7yo son has asked me what does gay and lesbian mean?

[shatteredmumsrus]

Initial reaction from dp was why do you want to know that??Icalmed it down and said I will tell you when you are a bit older. What would you do????????????????

or even homophobia

There is a Media Studies thesis in "Torchwood as educator about same-sex relationships" to be written I think
Dr Who's cheery camp moments and John Barrowman as National Treasure are such great positive images to offset playground/learned bigotry and prejudice

redadmiral, x-posted.
I can't help loving the fact that children who ignorantly use "gay" as a term of abuse probably think Captain Jack rocks. And he is fit, unlike the charming Chris Moyles on Radio 1, who has defended his right to use "gay" as a generic term of abuse

we tried to bring up our children knowing right from start relationships can be man and woman ,man and man,woman and woman.to them,its no big deal but they do have friends at school who find it big deal.im all for being open-none of this i'll tell you when your older.what age is right age to tell?

luckily my children already knew of positive same-sex relationships when dd1 (around aged 4) asked this.

she too asked why it was used as a term of abuse and I had to explain both the concept and the fact that historically some people have always been suspicious of "difference".

both my girls are now rightly proud of all the couples we know, regardless of their sex

Why don't you tell him?

My ds is 5 and he asked me this question the other week. I simply explained that some men get married to another man and soem ladies marry another lady.

What's the harm in that?

Can't understand why you wouldn't just answer the question.

My 6 year old came out to me when he was 5 - he was delighted to discover that he could marry his best friend and wouldn't have to bother with pesky girls!

good decision to tell him, shattered. it's no big deal, really, like everyone says it's just who people fall in love with.

sigh. I wish we could all be up front about stuff like this. Ds1 asked me yesterday whether one of us (dp or I) was married to his Dad. I said no, that we were married to each other (which he knows!).

He said his best friend had told him a Mummy has to be married to a Daddy to have a baby...

Cue long conversation in the car about marriage, relationships, blah, blah, blah.

Dottydot what did you say?
arent friends at school lovely for saying this is what happens..blah blah blah.

My daughter was 5 last year when she was the ring bearer for her Uncle at his wedding. She knows all about people being able to marry who they want (as does her 3 year old sister come to that!)

Easier if you have gay friends / family probably - because it's just part of life.

DD (7) knows John Barrowman is "gay" - have explained it as "he likes kissing men and not ladies." She didn't seem to think this was odd.

Can I just make a plea for those of you who are sensible enough to explain the meaning of both terms to include the word 'love' in your explanations. Simply 'living together' doesn't quite get there to me

I can't imagine why anyone would not tell their child what the terms mean - I think there is no quicker way of taking the harshness out of insults that knowing what they mean

Ah, you are a romantic, Soapbox!

MY ds is 8 and he knows what it means. Cant remeber when he actually asked, but i just said sometimes 2 men or 2 ladies love each other. HES fine about it. And we watch Hollyoaks every night and theres a gay character in that, so we often talk about this. He does say "Urgh" though when they kiss(then again, he says that when any people are kissing on the telly!)and he says he wont be gay when hes older.
We arent homophobic, by the way! He doesnt hear anything negative.

You dont need to talk about sex. I dont think my ds knows what sex is yet.

Despite all this, my ds does use the word'gay' a lot, the same as lulu described, as a type of loser. OR if i buy him some clothes he doesnt like, he will say "thats gay, im not wearing that!".
I have tried to explain someone gay might be offended by this. IT seems all young kids use this term these days.

I remember 'gay' being used as a playground insult when I was in the Juniors and I'm 33 this year, so not a new thing. DD already knows that men can marry men and women marry women, think she mentioned it after hearing about a celebrity wedding recently, can't remember who though. Like others have said, sex was never mentioned, just the necessary facts. I will though, remember to include 'love' in my answers next time, as Soapbox is right, living together is so 'unromantic'.

I would not allow my children to use the word "gay' as an insult in my hearing. They both know that there are words that are just not acceptable - and that is one of them. What they say out of my hearing I don't know - I can't police that. But I can, will and do police what I hear!

thanks all, but now he has asked about it should i sit him down and explain or wait til he asks again?

You don't have to sit him down and explain - it's no big deal. Just say, in passing "Oh, you know you were asking what gay means? Well, some men when they grow up find that they love and want to make their lives with another man instead of a woman. That's called being gay. A lesbian is a woman who loves another woman instead of a man. Any questions?" Then add that sometimes stupid people give gay men and lesbians a hard time just because thy are gay, but ds is never going to do that is he? Then go and have tea.

does he watch dr who? start a convo about capt jack. no sitting down, like seeker says, it's no big deal, it's just who people fall in love with...

I have told my 5 and 8 ytear old that men can marry men and they are called gay men and women can marry women and they are lesbians

and I'd like to say that they just accepted it but they both said 'eeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr'

but I tried

Mine know- well teh almost 7 and just 8 year old anyway. they know that some men prefer to have relationships with other men, and some women prefer to have relationships with other women, and that it doesn't matter because love is what is important.

They were slightly mesmerised at first by my Aunts (Aunt and partner been together since the war), but I honestly cant think of a more stable example to use as an example of good relationships.

Ia lso wanted them to know that I wasn't impressed with certain playground contemporaries yelling 'you're gay' all the time- because its a non-insult and the boys now know that

Ds believes his best friend absolutely - such is the logic of a 6 year old...