Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

Controlled crying for 10 week old?

82 replies

sandy06 · 08/01/2008 16:53

I have mentioned in another post that my 10 week old son has got into the habit of being rocked/jigged to sleep (even with the dreaded dummy in) - my health visitor says I should put him down in his cot, with dummy, and basically let him settle himself, i.e. cry himself to sleep without me picking him up. I can pat his tummy and be there for him, but no picking up. Controlled crying at 10 weeks is really hard - does anyone have any views on this please? Or other tips?? Thank you

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
moondog · 09/01/2008 10:26

I have an issue with the whole use of the 'control' adjective in all senses. very weirdy and 1984ish. A deliberate attempt to remarket a scary concept (and hell, I am a control freak)

Oliveoil · 09/01/2008 10:27

as with any parenting stuff, my only tip is:

what does your gut say?

if is is screaming PICK YOUR BABY UP YOU NUMPTY then pick him up

if it is saying OH HE SEEMS TIRED, GIVE IT A MINUTE then do that

do not follow any books or well meaning 'advice' from anyone else

you.
know.
best.

VeronicaMars · 09/01/2008 10:47

I know that some people swear by the cc thing, I would never do it. There is an Irish child psycgologist who has a programe on Irish tv along the lines of Super Nanny but he deals with a lot of issues not just bad behaviour. He says that cc horrifies him and that what babies learn from it is that there is no point in crying or seeking comfort in times of distress because no one will come to them.
He says it is emotionally traumatizing for babies and parents and he doesn't recommend it.
His name is David Coleman and he has a very good book out called Parenting is Child's Play. He does however give a lot of information about helping you settle your child into a routine and explains what sleeping patterns babies should have a different ages.

Hulababy · 09/01/2008 10:56

I would ever do CC with a child under a ear old. I think the child needs to have a reasonable level of understanding and comprehnsion, so that you can tell them what is happening and why.

A 10 week old being cuddled to sleep is fine for me.They don't stay that small for long.

I did CC at 20 months and it worked very well. There was no real cyrying, more complaining and shouting out from DD. It was completely over with within the week, pretty much so within a couple of days or so TBH. And never for any great length of time - we went in every 1 min, 2 min, 3min, etc. not 5, 10, 15...

karen999 · 09/01/2008 19:16

Oliveoil - you are spot on. My gut instinct said that my dd was really tired which is why I did CC.

Original poster
sandy06 · 09/01/2008 19:31

great advice here, I infact have swaddled him twice now, last night and tonight on recommendation from here, and it has worked brilliantly. I will now need try in the day, which is the more demanding time what with dealing with no. 1 son, and jiggling/rocking very difficult... thanks again for all views and advice

OP posts:
phlossie · 09/01/2008 21:18

I think listen to Prufrock - it depends on the baby. My boy wanted cuddling, but cuddling winds my girl up. Listen to your baby and do what works for you. And remember that you can sleep train later if you need to.

cruisemum1 · 09/01/2008 21:28

no no no no no!!!!!!!

stripeytiger · 09/01/2008 21:38

Totally agree with Tori32.

karen999 · 09/01/2008 21:42

Stripeytiger - yup, me too!!

Trolleydolly71 · 09/01/2008 22:06

Message withdrawn

MrsJohnCusack · 09/01/2008 22:06

olive's post of 10:27:45 makes her my HERO

oh and ditch any thought of controlled anything with a 10 week old. some people (not you OP!) seem to think tiny babies are manipulative little things, deliberately crying and not sleeping at night just to make their parents' lives difficult. And wanting to be picked up & cuddled! Whatever next!

(as it happens my DD did need leaving for a bit after a couple of months and rocking etc. just wound her up more. But I refer you back to Olive's masterly post)

cannot believe I'm posting on one of these threads

lisad123 · 09/01/2008 22:14

I have 2 dd. With both of them i have done last feed upstairs, in dim lit room, quiet music on ect. I have laid them down while still awake (remember that horrible feeling of waking up somewhere different as a kids, when you had fallen asleep in the car and dad had carried you to bed)
I did do dummies (each to their own) and left the room. If they cried i went back in and gave dumy, or if very upset i would pick them up, but never left the room.

DD is now 16 weeks and self settles every night and sleeps well.
I dont know if any of this is helpful, but thought it might give some idea's.

DD2 also sleeps in an amby nest which is brill, and im sure one of the reasons she sleeps so well

Lisa

karen999 · 09/01/2008 22:17

Lisa123 -you said that you left the room....but then said you never left the room....

oregonianabroad · 09/01/2008 22:25

as you can see from the differences of opinion on this thread, every baby is different. And, their needs change from week to week, even hour to hour.

Personally, i agree with those who have said that a 10 week old baby's cries shouldn't be ignored, but the intrepretatin of what the baby needs is up to you.

Just do what you feel best -- that doesn't mean you are locked into a system that can't be changed if it isn't working for you later.

lisad123 · 09/01/2008 22:44

sorry karen, i meant I leave the room once i have put LO down for the night, but if i have to go and resettle dd, as in picking her up, i never take her out of the room. Sorry if that wasnt clear, its late and flu still hanging around

karen999 · 09/01/2008 22:47

Thanks for clarifying Lisa

tryingtoleave · 10/01/2008 04:06

I have stages when I find it hard to go to sleep and I ask dh to cuddle me or stroke me to help me drop off. I'd be pretty annoyed if he refused. I don't see why I should do less for my ds than I expect done for me.

mumeeee · 10/01/2008 10:37

10 weeks old is much to young for comtrolled crying.

IcklePickle · 10/01/2008 14:12

I would not recommend CC, but only from personal experiences. I did it with my first one and feel he is very sensitive and still (now 5) insecure as a result. My second I just did what my instincts told me, hold him when he cries, put him down when he stops, eventually he would go to sleep (following the baby whisperer, not gina ford way). My second is very secure and happy. Just follow your instincts for your baby, they are in you for a reason. Also look at study done by Professor Lynne Murray THe Social Baby through the NSPCC on body language.

Original poster
sandy06 · 10/01/2008 18:13

so today i tried cuddling/rocking with dummy to brink of sleep, then put him down in his moses basket, which seemd to work. But he only then sleeps a short time, and wakes up. Evenif i replace the dummy, he won't go off and he then isn't tired enough to be cuddled back to sleep. I feel then he isn't getting enough sleep in the day and he is crotchety lots of the time. He does though sleep well when we're out and he's being pushed... (hence my reasoning that he likes being rocked or jiggled)...

OP posts:
kiskidee · 11/01/2008 05:35

I second the book, the Social Toddler which IcklePickle mentioned

kiskidee · 11/01/2008 05:35

oh and the sling. what kind did you get?

kiskidee · 11/01/2008 05:36

sorry! it is another new mum who got a sling. I really recommend getting one. do you think you would use one?

Original poster
sandy06 · 11/01/2008 09:34

i have a huggababy which i do use but i find it quite hard on my back after a while... I will look at the resources mentioned and keep working on trial and error... thanks to all who have provided invaluable help

OP posts: