Controlled crying for 10 week old?

[sandy06]

I have mentioned in another post that my 10 week old son has got into the habit of being rocked/jigged to sleep (even with the dreaded dummy in) - my health visitor says I should put him down in his cot, with dummy, and basically let him settle himself, i.e. cry himself to sleep without me picking him up. I can pat his tummy and be there for him, but no picking up. Controlled crying at 10 weeks is really hard - does anyone have any views on this please? Or other tips?? Thank you

Waiting for kiskidee to join in but maybe too early for her, give it a couple of hours.....

wrigglejiggle I see cuddling, stroking etc when a baby is tired as overstimulation.
eg. If you were exhausted and went to bed to sleep because you were tired and because you tossed and turned your partner assumed you wanted cuddling, how would you feel. The point being that no human being requires constant contact. If my DH insisted on cuddling or stroking me at all times I was awake it would drive me nuts!

If my DH insisted on stroking me all the time it would drive me nuts/wild too......

10 weeks is way too young imo. I did it at 9 months with both of mine and that was hard enough.

Lyra I think you have just made the point, the longer you leave it to establish a good sleep pattern, the harder it gets!

All the posters who have said that controlled crying is not recommended pre 6 months are quite correct, but that said controlled crying is a very specific technique which can involve leaving the baby crying on his own (i.e. you not in the room)for quite some time.

This is not in fact what your HV is recommending you to do - i.e. you would stay in the room and pat, rub tummy etc. This sounds sensible to me, and it is a good idea even at this age to see if you can help them to learn to get to sleep on their own rather than being fed, rocked or cuddled to sleep. I found with both my DDs that they required some wind down crying before they dropped off.

At around this age I would cuddle and rock until their breathing became deeper, then put down in the cot, put a dummy in and pat on the hip rhythmicly getting slower and slower for a minute or so then leave. It was usual to have a minute or two of crying after I left the room before they suddenly dropped off like a light being switched off. At this age I would never leave crying for more than a couple of minutes though and if it continued would return to the room and pat some more - but without picking up again as your HV has recommended.

I was a big fan of the Karp book some of the others have recommended, although I stopped swaddling around 9 or 10 weeks when moved from moses basket to big cot.

I love being cuddled to sleep and feeling the warm arms of my DD or DH and hearing their slow rested breath and knowing that we've all gone to sleep happy and stress free.

We don't have tears before bed and CC isn't the only way of instilling routine or getting your DC to sleep. I love cuddling my DD to sleep and will never regret the hours i've spent gazing at her as she drops off. Won't be long before she doesn't want me there

you norty northender.

website for some interesting articles and references to infant sleep development

daddyj, can you provide any evidence based references that shush/pat is not a form of CC or is that largely your opinion?

CC sounds very extreme.

Have you tried taking the baby into a quiet room, in the dark, after a warm bath with no distractions. They really do respond to that kind of routine.

I had trouble getting ds 1 to sleep, then when dd came along I realised that ds had been far too stimulated despite my cuddling, due to telly noise in background etc. So i made sure dd had quiet etc and she slept thru the night at 12 weeks...I know some of it is their character but I have a close friend with a 3 yr old who still can't sleep in his own bed without mum, cos she hated the thought of him crying. But I guess that might say more about the mum than anything!!

Kiskidee very interesting article from a social worker, however, over time and like everything, things change.
We were origionally designed to co sleep, however, in the stone ages the female just looked after the baby. No full time work to go to etc so she could sleep during the day whilst the baby slept. Also in the stone age there were no c sections! No innoculations! Should we go back to that too? Also, the stone age didn't have baby monitors and research of infants through observation.
My mum used cc with myself and brother, both of us are confident people with fulfilled lives and good careers, both slept through the night for 12 hrs from an early age and have continued to be good sleepers and very independent. My dd now 23mths is also confident, articulate and sociable, so no ill effects seen here from cc.

10 weeks is far too young. CC should not be tried on babies younger than 6 months. Babies this age need comfort, it's exhausing but that's what being a parent is about at this stage.

sorry if that sounded a bit off - can't believe that a HV would suggest this at 10 weeks though. I know it's hard, good luck

Tori32 - you are an expert on the stone ages then?

I'm sorry - but your last post is utter tosh.

IIRC there is currently some research into or being proposed to look into pre-eclampsia, serotonin levels and sleep in infants. Will see if I can find.

Some babies, like adults are not very good at going off to sleep. They have (despite the suggestion that no human likes contact all the time) also spent 9 months, curled up tightly in your warm, serene, womb.

Would advise against CC in any baby under 6 months.

Tori, evolutioanry insights are very useful actually and are about biology and psychology not technology.

tori, most of the parents in the world still cosleep in one form or another. Cotsleeping became the 'in' thing for wealthy people only in a few western cultures about 200 yrs ago. It gradually became more prevalent in poorer circles in the last hundred yrs.

For humans to have evolved so much in the last >200 yrs would mean that we have the evolutionary adaptability to somewhere between that of a fruit fly and a fruit bat.

Most people will turn out fine to a greater or lesser extent despite the parenting we received. If human beings are anything else, they are designed to survive very harsh conditions. If CC brings risk factors of depression into the life of a baby then we must start to ask ourselves if it is a risk we are willing to take with our child.

not so long ago there was a thread that has been deleted for reasons unknown asking psychologists what they thought of CC. Almost all those who worked in mental health said they would never do it with their baby (under 12 mo) and most said not over 2 yo.

not under not over 2yo

You know MT - you are right. But, then again - they didnt have watches either - no feeding 4 hourly - lots of b/feeding on demand I should imagine . No understanding of days/weeks/months, and possible no baby weaning spoons , or b/feeding to exactly 6 months!!!!

And how on EARTH did they mix the baby rice with milk??????

sandy, you have already got your answer but
just in case:

Your HV's advice is sound.
She is suggesting controlled comforting
which is fine for under 6 month old.

Anyway, enjoy your lo and hope you get some rest!

Yes, we think we have it bad. How on earth did you wean a baby on raw meat?

As you're talking evolution it's also in a baby's best interest to wake often during the night so the parents knows they are still there. I've read research that suggests baby's wake frequently for evolutionary reasons. It's actually better for them not to be in a deep sleep all night in relation to sids apparently.

I'm sure I read this in the new scientist quite some time aga now.

Snort at "controlled comforting". A delightful oxymoron.

Jodie - i've read that too somewhere.