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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Controlled crying for 10 week old?

82 replies

sandy06 · 08/01/2008 16:53

I have mentioned in another post that my 10 week old son has got into the habit of being rocked/jigged to sleep (even with the dreaded dummy in) - my health visitor says I should put him down in his cot, with dummy, and basically let him settle himself, i.e. cry himself to sleep without me picking him up. I can pat his tummy and be there for him, but no picking up. Controlled crying at 10 weeks is really hard - does anyone have any views on this please? Or other tips?? Thank you

OP posts:

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saadia · 08/01/2008 16:56

I think it depends on the type of crying, If it is an exhausted sort of pre-sleep rhythmic crying then this method may work, but if it is a very distressed and angry crying then I wouldn't do it, 10 weeks is too young. Do you swaddle him?

fingerwoman · 08/01/2008 17:00

sandy, no controlled crying is only ever recommended for bnabies over 6 nmonths. even by gina ford and her ilk.

at 10 weeks your baby is still way too young to be spoiled. rock him if tht's what he likes. he'll be fine

Blandmum · 08/01/2008 17:00

10 weeks is far too young for controled crying.

I used it with great sucess at the 8 month mark or so.

But IMHO 10 weeks is too young

louii · 08/01/2008 17:00

Dear god no, if he goes asleep getting rocked whats the prob?

fingerwoman · 08/01/2008 17:01

i found this page really informative. the book by karp is great
the link is how to deal with a colicky baby, but karp's theory is that babies are born to early. some deal with it ok, and some of them miss their 4th trimester and NEED things like rocking, and sucking to soothe themselves and turn on their "calming reflex"

Flllightattendant · 08/01/2008 17:07

Please don't take any notice of the HV in this situation. She is obv trying to suggest things to make your life easier but that is all very well, long term it will make it harder...clear evidence that babies who are left to cry during the first 6 months of life, cry FAR MORE in the second half of their first year.

They need you so badly at this age. Please just rock him to sleep, that is your whole point as his mum!!

JodieG1 · 08/01/2008 17:08

Please don't, not to a 10 week old baby Shouldn't be done under 6 months iirc.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 08/01/2008 17:09

Too young. Don't do it. HV is a cow.

Sorry.

beansprout · 08/01/2008 17:09

It won't work and would just be cruel. Please don't.

Original poster

sandy06 · 08/01/2008 17:20

yes instinctively i felt it was wrong. I have tried swaddling which worked for a while then he decided he didn't like it. I have a 2 year old too so i feel I don't often have the time to devote to the second babe, but I'll try the sling again.... Thanks for all the help

OP posts:

nannynz · 08/01/2008 18:09

I wouldn't neccesarily advocate controlled crying but when my current charge was 10 weeks old, he would not sleep. For three days he only slept in spurts of about 10 minutes,(perhaps one or two half hour lengths), he was exhausted! It really showed by his crying - we tryed carrying, rocking, strolling, bouncy chair, in car - nothing helped. On the third day after he'd been bathed and fed/burped well and he still was not sleeping, I snuggled him in bed, put his mobile on and left him for 15 minutes. He cried but it wasn't a terrible high pitched cry, it was just a very loud cry! After 15 minutes I picked him up, sat and rocked him for 45 minutes - I then put him to bed and he slept for 2 hours, since then his sleep has lenghthened more. The next night after bath and fed/burp, I held him while he cried - no rocking or anything, just holding him saying shhh every so often, he cried for 10 minutes and then slept for four hours. Now(22 weeks) he loves his bed and is a very happy baby.

Usually I'm a rocker and after years of been able to settle children I thought I'd lost the knack but I think he is a highly sensitive baby and all the stimulation of rocking/moving was making it hard for him to relax. When that was stopped he actually smiled pretty soon afterwards, it was a long 10 weeks with no smiles and a crying baby.

DaddyJ · 08/01/2008 18:29

If you are next to him patting him it's not Controlled Crying.

Sounds more like shush/pat or controlled comforting
both of which are recommended for younger babies
but only if you really want to start
doing some kind of sleep training now.
Which you clearly don't!

If you don't have a problem with the way he goes to sleep
then just go with the flow for the time being.

jorange5 · 08/01/2008 18:36

I am horrified at the suggestion that a 10 week old childs cries should not be answered . If advice like this is coming from health professionals then heaven knows what children will be growing up like.

WriggleJiggle · 08/01/2008 21:31

No no no. Don't do it! You can not possibly spoil a 10 week old. They just don't understand anything at that age. It won't work, and you'll (probably) end up more upset yourself. Go with the flow. Your HV sounds heartless .

Piffle · 08/01/2008 21:32

no no no

Pannacotta · 08/01/2008 21:34

Don't do it! Your HV is very misinformed. The Baby Bliss book by Harvey Karp is good and try swaddling again, it can take a bit of time to perfect the techinique but it works well for small babies.

Prufrock · 08/01/2008 21:39

Going completely against the grain but I would do as your hv suggests (not that I think it's cc) - some babies (my dd included though not my ds) prefer to go to sleep by themsleves, and actually do get more wound up and exhausted if they are being rocked, cuddled, jigged etc. I would try leaving him, just fro a minute or so - you should be able to tell the difference between "I'm miserable and just want to sleep but want to grumble about it first" cries and full on "why have you abandoned me mummy" cries

tori32 · 08/01/2008 21:42

I can only speak from experience. It worked for me. I did it from 6wks. However, I had a camera over her cot which was wired to the TV so could watch body language as well. I could clearly see she was not distressed on many occasions when she cried, no fist clenching or writhing around, no tears, just pure shouting for attention. I wanted my baby to know that nights were for sleeping and daytime for playing so I did not respond unless she was distressed. This worked well, she slept 2230-0700 at 8wks and 1900-0700 from 3mths. She is now just 2yrs and I can count on one hand the nights I have been disturbed after 1900hrs including going into a bed. Also, because of good routines she now asks to go to sleep when she feels tired.

TotalChaos · 08/01/2008 21:42

I agree with DaddyJ and Prufrock.

tori32 · 08/01/2008 21:43

here,here prufrock !

WriggleJiggle · 08/01/2008 21:44

Whilst I agree with Prufrock about some babies being over stimulated (dd was one of those), it doesn't mean you can't be close and hold them. If you think ds might be overstimulated try swaddling, then holding up to your shoulder so he is facing a blank wall. Rub his back slowly or sway so he can still feel you next to him.

Coby · 08/01/2008 21:46

I've done CC with both my DDs - it just doesn't work with DD2 (now 20 months and still unsettled at times despite long attempts at CC).

I've recently changed my opinion on how to handle things that I would usually tackle with CC. My DD1 will be starting school in Sept, seems like only yesterday when she seemed to constanty need cuddles and now she is very grown up and independant. I just feel that the whole crying at night and clingyness is really a rather fleeting thing when you look at the whole time you get with your child. Suddenly they don't seem to need you half as much as they used to.

It's very hard with two young ones (or more) and I can honestly say I think I am permanently damaged by lack of sleep from when DD2 woke every 30 mins for over six weeks and I had DD1 to look after too. Both my two were incredibly clingy (DD2 still is) to the point of screaming if I left the room etc.

My DC3 is due in May and I think seeing my DD1 grow up so quickly is going to make me cuddle him all the more while he wants me to. I shall probably be carted off to the loony house before he learns to sleep through, but I think I won't regret it in later life when they are all grown up

hth and isn't too rambling

tori32 · 08/01/2008 21:46

Oh and swaddling is good for preventing the startle reflex which wakes babies up, however, this should start to disappear from about 6wks, so there is no real need. Its better to use a sleeping bag which feels snug but also allows the baby to learn to sleep without swaddling.

karen999 · 08/01/2008 21:49

I did CC at 12 weeks and it worked for us. Am glad that I did it as I have a dd who sleeps 12 hours every night and who, when tired, can be put down in her cot and go to sleep by herself.

Crunchie · 08/01/2008 21:50

I think the HV is right to a point. Have you tried this way?

Seriouslyy it is NOT CC where you leave the room etc. BUT quite often babies are too stimulated to sleep, that is all. Try and see, it is not bad if youa re not leaving the room

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