First period - something to celebrate?

[DarthVader]

I am making plans with my 8 year old about how we will celebrate her first period! How did other people celebrate this milestone with their daughters?

Arionater - yes it is isn't it? And the answer to your question was "yes" for years and years. And since having DS the answer is "virtually impossible" and I'm convinced it's purely psychological.

Thanks Twinkle for being so honest - that's actually really reassuring for me! I've never 'met' anyone with the same problems before (I know there are people with vaginismus (sp?) but for most of them it seems to be a secondary thing that comes after some kind of worry or trauma). I'm sure there must be some psychological element, it makes sense doesn't it, if you try with a tampon or something and it a) hurts a lot but also b) you feel like a freak then it just gets more and more of an issue. But I imagine for those like us who were like this to begin with - ie before they could have any bad experience or anything - it must be partly physiological too don't you think? I've been told my ears/throat are rather narrow as well so perhaps I'm like that all over! I also have arthritis, including in my hips, and I suspect that contributes a bit - makes the whole pelvic area a bit tense. I delayed sleeping with anyone for years too - so of course I was quite embarrassed about being really old! - because I was so worried it would hurt too much or be impossible and I thought I'd rather just not know than fall in love and then find I couldn't , but actually in the event although it did, and does, hurt to start with it is enjoyable too and I was so so relieved and grateful that it wasn't impossible that I found that OK. I hope it improves for you again. Did you ever see a doctor about it? And sorry for totally tmi, thank goodness I don't know anyone here in real life (as far as I know!)

Here's one mother's description of how she celebrated with her daughter.

I read your link melpomene and I think that is why I am so against the present idea-it can so easily turn into the truly dreadful!!

Melpomene, that is truly appalling. Please tell me it's a spoof.

dd was delighted when she first started her periods. She actually came running down the stairs shouting to me, "Guess what......?!" We had a big hug, I felt slightly weepy as my baby was maturing into a young woman (she was 13 at the time btw) and that evening we had a bottle of wine at the table.

My Mum played it down, as I was distraught when it finally happened (at 14). One thing I remember her saying was 'It's only nature - even the dog has it!'

Strangely, that was the most comforting thing she could have said or done. I would have died had she made a fuss.

DD1 is 13, and I admit I'm dreading it with her. She is a walking disaster, and I can't imagine how it will affect her.

Unfortunately Bluestocking I think it is for real! I can imagine certain women, probably in California, doing that!

Gosh! - I would've been SO thrilled to have received a Menstrual Goddess Statuette when I first started!

'Fill your Goddess with a drop of menstrual blood and seal with candle wax. Keep her in a place of honor and acknowledge this valuable gift given you each moon.'

NUTTER ALERT!

My favourite bit is: "Deep emotional wisdom and knowledge of the life force cycles with our menses" - which presumably implies that at some point in the month we are emotionally thick as two short planks and couldn't spot the life force if it clunked us over the head . . .

It's a bit OTT but fundamentally I think a nice idea to celebrate becoming a woman. We don't really have many rites of passage in modern society and I think that's a pity. I like the idea of having a party about becoming a woman that's not directly attached to having a period, but preceeded by it. Also the idea of a party just for women where the girl decides exactly who is there appeals to me. I think the only problem is that periods are happening so early now - you don't become a woman at 9 in the same way you do at 13 or so. My dd is 7 and although I have talked about periods and the children are aware of me "having blood" as they put it (has the downside of me refusing to go swimming so negative connotations already I am afraid) I really hope she isn't an early starter - it's something I would have liked to put off for ten or so years rather than anticipate!

dd1 and I are in the position of not really knowing whether she has started or not.

So thank goodness we weren't planning a celebration

I feel like we are an incompetent family

how come pointydog? though I think the first period is often very light and without other symptoms, probably because the girl hasn't ovulated or built up a full lining of the womb, things are just 'warming up' instead. I remember mine was like that, I was very excited and thought, this is all OK, and then the next month it was much heavier and the horrendous period pain began and I was really aggrieved!

I would say choose a nice girly handbag together so she can have a nice bag for carrying any sanitary protection in.

just a few spots of an uncertain nature. We sort of agreed she had started but there was quite a bit of humming and hawing. Not at all as I imagined it would be

(to ario)

I'm thinking about some sort of celebration when my DDs start too DV, as you say tailored to the individual child, and what they feel like doing. I think the 'take charge of your fertility book' that was mentioned before will be something I will give them also, just reading it ATM and is really enlightening.

Can I just say, as the daughter of a raving mad hippy feminist, I was the, er, proud recipient of a menses ritual when a teenager and I have never forgiven my mother for it.

And for once I am NOT making this up...

Now if she'd bought me a Chanel compact I'd have been delighted but no, she decided in good faith, to knit me a jumper. There were many many problems with this approach. 1. She wasn't very good at knitting. This meant it took much longer than planned and by the time it was finished I had been through puberty and it was like it had been in the tumble dryer. Not that we had one of course, being hippies... 2. Moreover, the not being good part meant that she had a limited repertoire of styles. Fairisle mostly. In luminous shades of raspberry, purple and green. Mmmmmm. And 3. It was a menstruation jumper. Which meant it had, smack bang across the middle, in bright red, the exact date and time of my first period. Alongside this gem of necessary public information were some lovely blue fairisle crocodiles (I guess she'd only got so far in the NUTTER'S BOOK of KNITTING ABC...)

Oh yes. You can imagine just how many times I wore that while slapping on my eyeliner to hang out with spotty callow youth and listen to China Crisis?

Bless her though, she never threw it out and some years later made a killer blow by getting the offending date bit, replete with menstruating crocodiles, beautifully framed for me as a gift.

I do honestly cherish it but only because it reminds me what a fabulous lunatic family I have and it reminds me to be COMPLETELY SANE AND UNEMBARRASSING with my own kids.

I only have boys fortunately so all I need do now is come up with some ejaculation rituals....

Roffle MB!!! menstruating crocodiles...

My mum and older sister just marched up the stairs chanting whilst I was in the shower (obviously having put some 'incriminating' itemin the washing machine or something) then waved the dish brush through the window above the bathroom door shouting 'I smell a period!!'

They were very excited...I just wanted them to discreetly put pads in my room and ignore it until I got my head round it.

I should add that we were all very open about periods and puberty, but when push came to shove, it was my mates I wanted to 'celebrate' with!!

lol - the jumper, the 'i smell aperiod'

whackos, I love 'em

yes, well...all those planning period celebrations can join the whackos clan

Monkeybird - ROFL - that is truly a mn classic!

Monkeybird that makes a great tale!!!

This thread has made it to morningpaper's round up! How cool is that? That's one ambition for 2008 ticked off!

My next ambition for the year is to make some "I want one of those" fairy cakes...may not sound much, but I am a dreadful cook, even worse at baking. The fire brigade were summoned 3 times to my buring kitchen in one particularly bad 6 month (time) period. I may open a thread for advice