First period - something to celebrate?

[DarthVader]

I am making plans with my 8 year old about how we will celebrate her first period! How did other people celebrate this milestone with their daughters?

Agree with pointy, foxinsocks and Tsar- I have talked to dd about it whenever she wants to, but always taken a low-key, reassuring approach. Any more would not suit her. I guess whether you see it as something to celebrate or not depends on how much pain you're in, surely? I had years of severe period pains when it would have seemed completely peverse to welcome my period starting. As pointy says, it's just basic biology, and I find it hard to view that as an achievement.

I remember when stepdd started I asked her how she felt and she said "kind of lonely". I knew exactly what she meant. Her mum tried to make a big deal of it and she absolutely didn't want to, but obviously different children will react in different ways.

I'm afraid that I think the idea of a celebration for a first period is a little primitive. In civilised societies I think we should celebrate intellectual achievements, not biological or tribal rites of passage.

I like primitive (within reasonable civilized constraints, of course!) Maybe that's why it's a good thing to celebrate our elemetal natures? (ponce alert)

elemental, I mean!

I think its a lovely idea to celebrate, if the girl wants to do something like that. Some girls are very private and might not like it, but would prefer a special shopping trip or something. I would have liked something like that personally. I never understood why the media and magazines made it sound like women hated their period. Amongst my group of friends it was a rite of passage and we were all very excited when it finally came. We felt like women.

In Japan if the girl starts her period, the mother cooks a special kind of celebratory red rice (mixed with red beans!) for the whole family to eat together! I wouldn't have fancied that in front of my dad and brothers but it shows that it seems to be normal to want to mark the occasion.

My DD1 started her periods this summer. I had thought she knew all there was to know about it, as I try to be open with her. But in the event she seemed a little shaken up by it. It seemed wrong to just send her to school, so I let her have the day off, and we went out for lunch and bought shoes together! A sort of celebration, but not planned. I did tell her in other cultures we'd be celebrating that all her bits are working properly, and we had a laugh about it!

I think it is a shame to regard something so fab and interesting as a purely biological process about which you have no positive or negative feelings

surely it is a little bit of elemental magic - our power to create new life

I think in a culture that regards periods as revolting and shameful, we need to redress the balance a little and do some positive discriminating here. Being scientific and matter of fact is not going to make the difference, IMO

Haven't read all the responses to the op, but my own feeling is that 'celebrating' your child's first period is embarassing for all concerned.

And 8 seems rather early to be 'waiting' for it to happen surely?

I bet more than a few women on here have celebrated at one stage or another when their periods arrived .

Would we do a similar celebration for a boy getting his first erection or would that be left to his father (or other suitable father figure) to organise?

Well, admittedly I don't actually care terribly about redressing the balance, but even if I did I would be loath to trample over dd's feelings in order to do it. I would also be concerned about setting her up for disappointment- I can't think of anything else where repeated chronic pain is seen as a cause for celebration.

Periods fab and interesting?! Nooooooo. Am quite glad for mine to be ending some time over the next few years.

But having said that it's probably best to approach it from a positive angle.

oh franny, you're just so lovable. Refreshingly different views to anyone I normally come across.

I am not aware of being part of a culture that sees periods as revolting and shameful. I grew up with the tampax and bodyform ads that showed healthy, well-scrubbed young women roller-skating while the painteres were in.

I don't think anyone has said a celebration should be held without reference to the dd's feelings

I would have been mortified if my mother had done this, but that was because I was brought up to believe that periods were nasty and secret, and even if my mother hadn't passed that on to me (mostly by silence rather than saying it overtly) then I probably would have picked that up from our culture. I must say pointy I think you are being naive about the fact that menstruation is seen as embarrassing and yuck. But just because my experience was like that, and most of our experiences have been like that, doesn't mean it has to be like that. if more mothers were having the kind of discussion that DV is with her dd, maybe our dds would feel prouder and more positive about the menarche?

Please don't do what my step MIL's sister did and dance on the mountain top tied to her dd with a Red Cord (spot the symbolism?). All mothers friends were dancing too, and when the mother could dance no more the DD was cut and danced alone.

I'm not exaggerating one little bit.

And this is not an ethnic practice for these people, they are ex Mormons.

Personally I would rather have been fed to piranhas.

It was bad enough that my mother told all my aunties

Without dancing.

BTW I gave the growing up talk to dd's entire year. Poor bloody kid, that was 'bad' enough

Oh god I am dying thinking of your poor step-relative.

The only thing that could possibly have been worse is if they had adapted that hunting ritual where they rip the tail off the fox and smear it on the novice hunter's face, and done that with a tampon.

I don't know if I'm naive as such. I might have felt some embarrasssment and yukkiness as a young girl but for years now none has registered with me.

I like seeing it purely in biological terms. Periods are extremely interesting as I remember hearing a top medical scientist saying that the womb is the only part of the body that inflames and then 'heals' itself and if they can figure out how the body does this they have a chance of understanding better how to treat asthma and cystic fibrosis and these inflammation-type diseases.

"fab and interesting"??

maybe for a few minutes in a biology lesson, but not for 30 odd years

come on Aitch, Pruni, all you mooncup users, come and help me out here

menstruation - we bloody love it don't we

I'm totaly cool about explaining it all. I do it every year to year 7. It is interesting in biological terms.

I also think that a little mother / dd bonding is not amiss at this time, if the dd is cool about it.

Just not dancing on top of the mountain!

Pointy, is it possible that was the ovaries? They certainly go through repeated cycles of healing and inflammation. It's possible this is related to the development of ovarian cancer.

Oh mb, that is excellent. I take it this wasn't in the valleys?

california

If it was the valleys they would have ended up covered in sheep shit!

maybe ovaries (I am not scientific - can you tell) but def to do with understanding cystic fibrosis and asthma. Edinburgh Uni research a few years ago now.

I just remember the rictus of a semi grin I had on my face when step MIL told me. I couldn't say what I thought , which was WTF????????

Or coal dust. It's not really a valleys kind of thing, is it. Straight after chapel, maybe...