8 week old just won't settle in evenings or get in a routine!

[threegirls]

My 8 week old dd just doesn't want to get into a routine. At the moment she has a bottle about 7am (5-6oz), then I try and get her to go 4 hours between feeds but she just seems to never to be able to stick to it. She'll prob have another bottle about 9, then about 12 then 3 then from about 6 she seems continuously hungry, but those times change every single day. I have tried and tried to get her to settle in the evenings but she'll doze for five mins at a time but I am lucky if she will actually go off properly before 11.30pm any night, and as I said, she just seems to want to feed all evening. She has already gone from the 75th to 91st centile in two weeks and is on the hungrier baby milk but she just doesn't seem to get filled up in the evening. Once she drops off at 11.30 or later, she won't go through till 7, she will wake up about 4.30 and drink another 5 or 6 ozs. She doesn't seem to have set times when she wants a nap in the day either, she just sleeps different times every day. I feel like I am completely useless, but my last two pretty much got themselves into a routine from the word go and slept all night from very early on so I didn't have to think of any of this. Does anyone have any advice on what sort of routine would be best for this age, what times for bottles and what amounts, and also what times I could try putting her down for naps throughout the day so she will go down earlier in the evening. I just feel like I am getting nothing done and my other two are being neglected because my whole evening every day is taken up with trying to feed and settle her!

And I forgot to say, you have my aboslute admiration for taking care of three kids on your own.

Hey thanks, I know I'm not the only one doing it, but it is hard without a doubt!
The dad of the first two is about and has them every other weekend, but the dad of the baby isn't about so that doesn't solve the problem of spending time with the first two unfortunatley! Grandparents live a long way away and most of my friends either work all day or have got little ones of their own so can't be expected to have my little one. As everyone said I think I need to concentrate on the fact it will get better (eventually)!

I think many (most?) babies don't have the maturity to settle into a regular rhythmn until they are closer to 4 months. It sounds as though things are really tough for you at the moment, but things will get better.

threegirls - Sounds like your baby has settled into a 3-hour routine, which is not bad at all.

Have you considered the possibility that this baby might just be very sucky, rather than permanently hungry? I would give her a dummy and see if that decreases her need for nighttime bottles.

My dd and babytwit [10 weeks old today ] both fed/feed every couple of hours. Really don't worry about it.
Perhaps the hungrier baby milk fills her too quickly, I don't know as I've never used it. What I do with dd atm is sit with her with books, a few [softish lol] toys and even tv when I need to feed babytwit. Then as soon as he's done I dash around the house trying to sort other things. It is coming, slowly but surely, but it is hard when all you seem to do is dash around. [I'm alone all week as dh works away so I get that too]

Honestly, please don't think you're some sort of failure because your 8 week old isn't in a routine!

I agree with whoever said 4 hours is too long for many babies to go between feeds. In the first few months they have massive growth spurts and may need to feed a lot more than that (remember, many BF babies are demand fed and nobody ever says that's an issue, apart from a few weirdo parenting 'gurus').

I also think it's unrealistic to expect an 8 week old to have defined sleeping times. Yes, some babies do naturally nap at certain times of the day and feel tired at certain times of the night, but that's a lot to do with luck, and not much to do with how 'good' you are at establishing a routine. Keeping evenings very low-key - low lights, quiet atmosphere etc - and giving your baby a warm bath and a big feed is a good habit to get into now and may help your baby to associate night time with sleep eventually. But if it doesn't happen overnight, don't beat yourself up.

threegrls, your abby sounds like mine! he is 8wks too and follows a similar pattern. ive often thought that it must be me! hardly sleeps in day and was unsettled really bad from 5pm - whenever i finally managed to put him up to bed which was often 1030 ish. Found it really hard and i too felt bad cos not spending ant time with DS1(im still not compared to what i used to). I fellt like needed routine but didnt know how to or whther should implement it. i ave good days and bad and sometimes i feel the baby is ruling my life, then others i resign myself to the fact that he needs me and im not spoiling him etc.Anyway, i do think that they do sort of start getting into a routine themselves and i am finding it a bit better. i kept wondering what was wrong cos crying during the evening and wouldnt settle. Was it wind, overfeeding, genuine hunger? well, i try to stick to a 3 hour routine and it kind of works, sometimes at night he goes longer(very rarely in the day) and i do try and stretch feeds out of give him water but after ive tried everything i give him a feed and im surprised myself sometimes that is actually hungry! He is massive and today had him weighed and the HV said was on 50th centile which i was surprised at but ive got home and rechecked and she has made a mistake. its the 91st! i have at times thought that its a nightmare with my day stating at 6am and not even ending when he goes to bed cos he was waking another twice in night at least! but the last two nights he has slept 5-6 hrs which is amiracle!So basically i do think they do it themselves with a little tweaking from us but if they are still playing up after a good few months then you need to be stricter! i will before i go back to work in March thats for sure. Now my day is;
6am -630 wakes up has bf
8am ff before school 5-6oz
10-11am bf with top up if wants of ff
1pm-2pm feed ff 5-6oz(have to make sure fed around this time before leave for school or major crying!
4-5pm ff again 5-6oz
6pm ish bath
7pm ff 5-6oz again

Then he dozes off and i was putting him up to bed but then he wakes quite quick so i leave him down now till 930-10pm when he feeds again and then he settles in his crib. sorry about marathon message!!!

mean your baby, not abby!hope you can see you are not the only one with the same problem. im fed up with people telling me their babies sleep thru!

by the way i was also using gripe water and infacol in case of colic/wind and have now started colief. maybe thats done the trick??

im in full sympathy for you as im going through this at the moment plus no sleep at night[third one too].hes ravenous and needs to feed almost constantly some days and then other days id realise hes gone four hours wothout feeding..he doesnt sleep well day or night[teach me to have a third!! ] ans some days i feel like crying cos im soooo tired.the house is a mess and the other two say they want me to play and all i want to do is put baby down and sleeep! but ive come to the conclusionissi my last baby im going to let all housework go , spend as much time as i can with him,sleep/eat do whatever he wants while hes so tiny and really enjoy every moment and wait until either hes older or he puts himself into his own little routine..make the most of this stage ,itll go so fast..

bjb21 and bambi06, thanks for your messages, its good to know other people are having the same problem (although I wish none of us were!). I think I will try infacol, had been using it on and off and maybe will try and make it more regular. As I said before I need to try and go with the flow and realise this won't be forever, but you know how it is, you feel like it will be!

3girls,

The effectiveness of Infacol is built up, so if you start using it with each feed you should see more of a difference rather than just with using it occassionally.

With the night feeds, try and make sure everything is organised before bed so it is just a case of sitting beside her cot in the dark feeding rather than lights on in the kitchen faffing around with bottles, etc.

Also with the night feed, if her nappy is okay just leave it as changing her will make her more awake.

As I said before, it is difficult with your third when you have 2 others to try and fit in as well but it WILL get better - trust me!

I have definitely come to the conclusion it best not to stress(although still have days when i do) cos they are only littlefor a short time and its horrible to look back with regrets especially if its your last baby. You do forget how bad it was once they are olderand its a shame to push them into a routine they cant cope with just to suit yourself. On the opther hans though i do believe in routine and i will only put up with this for so long then the little devil will just have to cry sometimes im afraid. My DS2 is doing well at the moment, especially with his night wakings but today its back to cat naps. Woke up before i even gopt abck from taking ds1 to school(normally sleeps whole journey) and hasnt had a nap this am yet which is a nuisance. Well, inm planning one more child and im desperate for a well behaved one next time as my first was like this too and surely i cant have a third one the same??!!

Hi 3girls,
I am definitely a routine kind of person -to sort out an unsettled evening make sure baby has no more than 4hours sleep in the day (roughly speaking i.e. not 6 hours) and perhaps introduce a bath time and 'story' Mine goes something like this (from what I've read here it sounds really similar to others)
5:00pm feed - (1 breast only or around half their usual bottle feed)
5:45/6:00 bath time
6:00/6:15 dressed in jammies and having second breast or rest of bottle (around 6oz in total for my DD)('story?')
6:30/6:45 - settled in dark room and hopfeully blissfully going to the land of nod

Or as my DD likes to do - settle appear to be asleep then cunningly cry out 10 minutes later wide awake and make mummy do the whole settling thing again.....and again....and once more for luck!

Oh and forgot to say total respect for looking after 3 children on your own, I have 2, and a very supportive partner and my Mum only just down the road and In-laws across the road (literally) and I still find it hard. Massive well done coz I sure as hell could't do it on my own!

Thanks scoggins, as I said before its definately not easy! And thanks all of you who have left posts, your advice has really helped me and I am going to take it and work out from all of it what to try and do with dd so that both of us have a more relaxed time hopefully!