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Original poster

Just bloody listen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

92 replies

NAB3 · 11/10/2007 18:27

How many times do you have to ask them to do something? Don't take any notice of me and answer me back everytime I ask them to do something.

Fed up with it. Very tense stomach with the stress of it all.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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udderleyfoxy · 12/10/2007 14:45

Good post LoRay. I agree, when one gets something and the other doesn't it is VERY effective.

Bedtimes are the worst time for it in our house.

IWantToBePositive · 12/10/2007 14:50

I bought her the two items as I have been looking for them for ages. Not to say she is getting them yet though!

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 12/10/2007 16:37

Does she know you bought them???

I know mine would think that they had as good as got it if they knew I had, but I suppose you could always march her back to the shop with the reciept and take them back if she was really naughty.

Different things, different children though, theres nothing to say yours would act the same as mine.

The fact that you are looking for help/seeking advice is very positive step, you need to decide which bits you're going to use/adapt for your family and persevere. Good Luck.

IWantToBePositive · 12/10/2007 16:39

Of course she doesn't know I bought them.

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 12/10/2007 16:47

I wasnt sure if she was with you at the time, I know sometimes it can be hard to get to the shops without taking them with you.

I'd keep mentioning them then, in a roundabout way, when she is good, praise ehr, and say something about how if she carries on you might have a surprise for her. Which ever one of them behaves the best over the next few days/weekend etc give them a reward, then the otehr kids will see it and want one too.

Another thing, might not really make much of an impact on the youngest but sit them all down, tell them mummy is very tired, and though you love them very much, it's hard to look after them all so you'd like to ask for their help, explain how thats why youre getting snappy at times and what they can do to im prove things, make an emphasis on how its our family, so they have to work at it too. That way when you do reward one of them you can say it was for doing as mummy asked and helping to make you a better family.

I know it's all easier said than done, believe me! There are times I could rip my hair out and I only have two of them!

IWantToBePositive · 12/10/2007 16:55

Oh sorry. I am not normally this prickly. Feel that some of your poionts come across as you are really in control and that I should know all this.

I am sure you don't mean it that way. I am not good at the moment.

allhallows · 12/10/2007 17:00

I was having that sort of day when the oh my effing god thread appeared. And the next day was worse. Sorry, sKerryMum. It wasn't meant personally.

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 12/10/2007 17:04

If we all knew everything there would be one singular book telling us what to do rather than a million and one!!

I'm just telling you what works for me, and hoping that you can use some of it for your family.

I understand it's hard to get your point across whilst typing sometimes, and just want to help.

Try not to worry about me sounding all 'in control', I could sound a lot less in control and tell you how my kids are driving me up the wall right this minute doing gymnastics in their bedrooms and sounding like they are going to come through the floor!!(one of the battles I am choosing not to fight)
They are also determined to make me shout 'NO' rather than listen to me the first ten times I have told them they are not going in the garden, but that wouldnt help you.

IWantToBePositive · 12/10/2007 17:11

"I was having that sort of day when the oh my effing god thread appeared. And the next day was worse. Sorry, sKerryMum. It wasn't meant personally"

Have you mixed up the threads or names allhallows? Bit confused.

allhallows · 12/10/2007 17:13

I don't know what I've mixed up but I thought I saw an opportunity to apologise to sKerry so...

IWantToBePositive · 12/10/2007 17:13

Picked up DS1. Walking home, all okay. Stopped at park but thne left as DD rude to me. Get to car and as usual DS1 and DD start arguing as DD is meant "to get in first!"
Have had enough so tell them to get out of the car. DS1 refuses, I tell him again, he then says run me over then if you hate me.

Where do they get things like that from?

But he did say sorry without any prompting at all so I told him he wouldn't have to go to his room once home for doing that.

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 12/10/2007 17:17

Was DS rude at all at the park or just DD??? I can understand that you wanted to get the hell home rather than be at the park, I would have felt the same, but maybe DS felt it wasnt fair being taken home because she was rude??

As for the running over, I have no idea!!! I asked DD to stop being silly the other day, and just do as I asked because I new she was cleverer than that and she cried to DP saying I thought she was stupid and didnt know anything

IWantToBePositive · 12/10/2007 17:19

Just DD and normally she would have been made to stand with me while the others played but DS1 was starting too so that is tough. Sometimes innocent children have to miss out when one of the others have been naughty.

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 12/10/2007 17:25

I hate to say it, but thats why they are going to act the way they are, he feels like he has been punished, for nothing, which is probably why he kicked off at the car, a kind of 'i'm being punished anyway so why not misbehave' stance.

I personally wouldnt worry about it though, it's been done, and wont harm either of them in the long run, just start agian now, and everytime they misbehave, make it so its a 'fresh' incident, iyswim. Dont mention the park again, and get on with what needs doing now.

Do they have regular bedtimes so you can at least get some time to yourself then???

You sound like you need a nice long soak and a bottle of wine!!! (my mp3 works wonders, if I need to shove them in their rooms whilst I lay in the bath and ingore their shouts!)

IWantToBePositive · 12/10/2007 17:27

I completely disagree with your first sentence but thanks for the input.

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 12/10/2007 17:47

Thats fine, after all, they are your children, and no-one knows them or their behaviour better than you. I'm just commenting on what I am reading from my own POV.

Just ignore what I say that you don't agree with (theres bound to be alot of it, I do tend to go on) and try to take anything from it that you think might help you.

Please remember, I'm not here to judge you, or your parenting, or the way you're feeling, all I can do is give advice based on my own experience and I'm far from perfect.

IWantToBePositive · 12/10/2007 17:49

In this case the time between the leaving of the park and the car incident was too long for it to be a factor. Having said that, when he is being cheeky and saying more and more things I know he probably thinks he may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 12/10/2007 17:59

Ah, I see, I wasnt sure if the car was aprked at the park iyswim. But anyway, back to you, can you snatch some time to yourself, just to pamper yourself a bit???
God knows we all deserve it!

IWantToBePositive · 12/10/2007 18:13

My DH is fab at weekends, does loads and if I want to go out, will have the kids but then I don't get any time with him and we don't always have the money to go ut for treats for me. He isn't home from work yet but the minute he walks in will get on with doing kid things.

udderleyfoxy · 12/10/2007 20:35

Hope you are feeling a bit better now.

IWantToBePositive · 13/10/2007 10:03

Bored with being like this, bored of me complainig, bored of life really.

Just want some sleep.............

BandofMutantMonsters · 13/10/2007 10:15

DD1 is nearly 4 and I have this. I hurt her cheek once cos I moved her face to look at me while I spoke
It drives me nuts and I find it very hard to speak calmly. I find that if I threaten to take away what they are doing that is the usual cause of why they are not paying attention to me quite effective. EG, if you don't listen I will turn the tv off. If I am gettin g her ready to leave I turn it off anyway.

Also warnings when activities are going to end, and when we are going to start doing something.

I also tell her, later, that I always love her, all the time even when I am shouting at her, and that the reason I am shouting at her is because she didnt listen when I spoke nicely. I also tell her that I am sorry I shouted, I shouldn't have shouted and that if she listened to me and did as she was told before I shout then I wouldn't have to.
some days she is good, somedays a mare, but I think a lot of it is down to how tired she is as well.

Pick a punishment that takes immediate effect. And do it straight away. A punishment that happens later wont work and will cause confusion. Naughty step does work with DD1, and some days she is on it a lot.

IWantToBePositive · 13/10/2007 10:44

I don't agree with if you did as you were told I wouldn't have had to shout. WE have to take responsibility for our own actions and the child didn't make us shout - we shouted becaue we were probably knackered and had had enough.

BandofMutantMonsters · 13/10/2007 10:46

well that is very true

Did you read the bit where I tell her I was wrong to shout???

Original poster
NAB3 · 13/10/2007 17:03

Hi agian,

Yes, I did and I have mixed feeling about this. I have apologised to my children when I have felt I was in the wrong to shout, but a friend said I shouldn't have apologised the one time I smacked as that meant I had lost some control???

Come off the step immediately! I did ask for help!

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