or chat to, and that will really help.

1. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. When Baby falls asleep, don't rush around with the hoover. Sit down with a cup of tea and a biscuit. Give yourself ten minutes peace before you start running around tackling chores.

1. BUY YOURSELF TREATS once a week - or once a day! - something indulgent. Buy a magazine, a bar of chocolate, a proper cup of coffee, a lipstick... Something just for you, because you deserve it.

1. REST. Your body needs to recover from birth and all the changes it has had. Take a nap once a day with Baby. Put your feet up and have a cup of tea.

1. DON'T GATE-KEEP BABY-RELATED JOBS: Don't take over from Hubby with certain tasks just because you do them better. He'll learn to do them just as well. Make him solely responsible for certain tasks - e.g. bathtime is probably easiest. Let him do all of that while you rest or do something else.

10. USE A SLING as much as possible. Most babies are quite happy in a sling and it will stop them crying for a bit. Try not catch him on fire if you are cooking though.

11. GET A PAPER DELIVERED: Personally, I think I survived a lot of the early days by just having the Guardian every morning. DP would put it on the bed so it was there for me when I woke up for the morning feed. I still get it - although every other day now because it takes me two days to read it! - keeping abreast with current affairs makes me feel less like a drudge/housewife and more like a normal person. And it takes me out of my daily grind.

12. KNOW YOUR MENTAL HEALTH LIMITS: Be aware of your mental health. But try not to focus on it too much. Remember that MOST new mums at this stage are feeling massively shocked, emotionally and physically. Don't panic that it is past mental health problems creeping back. Feeling terrible is NORMAL.

13. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Repeat this as much as possible. Nothing will be the same NEXT WEEK, never mind in a few months/years. It's easy to think that things are going to be like this FOREVER - it certainly feels like it at the time. But it isn't. Just survive these crap early months and things will gradually start to improve.

14. LOOK AT YOUR SON EVERY DAY and tell yourself how fabulous and amazing you are for growing this wonderful person.

Oysterpots what great posts.

Neurotic Lady, so many people have said "Me too", but I will as well. The first few weeks are really, really tough, and no-one tells you, or you don't hear, how tough.

But it gets easier really soon. And then it gets wonderful very quickly. And although our life has changed utterly, it's for the better.

The first two weeks for me passed by in a blur of hospital visits, painkillers, expressing, nappy changing and crying. The next two weeks went a bit better, then I got married, and then dh went back to work and I was on my own.

After that first month, it does get easier, I promise! I was lucky in that my family live a ten minute walk away, and I sympathise with the fact that you are on your own. You and your dh will be able to support each other though, and the fact that you are not bf means that you can share all the jobs which should help. You have got some great advice on this thread, and I wish you luck!

Just checking in and hoping today has been OK for you as we all get blearily out of bed on this side of the world! Your night is approaching now- good luck and remember the feeling of dread will get less and less as you gradually work out what to do with the baby and get more used to the tiredness. As you are lying there awake with loads of thoughts racing through your head focus on one thing that went right or that you enjoyed during the day and not all the things which didn't go to plan.

How are you today NL? (and Becky?)

Hello and good morning my lovely UK friends. Yes, night time is here and I definitely had 'a moment' earlier on (panic, panic) but I am ok at the moment. Finding actually facing my 'fears' (dealing with baby on own in the small hours while DH catches up on sleep in different room) is what I need to do. Had a couple of days where I started to avoid the baby and realised DH was doing more and more of the work, and I had to snap out of it and get on with caring for him. I don't know what I'm so afraid of. Him? Myself? My head is in a very weird place. Crashing fear one minute, calm and almost serene the next. But your posts make me feel so, so much better. The volume of them is evidence enough that plenty of others have experienced at least something similar to what I'm going through, and I certainly feel less of a freak.

I've also realised how badly I need some company. A lovely friend I made through mumsnet came over today armed with food, clothes, advice and a loving pair of arms and I could literally feel myself uncoil and relax in her and her family's company. Left alone with my thoughts, in a room I am not relaxing in and bed I am not sleeping in, the blackness and negativity closes in again, but amongst people, it lifts and calmness descends. My role now is to nurture my baby, which I am (I hope) coming to terms with, but what I so want is for somebody to be nurturing me, to hand hold me through the massively steep learning curve I am on, to reassure me I am doing ok, to guide me with an experienced hand. In any normal culture we would be surrounded by other women taking care of us and experience would be all around us, but not in our nasty little nuclear societies. It is why I cannot wait for my parents to get here, and why I am now on a campaign to get DH to think about moving back to England. I want to get on a plane tomorrow and run into the arms of my family and my beautiful sister who is spending hours on the phone, reassuring me and counseling me. It feels utterly wrong to be separated from them. Seven years ago, when we made the move out here, my priorities were totally different. We wanted to see more of the world and travel and live in a different country. Now, as a parent, the pull back to my family is almost overwhelming. I want their support and I want my child to know his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. DH is not convinced - does this stuff ever matter as much to men? - and says Australia offers our baby by far the best quality of life. He is probably right - it is a wonderful place to raise kids. But it feels utterly hollow without the people that matter around me. I have no idea how we will resolve this. But I know it is contributing significantly to my feelings of panic and isolation.

Thank you, everyone, once again for your tips and advice. I have been noting things down (on paper and mentally!) and even got DH to buy the dummies mentioned here earlier. I am reminding myself of the positive things that are happening each day, and telling myself that I have now 'survived' almost two weeks of parenthood so surely it shows me I can do it. My name is down on the list for a mothers' group in the local area, hopefully kicking off in March. And I am making sure I reach out to people and get some company or get to see outside these four walls each day.

My relationship with my baby is still purely functional. Occasionally I have a moment where I don't feel engulfed in panic and I just kiss him and look at him but I am still completely holding back at the moment. But I am calm about that, having read all your posts. It will come, I am sure. Just not yet. And that's ok.

DH is telling me to get to bed and rest before the overnight shift. I am putting it off because I know as usual I won't sleep. I hate being so anxious but that's how it is. The more I stress about it, the worse I'll make it, so the way I see it it's better to occupy myself with other things to relax me, rather than lying in a cold sweat in the bed staring at the monitor. DH doesn't understand where I am coming from at all. He goes to bed (in different room) his head hits the pillow and he's out for the count. I wish I was so lucky! But I'm coping on not much sleep and I'm telling myself that as my confidence grows I will start to relax and start to sleep. Either that or I will go nuts... I prefer to think it will be the former!

Monitor has kicked into life. DH doensn't seem interested in responding. Better go. May be posting again in the small hours... x

Morning NL, You are sounding much more together. All you are feeling is so normal and you are not alone (you're never alone on mumsnet ). I remember so well the utter exhaustion, physical, mental and emotional in those first few weeks. My first solo trip to the supermarket felt such a monumentous achievement. Life is so different after you become parents. It is knackering and challenging but incredibly rewarding. Just wait for that first smile. It counts for sooooooooooo much. I remember DH saying that it made up for all the screaming and general crapness and it did.
Do make an effort and get out as soon as you can. The temptation is to stay in bed (though not asleep), or wear pyjamas all day and stay in the house, but once you've made the effort to get dressed and get out and meet other mums you realise that you can have a life (albeit very different to your old one).

Keep waiting for that smile.

Message withdrawn

Hi NL. Just come across your post, and really wanted to offer my support.

Firstly, I think you're doing brilliantly, during what we're all agreed can be a VERY difficult time. I'm impressed how sane and coherent your posts sound. I'm sure this time 17 months ago, just after ds was born I would have made no sense at all!

I wish someone had told me how some tiny babies can be extremely adamant about what they want, and how what that is, can vary hugely from baby to baby. I spent virtually all of ds's first weeks carrying him around. That HAD to be with him held vertically NOT horizontally, with me constantly bobbing up and down whilst walking round + round our flat. Stopping was not allowed! Completely exhausting, but great for toning my calf muscles! If he fell asleep, the second I tried to move him slightly from vertical to lie him down, he woke and the whinging started again.

I found it impossible to put him down in his crib without him waking. My best chance involved an elaborate process of putting him down in his bouncy chair. We had a Chicco one which was quite padded and so seemed to 'hug' his body slightly. I used to put his chair on the sofa, so I didn't need to bend down so far. Then very slowly, keeping him fixed in position against my body, I would bend until he was in his chair still in my arms and against my body. Keeping my upper body pressed against him, I then wheedled my arms out from under him, and then very slowly moved my body from over him. I must have looked like a lunatic, but it worked (some of the time). May be worth a try?

Your situation with baby being awake late evening/nighttime is totally NORMAL. Ds's favourite time of day was 10pm to 5am. I'm afraid you just have to go with it. It definitely started to change for the better at around 5-6 weeks.

If your baby will sleep in the car/pram that's brilliant, but don't be upset if he wont. Mine wouldn't for ages. We had to use a sling on walks, and I still had to bob up and down!

I also found cranial osteopathy useful- not a miracle cure, but definitely some improvement.

Lastly, I noticed that you woke him to feed him the other night. I don't know what the rest of the MNers think, but I reckon that if you've got a healty, strong, normal weight baby, he will wake himself when he's hungry. Sometimes he (and you) just need the sleep more. I found ds sometimes went ages between feeds (especially during the day), and sometimes hardly any time at all (especially at night). Some of my friends were told they must feed their babies at least every 3 hours, even if it meant waking them. I NEVER followed this advice. Ds was just fine!

Hope this helps, and that you're feeling ok(ish). Thinking of you....