8 week old just won't settle in evenings or get in a routine!

[threegirls]

My 8 week old dd just doesn't want to get into a routine. At the moment she has a bottle about 7am (5-6oz), then I try and get her to go 4 hours between feeds but she just seems to never to be able to stick to it. She'll prob have another bottle about 9, then about 12 then 3 then from about 6 she seems continuously hungry, but those times change every single day. I have tried and tried to get her to settle in the evenings but she'll doze for five mins at a time but I am lucky if she will actually go off properly before 11.30pm any night, and as I said, she just seems to want to feed all evening. She has already gone from the 75th to 91st centile in two weeks and is on the hungrier baby milk but she just doesn't seem to get filled up in the evening. Once she drops off at 11.30 or later, she won't go through till 7, she will wake up about 4.30 and drink another 5 or 6 ozs. She doesn't seem to have set times when she wants a nap in the day either, she just sleeps different times every day. I feel like I am completely useless, but my last two pretty much got themselves into a routine from the word go and slept all night from very early on so I didn't have to think of any of this. Does anyone have any advice on what sort of routine would be best for this age, what times for bottles and what amounts, and also what times I could try putting her down for naps throughout the day so she will go down earlier in the evening. I just feel like I am getting nothing done and my other two are being neglected because my whole evening every day is taken up with trying to feed and settle her!

I was trying to settle her into a consistent routine, was only trying to space it four hours in the day cause she feeds so much in the evening and I am worried about her getting to heavy, but 2, 3 hours whatever I don't have a problem with. The main problem I have is just the inconsistency and the unsettledness in the evening. Karen999 if you could tell me what routine worked for you that would be great, scoggins you been a great help too. Everyone else, thanks very much for your advice, I just felt a bit shocked cause I have come on here for a bit of help cause I feel at the end of my tether and haven't got family or the dad to turn to and it just felt like everyone jumped down my throat!

Thanks for your comments too ChubbyScotsBurd, I think as you said that is part of the problem, cause I have another two as well, and they are at school all day so the evenings is the only time I get to see them, and that is the worst time with the baby so part of it is a bit of guilt!

threegirls, my ds was the same between 4pm and about 8pm. I started a bath/bed routine at around 5 weeks, put him upstairs in his moses basket so dh and I could have dinner. I also took for cranial oestopathy. It got better in the evenings from about 12 weeks.

Threegirls - I agree with the others about letting her go a maximum of 3 hours between feeds - she may not need to cluster feed so much in the evening if she's getting more calories earlier on in the day, and it will give you a bit of structure.

I'm no expert but I would try not to worry about the growth charts at this stage. So much can change in a short space of time, and your HV should pick it up if there is a real problem.

Des she have a dummy? Some babies have a strong sucking reflex and like to carry on sucking long after they are full up. After she's taken a full feed, would a dummy help settle her?

My DS was on a routine at this age, as I felt I had to as he was very sleepy, would go 6 hours between feeds if I let him and therefore his weight gain was slow.

But I do believe that making an effort to get lots of milk into him during the day, did help avoid lots of feeding in the evening and at night.

Some babies will do this whatever you do though, so don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work.

IMHO though, it doesn't hurt to gently encourage a baby into a routine though.

At that age, feed every 3 hours 7am - 10pm, and 1/2 - 2 hours awake time between naps would be a good place to start.

HTYH

Hi - my routine always seems quite rigid when you see it in black and white but it is easy when you get the hang of it. I will stress that you should aim to try and follow whatever routine you adopt every day as consistency is the key but even if you can't do it every day, doing it as much as you can will help.

Aim to start the day at 7am if possible. The key thing I did was ensured that baby was getting all their nutritional needs met and trying to establish good sleep patterns.

So, for example....

7am - Baby should be awake and fed
7.30am - Baby should be washed and dressed
8.00am - Perhaps having a kick about etc
8.45am - Try to settle baby for sleep. No longer than 45 minutes. Put in cot, curtains closed
9.30am - Go in, let baby wake and come to
9.45am - Change nappy
10.00 - Feed

At this age babies can sleep lots in the day but that is ok. If you can get her to last till 1pm for next feed then great, if not feed sooner.

10am - 11am- I used to go out walking or let her watch as I did housework etc

11.45am - baby should be settled in cot, as before - no longer than 21/2 hours

2.15pm - Change nappy - offer cooled drink of water and kick about

4.00pm - Feed - I used to do a split feed so give them half of feed now and rest later

5.00pm - Strip and get ready for bath

5.15pm - Bath and jammies

5.30pm - Rest of feed

5.45pm - Good winding and final check of nappy

6.00pm - Story and bed.

10.00pm - Go in, lights on low, life baby and feed. If need be, change nappy. Put back down. If needing feed in night do same as here - in quietly etc and feed.

This looks daunting but believe me it has worked for me. My dd is 9 months now so am trying to remember what her routine was like at that age....I am sure it was pretty like this. She still goes to bed at 6pm!! She likes her kip.

Good luck and please do not look at this routine and think you must do the same. This is what worked for me and my dd - I hope at least it may give you some tips.

Good luck....any questions just ask.

Sorry, think I may have missed a feed out somewhere - oh yes at 1pm....if baby is sleeping then it's fine but if they wake offer them a feed and then see if they will go back for another nap.

I am writing this off the top of my head from what I can remember - although I did write it all down when I was doing it so will look it out for you and post it here....

karen, i did a similiar routine but at a much later stage, probably around 4 months. DS was never a great sleeper in the day

hmmm, babies don't need water at 8 weeks.

Each to their own I guess, but IMO babies do their own thing and settle down into their own pattern when they are ready. My son was 6 months before he had any regular pattern of sleep/feed etc.

llaregrub, yes you are right babies don't need water.

I am not saying that they need water but it is excellent for them and keeps them regular. It is also a good habbit to start. I did this with dd1 and she still drinks water now and she is 8. She never drinks juice and her teeth are beautiful. DD2 drinks up to 8oz of water a day and she is 9 months. I think offering water at 8 weeks is perfecly ok....and some kids end up drinking nothing else later in life.

threegirls, it sounds like you've had 2 exceptionally 'easy' babies, most people i know have babies more like your dd3. a word of caution about routines - this is my experience only - i believe routine works only for babies who would naturally have fallen into that routine anyway. for those babies who would not naturally fall into that routine, it just leads to tears, yours and theirs, and heartache. it sounds like your dd is not going to be a 'GF' type baby, so try looking at things from a different perspective. it will only last a very short period of time before she is more settled anyway. your other 2 children will be just fine if they get a little less attention for a few weeks. if you accept your youngest is not going to be very settled in the evening for a short while, it won't stress you out and the evenings will be more manageable. try using a sling, perhaps she will make do with cuddles?, let her sleep on you when she naps, remember it is only for a short while.
and she really does not need water at 8 weeks, that is just silly

8 weeks far too early for water and a late introduction to water certainly does not mean junior graduates straight to fruitshoots!

My son is 1, started on water a just a little while ago. He'll only drink from a glass but drinks lots. But then I breastfeed, maybe ff babies need water earlier, I would not know.

Karen, depends how much water you give.

Too much can be v dangerous.

Better not to get into the habit this young, unless it's very hot weather - formula is mainly water, after all.

If you have a baby that seems to fall into a routine you are very lucky.

This baby obviously has got her own, unique character already showing through.

8 weeks old is very young to be expecting anything except lots of cuddles, feeds and naps.

make the most of these precious early weeks, when all they want from you is food and comfort.

I was actually told by the health visitor to make sure I offered dd water as she is on the hungrier baby formula so if you don't offer water as well she could become constipated so karen999 was maybe told the same thing.
Thanks Karen for that, as you say, I don't have to stick to your routine exactly but it sounds like a good one so may give it a try! It was really good of you to help me, I will let you know how I get on!

Jojay, yes she has a dummy, and she def likes sucking it when she is drifting off, thanks for your advice too!

Why is she on hungry baby formula?

More stuff about water and babies there - mostly about breastfed babies, but some about ffed babies

Because the first stage one just wasnt filling her up at all, I think she literally would of fed all day if she had had that, so the HV suggested hungry baby one

im 31 and i cant seem to get into a routine.

let her settle into her own routine. you shouldn't try and structure her feeds - it is better to let her regulate her own appetite and have a bottle as and when she wants it. also as soon as she starts draining bottles, make them up one oz more so you can see where she would naturally stop feeding if there was an endless supply as opposted to "oh' i've finished the set amount in that bottle" If she is draining bottles it could be she needs more to help her go longer.

water doesn't need to be given to ff babies until 6 months when they start solids unless it is very hot. you shouldn't give water before then cos it fills up their tummies so they take less milk, which is obviously not good for weight gain.

Hi all - I was told by my HV to offer cooled boiled water. My second dd was bf and then I switched to soya formula. I am not saying that you must offer water, only that you can if you want to. Also, I am not saying that if you don't they will all rush to drink fruitshoots as soon as they can!!! I just always have offered water and have found that both dd's have liked it - thats all!!

And as for getting a routine, this of course does not suit everyone and so it is best then to do what you feel comforatble with. It's just for me (second time) around I wanted to try a routine to see how I got on. I was surprised by how easy it was to adopt and how much by dd settled into it. I would never tell anyone else what to do. I can only speak to what I have done and what my experiences have been. If it helps someone then great. I am sorrry if some feel that I may be giving wrong advice.......just trying to help....honest!!!xx

threegirls you might find homestart link here able to offer some more practical support. There's at least one mnetter who is a homestart volunteer who might be able to tell you more about it. I'll see if I can track down who it was .........

Hi 3girls,

Please do continue to use the site! There are lots of people who want to help, not judge.

At 12 weeks ish i asked my hv whether i ought to be getting more sructure in my day and she gave me the following advice.

Firstly, things will settle in to a pattern soon. In the meantime, if you can muster the energy it might be helpful to keep a note of your babies feed times etc so you can id any patterns and work with that. Secondly, rather than trying to structure the whole day may be try focussing on one section at a time e.g bedtime.

I think that you said that u don't have a partner around, but is dad around at all? If so, could he do some childcare so you can spend some time on your own/with your older 2, even if only an hour? If not, are g.parents or friends around?

Good luck, and do post again.