Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

is 6 years too big a gap between siblings?

119 replies

mummyloveslucy · 14/01/2008 19:34

Does anyone think a 6 year age gap between siblings is too big?
Our daughter will be 3 in March and I thought about trying for another baby soon after but my husband would like to wait longer as he feels it wouldn't be fair on our daughter to have no say in the matter, and he feels the baby would take all the attention away from her. He would like a 6 year gap so that Lucy is settled in to school and pretty independant. He also says that we could enjoy them more seperatly and it would be less stressfull. What do you guys think ? I want to do what's best for our daughter but don't know if siblings will bond or have anything in common after a 6 year gap.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ja9 · 15/01/2008 13:23

fwiw, i think that it depends how many siblings there are. if there are just 2 of them it is more likely they will be close as there are no others iyswim.

UniversallyChallenged · 15/01/2008 13:23

well if they talk the same way you write Icod they probably dont know what on earth each other are on about!

FioFio · 15/01/2008 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wannaBe · 15/01/2008 13:26

so, for those that think a 6 year gap is too big, if you start ttc with a view to having say, a 3 year gap and after 3 years you haven't fallen pregnant should you then stop? genuine question btw.

FioFio · 15/01/2008 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wannaBe · 15/01/2008 13:29

agreed fio. the poster who isn't close to her sister with a 6 year gap may not have been close to them even if they'd been 11 months apart. maybe they have different personalities, maybe they would have had different interests anyway, it's more than just age surely?

wheelybug · 15/01/2008 13:30

Well said Fiofio. I am v. guilty of analysing sibling age gaps.

We 'planned' a 2.5 year age gap, got pg before this so would have had just over a 2 year gap which I was a bit worred about that it would be a bit too small. Unforetunately I m/c and have been unable to conceive since such that if I conceived next cycle there would be a 3.75 ish age gap. So now I am worried about the size of the age gap (which I am now assuming could be 5 or 6 years). assuming dd will nto end up being an only child which is of course something else to worry about.

Not many people can plan their exact age gap and as the OP suggests you don't conceive easily you should get on with it and see what happens. I wish I'd started as soon as dd was born .

wannaBe · 15/01/2008 13:31

me and my sister are 3 years apart and we faught like cat and dog as children. In fact we went to boarding school so didn't see each other for three months at a time and would be bickering on way home from the airport . are closer now we're older but you cannot predict the relationship your children will have based on the age gap between them.

lulumama · 15/01/2008 13:34

I have a twin sister, rubyslippers. so could not have had less of an age gap we had lots and lots and lots of fights. but as we got older, we got on better and better.. and i would say the last 12 years or so have been a revelation, and i am so glad that i have such a wonderful sister

we also have a brother who is 6 years younger, who we get on with just fine... we loved to 'mummy' him , possibly we were slightly disappointed to have not been provided with a baby sister called sophie, as we had requesed!

i have just short of 6 years between my 2, not by choice, and it has worked for us really well. yes, some jealousy, but i am not that great with small babies. so it was good to have DS at shcool and the daytime to concentrate on DD, two under 3 for example , would have finished me off

it is what works for you and your family, and if you are lucky enough and blessed enough to get what you want then enjoy every moment, and don;t over think it !

it is very often a case of getting what you are given, when you are given it.

i had a friend TTC when i was, desperate for a summer baby, and she had a winter baby.. whereas i had a summer baby,and could not have cared one jot.. she was getting quite stressed about the whole thing, some things, you just cannot plan.

wheelybug · 15/01/2008 13:34

wannabe - I have given this a lot of thought. I have said to DH I don't think I can envisage a bigger than 5 year gap so think we would stop there. We are being referred for investigations and I have said we will see what happens in the next year (dd 3 next week, so when dd is 4) and then have a serious think about whether we could accept having an only child or a big age gap.

I suspect when next year comes and we still haven't conceived we will still carry on - I suspect in reality I won't be able to give up. That said, another factor is that at 29, although I conceived dd very easily I had a difficult pregnancy and have always said, as a result of this I wouldn't want to be over 35 and still having babies. But we'll see.

wannaBe · 15/01/2008 13:41

wb have been there - am still there .

We started ttc in May 2005, it had taken me a year to fall pg with ds so I had envisaged that it wouldn't happen first month. But it didn't happen first year either, or second year, and now we're coming up to three years. Dh was diagnosed with low sperm count in august 2006 so in reality we know that the chances of us conceiving are minimal. But I don't want assisted conception - I am aware I am very lucky to have the lovely ds that I do, and feel that I could invest a lot on both an emotional/financial level and potentially have no outcome. But although I have said time and time again that I don't want to do this any more I just can't say once and for all that I've given up.

I am now struck by the fact that the age gap is ever increasing, but giving up means admitting that ds will be an only child, even though I know he is likely to be an only child anyway.

It's a hard one, and impossible to call unless you're in the position IMO.

wheelybug · 15/01/2008 13:48

Absolutely wannabe - I know we will have to soul search if it comes to assisted conception. I often say I won't go for this but in my heart of hearts I suspect if it came to it I will consider it. However, I think the possibility of going through that and stil being where you left off could be soul destroying especially when one is fortunate to have a child already.

This has sort of gone off subject but hopefully it will encourage the OP to get on with it !

AbbeyA · 15/01/2008 17:13

I think the answer is-don't worry about it, it is not something you can tell in advance.One of my neighbours has a boy and girl with 6 yrs between. It didn't work well when they were young but now they are in 20s and very close! I know girl twins who hate each other! Just do what suits you.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 15/01/2008 19:16

Thanks everyone for your oppinions. I gues personality and other influences affect a sibling relationship far more than age gap. I have no idea how Lucy will react to a sibling but I think she would make a lovely big sister. She is extreemly caring and loving and dosn't have any aggression in her. I'd worry more about the younger one tormenting her. We would have to make sure that didn't happen.
My sister in law is expecting a baby on Lucys 3rd birthday so I'll see what she makes of that. I think I might persuade my dh to try after her 3rd birthday as that way she'll be in nursery and I'd have some time with the baby. I also have family neer by so I could easily get a baby sitter to look after baby so that we could spend time alone with Lucy too.

OP posts:

suedonim · 15/01/2008 22:51

Poor you, Pooka! Luckily for dd1, her older brothers are both the poncy type, who didn't like doing messy stuff in fields on dark, wet days. They preferred theatricals and so on.

shopboughtbunz · 15/01/2008 23:07

Hi! I have three sons, the eldest two are 23months apart now 8 and 6 yrs and the youngest has just turned 6 months. There are fors and against for any age gap. The eldest two were hard work! Having a preschooler and a baby is hard work physically but they have each other for company and you are never short of a playmate for your child. Thing two was certainly brought on by thing one as 2 just wanted to do what 1 does and still does! But 1 never knew any different and can't remember 2 coming or expecting him. When 3 came along it was like a family project me and dh decided on having thing 3 but 1 & £ threw themselves into looking at stuff on the internet reading books and helped paint the nursery! I don't know what it will be like as they get older but 3 already dotes on them and his face lights up when he sees them! If you fell pregnant tomorrow you would have a four year old by the time the baby came. She could be a proud big sister who is a clever grown up 4 yr old but who is not so far removed in age that they can't be companions. As for letting her choose? I don't think she could differentiate between a baby and ice cream! The decisions yours!! Have fun!!!

Clary · 15/01/2008 23:35

Ok I have read the thread now (posted before just reading OP)

Agree with hunker, yurt, psychomum and others, you cannot really base this kind of decision on what a 3yo says. Or even a 5yo (tho as it took you time to conceive DD wouldn't you be asking before she was 5?)

Sorry I see you have since said you are not going to ask her. Maybe see what she thinks in an indirect way - how is she around friends' babies etc?

TBH you need to make this decision yourselves. Yes I also agree with hunker, having a sibling will probably benefit her - if it's a sibling you want too.

sparklygothkat · 15/01/2008 23:38

haven't read the whole thread, am bf atm. anyway I had a 2 1/2 year gap between ds1 and dd1, then 15 months between dd1 and dd2, then I had a 6 year gap between dd2 and ds2. I have to say it been great having a huge gap because the girls and ds1 adore ds2 and are a good help for me.

123girl · 06/03/2022 13:53

Hi I know this is years later but really intrested to know did you have another child and how big age gap was it also are they close

Flip

1 2 3 4 5