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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

First period - something to celebrate?

233 replies

DarthVader · 29/12/2007 18:35

I am making plans with my 8 year old about how we will celebrate her first period! How did other people celebrate this milestone with their daughters?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

holidaywonk · 29/12/2007 21:40

I don't think you can say that it's 'far too intrusive', Abbey. My mother did it and I didn't find it intrusive. It's all down to DV's relationship with her daughter, and her daughter's personality - as you say, if she were a very private type it might be inappropriate, but from DV's descriptions of her on this thread it doesn't sound as though that is the case.

FrannyandZooey · 29/12/2007 21:42

I think it is a lovely idea DV and if when the time comes she can agree on something she would like to do to mark it, I think it could be something great for her to look back on

I think you will have to understand if she has picked up on society's problem with menstruation by then though, and feels embarrassed about it

I hope the two of you do find something private to do together - personally I think giving her a special piece of jewellery might be an idea for a start?

ALomonderfulLife · 29/12/2007 21:56

To be honest I can remember the day I started my period and it wasn't nice! I had very bad cramp and was miserable. Just wanted to spend the day tucked up in bed. (I had very painful periods for the first couple of years.)

The thought of planning something is nice but in my case I just wanted to be left alone. It was also something I wanted to keep to myself, obviously I told my mum but she seemed to think she had a right to tell the rest of my family and some of her friends. I was angry and a bit embarassed. Be sure to do what your daughter wants. She may have big plans now but if she gets any discomfort or finds the actual experience of what happens is different from what she thought it would be, she could react in a way which you don't expect.

Judy1234 · 29/12/2007 22:35

Why not - most cultures have a coming of age, Bat Mitzah etc etc but most teenage girls and I have known so many of them would die if their parent suggested this. What it is worth doing is keeping a note of the date and putting it with their medical records at home as sometimes in later life they're asked the date of their first period. I did that with my two daughters on the NHS file we have at home.

moyasmum · 29/12/2007 22:40

Was well prepared by mum, and a late starter, but was expected to keep periods very secret in my male household and so always thourght that I would celebrate any daughters maturity, in a more joyful way .

I guess it was the 70's, but it always made sense that girls were being obviously suppressed at a time when they had a life event to celebrate not hide it as a dirty shame.

When my girls were born, I had a gold ring made for each with their names in . (I like heirlooms)Considered a small party ,but when DD1 started at the age of 14 ,(last week!),settled for just being there for her.
Has worn her ring since but will take it off when they go back to school.

Shes known about periods since she was 8 , her bodys changing, but she can mature at her own rate, Shes still got a bit more childhood inside her,if I play it right having a period doesnt have to be the all or nothing route to being considered an adult woman ,with all the stress that involves, that will come in time.

minorityrules · 29/12/2007 22:47

As a mum to teenager girls

At 8, they are all sweet and lovely (mostly) and love their mum

By 12 and the onset of puberty, mums are THE most embarrassing thing on the planet, ever!

I was open about periods and all that comes with them, my girls knew all they needed to know (we even have special boxes in the loo with pads and tampons in rainbow of colours)

When it came they were ALL mortified, hiding knickers and pads, not wanting to talk about it unless it was to tell me I don't know what it is like and I couldn't ever suffer like they do

I doubt your DD will feel the want or need to celebrate the onset of her monthlys, no matter how open you are now. You will just be fulfilling your role as the most embarrassing mum ever (said with a tone, mothers of teens know well)

AbbeyA · 29/12/2007 22:55

I agree with minorityrules, a child of 8 may well think it is a good thing to celebrate with their mother but will find it cringe worthy when the time comes.I didn't start mine until I was 14, I don't have a problem with it and have always had a good relationship with my mother but I can't imagine even the most outgoing teen wanting to celebrate with their mother -unless they think it means a lot to her and don't want to hurt her feelings. It is a time to let go.

SlartyBartFast · 29/12/2007 23:03

minority, what pads exactly would they use?
have been looking in preparation, for my 10 year old, I was 11, nearly 12, is there a specific slim line, i know i used tampons quite early (can't honestly remember) but think in the beginning not too wise.

WendyWeber · 29/12/2007 23:05

I told my DDs they could have their ears pierced (if they still insisted) when their periods started.

Kind of a rite of passage

minorityrules · 29/12/2007 23:11

SBF, we have different ones for different girls, lots of trial and error

Youngest likes bodyform green no wings, middle will use whatever is there, eldest uses purple always with wings. But we have different kinds in the box as we have tried a few and I buy special offers lol

I use different strength tampax, depending on flow.

Eldest will use tampax in bath or swimming, middle thinks they are rank and youngest hasn't tried yet

When all arranged in the special boxes they are quite pretty

Son is growing up to be very understanding too lol

SlartyBartFast · 29/12/2007 23:21

thanks minority.
it's good for boys who have sisters

Magdeltwinkle · 29/12/2007 23:24

Not read the thread but we quietly celebrated with a meal out.

fortyplus · 29/12/2007 23:27

When mine started my mum said how sorry she was that I was 'Going to have to go through all that now'. Then my dad said the same, so I was mortified that she'd obviously told him.

60s parents have a lot to answer for - no wonder I'm weird!

maximummummy · 29/12/2007 23:45

i was 14 when i started mine and dd is 13 and still waiting - i know everyone develops differently but do you really want to build up the event which might still be 6/7 years away?
i think it's great that you're discussing it together BUT i found the waiting for it awful as all my friends started before me

seeker · 30/12/2007 00:02

I'm interested in this - I have a 12 year old dd - it won't be long! I'd like to mark the event in some way -but I'm not sure how. My mother gave me a little charm with the date engraved on it. I still have it and I'm very pleased she did - it was nearly 40 years ago and people didn't talk about it much in those days.

I think I might give dd a piece of jewellery. Maybe something that I have that was my mothers to make it more special.

Twinklemegan · 30/12/2007 00:04

From my experiences I'd have thought commiserations were more appropriate .

I think I was very embarrassed indeed when I got my first period so I'm not sure a celebration would have been welcome tbh.

pinetreedog · 30/12/2007 00:10

didn't celebrate it all. Vwey relaxed talk about it but no celebration. Wouldn't occur to me to celebrate it. It's a pain in the arse

FrannyandZooey · 30/12/2007 09:48

It's NOT just a pain in the arse though, is it? Do so many people really feel that? I find that depressing, as well as very surprising, that on a parenting website, several posters have said that they can't think of anything positive about the natural process of their bodies being able to make children.

I know I am a bit of an evangelist about it, but if you hate menstruating, please try a mooncup, if you haven't already. So many of us feel quite different about it afterwards.

PeachesMcLean · 30/12/2007 09:57

No it's not just a pain in the arse. It does give me diarrhoea but it's also a pain in the legs, the belly, the back and sometimes the head. I also don't like it when I'm in tears as a result. So yes, biologically necessary to menstruate, but we're still pretty badly designed, aren't we?

I wouldn't have wanted to celebrate it but I guess it depends on the relationship you have with your daughter. Good for you for thinking of it more positively.

AbbeyA · 30/12/2007 10:17

I am very thankful for my mother! If she had gone around telling everyone and celebrating it then I think that I would have kept it secret for 6 months or at least until the danger was over! All trust would have been destroyed.

Original poster

DarthVader · 30/12/2007 10:19

I would rather that she looks forward to it than dreads it or worries about it for the next 4 years!

My 8 year old asked me what would happen if her period started in the classroom. I said she could tell the teacher. I didn't say well everyone will tease and mock you and you will come home ashamed and crying and it will only be the start of on-going monthly misery.

I find the attitude to menstruation quite supressive of women so I don't want to subscribe. I would rather celebrate menstruation as part of womanhood and fertility! I don't plan to force this on my dd when her periods actually start and wouldn't be insensitive, embarrass her or be intrusive. But I will not feel great about myself as a mother if she feels as negative about the whole thing as many of the posters on this thread feel about it.

I wish for a revolution in how society views menstruation - I think we need one.

OP posts:

AbbeyA · 30/12/2007 10:33

I don't feel in the least negative about it-it is a perfectly normal bodily function that I am quite happy about (and lucky because I haven't had problems with them)but I find it absolutely cringe worthy that my mother would have wanted to make a big deal about it.
I read a blog a while ago from a woman who was planning a red box ready for the day, full of little presents and the poor child was supposed to wear a red bracelet when she was menstruating. The plan was that she should have a notebook to write her thoughts etc and share it with her mother-it sticks in my mind because I thought the whole thing was horrible.

holidaywonk · 30/12/2007 10:40

I rather like menstruating. It feels kinda... elemental.

pinetreedog · 30/12/2007 10:42

Is it just a pain in the arse? Well, to me, yes it is really. It's a faff.

I don't see periods in terms of positive and negative. I see it in terms of a biological process that happens to every woman, very matter of fact. I don't give any negative vibes to my dds at all about it. I make it all seem straightforward and simple. I have no PMT to speak of so my dds don't see me 'suffer' from it in any way.

I just don't see it as something to celebrate.

pinetreedog · 30/12/2007 10:43

elemental my arse

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