How do I, get my toddler to do poos?

[deegward]

My toddler who is 2yrs 7 months is dry, and asks to go to the toilet - great! But when it comes to the poos, he tells me to go away, and hides in a corner to do it. He did go through a stage of constipation, but that has passed (no joke intended.

He just will not entertain the idea of doing it on the toilet. This means changing pants etc. Sometimes he asks for a nappy for his poo.

Help ...what do I do?

deegward, sorry no advice I am afraid, just empathy. My dd (2yrs 8 months) is EXACTLY the same. When she needs a poo she begs and pleads for her pull-ups (which she wears at night) and sometimes messes her knickers.

One thing my sister suggested was every time they use the loo for whatever function, give them a smartie or something, they will then associate going to the loo with getting a treat and it might just lure them into pooing there as well. I not particularly into bribery, but at the moment I am willing to try anything, so I am planning to give it a go.

All I can say is perservere! I had nearly a year of this, until on day when dd did do a poo on the loo, she was only going to do a wee, and she realised that it wasn't scary. I wouldn't make much of an issue of it as in my experience this scared her more. Eventually she would only really poo in her nappy at night (or first thing), but this went on for a long time!

Sorry I can't help as I know it seems that your child is the only one etc etc, I can assure you they aren't my DD was at least 3 1/2 before she was clean as well as dry

We used stickers as rewards with "two for a poo". 30 stickers and he got a small present

My DS didn't get the hang of it all until he was 2 yrs 10 months. It just sort of clicked one day. Persevere and don't make a big deal of it otherwise it builds up into a "big thing" when it shouldn't be. I would say that all children get there in the end, when they're ready. I doubt there are many schoolage children who insist on nappies for poo.

I had this problem with my daughter until she was well over three! She would always ask for a nappy to do a poo in and flatly refused to use the loo. If I tried to make any sort of issue about it she would not go at all and end up constipated. In the end we progressed to having the nappy and sitting on the loo to go and eventually one day I put the nappy on her having cut a hole in it in the appropriate place she sat on the loo and hey presto she had done it. We had no further problems but I have a feeling she was something like three and nine months by this time! Good Luck

I am quite relieved to read these messages. My son is 3 and 3 mnths, has been dry for abt a yr but will only do a poo in his nappy. It is pretty much under his control, at least, he always does one before bedtime but i just cant see how he will ever do it in the loo. We tried bribery a few months ago but with no success. Now if a i gently suggest he might try on the loo or potty he gets v upset and sometimes says 'but I'm a baby not a big boy'. He has lots of strops abt lots of things (q hard work) and i dont want this to be a big issue but it does seem v late. My older son, now 10, did have a similar phase but only for a couple of months. This has been going on for at least 6 mnths now. Any thoughts? q like the idea of a reward every time he uses the loo even for a wee, may try that one. What do you think?

My elder dd (3.5) also has this problem, but it is really associated with constipation. She has regularly used the loo in the past, but regresses to using her pants when constipated. I am trying to sort out the constipation and hope the rest will follow eventually.

I sent off for information about this from ERIC (advice centre re toilet training problems and bedwetting). Among other things they suggest : using a child toilet seat to avoid fears about falling in the loo, ensuring child not constipated (drinks plenty, lots of fruit/veg), encourage a regular toilet routine (e.g. sit them on loo for a short time every day after meals), make the loo warm, comfortable and fun (!) e.g. with posters, books, tapes. They also agree that rewards for sitting on the loo even if nothing happens can help. For more info, see www.enuresis.org.uk. Hth.

I've just had a breakthrough with my dd - I recently bought her some really pretty knickers which she loved - but explained to her that they were too pretty to do poos in. Well blow me if it didn't work - she's actually gone and found the potty for the last two days running. DH and I are still holding our breath in case she tires of this and reverts to doing it in her knickers - so fingers crossed. The idea was given to me by a friend who bought her son Thomas the Tank engine pants. Good luck

Wills - how old is your dd ? I like your idea - not sure if mine would quite go for it yet though (she's 2) but I did mention it to her this morning anyway !

Thought I would try and revive this thread as i read it months ago and tried the ERIC ideas, but 3 months on still no prgress at all. Ds is 3 1/2, has been dry for a year or so but has only a couple of times done a poo in loo or potty, those times it really caught hinm unawares. He waits until he has a nappy on for bedtime then poos in his nappy. It is often dry in the morning so I feel he really shd be out of them at night too, but dont know if that wd be too much pressure on him and might make hime do it in his pyjamas? He never has done it in his pants, so in a way it is all under control. But I just cant see an end to it. Tried star chart just for sitting on the loo but he's not interested. He talks a lot abt being a 'big boy' and says 'this t-shirt is for a big boy' etc and I agree but gently remind him that nappies are not really for big boys. I dont want to force him, sure it would be counterproductive, but feel a bit desperate. In addition, tonight he put his hand into his dirty nappy and smeared poo on the bed, quite horrible. I hope its not somrthing he will do again, but having just read a thread abt this, am a bit concerned. Any advice?

The putting his hand in might have been a one-off soyabean. I wouldn't be too concerned about that unless it happens again.

Soyabean - DS is exactly like this. I've posted elsewhere about it. It's such a relief to find this thread and know he's not the only chap with this odd behaviour. We've sto[pped making an issue of it, he's 3yrs 3 months now and I'm he won't be doing it when he's 20!

Have taken his nappy off at night for the last three nights (after the poo at bedtime)and he had one wee accident the first night but was fine the 2nd two. So i think we'll stick with that, but it makes the bedtime poo nappy even more ridiculous, somehow! (Sometimes it makes me laugh, he stands by his bed with his legs spread wide apart, then calls out 'Mummy, change my nappy now'(Sometimes it frustrates me and I want to shout, tho) Have been trying a new bribe, about pony riding at Easter which will really only for big boys who dont wear nappies. (Elder ds and dd do it a few times every Easter holiday and ds2 is v keen on animals)He smiled and agreed that it would be nice, at first, but today basically said sod the pony (Not in so many words) It is clearly not enough, well nothing is. Pluto I know you're right that it cant go on forever but its so weird! Ds1 was like this for a while, but maybe 6-8 weeks, at about 2 1/2 or 3. Ds2 is 3 1/2 and it has been gooing on for at least 6 months, have lost track.

I know, it is weird Soyabean and some nights I wonder if we ever did something to create this ridiculous situation. I'm going to ride it out until the summer and then see. DS has been like this for at least 6 months too..you have to laugh really!

Pluto Does yours wear a nappy at night too, or just for the poo? We are having mixed success with the nappy off after the poo, but I think I feel reasonably confidrnt that it will work. No point in keping him in a nappy overnight if the poo is always done at bedtime...

This is exactly what my ds did - hiding away. He is much older than your ds (3 1/2) and showed reluctance to use the potty for poos. He actually seemed to be a bit confused about using the potty for a poo as well. I think also he was a bit embarrassed. We just had him naked from the waist down and kept an eye on him. There was only one mistake when I'd gone out of the room. Two other occasions I had to push the potty towards him literally as it was falling out - yuk! But once he'd seen it in there he seemed to get the idea. On the third occasion he did it all by himself.

Is he quite regular with his poos so you have an idea of when he'd likely to be needing one?

I am so relieved that my DS was not the only one ... when we went through this stage (not smearing it thank god) we had all sorts of bother ... he would hang on for days and then give himself a real problem in the bottom department.
We had cracked it with rewards (smiley face stickers and chocolate frogs) but then when we went to my mums for a month at xmas he regressed big time ... DH and I went away for two nights and I think because I wasn't there he wouldn't go to the loo ... he ended up doing it in a nappy clinging on to my mum in agony just before we got back (I was consumed with guilt ... bad mother and all that ... getting drunk at a wedding whilst DS needed me etc). The next day he did it in his pants but then we discovered something ...
My DS loves party poppers! So he came to me and asked for a nappy ... I said OK ...BUT if you do a poo poo in the toilet I'll let off a party popper. His reply ... without a hesitation? "I'll just go to the toilet to do my poo mummy" and off he went!
For the next week I had to let off a party popper every time he did a poo in the toilet ... how funny is that? ... intend to tell his girlfriends that in 15 years time! Of course my friends thought I was bonkers ... but hey ho ... we had a result!
I know that some people don't like bribery ... but in this case ... REWARD REWARD REWARD!!!!
Worked for us!
Good luck everyone ... they will get it ... this stage is horrible and upsetting and all consuming I know but I kept reminding myself that when I was a teacher I never knew an 8 year old who couldn't do poos in the loo!!

Am enjoying picturing the party poppers scene. Unfortunately ds does not seem to be affected by bribery. We had a start chart for a while just for sitting on the loo, but he just got cross a lot of the time and said he didnt want stars. Sweets are offered too, but he just says he doesnt want them.(Never says that if they are odffered on other occasions). He claims not to want to have a pony ride now too, which was my latest, thats a long way off though so perhaps a biut pointless. Sigh...yes, you're all right though, that he cant possibly go on like this forever!

Pluto Hows it going? Any progress? None here, at least not on the poo front. Nappies off all night now, and very few weewee accidents, but poo every bedtime in the nappy. Talk about regular...Have stopped even suggesting loo/potty for a while, hoping he may do it himself one day. Ideally before he is 18...

Quick update, just in case it helps anyone else! AFter months and months and months, ds (now 3.7) is pooing regularly and hapily on the loo. Yippee! No nappies for three weeks. I am so proud and so very relieved! We just decided to go for it one wekend, warned him the nappies would run out in three days and put him on the loo every couple of hours, basically by force. I think now that its just what he needed, and we could have done it sooner. Anyway, dh did a lot of the hard work and they got into a little routine of going to sit on the loo 'for a rest'! We had a tube of smarties and he got one each time he succeeded. He then ended up doing 5 a day! But it has settled down now, no sweets and just one or two a day, no fuss, no big deal...Huge relief. He is a happier boy for it too, eats better at teatime (he used to be squirming around needing the loo but waiting for his bedtime nappy) and fewer tantrums it seems. We had become convinced they were connected and I think they must have been. Starcharts were useless ( he didnt care), the cruel to be kind approach worked in the end!

Hadn't seen this thread before and glad it's now worked out for you soyabean. Just to add that my dd had exactly the same problem - would always save up her poo until the nappy was on. Bribery and star charts were useless. The turning point was when I explained to her exactly what the poo was, where it was coming from and why she needed to get rid of it - it followed her eating a rather large portion of birthday cake one day

A few months since anyone's posted here. DS is STILL in nappies for poos (regular as clockwork at bedtime, aged 3 and a half) and I let him wear them through the night. Rewards, bribes and removal of treats don't work. I'm thinking of going down the Soyabean route of a nappy emargo over a weekend. Ideas gratefully received.

Pluto, god I didn't realise it had beeb October when I first posted. Ds still doesn't poo on toilet, he has a few times, and gets rewards etc, but still hides and there it is in his pants. (Great prices at Primarc for pant if you need to throw away ). Been to a homeopath re the consitpation thing, as he only was going about once in a blue moon, but that seem to be better, about once a week now!

Just resigned myself to it, make sure diet is healthy, and not get stressed about it. Any time he goes to hide, he is placed on toilet, and sometimes we hit gold!

Hope it gets better for you. Buy lots of pants!!

Oh god advice for me please. Ds1 (4 last week and autistic) is physically ready for toilet training. He knows when he's been, he is usually dry at night. BUT he won't go on the toilet (athough he'll happily sit there when I tell him to). I think he's worried about getting it wrong as often he won't tell me when he's wet his pants but will tell me when he's wet his nappy! Anyway recently I have put him in pants and he has either refused to go at all (didn't go for 40 hours- ended up in dr's surgery) or has wet his pants once in the afternoon, then waited until he's in his nappy at bedtime and proceeded to go three times in half an hour (takes his nappy off each time).

Agggghhhh!! God help us he's starting mainstream school in September. Any ideas?

Jimjams, have you thought about trying him with washable, reusable trainer pants - Kooshies do them in bigger sizes than toddler nappies. I just wondered if these might help him move from nappies to pants...no other advice but lots of sympathy. Ds is nearly 4 and only very recently clean during the day.